High School

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I have a few rubbish rules that serve no greater purpose in the grand scheme of things rather than help me steer my manhood to a greater, and more elusive, harbor. For instance, I don’t meet guys for coffee. I don’t shake hands in the little boys’ room. I can’t hold a conversation with a guy who tweezes his eyebrows, it’s distracting. I don’t meet guys after 9.00p.m unless it’s in a hospital or a bar. And I never say woishe. However, a few months ago I broke one of the rules. I met some guy in his office a few minutes before 9p.m. To my defense the guy’s name is Alexious, I mean, that sounds like a guy who wears a white collar for chrissake. A guy who takes care of wounded doves. A few weeks earlier, Alexious Mwiti and I had become friends on Facebook. The friendship was later followed by an inbox from him saying that his wife, an ardent fan here and a blogger in her own right ( www.mrsmwiti.com ) had always tried convincing him to check out my blog. I suspected he got tired of hearing my name in his house and wanted to put a tragic stop to it. I wrote back and said I had never heard of a Mrs. Mwiti in my life and that it was a mistaken identify and that there was no need for violence…if he was thinking of hunting me down. He wrote back and said he had something else in his mind; he had a preposition. I’m in the preposition business. We exchanged numbers. We got on phone. “I love your blog. Ever thought of moving it to a proper website?” I said it has crossed my mind. “I want to build a website for you.” “That’s mighty selfless and how much will you make of that in fees?” “Nothing,” he said. “Nothing?” “Yes, nothing,” he repeated. “Come on, something for something, never nothing for something. What’s your motivation?” “I love what you are doing. I want to help.” He said. Now I’ve been around for a while to know that there is no such thing as free lunch. Everything has a price. Everyone has a price. I was wary. The deal was that he was going to get me everything, domain name, build the site, pay for hosting then hand the reigns over to me. No questions asked, no cent from me. I agreed because he’s called Alexious, I just don’t see a guy with a name like that pulling a fast one on me. If he was called Johnnie or Philo or Mato, one of those street savvy names that sometimes you will find at Blankets and Wine I would have smelled a rat. Turned out he was serious, there was no catch. We set up a meeting; he was working late so he asked me to drop in his office in town. But before I went over to his office I told everyone where I would be in case I disappeared and my body never ever found. The lifts opened into a deserted 3rd floor, occupied partly by Kemnet Technologies, a small IT outfit founded by Alexious (www.kemnet.co.ke ). He’s a hustler. He was alone in his office. He didn’t seem to be carrying any concealed weapon. We sat on these fancy silver chairs in the small meeting area and made small talk. Alexious talks very very softly. You are compelled to listen to him. He speaks in that measured way of a doctor who is trying to explain to you your constant constipation problem. Everything slows down when he speaks everything drags down to a crawl. Hell, even my watch lost a few minutes when he spoke. He has a kind face and such gracious mannerism. And he is a very agreeable guy. He asked me what kind of site I wanted. I told him what I needed: a clean website, a website with acres of white space and no frills. A website that breathes. He nodded and wrote something on his notebook. I don’t want a website with images that compete with words; I ploughed on, this is a platform of words. Words are king here. I don’t want a pretentious website that is too important for its own good. If this website was a bar it would have to be Caribana not Havana. He grinned. I want sexy fonts, not fancy fonts, just sexy. He kept writing. I want widgets and all those fancy things that make it easy for people to share my site. I want a “like” button for those who are too busy to drop in a comment. He turned his piece of paper and continued writing. And I want a picture of a Toni Braxton on the left hand side of the blog, preferably wearing a small black dress. He stopped writing and looked up. “It’s a joke,” I smiled. He offered a creased smile. “May I ask you a personal question?” I said. “If you curious, I have built tons of websites before, so you are in good hands,” he said softly. My watch lost 5 seconds. “No, that’s what I wanted to ask.” “Oh-“ “Do you find Toni Braxton sexy?” I asked. He regarded me calmly as if he gets asked that question every day. “Uhm -” Uncomfortable laughter, “She sings well.” “I won’t tell Mrs. Mwiti, this is man talk. Nothing leaves this room.” “She sings well.” “Is that your final answer?” “She sings well.” OK, that last Toni conversation didn’t happen, I’ve made that up. The meeting ended after half hour. We shook hands. He promised to finish the job as soon as possible. I thanked him profusely. He got into his car, reversed and drove off and I wondered if he thought Toni was

