Kasupa

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When you wake up you assume you know how your day will end: you will drive home from work, your laptop wedged between the passenger seat and the back seat because you have some work to catch up on. Dinner will be nibbled on while squinting at your laptop, something light because didn’t your lithe yoga instructor shake her head at dinner past 6:30pm? The TV will be on but ignored, a flash of white light and talking heads. Later, you will look at your social media feeds as you take your dirty plate to the kitchen, switch off the lights on your way to the bedroom and finally drift off to sleep in an old t-shirt and faded pink booty shorts. You will curl up like a fetus, your mouth half open, sleeping the way you have always slept since you were a baby. That’s how the day will end because it’s always ended that way, so why should it change now? 

Only it does. 

And it starts with a carjacking. 

As with all carjackings it doesn’t register that you are being jacked. Even when you hear that thud of someone knocking on the door. Even when you look up through your rolled window, at a man whose features you will not remember later, a man holding a gun, a man with an evil face, shouting something which you can’t hear because this is happening too f*king fast for your brain to fully process. You feel the men before you completely register their hostile presence. You feel how they have surrounded your car, crowded it. They are only four men, but it feels like they are 400 men, mobbing your car, pulling at door handles wanting to invade you, to invade your privacy, to breach your liberty. It’s worse if you are a lady. Far much worse. 

Maybe it’s the ringleader at your door and his frantic, almost scared look, that makes you float from this nightmare that is about to unfold. Maybe it’s what you have always known about these situations that makes you start making decisions that would set the night on a different tangent. You remember those words that you have always heard in conversations: Don’t resist. Don’t look at them in the eye. Don’t make any sudden movements. Don’t fight them. Don’t talk at them. Don’t hesitate. Give them whatever the hell they want. Everything they want. You can buy another car. You can buy another laptop. You can make more money. This shit is not worth dying for. Cede to the bad man. Let them take their loot. 

“So I unlocked the door.” She tells me. 

We are in a very quaint small bistro not far from the scene that also witnessed a great tragedy some time back. She’s having a mocha or something, I don’t recall, I was taking an uncomfortable call when she was ordering. Dangling from her neck is a necklace that looks like if you rubbed it a genie would heed that summon. I hear the click sound of all her car doors opening simultaneously, the sound of her freedom escaping as the thugs came in. Rather, hands are in, grabbing at her – rough male hands – pulling her. Remember it’s all happening at the speed of light, so it’s a flurry of activity, men giving harsh commands, their voices filled with fear, urgency, violence. Hands with veins running behind them. Hands with bitten nails.  She could see that someone – the help – had opened their gate for her to drive in and upon seeing the commotion had ran inside to get help. Her parents were definitely home. They would get home earlier than her. As these men grabbed her, her father was probably watching the 7pm news in the house, his feet on the coffee table. She was closer to him than she was with her mom. They talked often. 

“I was screaming loudly now, hoping that my father would come out and save me. Screaming at the top of my lungs.” She says. “Somehow – I don’t remember – but they grab me and shove me in the back seat, with two other men.” This was her first car, a Toyota Starlet, a tiny vehicle with headlights that made it look sleepy and sweet. If cars could be stroked like cats, the Toyota Starlet would get a lot of offers. “I loved that car,” she says. “Not only was it my first car but I bought it with my own hard earned money. It was mine wholly. A product of my own sweat. It was a KAS, we all called it Ka’supa.” (Get it? KAS? Ka’supa?)

It was a dark January night and the Starlet sped away from her father as she screamed and the men beat her up with the butt of their guns, trying to restrain her, the leader driving now, yelling at the men at the back in their mother tongue, why the hell they couldn’t restrain a woman. But this woman was not taking it lying down. “The more I screamt the more they beat me up. My face was swollen. I had blood coming out of a cut over my eye. My shoulders hurt from them beating them with their guns.” She says. Finally, upon realising that it was foolhardy to scream, she kept quiet.

“I was shaking.” She says. “I was terrified and confused.” I don’t exactly remember these men’s faces but I recall that the ringleader was a massive guy, tall and big. I vaguely remember that one of the others had a face without any facial hair. He looked like a baby. I also remember looking at the feet of one of the men who was wearing Timberland boots and thinking, who the hell goes to rob in Timberlands?

The men at the back rummaged through her handbag and laptop bag as they zipped past Karen and headed towards Ngong. One of them found wet wipes in his handbag and waving it at the rest shouted angrily, “Muiritu uwinga’ga gathia ta ici ni mumaraya wa ibango.”She laughs at the memory. But It’s not a laugh with mirth, it’s the preposterous laugh. “In short the man was saying that I was a prostitute. For carrying wet wipes in my handbag!” 

They beat her some more, this time because she was a hooker who went around carrying wet wipes. She held her head in her hands to wade off the blows of the butts of the pistols. They were squeezed at the back because the Starlet isn’t known for its limousine comforts. She was in her early 20s, with small fragile shoulders, so these brutes squashed her. They were talking amongst themselves now. Talking in their mother-tongue. Making plans based on evil. They drove towards Ngong Forest which at night, loomed large like a black abyss that swallows all life and darkens it with sins of the night. They drove into the darkness of it all, her small car shaking from the roots and stones, the headlights illuminating tree trunks and reflecting off the staring eyes of the animals of the forest. They seemed to know where they were going. The driver, with his long legs that couldn’t really fit in the small driver’s space, his knees sticking upwards, struggled with the steering, the car bumping and swaying, the light being overwhelmed by the darkness of this forest because in there, darkness was the dominant force. 

“What was going through your mind right at that moment?” I ask. 

“Panic. Rising panic. And terror.” She says. “I thought, they were going to kill me. Because why bring me this far? I was shaking from fright and from the cold. We drove for what seemed like 30 mins. Nobody was going to find me there. I would die and my body would not be found for weeks. I started sobbing and the man on my right – the one who found my wet wipes – slapped me. He was very violent.”

The car stopped. They piled out. She had on a trouser suit and those 200 bob plastic shoes from Bata, great for driving. Her blue high heels were on the floor of the passenger seat. When they gathered outside, it felt like the forest suddenly realised that there were visitors, intruders and everything seemed to fall deathly silent. The crickets held their breath. She held herself, shivering. Trees climbed up and disappeared in the darkness above them. One of them got into the driver’s seat and drove off with Kasupa. 

They stood there consulting. She was so scared her knees felt like they could give way, so she leaned against a tree. She wished she could turn into a tree so that these men would not hurt her. She could happily be firewood now, which was better than being human if humans were capable of holding someone hostage, beating them up with guns, and bringing them here, in this darkness. “I could see their silhouettes and the light of their torches as they made calls and thumbed through their messages from their phones.” She says. “I thought of making a run for it, but they were three and besides where would I go? I didn’t know where I was.” 

Finally one of them, the big ape-like ringleader, walked over to her and said, “What’s your ATM PIN?”  She had two ATMs in her purse, Barclays and Stanchart. “The Barclays was an old one that we had been given when they came to Uni to get sign ups. I hadn’t used it in two years, it didn’t have any money. So I gave him the Stanchart PIN and he walked away repeating the numbers to the person on the phone.” 

He then turned and walked back swiftly and without a word, slapped her across the face. The slap whacked her head against the tree trunk and she suddenly saw a lot of bright stars. The slap got her off her feet and she staggered to the left. He grabbed her by the neck before she fall and hissed in her face; “You think we are playing f*king games here? Eh, you think this is a f*king game?” Because she couldn’t say anything, he slapped her again, across the face, this time she fell on her knees.  Her neck felt like it would break from the whiplash. She felt the cold soil against her palms, smelled the damp soil. “I was now confused. Why was he angry. Why was he beating me?” She asks. 

The man, grabbed her again by the neck and got her to her feet. He said, “If you give me the wrong ATM number one more time, I’m going to shoot you in the head. Now, what is your ATM code?” Her head swam. She felt dizzy. She started crying again. “What ATM?” she asked, but what she meant was what bank? So the guy retrieved the pistol from his pocket and hit her over the head with the butt. She was sure her skull had cracked. “Do you want to die?!?” The man shouted. The other two men had now gathered around her. 

“Do you want to die?” He shouted. 

She was now crying and screaming and pleading and asking what ATM they were talking about. The man put the phone back in his ear and said, “Which ATM are you at?” he was told Barclays, and she said there was no money there. That she hadn’t used it in ages and that she couldn’t even remember the number. He slapped her across her face again. She pleaded and said she had money on her Stanchart account and the PIN was 8484 which was the year she was born. She had 34K but the limit of withdrawal was 30K a day. 

