She doesn’t want her names published. Full anonymity. Stand in the shadows. That kinda thing. She says she is a critic, which you can testify from earlier comments on this blog. Windy comments, infected but struggling to pay attention. She sounded like she had a bone to pick with something. I can tell those from the first word. Once in a while you get those; people who woke up on the wrong side of life.
Lucky for her, I harbour a seething contempt for critics who hide behind monikers and pseudonyms, critics who don’t have the stones to stand by their criticisms. I think it’s yellow. And today they are everywhere on social media, wielding hammers, knocking anything that dare raise their heads above theirs.
So anyway, when a few readers here asked her if she had a blog, I thought maybe she could Guest write here. An email with the request was sent. She said sawa. She sent me an email with her first piece, which I liked. Then she said, no, strike that, I want to write another one. So I said sawa. She emailed another one. Which I liked. Then she changed her mind. So I told her, look, I will run with the first one.
She wants you to call her Fra. She will explain why. She doesn’t want you to know that she is stuck in a job she isn’t hot about; an auditor in a major audit firm. She just wants to write. She wants to critic. And she can critic, because she has got a decent narrative for an auditor. She can because she is intelligent and she posses dry wit even though, and I told her this, she comes across as a very embittered woman. She took offense at that statement, naturally, but if you are going to critic you should have the chin to take in some yourself. But she’s a brave girl, so she said, Whatever, just run my goddamn story. OK, goddamn was mine.
Gang, meet Fra.
***
I told Biko that I can’t write to save my life, that I can’t produce an album tighter than Just A Band’s ‘Sorry for the delay’ or top the design of those kitengee jackets that are suddenly all the hype. No, I cannot.
I am a critic – it’s what I am good at. I am the kind that congregates at Rotten Tomatoes and Pitchfork.
Biko take back your mic and do what you do: ‘tell stories with your eyes closed’. Oh, you want me to close my eyes? It shall help, yes? No.
Okay, here goes me shedding off my anonymity.
==================
My name is Fra Ternity, and I am a critic.
‘Hi fra’.
I like for my name to be written in lower case, no breaks in between. It’s over before it begins, really leaves nothing to chew on. fra. Get used to it.
To put food on my table, I strut around one of those firms that issue opinions on balanced books and control environments. I ‘critic’ for a living.
I have disobeyed a majority of the commandments of the social bible and I am self-confessed traitor of IT, art and science. Ssshhh, don’t tell them am here; if you do, I shall be drowned in colour, hanged with a cross-over Ethernet cable before am spun around until my centre of gravity is repositioned to my fingers – do not tell them am here.
As I pen this, I have ear phones stuck into my ears listening to Dashboard Confessional’s ‘So long, so long’” It has been looping for the past six and quarter hours. I am trying to dissect it to find out what makes it such a classic thus the reason I have it as the only item on my playlist. Understand that the classics are not known by all – if it’s too famous it becomes ordinary, too unheard of and it means that it wasn’t all that. It’s a fine balance. Ordinary means that its typical music writing, typical means that it lacks that factor that can only be discovered by ilk.
The album? The album is Dusk and Summer from 2006.
Again, it is what we critics do – we have to make sense of what makes it tick {or not tick, for that matter}. So you wear it out by letting in play on and on and on. Plus, I am gathering intel to produce My Band sometime in the future. Quit laughing, I am serious now. In exchange for this post, Biko has pledged to buy an album for himself and each of his fans. Plus advertising space right here on High School when am launching the album. He told me that it would clutter the page ‘I like it neat and trim’. I retorted something about ‘supporting local talent’ that went ignored. I am not aiming to go platinum but hey, a gyal can afford to be greedy, can’t she?
I am a Libra. I think in bullet points and a sought of relational manner – most of my ideas are linked to the arts – music, photography and words. I am as analytical as I am careless – I want to lay the firewood right before I jump right into the boiling pot. Like any other artist, I have a signature – mine is in the braces { }, and not brackets ( ). Brace yourself; brackets are going to be so old-fashioned someday!
