How men break…

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There are days he doesn’t close his front door, mostly Saturday mornings. I find the door ajar. At 10a.m light floods the living room, light from the gigantic full-length windows across the room. There are no curtains. He has never owned curtains. He doesn’t believe in curtains: they are for girls and gays, he likes to say. If you stand at the window you will see a backyard, and a live hedge, which means you will see nothing. The smell of nicotine is heavy in the room.

On those days, when I walk in through the slightly opened door, I will stop at the edge of his old rag – a knock-off from some car boot sale – and I will know if he has female company or not. I will look out for a purse, thrown absentmindedly on the sofa, or a half finished glass of wine and a short empty glass of whiskey, a testimony of a nightcap, a preamble to some nightly procreation activity. Or I will look out for female shoes; kicked off hastily as lips searched lips, as limbs entangled and heavy breaths

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singed the air. Sometimes I will find jeans on the carpet, or a blouse, or a bra. There is always a tell tale. And when I find it, I usually grab a magazine from a rack next to TV and lie on the couch, with the television on. And I wait. If there is no tell tale sign of female company, I normally walk into his bedroom and wake his ass up.

I visit him twice a month, but lately once a month because I have things to do. On most of those Saturdays he has a female he is seeing over. Most are memorable, some are not. I remember Sandra*; who when she walked out of the bedroom to find me lying on the couch, said “He walks through closed doors like a ghost, a ghost writer. Hey.” I liked her immediately even though there was something cunning about her, she looked like she knew what she was doing even though my pal didn’t. She was a big aficionada of poetry and I’m not, so we had tons to talk about. There was Mercy*, who – barefooted and a cigarette burning between her lips – made us some kick-ass omelets wearing nothing but his long black t-shirts written “Big bosses close their doors.” Then there was the luscious Kamba female who was too shy to stay around with me hanging around, so she made some jaded excuses, smiled shyly and ran out of the house like a bat from hell. I can’t remember her name, we shall call her *Hazel. Then there was my favourite, Tracy*, and one who I sort of remember vividly. My pal fried for her sausages and she had them with a cold Sprite, which she sipped straight from the bottle. She ate slowly, chewed meticulously. Even though she wasn’t the hottest female I have seen him with, there was something very attractive about her, something sexy. She sat – like a Buddha – on the carpet, by his feet, light bounced off one side of her face, her good side. She had on a white cotton shirt; three buttons remained opened from the top, when light hit her cleavage they glowed like a dying campfire.

She had a kikoi wrapped around her but since she had to sit in that yoga position, she had to gather a lot of that kikoy between her legs and, in the process, exposed two of her knees, and a bit of thigh. Let’s just say that she had great knees. Once in a while she would cut the sausage on the plate balanced on the gathered Kikoy between her legs, and then she – without looking – would raise her fork of sausage up towards my pal’s direction who would bend slightly and have a bite. She lasted a month with him. “I liked her, man, she was really something.” I told my pal when he mentioned that it was an iced story. “Yeah, she was, but she was boring in bed,” he said and I almost wept with sorrow, I mean nothing hurts like a woman with a good body but who is dull in bed. It’s like having a turbo car that won’t go over 20km/hr.

I never shake their hands with these women when they find me lying on the couch because, well, you never know what they been touching in there. Actually, you know. And they come and go. They last four months at the most. Some last less. They are smart, short, tall, funny, smokers, non-smokers, light, chocolate, big asses, small boobs, long legs, longer nails, chewed nails, dark, short hair, weaved hair and I even met one Muslim who when I asked if her future husband will have a problem when he find out she wasn’t a virgin called me “naïve”. That stung a bit. But these women who I bump into there are very different in all ways…my pal is the only guy I know who doesn’t have a “type,”. I mentioned this one day and he said, “My type is a woman who excites me.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked. “Even if she has a wooden leg and sports a Mohawk?”