The man walked away talking on the phone. She swallowed something and it tasted metallic, her blood. She felt dizzy, so she sat down, on the floor of the forest. “They said dust goes to dust, and I wondered if this was the night I would go back to the dust of this forest.” She held her head in her hand and started sobbing, not too loud so as to not agitate them. 

The man came back and told her the words that would haunt her for a long time. Two words: “Toa nguo.”  “All this time you imagine that death is the very worst thing that can happen to you. You pray that they don’t kill you.” She says. “But when you realise that they want to rape you, death seems like the very least of your worries. The very least. Actually, death seems like a better option.” She sips her mocha. “I didn’t understand his instructions, or perhaps my system rejected the instructions so I didn’t do anything, not until the one who called me malaya started beating me while telling me to remove my clothes.” 

She stood up and they watched as she slowly removed her coat and dropped it on the ground. Although it was cold, she was now numb. She removed her blouse, a white blouse with a small collar. Then she removed her bra. The silhouetted men stood motionless, watching her sob. Her trousers came off then her panties. Then she was standing naked before these men, covering her breasts with her hands, the last gesture of self preservation. She silently prayed that God would intervene, that the universe shows its kindness at this final hour and save her from these men invading and brutalising her body. She hoped her father would walk out of the darkness and these men would run away and he would take her home and she would shower and get in her warm bed and all these horrors would be behind her. “I silently prayed for divine intervention.” she says, right up to the moment the ring leader told her to lie down. She lay down crying, and she heard with her eyes closed the metallic sound of a belt being unbuckled then the rustle of clothes of a man stepping out of his clothes, and then, his weight on her. 

“I was a virgin.” She tells me. 

I say “What, no!” She says. “Biko, I wrote that in my email.” I don’t remember reading that part, I tell her. So she fetches her phone and I tell her, “It’s okay, it’s cool. I believe you.” 

In all her years she didn’t imagine that when she finally lost her virginity it would be to a gang of carjackers and certainly not like this in Ngong Forest. Not to a man whose breath smelled of cigarettes and who she could smell the dirt in his hair. Then she started fighting. They would have to kill her. She was punching and biting and the other strong men, beat her and held her down as their leader, breached her privacy, invaded her body and accessed the very end of her soul and she felt the blood under her and then pain, my God, the pain, and she had no strength to fight and she had closed her eyes, hoping that she would not be a witness to her own horror. Upon realising that everything had changed – she had changed, her body had changed, her very world had changed – she opened her eyes to see this new but at the same time, very old world she was now in, a world where men raped 22-year old girls in forests, with their undergarments strewn on the cold earth. As the second man took his place (“ a much smaller man”), he struggled with his erection, with his flaccidity, fumbling while she stared straight up.  

“What could you see?” I ask. 

“The sky.” 

“Describe it.” I say. 

“Grey. Dark blue. I could see the stars.” She says softly. “Many, many stars. So I focused on that and removed myself from what was going on with my body. I kept thinking, nope, this is not happening to me. This is a nightmare that will end, a very bad dream.” 

I think of Oscar Wilde and I think of his famous quote: “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are staring at the stars.” It’s not the same. This was no gutter, this was hell. I want to repeat that quote to her but now there is a brief lull in her narrative, a catching of breath, which I want to allow her. She could continue, or she could stop right now and I would happily pack this moment. I’m still waiting for her cue when she continues again. 

When the second guy is done, the rest wait for the third guy to have a go. “I remember him hesitating and I turned my head slowly to look at him, and he was there, silhouetted against the trees and the weak light of the sky, and he shrugged and walked away.” She says. As the ring leader came on top of her a second time, she could hear the guy who had chosen to pass this evil, talk on the phone. “He was talking to a woman, most likely his girlfriend or wife.” She says. 

“Do you remember what he was telling her.” I ask.

“He was telling her that he would be slightly late, or something.” She says. “He kept saying ni ndirooka.” 

It finally ends. But in that ending was also a worse beginning. The beginning of a long road of shame and guilt and self blame and suicidal thoughts and of fear and paranoia and hopelessness and a ton of questions with no answers. The end marked a new horror, because rape never seems to stop completely, it continues to live in small things. 

      ***

She doesn’t wear her knickers. She can’t find them. She looks for them in the darkness long after the men have slipped into the darkness, their unnatural habitat, a place where men like them thrive and what’s left of these animals were the faint sounds of their whistling. (“They were all whistling as they left, perhaps to warn me not to leave until I couldn’t hear their whistles.”) She wants to wear her panties because ladies wear panties. She wants to cover whatever they had uncovered, this place of great violation and pain. She wants to reclaim a bit of her dignity by that very act of wearing her panties, to preserve her womanhood and decency. Because women wear panties. But it was dark and she couldn’t find them. Neither could she find her bra. So she threw on her trousers and her white blouse and her coat. 

“I remember that the man in Timberlands had stepped on what seemed like cow dung or some sort of shit, and he seemed so mad at that, he had used my pants to wipe the dung off his boots.” She says. Those are the kind of men she was dealing with, men who used a woman’s trouser suit to wipe shit off their shoes. 

So she’s running and staggering through the woods, shoeless and she’s stubbing her toes on jagged outcrops from the soil and she’s falling and getting up and using her hands to lead her in this darkness and it’s just like in the movies, only this is not the movies, this is right here in Ngong Forest and this girl is Kenyan, someone you might have gone to school with, she has a father who toiled and sacrificed and burnt his candle from both ends to give her an advantage in life through good education and loved her and always knew in his heart, like all fathers know, that he would protect her, that he would die for her if it came right down that wire, but now she’s alone in the woods, in the middle of the night, at 22, raped, bloodied, abused, beaten, humiliated, defiled and she’s trying to find home, trying to find her father. 

As she describes this part I feel my heartbeat quickening in my neck. I get like that when I’m getting angry. Normally I try not to get too entangled with these stories but I now I can’t help thinking of Tamms in those woods, shoeless, pantless, abused and bleeding, looking for me. I silently wish the gruesomest of deaths to those men. The longest and the most painful of cancers. Bullets in their chests so that they can feel themselves die. Anything to make this right, fair and just to this woman before me with her cold mocha. Just anything to make the world just again.  

She finally sees what looks like a floodlight. She runs faster and suddenly she can see what seems like a vague clearing at the edge of these woods and what would turn out to be the Southern Bypass, then still under construction. She feels something warm down her thighs; blood. She runs faster and then suddenly she plunges in a compost heap, she knows it’s a compost heap because they have a farm in shags. “It felt warm and it smelled.” She scrambles out of it and when she finally comes to the clearing, she sees a car driving towards her. So she runs back in the forest and watches the car drive slowly towards her. 

“I didn’t know if it was another gang that was going to rape me again. So I waited, hiding in the trees.” She says.

The car stops a few paces away and the largest man she has ever seen comes out of the passenger door. Then the  driver’s door opens, just as she’s contemplating the familiarity of the car and realising a beat later that… wait a second… is…is that..is that my dad’s ca…she sees her father stepping out of the car. He was just a silhouette but she’d recognise her dad anywhere. 

Now screaming, she tears out of her hiding and runs towards him. Mid-flight she hears the squeaking of a police radio and the cop saying “We found her.” Unbeknownst to her they had homed in on her phone location and were following the signal. Her daddy had been searching for her half the night. She’s now running and crying and she can smell herself, she smells of cow dung, manure, men, dirt, leaves, pain and blood. 

“ Immediately I fell in my father’s arms, I fainted.” She says. 

***

After that it was a blur of time and pain. Of coming to in the back of the moving car long enough to see the back of her father’s head. Of the bright ceiling lights of Nairobi Hospital, the echoing of machines, the squeaking sounds of stretcher wheels on the tiled floors. Of waking up to find doctors attending to her, male doctors, who started her screaming and kicking at them to be let go. Feeling the cold metallic feel of speculum in her privates as someone in a white lab coat gathers samples. She had never done a pap smear, she was a virgin. Needles pricking her arm. Relatives gathering at her bedside as if to create circle against evil.  Sometimes seeing her father standing at the back of the room, looking like he failed her and her heart going out to him. Then tears, buckets of it and all the time. Her auntie praying and praying. “I’d slip into sleep leaving her praying then wake up and find her still praying.” And sometimes peeing on herself right there on the bed. Two nurses bathing her like a baby and washing her hair, grass and soil particles from the forest falling off. An elderly nurse, eyes welling with sympathy sitting by her bed feeding her and reading her bible verses. Then the counsellors and psychiatrists, a battery of them; one lady with short hair, which she didn’t like at all and then those that she liked, like Dr Pius Akivaga Kigamwa and Dr Barbara Magoha. 