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really sexy or I’m alone in this obsession. I wanted a single image for this site, something profound but also telling yet simple. An image that told an abstract story. I sort the advice of some graphic designer one day over drinks. He had a few suggestions. “Have a picture of yourself up.” “Hell no, you only do that if you have a great smile, like James Murua.” “Who?” “Nairobi Living dot com? Don’t you read anything?” “How about we get the side of your face, looking away thoughtfully?” “Cheesy.” “Okay then, just the bottom half of your face then.” “Like my mouth and all?” “Yes.” “Gay.” Eventually I decided to look at a few photography blogs locally. I didn’t have to search far because I saw a picture on Matheka’s blog that I loved immediately. If you love photography you must know www.mutuamatheka.wordpress. A serious photographer, Matheka has a way of making pictures of Nairobi stir. They are gritty. The picture I loved is called the Walking Man, like Johny Walker, only he is actually going somewhere important and not towards a drunken destiny. The picture was taken a top KICC as he waited for a client to pitch up for a shoot. It was 6.29 P.M and the sun was just nodding off. Nairobi’s ever beautiful skyline loomed behind, inflamed by the sun, reluctantly sinking into its own mystery of the night. The picture is a merger of 6 photos shot from a tripod using a Nikon D40 which Matheka affectionately calls Didi. For this shot he used an 18-55mm lens at 18mm, ISO-200, 1/800 sec, f/8. Don’t even act like you know what all that means because neither do I. The subject is Matheka himself. He loves silhouettes, he told me and he wanted to capture the magic of end of day and tell the story using the concrete jungle in the background and himself in the foreground. There is a mystery in silhouettes, an understated and shy beauty. This picture spoke to me because him walking towards the right has right-wing implications which I subscribe to. I loved the activity of the sun behind him because even in its eminent demise, the sun still possesses an undeniable personality. But darkness is also a formidable force in its own right and so this picture is a battle of two arch nemeses; the prince of darkness and the prince of light, a cat-chase-tail scenario. Nobody quite wins. Nobody but Didi. I dropped Matheka a DM on twitter and asked for his number. Later I called him and asked him how much it would take to have that picture. He said, “I will give it to you for free.” I swear that’s what he said. Three days later an email pinged in my inbox bearing the subject; The Walking Man. Men of depthless generosity, these two gentlemen. Thank you guys abundantly, I’m forever indebted. This is high school ladies and gentlemen. Forget primary, where we just left. This is how it starts, the omega. This is where we will break our voices and grow hair on our arms. This is where we grow boobs. This is where we fall in love, and also fall out of it. This is where everything comes together but also where we strive to keep them together. But above all the rhetoric, above all the gibberish we intend to have fun, or rather I intend to. I’m excited at the prospect and I want to make you too. Thanks for joining me here, please have a seat and let’s break bread. Ps #URGENT: Have you sent Mpesa to 111 111 – Kenyans for Kenyans – help save a starving child’s life? No? How about it? As little as Ksh 20 will save someone’s life up north. It will be difference between life and death, literally. We can make a change in the smallest of ways. This is our chance and it costs us nothing.

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136 Comments
  1. I love Mutua Matheka’s photography sana. How about you add the crucial .com on his link up there www.mutuamatheka.wordpress?

  2. Feels like the first day in high school, for real and I am excited!!! Love the picture. This font is sexy?

  3. Great! I love it here and the header pic. You might want to amend Mutua’s link to www.mutuamatheka.wordpress.com 🙂

  4. Small correction – “an ardent fun here” – think you meant “fan”. She could be a fun fan, though. Maybe.
    Feel free to delete this comment, not meant to criticize but to help, I’m a fan too.