So the other day, some folks got meddlesome, found out who I was and were curious to know – how did you recognize that Biko’s word supply was running low, eh? How come you were able to see critical battery when we were thinking longevity? He’s a darling of the pen gods for crying out loud, a favourite of the wizened chief! If we needed to make a sacrifice to appease the gods to end the drought & bless us with rains of words and harvests of stories, he would be the one we would sacrifice. Whenever the king was not in the mood, he would be the one we called upon to placate him in his chambers with his tales and banter.
The budding writers looked up to him and approached his presence with reprieve, forgive our writers sins, they begged. Toni Braxton bit her tongue severally in the past because she’d been mentioned over 852 times, and counting, in the last 2 years alone {those stats are real, by the way}. His pen never seemed to run out of ink, his stores were always in bounties of words, humour was completely unprepared, word-play was unequalled – my garr! Rumour has it he has penned over 3,000 articles and blog posts that shall slowly be released after his death; Tupac style {I shuddered at that one}.
So what did you catch that we didn’t, they probed.
I mumbled something measly about being a seasoned critic but they dismissed it as bull.
I was cornered. So I sat them round the fire to give them the juice: it takes one to know one.
Burnout is a real bitch; and it is rife in this industry of mine. When you spend your days crunching numbers and ‘validating’ events that happened months ago just so you can have some ‘deficiency to report’, it is like life hands you a palette that is devoid of the colours green and yellow and orange; it hands you a palette that turns your mood into as sombre as the colours in it. You get sucked in from the insides in shades of lilac and beige. And that, that is not cool. But there’s a beauty in that. Hold on, there’s a beauty in that. The beauty is that you can work/walk around fully colourless on the inside but put up a front that everyone else needs to see on the outside. Yes, I can afford to be a zombie for months on end.
It is a sequence of events that starts with the passion jumping out of you and quickly transforming itself into a new being, a person, a replica, a shadow. A person I shall name {for no real reason} John Kamau, JK. JK follows you around; JK grows bigger as he sucks the music and colours out of you. You barely notice. The things that define you slowly start to exit one by one and sit cross-legend in a circle staring back at you; they hang around loosely watching JK from afar. JK has taken over and the worry about this imbalance. By Jove they worry for you; they worry that the space in you that belonged to them has now been taken over by this ‘cloud’, like a cold front that leaves the sea but hovers instead of crossing through the island.
It is only the day that you realize how ‘tiny’ you have become that you look within and without. You notice that it is quiet and colourless. When you are so small that you can now literally ran across your laptop’s keyboard to type the letter ‘p’ then dash across to type the letter ‘a’ then back to ‘i’ and that’s when you hit rock bottom because you are out of breath from running from yourself; picture Benjamin Button pulling a David Rudisha across the track. You give up, you give in. In that moment of self-doubt, as you are panting wearily with your hands resting on your knees and head staring down at your feet, JK grabs you by the collar of your shirt, dangles you in front of its face, and squashes you under its thumb; like a smoker does with a cigarette butt under his shoe. The game is over. And your passions look away to shield their eyes from this debacle that had been foreseen from the moment that JK sent out invites for their eviction party.
Heavy choices have to be made here – you can either bounce back or walk away. It is more like a bargain really. But like I said earlier, a gyal’s gotta eat. So you bounce back, painfully, and tackle JK down. And those things that once defined you find their way back in – one by one, the music and the colour find their way home. It takes plenty of time, and effort but they become characters again – they find their place and create a united front to make JK vanish. They pray, and I pray, that he has vanished for good.
Burnout is a real bitch.
Now back to Dashboard Confessional, and what’s that you said about a ‘control weakness’?
‘How the girls could turn to ghosts before your eyes,
And the very dreams that led to them are keeping them from dying.
And how the grace with which she walked into your life,
Will stay with you in your steps,
And pace with you a while.
So long, so long. So long, so long’
77 Comments
Nanii
Either my mind is failing me or this post is very confusing. Probably the former. Really don’t understand what is going on here, except Biko’s intro and ‘Burnout is a real bitch’. And fra is a she? Must have missed a couple of posts.
