9 Gadgets To Own

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By Hanafi Kaka

This is a gadget guide for men and women who love their toys. Things you have to have as a bona fide gadget freak.

Power bank

Power banks shouldn’t look like weapons of mass destruction.  You want a power bank that says Shaken, not stirred. That way, every time you pull it out of your pocket, having fit perfectly in there, it’s followed by a beam of neon lights and a 1970s disco soundtrack. You just unveiled the future to the mere mortals around you dragging blocks in their specially-dedicated-for-power-banks carrier bags.  That said, the ideal power bank should be slim, does not look like it will get you arrested for terrorism, fits in your pocket, has a high capacity and above all – it shouldn’t be pink. In fact, this is the most important consideration. But if you really really must carry around a pink power bank, let it be tethered to a Chihuahua, with a matching collar. It’s easier to forgive you that way.

A Damned Smart TV

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It’s 2015! You shouldn’t be caught with a TV that you cannot control with your phone. The fact that 3D and 4K and 1080p resolution TVs are now as affordable as a crate of apples means you should be able to smell the onions on The Food Channel; I know I can with mine.

Wireless Speakers

Yes, these things will keep your teeth in your mouth if you are of those fellas with magnetic toes. You know yourselves. The age of tripping over lines of wires running through your house and scaring your little ones every time only exist in memory. We are not trying to harness horses with all that wire running under the carpets and around corners of the house.

A Smart Watch

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We know Rolex and Longines have not made their own yet, but just use the Apple or Samsung ones for now. They come with themes, faces you can change, color variations and they keep you healthy if you listen to them. Your tummy will fade just from wearing a smartwatch, imagine. Plus, it’s cool to go all wearable these days. They even have clothes that change color depending on your moods. I just worry what color they may change to when you’re about to let out a silencer fart. You’re sitting in a meeting and your shirt begins to turn green. Incoming!

Jimmy Jane Hello Touch

I’m sure this counts as a sex toy in a way. But only if you use it below the equator. It turns out the ladies really do love things that vibrate; blenders, washing machines, phones on silent modes. No? And your fingers. This naughty little gadget is your ticket to making that touch electrifying. Literally. It has a power and control unit that you strap to your wrist and two ring caps on the end of chords that you wear at your fingertips, and vibrate when you hold her. Yes, you can use them to pick your nose too.

Universal Clip Lens

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You’ve probably already seen these little monsters in a tech store somewhere. And the fake geeks there who wear fake spects (this is an equivalent of parking in the handicaps section. It’s an insult to the rest of us who are actually blind. Ish) tried to make you buy them even though your iPhone camera works just perfectly. But for those of you who only buy smartphones for Instagram and Whatsapp, these little things help to improve the quality of your pics. Any missing teeth will be replaced in the final picture. Hehe. That was for you, Trixx. Just make sure you get to seriously test them before packing them in your bag. Some shops just sell you distorted glasses with no real optical qualities.

Safari Charger

It’s been said a thousand times, and we shall say it again. Always have more than one charging unit if you have to work on the road.

A Vacuum Stubble Trimmer

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The punchline for this great device is simple: Leave no evidence.   This shit is the real bomb. It trims your beard, moustaches (and your legs if you’re into that), while sucking in the fallen follicles. No one will know you are actually a primate.

An electric, massaging chair and seat pad

I promise, this is the last I will talk of anything that vibrates and goes below your waist, or behind your back. Or anywhere close to you. Some of them come with complimentary neck pad massagers as well, so you can be getting your back, ass and neck squeezed to comfort while you scratch your beard and dose off.

Feel free to add more gadgets to this list.

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69 Comments
  1. I’m loving this ‘ gadget’ day..imma add Apple TV as a must have gadget, earphone adapter for when you travel and Bose’ the ones with noise cancellation. A hands free too, the ones that speak to you ” call from xxxxx answer or ignore?” 🙂

  2. Ok. How about I move to kileleshwa while I’m at it? Most of the things mentioned here though rank as trendy, aren’t entirely necessary. What strata of the economy do you imagine read this blog???

    Sometimes that pink power bank is all I got… Was a gift from APA to say Asante and it works just fine…and why do I need my phone on my wrist. It’s in my pocket.. That works just fine. Never miss a thing… And my tummy… That’s what I have karura and an alarm clock for… Anyway… Plenty things here I don’t think are necessities… They are cool but not necessities… For me at least!!!

    1. This had to be said… I also have a pink powerbank, a gift but definitely no chihuahua. My tv is not curved and just a lil smart (Same as my watch) but that’s alright. My speakers are wireful and that’s alright too. Our priorities are all different.

  3. I’m not a techie & I would not voluntarily buy anything on this list. But I enjoyed the article! It was a well written, fun read. (BTW, who buys these things?! Kenyan middle class, you’ll kill yourselves)

  4. A Smart watch works for me. This Samsung one has served me well indeed. From measuring my heart rate to measuring the effectiveness of any exercise I am doing may it be walking to running to skiing to cycling. Did i mention it can track your sleep and you can read your mails and messages and even see which calls you missed? I just love it! heremyinkdrops.wordpress.com

    1. Its written as Chihuahua but pronounced as chiwawa as you would have it…….
      Wikipedia : The Chihuahua /tʃɪˈwɑːwɑː/ is the smallest breed of dog and is named for the state of Chihuahua in Mexico.

  5. Good read, however am no gadgets person. Plus I would never spend mymoney to buy things I don’t need, to impress people I don’t like.

  6. Hear, hear on that Power bank storo. Some that I have seen around are scary; like weapons of mass destruction,to say the least. I love one that is discreet and elegant in a simple color preferably black or grey with a high capacity

  7. You do not need to break the bank to make your tv ‘Smart’ just by a Chromecast for about 5k and enjoy Smart TV convenience on your dumb tv.

  8. Right now I’m squatting in a dark corner sucking my thumb(biko style. hehee) and thinking about the wrong life choices I have made. I’m wondering if I’m really normal since I do not own any of the above mentioned gadgets. What is wrong with me?? I love the gadget guy (as the gang has nicknamed him) though. I dig his writing.

  9. Call me old fashioned but I love me a tik tok kinda watch.Hubolt or Rolex will do just fine.But on the TV,I feel you bro,go smart or go home!

  10. Definitely, kindle if you love books.

    I have never heard of all these things you’ve mentioned.
    Ati a smart watch! Where would you buy all this stuff?

  11. They
    even have clothes that change color
    depending on your moods. I just worry what
    color they may change to when you’re about
    to let out a silencer fart. You’re sitting in a
    meeting and your shirt begins to turn green.
    Incoming ! I love that got me off the chair . BTW I love everything Apple made, kwanza that Apple Tv thingie