Three days later being discharged and off to her aunt’s house. The ARVs prescribed for 30 days making her constantly sick, running stomach, nausea, malaise. A phalanx of friends coming to visit her bearing gifts; shower gels, cake, body lotion, a new phone, perfume, books, notebooks, pens, hair bands, jewellery, cookies, pedicure set, a teddy bear with a red belly…Then she had to go to the traffic police to take a P3 form used by medical officer to determine the nature and extent of bodily injury. And the ensuing examination where she joined five other girls who had been raped where you parted a curtain and got into a small curtain cubicle, opened your legs and a government man smoking a cigar came in with a file and peered at your private parts then wrote something on his file. Then finally moving back home, where this madness started outside the gate and seeing her car which was recovered for the first time and getting very emotional. 

“Then came the long empty days spent in the house, binging on Grey’s Anatomy.” She says. Only breaking to shower or go to the psychiatrist twice a week where she would sit staring at a wall, or crying, or feeling angry and bitter, or just focusing on her breath when her emotions became too complex to convey. Then the antidepressant drugs. A top cop  coming to their home, removing his hat and sitting with her on their verandah and asking he gently to remember everything she could remember about that night. “I have daughters,” he said, “So, first I’m taking this as a father should then as a policeman.” To mean he was taking it personally. 

She eventually returned to work and slowly she realised that she had changed. “I was very angry and very bitter. I would flare off at the slight provocation.” She says. Then the suicide thoughts crept in. “I would be driving and I’d get fantasies of ramming my car under trailers or driving off bridges or hanging myself. Setting myself on fire. Gas. Poison.”

“What stopped you?” 

“My family…my dad. I felt like they would blame themselves. Especially my dad.”  She says. “He’d feel as though he should have done something to prevent the carjacking, that he should have been there for me more. So I had to live, to be stronger. I had to sail through through this for me and for them.” She sighs. 

Two years after the trauma she decided that she was going to try and get a different sexual experience. One that she controlled. In her own terms. It was with a friend who had been friendzoned but now had been given a get-out-of-jail card. “It sucked.” She laughs. “It was so unremarkable, but I was glad I did it. I felt powerful controlling that. I think it was important to me.” 

Three years after stumbling out of that forest, she met her husband at a club she didn’t want to go to in the first place but her friend dragged her there by her hair. “He was wearing black suede shoes and was so smelling so good. He still smells so good.” She grins. He was an effervescent kind of guy, like Eno in water. The life of the party. They clicked immediately. “There was no struggle. It seemed natural.” 

“When did you tell him about the rape?” 

“After he proposed.” She says. “He was shocked. He is the kind of guy who takes two weeks to process things, so he went off for two weeks.” She chuckles.

“What was his greatest concern about it?”

“He was a virgin as well and we were abstaining until after marriage.” She says, and perhaps my surprise shows on my face because she says, “Yes Biko, most of my circle of friends were virgins. Virgins are out there. Anyway, he was a virgin too and I suspect that his concern was that I would compare him to others.” 

They got married in church, properly. White wedding dress and all. Honeymoon was in Diani. “The first night we couldn’t have sex. We tried and tried, we couldn’t.” She says. So they sat up in bed and thought, “Ok, what now?” Then they tried again. “It didn’t happen that night. Or the next night. Or the next. The whole honeymoon there was no sex happening.” Penetration was impossible. 

So she came back and saw her psychiatrist who gave her a drug – antispasmodic – and told her to take it before sex. Then sex started happening. “Now we can’t stop.” And because of that, they now have three children. 

“How has the rape shaped the marriage?”

“Imagine not much, in fact the only way it came about was when I had some miscarriages initially.” She says. “I had my relas who were convinced that my womb was cursed and they were suggesting I do all sorts of things to do to get babies like get my womb exorcised because the devil had planted seeds in my womb. Or do a 40 day fast and ten-week step. I was given a lot of spiritual advice and generally made to feel that had I prayed more, gone to see my pastor more this would never have happened. Otherwise not many people know about the details of this story in fact, only two people know; my psychiatrist and now you.”

Pause. 

“But of course there are those annoying things that I continue doing that my husband has had to live with.” She chuckles. “For instance, it’s not uncommon for me to make him go around a roundabout thrice to make sure we are not being followed. I keep a nyaunyo under my car.” She laughs. “At night after he has locked the doors I sometimes have to wake up to make sure that everything is locked. I reopen and close doors, even my car door. But otherwise I can go for so long without thinking about it until something small triggers it. Like when I’m on the Southern bypass and I pass near Karinde or the slaughter house in Kikuyu, where I was found. He’s patient with me. He’s a great guy. Mostly this has increased my thirst for justice. Mostly it’s a memory and a reminder that I must have survived for a reason. My aunt says that God doesn’t waste pain.”

“Are you having a good marriage?”

“Yes. I’m blessed. Imagine if I had been raped then I also get a bad man?” She laughs. “He’s a very good man, very cool and very calm and steady. I rely on that part of him because I’m the girl who keeps a nyaunyo under her seat.”

She laughs. 

 

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480 Comments
    1. And it took me many attempts to finish reading this…” As she describes this part I feel my heartbeat quickening in my neck. I get like that when I’m getting angry. ” BIKO i am sooooooooooooo angry, so so so angry. I am glad that she is fine now but man i am angry that this happened.

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  1. When I finally become an astute writer, I want to write in a detail filled manner like you do Biko. Let me go back to reading that intro part for the sixth time. It’s well written detailed to the letter, and so on point. I can’t get enough of it.

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  2. It’s Tuesday morning. I’m just minding my business and thankfully, because Biko fixed the email notifications, I get an alert.

    Now, 12-ish minutes later, I’m crying and blowing my nose like a lunatic. My heart is broken for her but also full of joy that she found a man who loves her despite what she’s been through.

    Na wewe Biko, saa zingine warn a brother to bring some tissues or a hanky. Or an emotional support system.

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    1. Yeah, Biko blind-sided me on this one as well so I’m sitting here trying to discreetly use my sleeve. Wait,these comments are sort of anonymous…right?

    1. I hope and pray that this has not happened to you. Otherwise my heart goes out to you and it’s broken to a million pieces

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    2. Wow too close home,When I read the ‘toa nguo’ part,it just took me back to one of the darkest moments in my life…when my first sexual encounter turned out to be a gang rape as well.This story is too familiar,and like she said rape never leaves you,triggers come in different forms,one bad relationship brings back that painful experience in torrents.This is too close Njambi, I normally say that it’s something you cannot get over but you can only make peace with.But then again God never wastes pain.This is deeper than words beyond can write.I hope that one day when it’s all said and done,the beauty in the ashes will come.

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    3. Hugs
      Went through the same in njoro back in 2012,I am happy she has heard a good ending.
      All my relationships after that were with weak men so I could feel powerful,get my power back and not be a victim.
      Just came to that realisation last year and now am just numb,I don’t trust myself to be in a relationship.Rape stays with you,I hope one day I will be whole.

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  3. Man! I am a father of daughters, and I wish the very worst and painful deaths to those beasts. Still, we must thank God that she has recovered well enough to get her life back from those (expletive)…

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    1. I’ve never thought I’d find myself saying this but I also wish those beasts a slow, painful death. This is too painful to even read. Glad that the ending is good.

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  4. This got me so emotional. Couldn’t help but cry
    Writing a story is one thing,and touching people’s heart through it is another.
    Am touched by your writing Biko

    24
  5. Wow!
    I love her attitude.
    Glad she found a great man.

    Second rape case I’ve read in a week…so sad.

    No rapist deserves a jail sentence.
    Cups of slow, painful deaths- filled to the brim should be their portion.

    30
  6. How do you find the courage to move on with life after such an ordeal?am constantly asking myself this.living takes courage.my hearty broke severally.i cant wish this for an animal leave alone a fellow human.So sad.

    18
  7. This is so blood curdling
    I am glad she found the right support system…
    Love and light girl and I am super proud that you didn’t go on with the suicide…
    You are a fighter and I am proud of you.

    12
  8. Tears. Happy ones that she made it and has a great life despite the trauma. Sad ones because these beasts still walk the earth destroying lives.

    8
  9. I was okay until “toa nguo”. I always tell myself that the day I will ever have a rapist confined somewhere I can do anything to them, I will spend days on end cutting small pieces off their body until they die of hemorrhage . After which, I will cut their body into very tiny pieces, and boil it over the evening fire that I will sit by sipping my green tea and listening to Be OK by Ingrid . I will then grind the tender meat and feed it to the crows. I will do that and even more without batting an eye lid. I will keep their skulls stuck on a broken tree branch in the forest so that their souls will visit it regularly to be reminded that they belonged to the wild, but even then, not as animals but worse. Rapists destroy lives. The trauma is unending. Even with good men around you, things will never be the same.
    I pray that the remaining men will be good men and will love, respect and protect all women.

