Don’t Be Mean


By Nancy Cherotich

I have never considered myself as a person who has low self-esteem but last weekend I had an experience that almost left my esteem on the floor. It started off with a simple idea – to go out dancing. I deserved a treat and more importantly, it is a way of shedding some kilos. I asked a friend to join me and thankfully, she agreed. I decided to try a club I had never gone to before for the purpose of avoiding temptation. There are some places I enter and I would be served alcohol without me having to make an order and who says no to alcohol that is already on the table? That’s just plain rude.

So limber, excited and ready to hit the floor, I got to the club at around 7 pm and found my friend waiting for me. I ordered for a packet juice and avoiding the disbelief in her eyes, immediately dived into gossip to distract her from the juice and avoid any unnecessary questions.

All was well until around 10 pm, and just as I was starting to believe that it is possible to get through a night in a club without touching a drop of alcohol, a group of men walked in and as fate would have it, they knew my friend. After the normal introductions, they proceeded to join our table, which I did not mind at all, as I believe that when it comes to clubbing, the more the merrier.

As I soon discovered, being sober is not such a good thing when sitting in a club. Your soberness means you pay attention to every single detail and you hear every single conversation. As much as I tried to ignore the words around me and just enjoy the music, I could overhear everything my friend and her friends were saying. The conversation was fine and I was laughing at some of the things they were saying until one of the guys asked my friend why her fat friend was drinking juice. My friend tried to ignore the question and change the topic but I had already heard it. Just as I was picking my jaw from the floor, the relentless guy added that he can never have sex with a woman like me because fat people suck in bed. WHAT?!?

I immediately felt the urge to gulp a whole bottle of whiskey, to try and numb the pain of that statement. Music was playing in the background but all I could hear was whiskey begging me to just take a shot and forget all the nonsense that had suddenly surrounded me. Somewhere behind the whiskey and tequila voices, I also heard him saying how thin women always give mind blowing sex. I finally got the nerve to look at the guy and naturally, what met my eye? His huge Kitambi. I quickly stood up to go to the ladies, partly to catch my breath but mostly to laugh.

I stood in the bathroom, staring at the reflection in the mirror and started to ask myself a lot of questions. Top of the list was ‘What is the SI unit of good sex?’ and who set the standard of what qualified as “mind blowing” sex? I need to know this person so that I can go learn at his/her feet. I also wondered why it was entirely up to the woman to ensure that good sex has been achieved. Does the man have any part to play at all? Do big stomachs on men equate to “mind blowing” sex whereas on women they mean you are lousy in bed?

The mirror did not give me any conclusive answers apart from making me notice that the dress I had on now hung a little looser than before (little dance of joy). Something inside me kept telling me that such a milestone should only be celebrated with a tot of my old wise friend whiskey, who might also have answers to my many other questions. The new disciplined me totally ignored the little devil voice, shook off the anger and, went back to join my friend and her Kitambi friends. It is not cool to call on Jesus when in such places, but I called on him nevertheless, and asked him to take control. Being omnipresent, He answered my prayers immediately. My friend noted that I was not enjoying myself and asked if we should change tables. In response, I grabbed my drinks and moved to another table leaving her to follow.

It seems like Jesus also took control of the decks because just like that, awesome songs started playing. I threw myself onto the dance floor and started doing what had actually had taken me there in the first place. As I was back to having fun again when suddenly, I felt someone gyrating against my back. I totally despise this behavior so I turned to push away whoever it was only to be met by ‘Mr. Kitambi.’ LORD help me.  Before I could utter anything he decided to drop this gem “kumbe fat people can dance?”  I didn’t consider a response necessary, but I did mention that I do not like people dancing against my back. He then started going on about some lady who was dancing next to me, saying that she should not bother dancing as she had a flat ass. (Dude, have you seen yourself???? You are NOT Idris Elba my friend).

I had heard enough of his crap so I politely asked him to join me outside for a moment which he gladly agreed. Just as I was heading outside, Jesus sensed my ill intentions to rip this man a new one and prompted the DJ to play reggae. My love of reggae drew me back into the club so fast, Mr. Kitambi was left dumbfounded and confused. I on the other hand, acted like nothing had happened. Mr. Kitambi finally regained his composure, followed me back inside and asked if I was okay. My only response was to sternly ask him and his stupidity to leave me alone. (I was very proud that I did not add his Kitambi into that statement).

After lots of dancing, I went home at 4 a.m feeling really good. Immediately I got home I started googling sex and weight. What constitutes good sex? Does weight affect sexual performance? Does exercising enhance sexual performance?

Every week I normally look for an incentive and I had just found one. Some of the things I discovered were laughable, others depressing but I did stumble across some very informative pages.  I learnt that to some women, good sex is cuddling after the act – really??? I don’t know what to say to these women apart from, sorry. I quickly started to do some of the exercises I had discovered, and truth be told, I am yet to understand how one is supposed to have sex after such exercises. Probably smaller women can hack it, I do not know. I have developed a funny walking style after the routines and I have thrown away all the heels for now. I am planning to participate in gymnastics at the Olympics once I master some of the moves.