28 Jan
shikoh
seconded.
my minds seems to be failing me too. Lol
benjaps
Ummmmmm ……. I’m also a Libra!
28 Jan
joy
BORING!!y would u do ths 2 us Jackson Biko?my monday’s ruined:-(
28 Jan
basherkat
Well written fra.
You speak for a whole load of us stuck in the rut that is audit for the “big fours” and do we know something about burnout…
28 Jan
Nyanchwani
Either I am drowsy or something else.Didn’t get it.Save for the flow, it has proved abstract, may some coffee can get me some good
28 Jan
Adi
Burnout is indeed a real bitch.
sometimes colours and music do not find their way back home or back into your life or they do but just in different hues and tunes.They are not necessarily bad neither are they good.
I pray for simpler passions.
28 Jan
Mtu Flani
fra, I like it. It’s a bit abstract but I think I get your message. Also, I think critics have their place when it comes to the arts. Otherwise, people would be putting out lots of sub-par stuff with no one to check them. Biko, I enjoyed your previous post because what you were getting at was pretty clear.
28 Jan
Robert
We love this blog for two reasons; The Words and The Story.
Sorry to say this but most of the guest writers might have the words but not the story and this sucks!
Fra, please stick to comments only.
28 Jan
atwenga
Boring…didn’t finish reading
28 Jan
hez
Biko if you are too busy to write…just let monday pass…i would’rather wait….this is highskul
28 Jan
mike
fra, i expected alot. especially after ur intro. Dont rush it next time
28 Jan
martin
she got a way with the words but u lost mi after the intro
28 Jan
Bikozulu
Me. She lost ME, after the intro. Me.
Kagwiria.
This bladhy blows. Biko has grown too big for his breeches.
28 Jan
Bikozulu
"..too big for his breeches." I like that phrase. More than the falsehood it propagates.
mentee
Highschool is getting tough.The principal decided to do concentrate on farming and is always busy milking camels during monday assemblies.The Chemisty teacher decided to teach us”the mole concept” as the first topic in our new class and the lunchtime githeri is overdosed with paraffin..we will survive!
28 Jan
Adhis
Oh Mentee how i agree on the mole concept as the first lesson part. Chemistry seems to be repeating itself just like in real highschool, i got the gist of mole concept just not the crux of it. And this article, well it feels very much like mole concept.
Bikozulu
LOL.
aaron
This post describes the person fra, the critic.
The post does not have a flow as she thinks in bullet points.
I like.
28 Jan
Tina
I like … but just as I was getting into it, it came to an end! *sigh*
28 Jan
Tess
abstract content even on the 3rd read ..I give up
28 Jan
Name
The kind of Principal read that has missed school so much that sneaking out of school is no longer fun, on other news {fra} is wealthy in creative writting but sadly very poor in humour that i thought todays article was a serious joke the ones you {lol *laughing out loud} and leave it that nb .some students are organising a strike slash my schoolfees balance for last term and you will have the names ,that is the bell break is over i exit and wait for the next class
28 Jan
ManBolite
An interesting read…a bit too high brow for my taste but do appreciate the flow and the command of the language…now you only need to tone it down a bit for the story to so simple that we can tell them with eyes closed.
As a former auditor who lasted in a big 4 firm for all of 2 weeks… don’t despair…it may take all of 10 years but we all eventually find our comfort zone and balance….
29 Jan
Aaron
This post is about the person fra.The person who thinks in bullet points.
i like it.
29 Jan
GhostReader
Seriously? JK? WTF!?{Am i allowed to write that}….notice the braces….
29 Jan
Julzwriter
I hope you do not post her second article!
29 Jan
Julie
Biko, did that article make sense to you when you read it?
29 Jan
kiim
Boring! I am not a critic but the article sucks! Stick to audiiting!
30 Jan
Kimutai Cherono
Middle class angst!
30 Jan
Jus
This is an awesome read…i liked it quite a lot.