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    1. Daisy we should be friends, i would do the same to those beasts. The president should appoint me the Rape torturer. No one would ever rape anyone ever again. Never

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    2. If given a chance can you do it. Look into a rapist eyes and do all that you’ve mentioned. I am in campus, my last year. Been dating my girlfriend for two years now. At our second anniversary she told me her ordeal. That some guy tried to rape her at freshman year. Man, being a fully bloodied African man who never shades a tear even the circumcitionares knife i had to cry. I was angry, i reached my bottling point. She showed me the guy and urged me to say nothing. Cant report him cause you have no evidence. I cant torture him even if I am mad. But this story brings back what i could do. I physically see him everyday, what if he is a rapist indeed and wasn’t just impaired by alcohol then. If i do anything to him, he will for sure report me and have a case on my hands. Kill him that’s murder too. So would you do all you’ve said in real life?

      9
  10. Rape is worse than death. But may God help her forget the ordeal.
    For anyone who has gone through this,may God give them the Grace and strength to overcome.

    23
  11. Wooooiye…. What does someone say or do to make you feel better about this world… I totally have no words but you are one strong cookie hang in there….

    6
  12. Tears have welled up in my eyes,i’ve had to take a bathroom break… i am a daddy’s girl and i could almost feel every bit of emotion when she saw her dad as she exited the woods.. OMG !!!! Its all so painful but I thank God for helping you move on.

    Wishing you happy days of you life

    16
  13. I’m a wreck! I have such angry vibes right now. I hope justice meets those men, dully.

    I also hope we can learn something as lady drivers about driving safe.

    We assume so much how the day will end, yet.. *sigh.

    Thank God a great guy found her! More grace and years of bliss to you.

    Also, dads rock!!

    25
    1. there is nothing like driving safe. if four armed gun men appear at your window best believe you are pretty much screwed.men get carjacked too the only difference is that they dont get raped.sometimes it sucks to be female. i was once in a car accident. i was with my BF and his pal and his GF a drunk driver rammed into us reversed and sped off. we struggled to get out. well wishers came to help it was around 1am. the next thing i know the group of men who were helping us started to say how fine we were. they beat up our BFs robbed them and me and the other lady went into survival mode.we had to leave our BFS behind getting beaten up. we ran in the dark as fast as we could and hid till the men gave up finding us and left,we then walked to a petrol station and got a cab.we were just lucky.we all come out of it alive but it took me a long time to be out past 9 pm in nrb.

      9
  14. The blankness when you realize that these men are someones wife.The unknowing when you realize this isn’t a horror episode of criminal minds but can happen to you.The hollow created by Kind of men who wipe shit using women’s trousers.The realization the hell the men were brought up in to be that cruel.The doubt that some were maybe brought up in a sane family…just wrong company .The unsettleness that maybe Social or psychological phenomenas are to blame for all this.Just that you cant find answers,you cannot find what you are looking for.

    10
  15. Yours is the gifted hand Biko. That introduction was a warning sign, I had to take a seat and hide my face from people. I knew this is a sad one. Life starts again. I wish her happiness.

    12
  16. This story was too close home; almost got raped inside my own house some years back. yes i still get traumatised. sad sad; they should have just robbed her and left

    6
  17. In deed God doesn’t waste Pain..
    Am so happy for her she found a good man, but most importantly she knows she knows what she has ( a good marriage)

    1
  18. I am in the office and there goes my email notification. Usually, I don’t read immediately but today I decided to and I have cried while reading this. My heart has bled out for her and I am really trying to hide my face from clients. Wueh, girl you are strong because I wouldn’t have made it. I am not that strong. God bless your soul ❤️

    8
  19. This just froze my Tuesday!. Really sorry about your terrible experience, admire your positive attitude and so glad you found your Mr Perfect. Best wishes to you and yours
    A carjacking by 4 armed men off Gitanga Road in broad daylight stopped me from driving in Nairobi for over 10 years…

    2
  20. I always thought it’s ‘Nyahunyo’… I’ve teared up a good one. Awesome story Biko.
    Glad she is well and has found “a very good man, very cool and very calm and steady” to show her the other side of very good sex.

    2
  21. after reading this i am angry and wish the worse of things to all those who do that kind of shit to our daughters and sister may GODS wrath come down on them

    2
  22. When the hijacking started i was hoping this wouldnt be a rape story , then “toa nguo” , dammmn am so bitter, so angry. May all rapists die a slow painful excruciating death.

    2
  23. Thanks, daughter of the universe, for overcoming this. Those killers of the soul are a thousand times more evil than killers of the body. Thanks, not only for Dad, but for the rest of us. We will never know the pain, we only try to understand. This is a story that heals the world. May another shipwrecked soul, at seeing your footprints in the sands of time, take heart.

    Ancient Greeks believed gods came down and dwelt on earth in human form. Your husband is one of these Greek gods…!

    Indeed, God does not waste pain.

    11
  24. I can’t control my tears,this have triggered some memories of way back.Thanks God she have love her sexual life and she enjoyit. some of us we cant go past romance when the memories strikes. we cant handle penetration because of what we went thru ,this made us bitter women,
    is there any support group which help this bitter women?

    5
  25. My heart was beating so fast as i read this. This is so painful. God does not waste pain.
    Dear Rape survivor,
    A soft reminder:
    You are not defined by the violence that happened to you. The earth is not defined as the asteroid that struck it but by the million years of life that came after.
    You are loved.

    8
  26. Wow!!
    Very raw, I felt for her as I thought of my gals too. I wished justice for her.
    Am glad she came out fighting and for her grounded hubby.
    “God doesn’t waste pain!” Powerful line that is a take away for me…..
    I love the quote by Oscar Wilde. I love her story.
    Did she ever get justice?

    3
  27. This is the worst thing that can ever happen to a woman. The violation of her privacy and the core of her being. I had to stop reading this because I was getting emotional in a banking hall. I hope that God gives her the strength to live life fully because when such a thing happens to you, you start living in constant fear. I pray karma pays back this horrendous act ten times infinity. Am pissed!

  28. Speechless. I’m glad she’s healed and the sun is shining in on her again. May those perpetrators body parts start rotting and falling off.

    1
  29. Exhilarating! thank you Biko for giving this story a voice only you can. To the lady Thank you for sharing your story, we can only wish love and more healing.

    4
  30. Not one good story I’ve read about Ngong Forest. At least Karura is put to better use by runners and conservation enthusiasts. What happened to the rapists cum thieves ? Rotting in Kamiti perhaps ?

    3
  31. So much wrath left in me.
    I am also happy that she positively recovered.
    I wish her dad could come out and tell his story after what happened.

    6
  32. Am soooooo glad there is a happy ending,this is every womans nightmare.i am so gutted and weapy and am reading this at the office!!!God does not waste pain. i like that. seems so hopeful

    1
  33. This story has really made me angry. Sobbed in the office. May those a**holes never find peace. May they die the worse of deaths. But am happy there is an happy ending. Hugs mama

  34. Biko, there is a fleeting mention of her mum in the beginning…. Her Dad and Aunt’s thoughts and feelings well captured… Na mum je? I sure she was just as traumatized if not more.

    2
  35. I can imagine the conversation her dad was having with her mum when they went home after finding her and checking her into Nairobi hospital.
    Some ordeals just completely change life and how we perceive it. But the good thing is we always somehow get a second chance to rewrite the bad. To many more second chances .

    3
  36. Biko, please put a Rape Trigger Alert next time. That way, Survivors know to not read this in the middle of the working day. Panic attacks are super embarrassing at work.

    16
  37. I’ve cried. I didn’t even come looking for you Biko. You came for me, through that damn Facebook post. And then you leave me like this.

    Sigh. Not all of us have comforting arms to run to.

    #ALittleBitAngry #SoNow?

  38. Dear people,
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  39. A very sad story with a h/appy ending…And by the way have you created a betting firm called BIKOSPORTS for diversification purposes

    1
  40. I read this and I’m reminded of the other story of the teacher who’s husband was a thug, reading her story, I felt for her, you know, it was one of those you want the villain to win at the end… then this one today makes me think, ‘ what if that ‘nice’ thug was one who did the things these guys did to this 22 year old virgin? ‘
    I’m glad she got a good man, imagine going through that and then getting a bad man

    9
  41. Thanks, daughter of the universe, for overcoming this. Thanks on behalf of, not only Dad, but for the rest of us. Those killers of the soul are a thousand times more evil than killers of the body. We never know the pain, we only try to understand. This is a story that heals the world! May another shipwrecked soul, at seeing your footprints in the sands of time, take heart.