  5. It is very easy on the eyes…! I love it and the photography blends effortlessly with the theme of the page 🙂

  6. Oh dear, I love it hear, kumbe high school is this good, love the website and the walking man, those gentlemen have a way with the way they do things, and you to sir, what would we do without bikozulu?
    thanks again for a chance here in /at? high school…

  7. I’m liking high school alrea
    dy 🙂 Looking forward to bigger and better things here Biko. The selfless deeds of the two gentlemen mentioned are undoubtedly good karma for your equally kind deeds.
    P.S. I’m still going to be a grammar nazi in high school. Hehehe.

  8. I can’t wait for the school term to roll on…….for the first time i won’t have to be saved by the bell. This is an awesome high school and i don’t want to ever graduate. Cheers to Alexious for hooking you up with the website.

  9. ..*sob I miss primary school, the font was soooo much better- easy on the eye. After I read this, I found myself going back..I actually did go back currently reading ‘ Starting over’ I’m still in denial perhaps.

    The photography though is something else,in your words … I loved the activity of the sun behind him because even in its eminent demise, the sun still possesses an undeniable personality…FANTASTIC!

    Kudos to Alexious and Matheka! 🙂

  10. Love it! The post is brilliant the page is awesome-truly looks like highschool 🙂 The picture by Mutua is amazing!!! What happened to the ‘like’ button?? That would be a brilliant addition!

  11. I have taken a seat Biko! A back seat with my hands folded infront of me. I knew you were up to smart stuff. This site is truly sexy! Love it.

  12. Thank Biko, am sure we will enjoy high school more. Kudos to the two guys for their selfless act. I love your site and the picture is really cool.

  13. This feels really great! First day of high school, mkorogo in the box, and i have new shoes. New shoes are a must 🙂

  14. I like high school much better. I’m glad it’s much easier to access the old blogs too. Mr. Mwiti & Mutua Matheka, asanteni. Your generosity flows over to us 🙂

  15. I remember my first day in high skul, with over sized new uniform..looking forward to falling in love, oh and the letters from the boys in the brother school! nice post!

  16. Am glad to be in high school no bullying yet.What index am i Biko?Good stuff you will go far brother.
    P.S High school never ends-Bowling for soup.

  17. From last week’s post.

    Quote: “I’m not trying to protect her identify ……

    The word “her” is a possessive determiner, therefore, it should be preceded by noun which in this case is identity.

    From this post.

    Quote: “I wrote back and said I had never heard of a Mrs. Mwiti in my life
    and that it was a mistaken identify and that there was no need for violence…”

    Identity, Biko, identity is the noun.

    And yes, Toni Braxton is sexy, so the only reason why you need to see a shrink is because of this pink sparkly diary you’re carrying around. # High-school bully.

    Great post!

  18. Finally high school is here,cool clean site.The Walking Man…brilliant photo,so we will be ‘timing’ on monday’s as per norm…can’t wait!

  19. B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.
    by the way,whats the uniform here?like you,i dont know how to tie a tie,so no ties please…..

  20. I expected a website when you said you were moving, true, am that kind…the ones who know we have passed KCPE and in Feb we’ll be in High School, but I did not know which school. Now am here and it is everything, at least for the time being, the manicured lawns, paved ways, trimmed gardens. The place is more serene-tranquil…well right in the city center, but still calm, healing. I hope it doesn’t send us to strike after a few months. Good stuff Biko.

  21. Awesome (apparently thats what they say in high school nowadays 🙂 ). I love the picture. I can’t seem to find the like button though….

  22. Toni braxton??so we didn’t leave her behind huh.:-).seeing as you in a lucky streak mode you never know…a friend of a friend could pass this link to ms toni…hehe!

  23. mmmhhh….i always read bikozulu at 9pm….i dont know why but 9pm every monday seems appropriate….but since we have moved to high school i thought i would visit this site earlier….i love mutua matheka’s work by the way…he makes I&M building look like sth else at night….oh and i dont think am falling out of love any time soon….