30 Jan
Dee-lyt
mmmmhhh
30 Jan
mwangisk
This is a disaster. Zero story, zero flow, zero humour, zero reader-connection, hopeless characterisation, zero dialogue, zero sex. But the grammar is clean.
30 Jan
Name
boring
30 Jan
dankos
fra remember this is highskul, we’re not up there yet (pun). Word flow is cool, but the gang here are used to Biko’s story-telling. As commented above, you come out as adequately smart, but for highskul’s sake, stick to the comments.
Biko, consistent reader of your blog but first time commenting.
30 Jan
Annex
??????????? stopped reading halfway
30 Jan
Savvy
You get stuck in a rut because you did not know what you wanted to get out of the job you initially took up.. or you did not know why you were taking up the job in the first place…
Anyway, I got lost somewhere because it became too abstract.. but I could relate.
P.S. Fra, “I am” is shortened to “I’m” not “am”
30 Jan
jyoki
LOL...When you are write "I'm",spell check suggests "am" for you,i get why she wrote that.
jarateng
cool piece i ges its not for the plain eye….burnout it is….kuddos fra
30 Jan
Chele
Biko, what did we do to deserve this!!!!
30 Jan
Mrembo
I have just got back from work. I am tired. I logged on and found fra. I read and started thinking “you’re tired, read it later”
I scrolled past and on to the comments. I agreed with those who critiqued it as being “abstract”. I will add disjointed and a little too intelligent or wanting to be intelligent and that is where it fails.
30 Jan
Beauty
Everyone seems to not understand this post, but i am a libra, fra and i we think alike. She find the beauty in confusion, the order in a mess, the intensity in getting lost, and tho her humor is slightly lacking, her wit more than makess up for it. I like the bullet points.
30 Jan
Project44
I kind of enjoyed it and hats off for having the guts to come on this stage. We would be happy to host you at some point,so you can take a break from crunching numbers
https://project44eveandadam.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/vitals-signs-reloaded/
30 Jan
Cleo
i don’t know about you but i loved JK.Anyway, fra just served us something different on the menu. Lets not rush to bash, a little appreciation will do.
30 Jan
Ray
Hey Biko, are you filtering the comments? Not seeing mine on this list.
Fra needs time and practice to get there; she gets marks for trying.
unfortunately being a critic does not necessarily mean you can get the job done.
Ray http://onyangorachael.wordpress.com/
30 Jan
pariah
nice writing, biko come back next week
30 Jan
joeytales
Hehe! Biko, I sense some malevolence here…
Fra, you have an interesting choice of words and great imagery. Methinks poetry would fit you like a glove.
30 Jan
xxxuw
fra,
You have talent, but you need to work on the delivery. just let it flow.
30 Jan
Sue
Strangely enough I think I understood what Fra means in this post. The last 4 paragraphs sound like something from a dystopian novel or movie? I like the analogy with colors and I completely relate. Indeed, burnout is a B***. It’s not just auditors who suffer from it, teachers too & scientists etc. Not perfect, but a decent read for me. But please check the difference between “critic” and “critique”, there were times when the correct word to use was the latter.
30 Jan
Maggie
smart, interesting, different!
30 Jan
Papina
fra,
I am no a critic. I prefer calling myself a realist. Pragmatically, reading this piece was dreary!!! However, I learnt some critical lessons from you. For instance, never criticize something you cannot do.
Biko, “darling of the pen gods” please take back the mantle.
31 Jan
Butterscotch
I would like to read the second piece….
31 Jan
Newcomer
puh-lease, am in highskul not cumpus.
31 Jan
Wangu
Its true fra is an embittered woman.
31 Jan
shikoh
mmmhhh. a bit too abstract for me.
sijaelewa kitu
31 Jan
Waci
Hhhhmmmm Fra, you have talent..I guess it is in auditing….
31 Jan
TinaK
I realized fra was a ‘she’ a few days ago. . . So much for attending Monday assemblies.
Hehe…moving on, fra, you lost Biko. You lost him….that got me grinning to my ears.
Hehe…..