    Ancient Greeks believed gods came down on earth and took human forms. Your husband is one of this gods. He heard the call, ‘Watch with me…’

    Indeed, God does not waste pain.

    2
  42. I wish every rape victim could get this kind of support system. And then again, am worried about the boy child. It’s should be our big concern for our society on how we raise these boys. May God help us.

  43. God doesn’t waste pain…what a line. I have cried buckets. Thank you for sharing this story. Most importantly, for not going through with the suicide thoughts. I am glad you are having a good marriage.

    Biko, you have told the story in such a powerful way.

    1
  44. my heart broke.. for you and for what you went through, i kept thinking maybe i should get a gun or something just to be safe u never know what might happen..
    my heart broke for the dad who would blame himself over and over again..
    and then…”wait a second… is…is that..is that my dad’s ca…she sees her father stepping out of the car” now i let it all out, wailing..and being thankful to God that atleast she was found by her dad…
    your aunt is right, God never wastes pain, it is well!!

    1
  45. She laughs.

    Well, l swallow a pint of tears.
    This reading had to be done in the bathroom with lots of wet wipes.
    And, the story gives me a direct ticket back to my own ordeal. Attempted rape.
    Sounds like a lesser evil but no kind of sexual predation should be tolerated.

    5
  46. Biko, I don’t know whether comparing the Husband stories to the wife ones is fair. Other than last week’s, these ones have nothing to do with marriage.

    2
  47. Truly heartbreaking……but i love how you’ve ended the story….”she laughs”…….she’s found light and laughter after her ordeal..good for her!

  48. I cried reading this. For anyone who knows me, that is a hard thing, I’m those girls who laugh when they should be crying. I cried because of how angry this makes me, the injustice of it all, the beastiality of humans who could just have taken the car, and money, but not hurt her like this!
    Oh God!!
    I’m glad she is well.
    But I can’t help but think about those men, especially that ring leader who had to have her twice, how broken do you have to be to be that person?

    2
  49. This lady is strong. Thank you for sharing her story and yes, there are virgins out here and good guys as well!

    1
  50. My heart is in pain. I cried. I hate Rapists. All Rapists ought to have a slow painful death.

    I am glad that this experience did not destroy your future or you. . You are the Victor in this story.

  51. I thought I was being weird for crying at the office. Thank God it is not just me who was moved to tears, was beginning to think something is wrong with me because I have not cried this much in a long time. I feel so bad for her, and victims or rape. And I am scared as hell that rape can happen to pretty much any one.

    1
  52. I had to stop and take a deep breath at some point, right around the time when Biko’s heartbeat was quickening.

    God bless all fathers(men) who allow us to break down in their arms and to pull ourselves together because they just are there.

    1
  53. I got my first email notification today, and I was over the moon!! And then I started reading the post and damn. I wasn’t ready.

    Not even damning those men to eternal fire and brimstone feels like enough punishment, honestly.

    In all happy endings I’ve come across in my life? This has to be the happiest. I’m really glad she got an amazing support system♥️

    1
  54. Reading this has triggered a wave of emotions for me. In my case, I was drugged and woke up to find used condoms on the floor. You never remain the same again. To date, the only men I trust are my fiance and brother. But depending on God makes it easier.

    1
  55. Honestly Biko, this should have come with a trigger warning. Imagine diving into this without knowing and you’re a rape survivor. It’s only fair to be empathetic about your readers.

    6
  56. Nerve shivering, but with a happy ending. Every father would take this personal and painfully so. May God continue to strengthen her

  57. I felt this one, I could feel tears seizing my eyes but was reading it from my workplace. Din’t want everyone staring at me like; wassup with her. Anyway, am just amazed by her strength. Trynna get all over that, I salute her. Wish her the very best and for the bastards, God never sleeps.

  58. “Then she was standing naked before these men, covering her breasts with her hands, the last gesture of self preservation.’ I felt this… 🙁

    ‘I silently wish the gruesomest of deaths to those men. The longest and the most painful of cancers. Bullets in their chests so that they can feel themselves die. Anything to make this right, fair and just to this woman before me with her cold mocha. Just anything to make the world just again. ‘ Amen and Amen! May they never find peace

    Cheers to happy endings, life does indeed go on….

    3
  59. So sorry girl..”God wastes no pain”. May God always by your side and never let you doubt Him. It is amazing that you did not doubt God even after praying to him to rescue you which He failed to do (in the human understanding). Your are a warrior! I can’t imagine ever going through what you did.

    1
  60. I got my first email notification today and I was over the moon!! And then I started reading the post and damn. I wasn’t ready.

    Not even damning those men to eternal fire and brimstone feels like enough punishment, honestly.

    Of all the happy endings I’ve come across in my life? This is my favourite. I’m really glad she got through this and I’m really glad she got an amazing support system ♥️

  61. The power of a father’s love, that’s what has kept her going and then her husband. God bless these men who have taken their responsibilities seriously. Hugs hugs girl

    4
  62. Even in this darkness I thank God for small mercies like her father went out to look for her and he got a cop to go with him. He could rush her to Nairobi Hospital where she could get immediate treatment, she could afford a psychiatrist to help her through that nightmare and eventually she got a good man. I thank God because there are other Kenyans out there who would not have had all that support or the financial means to receive the help that she got. I’m glad that she’s happily married.

    2
  63. My heart is in shreds. Though there’s a happy ending, I hope Justice will be served. The resilience and the strength of the lady is to be envied. Sending her hugs and light ❤️

  64. Mahn! I have flowed with this story like no other. I have let all the words sink in, emotions engulf me and feel the pain down to the toes. May the good Lord eliminate all the troubling memories the rape had on her and most certainly serve a deserving punishment to those four excuses of men.

    2
  65. I am so so heartbroken by this. This is really sad. We should all be kind to one another always. We never truly know what demons someone is facing and fighting everyday. My heart goes to the lady. I am so pissed and to think how powerless she must have felt. I want those men to die in the most brutal way possible. Slow and painful death is what i wish for them right at this moment.

    1
  66. …rape never seems to stop completely, it continues to live in small things.
    When a simple statement fully captures the trauma of rape.

    1
  67. Hi Biko,
    Thank you for sharing this story with us. To the strong woman that survived this, thank you for telling your story. You have lived through every woman’s worst nightmare.
    Might I suggest Biko, a small edit at the beginning of the story?
    “Warning, contains depictions of sexual assault, robbery with violence” or something along those lines?
    I think it would really help people who are suffering PTSD from similar situations to decide whether or not they should read the story.
    Thank you.