“You’d be surprised what a wooden-legged woman can do to make up for the missing leg,” We laughed but later I thought about it…for only five secs, though.

Let’s call this guy, Jimmy. Jimmy is 32yrs old, a trained architect. He works for some small struggling architecture firm along Ngong road. Jimmy is a brilliant conversationist; deep, funny, charming. He pays 30k in rent. Drives a silver Nissan Wingroad with a long ugly scratch on the driver’s door (“Life tried to scratch me, and failed,” he explained it). He is repaying a car-loan. He drinks beer, Whitecap, but when he has money he drinks whiskey. He is an orphan. He has two sisters. Last time he had a stable girlfriend was in 2009. She left him. He doesn’t go to church much. He loves the fast life. He is risqué. He is very erratic even though his demeanor is very chilled out. Jimmy is somewhat troubled. Sometimes he spirals out of his axis and drinks a lot, prengs his car, defaults on rent, borrows heavily, misses work…he becomes dysfunctional. He gets into this dark hole which lasts a couple of months, and when he is in that hole you never can recognize him. He becomes someone else. I’ve noticed that he slips into this hole when everything seems to be going well, when he is making good money, when he is seeing a half decent woman, when he is happy. Eventually, he re-emerges from that hole, bleary eyed and somewhat apologetic…until the next time.

My missus dislikes him.

She dislikes him because she doesn’t understand him, yes, but also because she doesn’t see what we have in common. To her credit, she has her reasons because I pitch up home the latest when I’m out with him, but you would too, he is a scream. She says, he is wasting his life away, and that he is bad influence. But what she doesn’t know is that even though Jimmy and I walk different paths, we all remain on the same road. She doesn’t know that our destinies, as men, are conjoined, that even though we are different we remain similar in many ways. The major difference between me and him is that I wear my seatbelt in life while he chooses to drive in hope.

Jimmy is like a cat, he never falls on his back, always on his feet. For all his erratic tendencies he has some mad maxims that have some lessons, he seems to live by the mantra: You’d rather do the wrong thing at 100% than the right thing at 50%. And some days, I wish I had his life, for a few months. And you would too. You would wish you approached life with open arms, that you weren’t imprisoned with fear; fear of failing, fear to be less than you saw yourself to be, fear to fail the people who look at you, fear to be someone you are afraid of. Hell, I wish I had a shirt written “Big bosses close their doors.”

The curious thing about him is that people like him have more luck than the average guy. They get more breaks. Life seems to be kinder to them than the average guy. It’s like life is babies them. And the women who love guys like him love them more than they love us because perhaps he offers a challenge, I don’t know. Perhaps because they see good in him and they hope they can fix him. They want to be the one who turned him around: so they clean after him. They drain his whiskey in the sink. Hide his cigarettes. Have someone over do his laundry. Drag him home when he’s had enough to drink. They hold Jimmy’s hand. They try in the belief that they are the one chosen to transform him. They give him their all even though he isn’t giving himself his all. They stick around long enough to try and when they eventually leave, they leave not because they couldn’t but because Jimmy wouldn’t.

And they leave easily because Jimmy doesn’t close his front door. He leaves it ajar because perhaps he believes that anything that wants to stay in shouldn’t be made to stay in.

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76 Comments
  1. Wild and free Jimmy must be…..but there is a Jimmy in all men; it’s only some of us think with our heads and not our hearts. Life is short, we should all do things that bring us joy while we still can. Great stuff Biko.

  2. eeeewwwwwwww…..I never shake their hands with these women when they find me lying on the couch because, well, you never know what they been touching in there

  3. ”He leaves it ajar because perhaps he believes that anything that wants to stay in shouldn’t be made to stay in”….interesting point.
    ION Biko seems I was the first one in class today, there should be some sort of ‘present’ to recognize ”us”….:-)

        1. I was right there hunched in the corner going through last week notes; i am surprised you didn’t see me when you walked in late. he he

  4. There’s something extremely well-bred about your writing since you started here. Some sort of refinement. Except when you say Jimmy is an architecture. lol! Good read, sophisticated in its own simple way.