31 Jan
copacabana
Not the worst post.Thanks…….
31 Jan
Ma
I got it on the 2nd read.She sees the world through interesting eyes.I think she can also write poetry or write one of those classics, kina Oliver twist.I understand why majority did not like it;you changed the curriculum.The culture shock was too much.
31 Jan
angy
I was captured…then suddenly lost midway!!
Always keep the best for last and not the other way…
31 Jan
@Gathonimash
I hope fra *notice the small caps* is not one of my audit friends.
31 Jan
Moh
Yes Biko,
How about you turn next week into gold and make a comeback for old times sake…mmmmhh. Its a deal right?
31 Jan
Krista
Biko, are you sure you never liked her cause she soothed your ego?? eeehhh??
fra, just let it flow. I understood what you were saying, but I got distracted…you can open a blog to help your writing skills.
looking forward to the album, please don’t go where Sauti sol is going, they’re becoming boring…not them…they’re thinking about money and how many range rovers are parked at their place.
31 Jan
mystery
This is the sought of piece that you read and re read to get an ‘aha’ moment. It reminds me of the classic ‘inception’. Gang, its vital at times to catch glimpses of ‘campus’ when in high skool to just know you can hack it.
The bright colours analogy and the “JK” facade are intriguing and capture the message in a profound way.
The languange is commanding and a bit of more direct humuor can make this piece even more refreshing.
FYI (Benjamin button could do a Rudisha at the middle stages of his life)
31 Jan
XXL
Never left a comment here. Never felt the need to! Today though… PATHETIC.
31 Jan
WK
I loved it….the imagery was superb…my mind was alive and I could see everything you were saying vividly….fra you can definitely do your blog…and have a certain kind of follower!!!
1 Feb
Mimi
Plain… Too Plain… I think fra, like me, is a critic… just that. Being a critic doesn’t always mean that you are better at something sometimes it just means you notice things faster…
1 Feb
Gorgeous
I absolutely loved it..definitely different from Biko’s writing, but great nonetheless.
1 Feb
Shekyn
fra {In small case as you instructed},
This post resonated with me. I’m a bit of a scatter brain sometimes, so I might have missed a thing or two that you wrote, but I totally felt you on that burn out thing. It happened to me last year, quit my job, blah, blah, blah. {This ain’t no sob story} So, I decided to follow this thing that I love–writing. I have done it for 4 months on several platforms, but now I want to quit again, cuz I’m suffering serious self-doubt. When I tell my friends and family this, they say that I have it in me.
This is where you come in. Think you could stop by at mine’s, sample some of my work {apologies, you will find my joint is rather neglected, because–aforementioned self-doubt} and tell me if I have a shot at becoming a writer? Your criticism {or critiquing talents} will be highly appreciated.
Cheers!
Cc. Bikozulu
http://ijustsaidthat.wordpress.com/
1 Feb
Pezzy
It is artful and I like it… something a good number of us cannot put together.
Abstract maybe, but so is some of the priceless artwork some people can only dream of owning…
I say ‘fra’ has a knack for writing, let her write some more Biko…
3 Feb
Amikacin
Like watching The Matrix or that DiCaprio dreaming movie {my memory even fails me on the name}, the first time round
4 Feb
Warhia
Ah fra, the good thing about guillotines is that they aren’t aimed at the balls. You’d rather die with your balls intact than not. Pun unintended.
I hope you have survived different kinds of roast in the comments so far.
From one Abstract speaker to another, livin la vida la brain scatter! *fist bump*
6 Feb
Mazuri
The words paint themselves…..to close to home for me, but it at last puts my thoughts into words
17 Apr
rome nakhale
Well, we’ve all gotta start from somewhere, right?
There is order in disorder.
Nice piece, fra.
21 Apr
Navisco
Yaaaaaawn!! Is there a way you can cut it and stop at the intro??
23 Apr
Achi
I actually really liked it! When’s the next one from fra?
7 May
githinji
there is order un disorder i agree with rome…
she has it, we just need to attend her class often. is it even scenduled???
16 May
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