    9
  68. Indeed, God doesn’t waste pain.
    I’ve never been able to put to words what happened ed to me but this lady has. I was 23 in 2006 July 4th I was about to watch veronica Mars when a friend called to give watch the 2nd last match of world cup. I left my parents and younger brother n sister in the house , at the gate my friend’s car waited for me..I said a quick hi asked them to reverse as I buy airtime from the shop just next to our home. Little did I know the three men at the shop were car jackers with their eye on my friends car.
    I got my airtime and went towards the car where my friend was standing outside to say hi and we continue. That’s when they pounced. It happened so fast. I doubt anyone using the road at that time saw anything unusual. In hushed hurried tones my friend and I were pushed to the back seat and sandwiched on either side by two of the men as the other took the drivers seat. He drove so recklessly at one point I was sure we would drive into a trailer and die..I remember applying imaginary brakes.
    The three spoke in code. At the back they started running through our pockets. We drove towards dagoretti market..a fourth one jumped at the back. He drove us to 87 where we were ordered out of the car and hold hands. One of them between one of us. When we did the new thing sped off with the car.
    We were asked to walk in a line into a maize plantation nearby. I remember looking at people walking past is and thinking , dont they find it odd five people walking in a line holding hands? But later we found that the residents knew what was happening and they’d just mind their business. We were frog matched into the dense maize plantation. They gave us a bullet each as they pointed guns at us and asked that we remove our shoes. One of them took shoelaces from the shoes and used them to tie out hands behind us. Once tied up we were separated. I could hear sound of tearing, kick and blows after what seemed like a hot minute the three were back my clothes were torn off mei was kicked in the stomach for trying to scream. In the far distance I could hear gunshots and screams, another gang terrorising some other people not too far away. The belt buckle the zip sliding down..I resisted and two men held my legs apart as the third one had his way with me. Still I tried to resist so he thrust the cold gun in my mouth as he worked away. I remember it smelled of oil. When he was done the other took over he used a piece of cloth to wipe me down there then stuffed it in my mouth then proceeded and then the other. At this point you can only look up and wait for it to end. Then one of them said turn her over..the gunshots from a distance were now louder. One of the men threw sand in my privates now oozing their loads. All through my hands were tied behind my back. One of them tore one of the pieces of clothing strewn about and tied one of my ankles with my hands behind me. And then silence. I remember thinking daylight would find me here, tied up, beaten, naked,dirty.
    Just then I felt someone touch me,then shove me. I thought they were back for more. I didn’t move. The person started to untie me. I looked up and it was my friends friend face badly bruised and swollen. He only had his boxers on. Once I was free he felt about the dark found my trousers and torn tshirt. I wore them hurriedly to cover myself up. He motioned me to be quiet as we moved in the darkness looking for my friend. We found him beated unconscious tied up and stripped to his boxers as well. We untied him n started dragging him towards a far off light. I dont remember when my friend came to. Soon we were on the main road. We walked in the middle of the road to kinoo. We went to a friend’s place. The minute he opened the door i burst out crying. I begged the lady of the house to let me take a shower. Luckily she refused. Instead they asked a neighbour to drive us to hospital. Soon we were at Nairobi womens hospital. I remember a Male doctor was on duty and I had to be sedated because I wouldn’t let him examine me. I remember all I wanted was to wash away the filth I felt. A nurse tried talking to me and I asked her if shed been raped, she said no. I asked her how then she would know how I felt. I was given P2 ARV’s a hepatitis and tetanus shot. ARV’s to take home and an appointment card to return for hepatitis shots and tests over the next 6 months.
    And back home I went in my filthy clothes and a shuka the lady had given me to cover up.
    Back at her house I took the longest shower. She gave me her clothes and showed me where to sleep. My friend and his friend together with the lady’s husband went to report the matter to the police post.
    I never went for counselling..I didn’t think anyone who hadn’t been through what I had could understand. After two days I found one of my mother’s friends and asked her to accompany me home. My mother’s way of coping was telling anyone who came home. My father, never one for many words had none. To this day we have never spoken of it.
    I went for my appointments as scheduled. Went to traffic police on my own..into the tiny cubicle. I remember it was the time when VCT’s were everywhere. I would go for test get the results and walk into the next. It was my way of self assurance that I was well. Atleast physically. I got a job in an airline. I drunk every day. For a year plus I was not sober. Eventually I realised what happened to me wasn’t stamped on my forehead. 13 yrs later it’s as fresh as if it happened yesterday but I learned to compartmentalise it. I’m not a victim..I’m a survivor.
    Thank you Biko and to the lady behind kasupa we are survivors

    61
  69. Somehow I agree with the opening statement. Sometimes, the days we imagine will be our best turns out to be the beginning of a nightmare. But God is good and merciful

    1
  70. Yesterday I watched a program on TV about people raped at tender age and I cried…
    Waking up to this story and I cried some more…
    Rape is a traumatizing Experience no one should be subjected to, my heart goes out to all the victims.

  71. If I came across a rapist, I wouldn’t kill them, and especially not with a gun, that would be an easy painless death. I would instead lock then in a room that has a loose tap that drops single drops of water at night. I would lock them in chains and would hurt their body and wait for it to heal and repeat the process. Yes, I would keep them healthy just to torture them some more…

    But then again,.. I pause. It would be healthy to let go of the past, because I wonder what would happen if I started liking torturing, what if it became a drug..

    2
    1. Hi Twin…

      Always my idea of punishing someone who has done something as bad as rape.

      A solitary house in some village…an offender in a cold corner, chained and bloodied. I feed them with basic food, then cut half a finger each day and bandage it. Slice the rapist’s ears until they scream so merrily….pluck teeth, one a day.

      I NEVER WANT TO FIND MYSELF REVENGE LIKE THIS….but i hope the rapists of Kasupa owner get something like it

      1
  72. Oh…this is so heartbreaking.i’ve cried so much.As I read this story I could picture a 22yr old innocent girl in the woods being violated by those monstrous evil men.I hope they died violent deaths.May they never find peace.Am relieved to know this strong lady finally found happiness.This has taken me back to when I was 15years old and returning to school for first term.We were traveling from another town and got to Nakuru quite late.Our school was located in an interior part so we had to take another matatu from Nakuru town.As it happened the one we took, there was only two of us in school uniform.After everyone was dropped off,the matatu crew told us it was late and they couldn’t get us to school until next morning.by that time it was dark and we followed them blindly since we were in the middle of nowhere.We found ourselves in a single room whereby we were told if we didn’t cooperate with the 2 men,we would be gang raped.We were shown a basin in the middle of the small room and told that’s where we would wash up as different men took turns on us.I’ve never been so terrified in my life.Then we were taken outside and shown the men who were eyeing us.There were tens of them.We thought of crying out for the women to help us but the ones we could see were drunk as well.I slept on a concrete floor and was shaking like a leaf the entire night.I was never so glad to see daybreak.I empathize with all women who have been raped,defiled or molested.

    8
  73. This story made me weep, then smile through my tears at the end … ( like Biko, I hope retribution finds this evil doers: but not nature like cancer. A court of Law that sentences them to LIFE, and they die across the rest of their brute lives).

    1
  74. I have cried reading this, it reminded me of the horrifying 4 hours my sister lived through and how my Dad blamed himself for not protecting his little girl.
    Nothing much to say for justice, she got none.

    And now as a parent to a daughter, I feel the same way you do Biko, and i always immediately curse out that devil, Shetani Ashindwe!!!!!!

    Thanks Biko, at least we read a good ending today.

  75. Waah. Am at the airport just about to fly home to Kenya and am in tears, it’s so sad sometimes on how people choose to be evil and do evil. May God have mercy.

    But then again am very glad that she got a new life of happiness.

    1
  76. Most of your blogs get me teary, this one I have cried. For sure God never wastes pain im glad a good man found her and that she is happily married 🙂

  77. This made me so emotional! If I wasn’t in the office, I’d be wailing.. aki God bless this girl. And give her happiness, peace and joy. She should never have to struggle through anything in life! She’s so brave! Gosh what a story!

    1
  78. Too painful a story.. I refuse to visualize what this lady went through. But tell me, was justice ever served? Was anyone ever arrested? Atleast the ATM machine might have captured a face or something.. damn…

    2
  79. Am just wondering who raised those men? How inhuman can anyone get, really?
    Ion reading this at work was not a very good idea. My eyes are all swollen and bloodshot

    1
  80. Biko, im very angry and frustrated. This has put me in a foul mood. Is there no justice in the world? Tears are falling and im angry. Were the pple ever found? Why do we even have cops? They just ask questions and do nothing. What wrong with men? Who raised them? What kind of mothers raise these rapist monsters?! Im so mad! This story reminded me of the daughter of the magistrate who was also found in those hills. I got so mad all over again. Whats wrong with men? Is there no one to protect women and girls? Im so saddened and angry. Even at myself. I feel so helpless and defeated. I dont want to live in this kind of country. Where women are raped, stabbed, murdered and nobody does anything about it. Its fucking disgusting. Im so angry. Im so angry. And im so sorry she had to go through this. HOW MANY MORE?!!!

    3
  81. I hate to say this but just what if one of those thugs was Ngash….. Yap Ngash the criminal but whom a coulpe of weeks ago was a hero!

    5
    1. Very much possible…That Ngash article got me so angry….especially comments from women cooing for Ngash,…….celebrating a thug who went around murdering and raping innocent Kenyans. It really conflicted my soul on what women really want.

      1
    2. Oh my…the one who stepped aside to make a phone-call? I really wouldn’t even want to imagine or think in that direction…N’gash forever remains a mystery *sighs heavily*

      1
  82. When people do things to you and you imagine that you can’t forgive them…then you read this and you realize that somehow you got to shove the bad experiences behind because someone has faced worse things than you have.

  83. Painful story. My eyes were teary. But again, your courage and fortitude is amazing. I am happy you healed and you know have a happy family

    2
  84. Kind of wished the story ended with the gang being wiped out, but I’ll take that she is happily married with kids…

  85. Biko ,i also hope that they die a death that they would wish for suicide ,

    Kudos to the lady for healing ,though i understand it takes a while,and thanking the husband for such a caring and understanding heart.

    i had to reply after cutting a few onions.

    1
  86. Damn!. And here I thought I cant get affected by people’s stories. This has made tears well in my eyes. My colleague thought I have received bad news from home. Damn!
    Am glad she found someone who understands her. Damn!

  87. Were those bastards caught?
    Human beings can be so cruel.
    Reading this story made me feel like I was watching a movie. I had to keep reminding myself that this happened, to someone, in Kenya. Super sad. Thank God she found a good man.

  88. Every woman’s worst nightmare…. brutal, tragic. I kept hoping it wouldn’t get to that. So so scary!! To all survivors may grace be sufficient to fight on.