  24. Well, thank you for having us Biko.
    I must say, Mr. Mwiti and Mr. Matheka are evidently quite skilled in what they do; high school looks fantastic. Seemly for kingly words. A good start.

    Start as you mean to go on:-)
    Cheers.

  25. High School feels great looks even better. I love the sexy font and the pic need i say more? Looking forward to seeing my boobs grow even bigger lol! 🙂

  26. I’ve met Alexious and I admit he’s what you describe! I love Mrs. Mwiti’s blog too. And Mutua Matheka’s photography is awesome.

    This is where it all comes together. A toast to the future.

  27. SWEEEEETTTTTT!!!!! Awesome man, love the piece and congratulations on the site. Will be seeing you here!

  28. I admit myself into high school , Biko I insist you need to write a book. Something I can read in old age,I don’t intend to be internet savvy at 80 years.

  29. Guess day 1 in high school and and am already late. Good work Biko and may God Bless Mr. Mwiti and Bwana photographer. Free things are rare these days.

    Lets toast to greatness!

  30. “This picture spoke to me because him walking towards the right has right-wing implications which I subscribe to…”

    right-wing as in right-wing politics??? …somehow I figured you to be more “liberal” or “leaning towards the left”… a touch of disappointment there I must say… especially as the ever more popular European right-wing politics becomes a stark reminder – for those of us living here – that it’s time to speed up those plans of moving back home…

    a good read none-the-less…

  31. I echo all the others…this is simply breathtaking, especially the picture! Wow! God bless Mr. and Mrs. Mwiti, Mutua and you abudantly!

  32. Been reading your blog for a couple of months now…….if only monday could come around twice or thrice a week! I admire your writing…even the most mundane of experiences gets a fresh breath of life via your keyboard! Thumbs up…and ‘bon courage’ for the new adventure! [am all eyes… 😉 on ‘the other side’ ]

  33. I think you should have degrees of the ‘like’ button. Amazing writing and a refreshing way to curb the mundane Monday morning blues. Be Blessed!

  34. “And I want a picture of a Toni Braxton on the left hand side of the blog, preferably wearing a small black dress. He stopped writing and looked up.” hehehe…Biko dude, dont you think it’s time for a new obsession?!

  35. biko…..Toni..again!!! enjoy your obsession, i got afew of my own, i was about to write a very demanding mail you had zoeshad me…This is a plan ebu lets roll

  36. I looked for the like button then it struck me that am not in a hurry and again the damn button is not in my sight courtesy of a few mtutho hours. Biko, reading your piece is like listening to an interesting guy after years of meeting boring ones.Definitely,will join your kind of high school.

  37. Oh Biko! Awesome! High school is great, it will be an interesting journey thats for sure! Love it, we will be doing this all over again, only this time, much better.

  38. Biko i lift my hands in total respect of your skills. Phew! i made the cut so did anyone, i was walking with my heart in my throat the whole week, i get it now, you quite fancy mystery and drama.

    I love high school, the photo is awesome.

    And i happen to have a friend, Ted Kenya, who is also a photographer in his own right, you may check him out on www.tedkenya.com

  39. Love it, love it, love it. Toast to bigger things. Cant wait to have fun in high school. Three cheers for the kindness the gentlemen bestowed upon u. And yes yes mpesa to save a life!

  40. well well well it was bound to happen, remember Biko, some people are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them. irregardless of that fact, seize the moment, perform, dazzle and conquer.

  41. This is where we fall in love, and also fall out of it. This is where everything comes together but also where we strive to keep them together..just quoted you back to you..

  42. Hey Biko,

    Good look man! Congratulations on your new home. Looking forward to brilliant stories.

    From the least read website this side of the sahara, Media Madness.

  43. never commented before…but i will make a habit of appreciating what is good before i almost lose you, again.Pheew!

  44. True, there is nothing like free lunch…you just advertised for the guys (free of course). Anyway, love the new school, hope I wont be a ghost reader anymore.