Yes, some of the search results showed that being overweight does affect the libido and can make some styles impossible. It also affects ones esteem and it is suggested that one should dance naked in front of their mirror often to help rebuild self-esteem. I do this religiously every night. I know exactly what got me here, I know where the fries, chicken and beer landed. I do not like my current weight but I love myself too much to let someone else’s words affect me.

I can happily announce that I am out of the 80’s – I am now at 79.5 kgs. Most people who are overweight are well aware that they are. It is good to tell someone to work on it and encourage them to lose weight but being mean does not help at all; it does not even help you sleep better at night. Waking up without a hangover after a night out is fantastic and I intend to do it again very soon.

Onto week five – please be kind to me.

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  1. lolest! think am the first to comment ! When are you going dancing next ? I can help you handle kitambi , from experience ! Nice read . P/S: That goofling part , weight and sex, my skinny friend is adding weight after googling *sex and weight * !

  2. Words arent enough to describe how really awesome you are! I cant say I would have been as calm in that situation! You came out on top and woke up happy! Kudos and keep going:) Let morons be morons!

  3. Haha! I actually laughed out loud and shout out at some of things Mr. Kitambidid. Well done lady. No alcohol, you didn’t let him put you down and you havestuck to your fitness goals! Congratulations mama. Keep going!

  4. Nancy this is a scoop! To write about emotions is never easy…thanks for not wallowing in self pity and not succumbing to negativity…kudos! Onward and upwards!

  5. Who said that plus-size women don’t enjoy sex? And to paraphrase Chero again “what is the SI Unit for mind blowing sex?” That guy with a kitambi must have been so mean on Chero that night.

  6. Jesus speaking to the prostitute who was being condemned by people,he who has no sin cast the first stone….#PotMeetKettle. Soldier on my dear,you are doing something about your weight,forget all the noisemakers as they eat themselves to an early grave.

  7. Nancy that was God’s grace trust me! The words that kitambi guy would have gotten!…..cant spell it out. On other matters, am very proud of your progress. Keep it up girl and you will be amazed. And the next time you go dancing and need friends who are off the bottle,send a shout out this way.

  8. That man… #nowords. Meanwhile you didn’t dial down to Chero at 79.5kgs as you are supposed to! #keepthefireburning!

  9. Nancy great piece there.People are mean.I know because I’ve been overweight all my life.I started going to the gym recently and I cycle but its always so amusing when someone (I know or don’t know) sees me on my bike and asks in amazement ‘You, you cycle and you’re not losing weight?’

  10. My dear well done. I am following you from a distance as I too am trying to ditch this weight thing…wajameni the struggle is real!!!…..but I am told that if you want to go fast go alone if you want to to go far do it with someone… here is me joining you in this quest for mind blowing …( fill in the blanks)..I will quietly record my weight every week…and as I listen to your journey…all the best nenyon 😉

  11. i am glad you have finally lost some weight.hurray ..i had sworn to stop reading this blog until you had at least lost some 5kgs..Pressure is sometimes necessary to achieve your goals!!
    **Dieters tip..Juice has sooo many calories.Avoid it! If you are going out,ask for soda water, add some lemon slice,that way you look like you are at least drinking vodka or gin and avoid unnecessary comments plus it has like zero calories!

  12. Nancy, nothing good comes easy. I’m happy your not in the 80’s anymore. Big round of applause. Just don’t give up.

  13. I don’t know why men usually feel the need to comment on a woman’s weight..who made you plus size and i have never had any complaints. ..infact on the contrary ..only Good things and compliments.

  14. Awesome article, I laughed out loud when Kitambi started gyrating behind you. Very graceful at letting such characters down.
    You deserve an award for getting to 79.5kgs, no mean fete!!!

  15. Thumbs up… very well written but most especially for not loosing your cool… Cant stand people who look down upon others.

  16. chero you deserve an award first, for keeping calm coz i have 100 ways how that scenario would have played out..second for moving down the scale…u go girl

  17. Way to go Chero.. You inspire me to loose weight too. I’m way to short for my weight and I too have doctors on my neck about it..

  18. Courage is when you have the guts to fart knowing very well you have diarrhoea. You my friend have more than that. With you every step of the way Chero. Keep it up.

  19. Hahahhahaha Chero we should totally be friends. I detest hangovers so to be on the safe side I drink juice or soda 78% of the times I go out and its a different experience having fun while sober. You are doing great at 79.5kgs. As for Kitambi friend, I have dealt with him in my mind already. Halls if his hairy belly resurfaces.

  20. You go girl.

    You are a much bigger person than I am; I would have given his a piece of my mind. Don’t let anyone pull you down dear. Confidence is sexy

  21. Loved the read, I am not sure I would keep as calm in the same or similar situation but I know emotions are real. Kudos, keep up the fight 😉

  22. What do we call a person who laughs at another person with a problem but trying to solve it?
    Do you Nancy, just do you!

  23. We as humans need to make sure that before we say something mean about someone’s body, we have bodies like Shawn T (of hiphop workouts, T25, etc) or those chiqs I’ve been watching in Cycle House.
    I’m glad you reacted the way you did…mature of you. And keep going…remember that failure does not exist unless you quit.