    1
  89. somehow i felt something in my gut that they would rape her but i also hoped so desperately when they did..my heart broke for her..am glad she found a great man to help heal the wounds and bury the scars

  90. Honestly Biko,you should come with a warning label. ‘DON’T READ THIS AT WORK’ would be a good start. Thank you,lady,for being brave enough to share this with us.

  91. I bleed for her dad. I, a stranger, has all this bitterness and sadness welled up, I cant imagine what your dad feels!!!!!!!Thank you for being strong for him. So sorry this happened. Happy to hear God has blessed you with a loving husband and three children.

  92. I see people comment how the women and marriage series is ‘finally’ taking shape as the stories become more distressing and gory. In an ideal world; a utopia, we wouldn’t have to read such disturbing accounts of people’s experiences. More so, we would not have to rely on these painful and gruesome stories in order to feel more entertained. People’s experiences should ideally be happy (and boring)… no, I’m not fun at parties 🙂

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  93. Very traumatic ordeal, I am happy you survived and are not defined by this dark moment in life and that you embrace it for what it is and have not let it define your life.God bless you and keep you strong.Tell me where I can send you a pepper spray cannister for free to add to your nyahunyo arsenal under the car sit

  94. Chocolate man, this story has tears overflowing this blogs’ drainages. So teary on a decent afternoon.

    At least there is a happy ending.

    Am so sorry girl. so sorry.

    May those maggots have slow painful deaths, may they have frequent diarrhea and flu with powerful sneezes concurrently, may they have ants constantly invade their bedrooms when they sleep at night. May they never know peace.

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  95. Reading this, as a human being and a woman was gut wrenching. It is a story of pain, hope and most importantly, the resilience that is the human spirit. Thank you for sharing.

  96. My daughter played in my mind all through this story as I read it and kept hoping….. . No one should go through this.

  97. The pain I’ve felt reading this. Shedding tears and having to stop a couple of times. And am just a reader. May God give that sister justce and peace of heart. Gal is strong ❤️❤️

  98. surviving the horrific events…..and living to tell.take note,she is living……
    To the courage to live and love again
    Thank you Biko

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  99. Am sure you didnt ask this question whether the rapist were found and justice served.

    In reality, no justice can be served to rapists unless they are served and made to eat their balls cold.. uncooked,,,

  100. I haven’t hurt in a while like today when reading this story. Rape is so unthinkable.
    I’m glad she found her happy ending. But I’m still sad it happened to her.

  101. Now this is gut-wrenching, blood-curdling and beyond traumatizing experience. Am in tears…… sad about the rape and even sadder about the lady having to be examined by a man so that she can be given a P3. That is an escalated level of humiliation. Can’t they get a woman to do that?

    Am happy she is a happy place and she found a man who values her and wants to protect her! Healing is a lifelong process

  102. My head is throbbing from controlled tears, i need to cry to get over this, it hurts deep inside considering that i also have a 22 yr old gal that i adore, so help us God.
    i am glad though that she is up on her feet again and happily married, i love the strength she drew from her family especially her dad.
    Thanks Biko for sharing such reality with us.

  103. This was hard for me to read, messed up with my emotions! I can’t begin to imagine what she went through! I pray for her continued healing & progress!

  104. I have tried not to cry,since am at work, however the minute I spoke to a colleague the tears have fallen right on a document I was to sign….am glad that somehow God has heard those prayers you said . In his way in his time, God works in ways we cant understand Being a daddy’s gal too is not helping. Am too emotional…

  105. Am in tears when reading this……………Rape is real and its something one wouldn’t wish even to their worst enemies

  106. Sad. Harrowing.Scary- but with a happy ending. I’m glad she willed herself to live.Now she can be a living testimony that this too shall pass.
    Thanks Biko, you touch many lives.

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  107. I don’t know whether this is when to say that God will not take anyone where his grace will not sustain you. Indeed the pain will not be wasted.

    You are an amazing lady. May God always sustain you.

  108. Tears, a great sadness. You write too well Biko; you make a narration so vivid and real, it sticks with you. The kind of story that haunts you, especialy when the locations mentioned are familiar; are your home ground. I know for the next couple of weeks, every time I am sitting in the car waiting for that gate to swing open, I will fill a chill run up my spine. I will feel a ka fear creep in.

  109. I am so very sorry that this happened to you. Glad that you are now better.

    I have cried and cursed the rapists.

    I am also scared for my daughter who’s now almost a year old.

  110. Ive been reading these blogs for a long time but this is the first time I read someone’s story that mirrored mine in sooo many ways .brought sooo many bitter memories back but what made me survive and not kill myself is the life that was growing inside mea bouncing little girl. My lifeline today. Five years ago though bitter brought something good in my life . But like they say it what doesn’t break you makes you stronger

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  111. How many Fathers to baby girls are here ??? What is going on through your mind as you read this? Can you feel the pain of her father ? Do u wonna kill somebody?
    Man to hard to take too much pain.

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  112. For once there i felt like i was watching 13 reasons why season 4 ! Its foolhardy to assume that your day will end the same everyday ! Its even more shocking to know that this remains a distinct possibility of how a young girls day ends! As a man i honestly don’t know how i would handle that if it were my daughter or girlfriend or sister . The pain would drive me to dark places ! I hope we all strive to be better for the sake of the safety of young girls!

  113. Am sitted at the parking lot of my office I saw this during the day I could not read it, had a crazy day. Am just like fuck. I can’t even go home I think I’ll have a drink. Am pissed to the core. I want the blood of this bruts on my hands. My soul is screaming murder.
    I put myself in her father’s position I have a daughter she is a 6 almost 7. I don’t want to even imagine.
    I would like to know if this bruts were found.

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  114. I wish you peace and love. I have cried tears for you but so so glad that God blessed you with a good man and three wonderful blessings.

    Your story will most definitely help another.

  115. omg……read this in parts. so many tears!
    I am so glad that her life got back on track. am glad she has a good man. I hope light and good radiance shines upon you through out your life. sending Hugs.

  116. My heart just breaks for her.. So sad. Her strength and courage though really inspiring. Thank God she’s found a good man who’s patient and loving.
    Those men on the other hand.. I don’t think hell is enough for them!

  117. What a story, a very sad story. What happened to all those samples taken? I wish our criminal and justice was as good as we see in the developed nations. Because these rapists would eventually be identified and served.
    So sad!

  118. This broke my heart to pieces……… brave, brave girl. May life continue to be gentle with you mami. I don’t understand these “security experts’ who advise to be just docile and not fight. A car is a weapon in itself, stay inside and/or drive off and over anything!

  119. Coincidence much? Just yesterday I decided to binge watch ‘season 3 of 13 Reasons Why’ and in particular episode 13, there is a part that has rape survivors standing up, identifying themselves and proclaiming their survivor status. And boy! Did I cry? I cried myself silly because that shouldn’t happen to anyone.. Rape shouldn’t happen to anyone.
    I moved to reach out to my phone and just ask the rapists among us how they feel when they force themselves on other people? When they take their power and control and have their way with them without their permission? Do they derive pleasure from seeing other people hurt?
    What men are scared of when they go to jail, is the reality of most women every other day. I don’t know how those lunatics can be stopped
    Glad Biko that this story comes at a time when the country is having serious discussions on the issue of rape in most institutions, marriage, relationships, families et. Al. I pray and hope that one day, every single woman and young man will not have to arm themselves ‘just incase of attack’, Wil not have to enroll for defense classes ‘just to prepare for impending danger’ and will not have to constantly watch out for her/his back ‘just incase someone’ s following him/her
    And it will be glorious on that day..

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  120. Had to shut my office door to finish this….tried to stifle a sob, but it was no use. I’m so glad that she was able to find a way to heal and rebuild.

  121. I’ve read this story with tears even to the part where she says she found a good man, those are tears of joy. Rape is too close to my heart. Too close I can feel her pain.

  122. Wow what a story soo sad I cried and thought about the dad. Glad she had a happy ending. Glad there are virgins out there so that men stop thinking that it’s all about sex.

    Sad but positive story stay strong and may God continue blessing you.

  123. Wow!
    Thanks for being strong and sharing your story… I know it has strengthened and will encourage many pipo who have gone thru such pains never to give up in life.
    I write again, thanks for sharing your story.
    I grateful for your spouse.
    Big thanks to your dad…
    You are super strong and may God’s peace reign in you.

    Peace ✌

  124. I was waiting for the part where the thugs, rogues, imbeciles, good for nothings, were caught and she observed them bleed to their death. Saaad, so very sad but happy about the ending. Not sure to say it’s a good read.

    And…it’s a NYAHUNYû but I wonder whether one would be able to use it in such adversity.