  45. Uhmmm, well OK. Good work on crediting the right people where it mattered, very few people remember to give credit where it’s due. I’m a big fan of Mutua’s work as well and I can’t think of a better picture to use for your words.

    So all BS about primary and High school aside, I toast to your change and pledge my support to the next level of storytelling.

    Let’s break bread.

  46. Social media at its best, amazing way to connect with people from different walks of life. Love the picture big time.

    Great post as usual
    AH

  47. Jackson Biko! I got a hunch this gonna be one hell of a ride. Your witty word play has always held me captive—and I am not about to seek parole. I will toss to good health, wealth and, well,BikoZulu!

  48. I swear I scrolled up to see if there was a Toni Braxton photo at the left. Has Mrs Mwiti read this? She might strangle you for emasculating her man- sort of. It feels good to graduate from primary to high school and what a great first day! Kudos Biko and congrats on the website.

  49. I have to admit u have a way of putting ur readers into ur world and i respect ur creativity which is quite inspiring and thot provoking….keep it up!!

  50. Biko, I use to have the hots for Toni Braxton when she still had short hair and had just released her first album. Her sophomore album Secrets was however the bomb but once she started getting dressed I don’t know how for awards, I lost interest! Anyway, good to see you graduate to high school. I will try to be buddy buddy with Mrs Mwiti and maybe she can mention me to the mister, and then maybe I can get a call and meet after 9 pm, who knows! I guess what I am trying to say is that this is an inspiration, moving from your parents to your own house where you pay rent!

  51. I love this! At first I thought it was truly the end, nothing to look forward to on Monday. Yes, this IS high school. Donation’s already been done too!

  52. your right..nothing is free..it all has something attached.look at the bottom right corner of this page heheh. literally attached:) and by high school do we expect a change of character(or sumin,i dont know),not that the old one is bad, but i can bet no one is the same his primary self.or its only change of the the web address?

  53. I look forward to taking this journey on the other side of your key board!

    Here’s to your new start!

  54. Turned out to be a surprise! We were not in for the dump after all-he was taking the lead to the next level.

    Biko, apologies for the ‘drama’. Beautiful site, photographer’s got talent. Thank you~

  55. for a fleeting minute, I felt like I was walking through foreign gates into a world I had never known, I was greeted by the header image, not a part of any story, but a story upon itself. Then the short intriguing story of the site’s immaculate conception. And I suddenly said to myself, this is it! This is the promised land!
    Good job man!

  56. so the move was about you and a change you needed to go through not about us and our coasters? (otherwise why provide the link for all coasters to carry on following you? 🙁

  57. Decided to take a break off being a silent reader (read;stalker) and add my congratulations. Looks like high school is going to be great. Thank you for continuing to tell stories that make us think-reflect; i can hardly wait for Mondays each week:-)

  58. LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! Biko, This is just amazing When am ready you’ll hook me up with Mr. Mwiti to make me one too, he’ll charge me of course, but that’s okay as long as I get the frills!

  59. well well…this is indeed well done .great to be in highschool..mad props to decent humans like the mwitis……….

  60. when are the assemblies? we still meeting for parade on mondays like we used to? am the confused mono who always hangs around the assembly grounds hoping to find you addressing the gang.good to have you back on board….God bless all the poeple that made all this a reality for you

  61. Just wondering though which day/s will the Headmaster be making appearances. In the other school we had him on Mondays…..)

  62. hmm ok so far just a few questons will mr mwiti own your stories in the end? Will you post every monday?
    HM

  63. i hated myself when i thought in my small head that your posting life is over. imagine that guy who get hooked on substance thinking they can quit anytime then sadly learn they are hooked? may i ne here till the she grows a pimple(hopefully it wiont)

  64. Is this still High School? Small wonder then I feel so old among the young-uns, especially when I go through their comments..just like those grandmums that decide to take a stab at education, and join an adult education class and go back all the way to primo yet they are in their sixties.