  24. Keep it up Chero…and the 0.5kgs..I completely understand the work you’ve put into it…. I look forward to Thursdays wondering what you’ve been up to. And great sex requires two (in my opinion) If one doesn’t know how to rock the plus size…well…GERRARRAHIA!

  25. Mr. Kitambi was just projecting his insecurities towards you Chero. Glad you were the bigger person. Im sure deep inside he wishes he coyuld loose the kitambi.

  26. Chero you should start an anger management class…..what you did was so big of you.I kinda wished you gave him a piece of your mind and maybe even threw in a physical to go with it….congrats on your weight loss.

  27. First things first, congrats Chero! Ur hardwork is finally paying… Keep going. Grind on and you’ll eventually get to where you desire. Yes, you can!
    Secondly, is your effortless and perfect flow of words. I love your atticles! I read them religiously…cz u r the beeeessst!
    Thirdly, never mind naysayers. They will always hate. And am amazed at how cool you remained despite the criticism.
    All the best in this journey. We’ll be here, cheering you on.

  28. Congratulations on your consistency and progress.
    I love it. You’re too nice though. Both your writing and your attitude. Don’t be afraid to be disliked.

  29. 1/2 kg after 3 weeks, that is 167g per week. Not bad. Just remember to adjust the weight at the top of the tab as promised. That is the first thing I check before I read your article.

  30. This was an interesting read. I felt your emotions and your struggle. More than anything you inspired me yet again…Aluta continua!

  31. Excellent piece. I tried waking up without a hangover and just like you said, it’s brilliant! Keep up the good work

  32. Nancy, let me also say congs. When I see a big/fat person working out, I usually I am very proud of them. I want to shout out and say you go girl, you will make it. I am proud of you too. Cannot say I would have handled Kitambi as calmly as you did-Lord help me.
    I am a very small woman but I was once fat. I do not work out as much but to loose wait and stay fit I have discovered is also how we eat the food we eat. I eat lots and lots of vegetables as a rule which helps not to pile food on my plate. They can be filling but it is also getting used too. I also drink a lot of warm water not cold but warm or hot if necessary and with lemons early in the morning-this cuts wait too. I also do a lot of fasting both for religious reasons and also to give my body a break from all the eating. It has worked wonders for me over the years because I am almost the same weight year in year out.

  33. That nasty man was hoping to use reverse psychology on you. He probably preys on women with low self esteem and thought you were one. Glad you showed him you are not!!!
    Keep up the great writing and all the best in your journey

  34. First, am disappointed you did not handle “Mr. Kitambi”. Next time you go dancing i can join you and i need to lose some baby fat too. I can also help handle Mr. kitambi. Not cool

  35. Nancy I don’t have data package on my phone. So using the company’s WIFI I load articles that catch my eye for later. Your weight loss journey account I save for my 45min bus ride home. And you never let me down. Whatever happens, don’t stop writing(even after attaining your ideal weight). I want to hang out and be your BFF when I read your blogs. Remember God put you there for a reason. Barikiwa sana

  36. Well done Chero. I am cheering you all the way in your new resolve. And Just to add that I am on the same agenda this year. Just to help motivate you on the weight loss, keep a diary of inches lost as well. Sometimes it takes long for the weight to drop, but like you say you notice that clothes are hanging a little lose. Keep track of the measurements of your waist, hips, thighs, etc. and get motivated as you see the obvious weight loss. All the best!

  37. I lost 10kgs just from changing my diet. No gym subscription. Back in campus I used to be at Nandos for Terrific Tuesdays and Thriller Thursdays; Burger Dome-they used to have an offer-buy one burger get one free, Debonair pizza, etc I weighed 58kgs. It didn’t bother me because I was adding weight in all the right (or wrong depending on your perspective) places.

    An opportunity arose and I had to move out of the country. I realized eating fast food was expensive compared to home-made food. Being on a shoe string budget, I started cooking. Just like that, without even trying, I lost 10kgs.

    My body got used to healthy eating to the extent, I’d rather have water than drink soda or tea. Healthy eating is all about a balance diet: ugali, sukuma wiki, meat (white or red), githeri, chapati, beans, ndengu, rice, arrow roots, sweet potatoes, porridge-adding weight from drinking porridge is a myth, etc

    I’m not a nutritionist or an expert on weight issues, ni ushuhuda tu natoa. Sijasema watu wasiende gym-a combination of the two is the ideal situation.

    Walking too is very effective. In the evening I walk from the CBD to Muthurwa. I kill 3 birds with one stone-save 20 bob (doesn’t look like much, but believe it or not, it can get you a full pineapple at Muthurwa when the season is right), time and exercise.

    All the best Chero.

  38. I loved reading this… as a plus sized woman, I never understand why men feel the need to express their observations about a woman’s weight. Trust me I know how much I weigh… I looked at the mirror this morning and I am totally fine with who I am… This is the first time I am reading your blog and I can relate… I love it!! Dance honey… and all the best as you work to get healthier.