  5. I think I’ve lived Jimmy’s life …. ok, except the girls part …lol. He’ll be alright trust me.
    “I’ve never seen a wild thing that felt sorry for itself” … D.H. Lawrence

  6. Any man would love to live this kind of life…especially when you have realized that trying to close doors thinking you can keep things in does not work. You kind of give in to freefall and stop worrying about what the bible says, or what Ndingi Mwana…would say, you stop giving a hoot about politics and those robbing the public, you even smile at the driver overspeeding to his crash of death…that life…when you start thinking that you should keep a rabit, maybe to be chassed by those dogs who are taken for boring dog walks…I absolutely feel this post.

  7. Biko,this touched me man Jimmy sounds like me i just don’t default on rent.Good writing it’s just jolted me maybe i should start wearing my life’s seat belt! before i hit the big 30.

  8. Nice piece. I started thinking about whether I know a Jimmy…then I realized I’m probably the one who’s someone else’s Jimmy.

    I find that the dark side is caused by fear- of opportunity. Nothing as bad as having a good run then having it yanked from under you. Sometimes it’s better to sabotage it early and save yourself the anguish of wondering when it’ll all go belly-up.

    For his sake (and mine) I hope Jimmy’s story ends well.

  9. I love your writing. Can’t say this enough.

    ‘How Men Break’……’How Women Are Broken’……’Why Women Fail’…..’Women Can’t Change Men’….. things that were going through my mind when I was reading the post.

  10. “I mean nothing hurts like a woman with a good body but who is dull in bed. It’s like having a turbo car that won’t go over 20km/hr” wouldn’t have put it better. As usual Biks, never dissappoint.

  11. the way you write..clean cut and every word well thought and in its rightful place. I am loving this…and i think there is a lil bit of Jimmy in every man. The difference is in the degree of the ‘ vice ‘. Simply a good read to kick off my week. thanks.

  12. I like jimmy. There are way too many ordinary people walking around while they should be in an asylum, where they belong.

  13. ai, how come everyone in class thinks they are Jimmy. you have created a legend
    btw, hii inaitwa man-crush. Jimmy is your man crush. hehe

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  14. “But what she doesn’t know is that even though Jimmy and I walk different paths, we all remain on the same road. She doesn’t know that our destinies, as men, are conjoined, that even though we are different we remain similar in many ways.” I do not agree with you….

  15. *Sigh* I hope this story end well, I really do. Like say one day someone will stay even if the door remains open and then one day Jimmy will find his life’s seat belt, clean off the dust and fasten it. 🙂 I am a sucker for happy endings.

  16. He feels like a prisoner so he leaves the door ajar just to tell himself that he can get out when he wants to;it makes him feel like he is in charge but in real sense he isn’t.

    Interesting read Mr. Biko…very interesting indeed.

  17. love the flow, but you’ve sugarcoated and romanticized this jimmy vibe (which is maybe why you’re such a good writer), the truth though, is that it is what it is. i’d definitely go with your missus on that.

  18. i really liked this one i could see Jimmy come to life, the women, the alcohol, the potential everyone else seems to think he’s wasting when in truth…He leaves it ajar because perhaps he believes that anything that wants to stay in shouldn’t be made to stay in.

  19. You know what they say, that those who live within their means suffer from a lack of imagination so this guy must have plenty of it

  20. Excellent piece as usual-less the architect bit.
    For his sake i hope Jimmy styles up soon. Too many of them around these days.

  21. interesting read Mr. Biko.

    ..” ajar because perhaps he believes that anything that wants to stay in shouldn’t be made to stay in”…

    Parting shot right there…..well in.

  22. This post brings out the bloody Baptist in me in a big big way. Today I am going to comment about folly. And I don’t mean folly as in those banal ‘Ujinga ni…’ crap;ati sijui ujinga ni kulala njaa na ugali yako ni mkate. Si wanasemanga hivyo?

    Now, a few weeks ago Jackson in the mainstream you made an appeal for marriage across the faith divide. As in, could it be possible for a pagan Xerxes and virtuous beauteous Esther to get together into matrimony or for a harridan Jezebel (Jezebel by the way means, surprise surprise, the virtuous one) to get knocked up by conscientious Ahab? Well it is possible. The question is: how well would you love Old Nick as a father-in-law?

    Now the above do not even begin the attempt at defining ridiculous. Let’s settle for tragedy for lack of a stronger word.

    The bible has three definitions for folly. Open your bibles with me folks and let’s get a-roaring. By the way low I.Q does not define folly, choices do. As illustrated below:-

    (a) The knowledge/ fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 1:7). But you wouldn’t know it from the Mume Pap show that has been going about the town. Where’s the wisdom in that? Well, Proverbs 1:7 is still true just look at what those who don’t believe in God believe in… Sublime folly can’t get defined any better.
    (b) He who commits adultery/fornication lacks understanding, he destroys his soul. (Proverbs 6:32). You can also borrow Jimmy Gathu’s calculator to get the point better.
    (c) Wine is a mocker, beer is a brawler (and Yokozuna is a killer/blinder)-emphasis mine. He who is led by them is not wise. Proverbs 20:1

    My point? Your missus is right; these two chaps up there in the story are screwed up. So until the day they will honestly sing the song-writer lines in the hymn of old…
    ‘help me at a throne of mercy
    Find a sweet relief,
    Kneeling there in deep contrition
    Help my, unbelief….’

    … I don’t see much help coming their way.

    Michel Focault, the apostle of libertine amoralism (the chief aim of post-modern deconstructionism) exemplified above here lived free, fast and loose. He died just as tragically- of an AIDS related ailment. The inhibitions of moral strictures have their role in every life, society and civilization. ‘Whatever floats ones boat’ is but an excuse we use to admire behind the screens of our self-imposed (but necessary) strait-jackets of morality to adulates that which is obviously untenable in the long-run.

    The prognosis for your friends is therefore dismal. In the long run, the only lesson they will learn is that they did not use their time on earth well as Wangare Mathai did.

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    1. Reading your comments makes me happy because I know it will be a challenge to understand what you are saying.. today, like most times, my first reaction is “ati what”

      I usually have to come back and read the comment slowly, sometimes with a dictionary in order to understand it.
      I’ll be back

    2. Kidix, i have read until where you mention XERXES and ESTHER. Where didyu pull out those names!!! That was good enough for me.

    1. Nice read Biko. Jumping infront of a charging bull is very exciting too. I find the word ‘excites'(with no further words added to give clarity) dangerously ambiguous especially when it is used to describe a woman.

  23. Hmmmm…Jimmy sounds like a man who seeks thrills without knowing when to pause and walk away…

    He may seem to be landing on his feet, but there is such a thing as tempting fate too much. And it will only hit him when he wakes up one morning only to realize that he maxed out his get out of jail free card a long time ago…

  24. For a moment I thought you were talking about me, then I thought you were talking about my ex, then about me, then about my ex….then I just decided to lean back and enjoy the read. Thanks for this one.

  25. Hey Biko,

    Me thinks your friend Jimmy is courting a bleak future…Throwing caution to the wind and driving his life on overdrive with no safety belt on, I am convinced is a make up kit to camouflage unresolved pain and heartaches.Something, perhaps about his past dug a deep cavity on his manhood and left him unstable and vulnerable.

    Granted he is your friend and friends stick out for each other, Biko if you may, find it in yourself to know whats eating him up and encourage him to create something that gives his life purpose and meaning. Devote yourself into seeing that he does not shrink into a grain of nothingness. While we are meant to enjoy life it is unwise to breathe in the movement of ignorance and recklessness.

    Once you’ve done all you could and Jimmy stubbornly refuses to turn over a new leaf, simply LET GO. Do not brook a compromise by allowing him to be a bad influence on you…you deserve better. I am just saying…

    Cheers.

    1. Bad influence can only be negative, not positive, no? 🙂 (#grammar Nazi for a change ) Those declarations are always made behind closed doors, so I wouldn’t know. But maybe…or not. hard to tell.

  26. As much as Jimmy sound like a guy every man would like to be, i think he need a shrink, surely there is something more in him that make him behave this way, i pity him and more so the women who try too much to change him and eventually leave on their own. Speaking i’ll be very wary of a guy who leaves his door ajar at night..lol.

    Very good read Biko, as always…is this story over or did u just leaving us hanging??

  27. @Biko – Excellent story. Only I couldn’t figure out how Jimmy broke (i.e. doesn’t square with the title).
    Story shows he’s already broken.

    @Moh – Right on. Easier said than done though. Hope it happens.

    @Kidikubudi – The words ‘moral strictures’ point to extensive exposure to theology/moral philosophy.

  28. ‘The major difference between me and him is that I wear my seatbelt in life while he chooses to drive in hope.’ Kudos for noting this about your relationship. Share this with the Missus, it might help her ease up on your relationship with Jimmy.

    ‘You would wish you approached life with open arms, that you weren’t imprisoned with fear; fear of failing, fear to be less than you saw yourself to be, fear to fail the people who look at you, fear to be someone you are afraid of’ Out of the meaning breakdowns of FEAR out there the following are the ones that l think of when l fear : Face everything and recover, For everything a reason, False evidence appearing real. It is one of the greatest problem to overcome.

    ‘he believes that anything that wants to stay in shouldn’t be made to stay in.’

    This is beautiful, such an awesome read. Jimmy is blessed to have you for a friend, you accept him for who he is. You are blessed to have each other because in your friendship there is a purpose.

  29. The comments are as interesting as the piece itself. Great minds.

    I’m very impatient with Jimmy types & yet I note that many men here identify with him. Whereas I do not wish to downplay the fact that past experience impacts heavily on us, I happen to firmly believe that we are the masters of our destiny.

    This is how I perceive negative influence: a HIV- person can not turn a HIV+ person negative; if u sit next to a dirty person with matope e.g. in a matt, no matter how clean you are, you can not make them clean; it’s easier for the person pulling the other down than the one pulling him up-see, he has the advantage of gravity.

    I was listening to Neyo’s ‘There With You’ the other day & I thought it sounded like a song you’d write 🙂

  30. Hi Biko. Been following your articles for a while now, and to be honest it’s become incredibly to get through even half a blog post any more. Just go back to the simple story telling. That’s more powerful and more effective than the stuff these days, which comes off as though you’re trying too hard to emulate the authors you idolise.
    The writing in the first half of the year was remarkable.

  31. I have not been here for a few weeks now (not because I don’t want to but because I have been having a rather hectic schedule). We all know Jimmys – that is if we are not him – but this time I did not find something dramatic about him as I have found in some of your previous characters. There were some good quotes though. I have not the comment by blueballs (above me – depending on when this is approved) but would like to disagree with him a bit. I think a good writer should always explore new stuff / styles as sometimes we can become boring if we give our audience the same thing week in week out. So I encourage you to keep mixing it up. Peace.

  32. Whatta man Jimmy is! I think fear is good in some instances…chaos is contained by fear, life would be unlivable if it were not for fear.

  33. Damn! Any man who never went through Jimmy’s phase doesnt know what he missed.A little part of Jimmy remains in such a man.

  34. Biko i really love your writing…you bring me into a whole new world with your words. I appreciate your gift

  35. The curious thing about him is that people like him have more luck than the average guy. They get more breaks

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