  125. Ooowooow. I held my heart to the end. Happy ending. Happy life. God bless the good men out’er who love you despite the ugly scars. Nice read Biko.

  126. Waaa yaani I’ve read this article fighting tears… Pole sana to the victim, I wish for justice to be served. Can’t help but think of all the women in my circle of friends and relatives, may God watch over all of them and protect them.

  127. Ooh dear me.. sad story really sad.. I was once carjacked it’s been over twenty years and I still remember it like yesterday;if someone knocks on my car window I freeze.. I remember thinking if they rape me I will kill myself.. I was lucky they did not .. but the trauma is still fresh.. never even got counseling.. it was those days.
    Nyams

  128. To irrevocably change someone’s life, to cause them harm, trying to pass on your bitterness for a lousy 30,000, then go home and live your life like nothing happened, and get up the next day and do it again. May karma find them. I have a pain in my stomach, so glad she did not turn bitter. God is good. I would have been so bitter. I would have walked around randomly shooting innocent men in the balls at the smallest provocation, till they locked me up in Langata – mad and inconsolable.

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  129. Today am all over with emotion .
    Don’t publish this,,
    I wish I could tell my story.. married to the nice psychiatrist mentioned here.. see my name.?
    But I can’t ..

  130. This has been a difficult & heart wrenching read…. couldn’t finish in one sitting. I am thankful she’s in a better space.

  131. Thanks for sharing such a personal story. All manner of emotions been triggered. I particularly feel angry with what women have to sometimes face in the hands of cruel men and also worry about the loving woman married to the cruel men and not knowing the curses they carry with them.
    Am angry and sad but equally impressed but her strength to pick herself up and raise a wonderful family.
    Thanks Biko for well written piece

  132. Honestly you do this to anyone I love, I will come for you with all I have in this world. I will come for you, meticulously torture you hold you hostage for weeks and have you rot, then skin off your body parts piece by piece and let you die sloooowly.. Then drop you off in Ngong forest and smile as you die… Damn you!

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  133. I love reading, but I had to skip some parts of this story, too painfull to read. Am glad you overcame this beast that once stripped you your diginity.

  134. I have never cried when reading a story… But this almost feels personal. All the while, I imagined being her. Then realized she is a strong woman.

  135. If this woman is reading these comments, you are the Phoenix who rose from the ashes, triumphant. My heart broke when I read this story. Victim shaming is a real thing, those who say if only she did x or y then it wouldn’t have happened. None of us knows what today, let alone tomorrow holds. Your father is a great man. It is no wonder you found a great husband. Here’s to lots of peace and happiness in your life. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  136. I sincerely thought this story would end with her never interacting with men ever again… But I’ve learnt that your past should never define you no matter how bad it was
    Great read as always…

  137. I am still shaking….. If that forest could speak, it would would tell of the horrors it’s seen. Our home is on the other side of the forest and we have seen stuff…..heard stuff for over 30 years! I thank God she’s Alive!!! She’s found love too! She’s a fighter and by sharing has inspired people with similar ordeals to keep fighting!

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  138. Biko I feel so sad and sorry for her that I even feel some guilt in appreciating this masterpiece, but I have to!
    I am so glad her life now is filled with more happy thoughts and moments!

  139. I got car jacked twice. The scenario plays out like she lived in or near kinoo. Waiyaki way to be precise. Some 10yrs ago car jackings were so common there. It’s the worst of experiences. Anxiety. Fear. Anger. Faint hope. I wasn’t raped but it’s still not an experience I’d want to faintly relive or wish on anyone.
    Thankfully the guys who carjacked us were killed 2weeks later.
    God is a perfect matchmaker. He’s a good guy, her husband.

  140. Humanity at its worst, how can one inflict so much pain on one person. You are strong lady and you are blessed too. I am glad you have healed. Rape changes a person for the worst

  141. Pole sana, I hope those men get what is coming for them. I went through so many emotions whilst reading this….
    One thing I was angry about was the cigar smoking government man.
    Totally unnecessary for him to do a further inspection, talk of crushing ones dignity the umpteenth time. The initial doctors report needed to have been final. If it must be done then have a WOMAN doing it, the last thing you would want is another strange man peering at you down there. It’s like re-opening the healing wound both physically and psychologically all over again.

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  142. Wow! The fact that you tell the story is amazing. I can’t stop crying coz I haven’t been courageous enough to tell my point of the story. Hopefully, someday I will.

  143. As a father to a daughter, aptly named Jewel, the 3rd person in our family to bear my mum’s name, this story has got me all teary with a a huge lump on my throat (thought my Adam’s apple was popping out). May the lady have the total healing, may her man always be her source of strength and hope. Having been a carjacking victim before, may the perpetrators never know peace until they regret their actions.

  144. ….and that right there had me screaming and swearing like a drunken sailor “toa nguo’!!! Ever read some story and you want to stop the writer there? Am like it’s not going there, no it isn’t, no it is not! Even the depth of “God doesn’t waste pain, could not assuage my pain here”!!

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  145. It has been a month with sad news daily. I started reading this n it is sad. Why not just rob her why rape her!! Lord!! I thank God for her husband and I pray that she gets justice. May her pain not get wasted.

  146. Biko did you do background check on This????? It’s sounds like the wild goose chase!!!! If it’s true, to the woman I hope she is at peace and happy.

  147. But why, why would anyone do this to a fell human. Why?
    I am the kind of person who believes in keeping one’s emotions in check but this time round I failed. I cried in a matatu.
    Young lady I am so sorry you had to go through this.

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  148. This are the kind of stuff that make one question humanity and reason for existence. Really tough. On her and those who have had to go through such.

  149. “God doesn’t waste pain”

    I am taking that statement and filing it under a folder named ‘quotes to get you through’.

    Best combination of words I’ve read in a while.

  150. Gosh! Am so sorry. I can relate with that story. They shot me at my gate when i resisted. I felt so violated that for six months i remained a very bitter man.

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  151. This story makes me sad, mad and more mad. I wish our endings could be like in the movies where some law enforcer hunts all those animals down and kills them one by one. But am happy that she found her footing and got a good man to take care of her.

  152. I kept reading this and hoping that at some point Biko would write that it was all a nightmare someone had. Or that this was a budding fiction writer. Alas, how wrong I was!

    Death is the only experience that we still can’t describe fully. Why? Nobody wakes up from it!

    However, other experiences that we can describe, such as rape, are horrifying! I wish we weren’t even able to describe it in the first place.

    I wish nothing but the worst to these particular group of rapists and all the rest wherever they are. May restlessness, pain, sadness, poverty, sickness, and all bad things follow them wherever they are.

    May they experience the worst that life has to offer for 90-plus years.

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  153. I started reading the article yesterday but I could’t finish because I was crying so much(at work) and had to take several bathroom breaks to blow my nose and wash my face. I’ve finished reading it today. My heart goes out to her and all the rape survivors.You are a strong woman. I’m happy that you found love and a man who keeps you grounded.

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  154. My small sister was plaiting my hair when I started reading.
    And boy,I had to take a break from both painful ends,my hair and the story.
    And my heart broke into a thousand pieces for the lady in the story.
    I’m at the verge of crying, I’ve left the room because I don’t want my to see me crying.
    I can’t imagine what she went through.
    But I’m glad that she found healing,she found love ,she found stability and she’s fine,she’s healed.
    Maaaaaaaaan,this rape culture should end!
    God doesn’t waste pain.

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  155. I just felt a gush of anger and hatred run through my system. I felt like given a chance I could easily bomb someone. These are cursed men to their fourth generations. May they never know peace.

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  156. All those idiots should be hang and castrated in public. I’m sooooooooo mad at them I feel like it was my daughter involved. And to think of the cases that go unreported……..just makes me more mad. I hope she fully recovers, and I hope what those sons of the devil did will one day come back to them two fold.

  157. As a dad to a daughter, my heart goes out to her; I can’t imagine the pain of the ordeal, but I’m glad she is okay now. My eyes teared a couple of times, but family is present, which means I couldn’t cry in front of them because I’m African and men around here don’t cry. Had to walk out for a cigarette…but I hope and pray those jackasses get exactly what they deserve.

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  158. Shit. This story has made so angry and mad. As a father of two lovely girls I can fully understand what her father felt with this.

    That her getting married and being happy has lighten up and made it bearing.

    I wish those animals the cruelest of pain and loss!

  159. Yes Life is not to be assumed! The very fact am breathing and having my being…going through the normal motions of life, thanks to a supreme, benevolent being,GOD. This is an epic story, i have really seen the bad and ugly of life as i read this, and the rising from the ashes…and truly saddened that a soul had to go through such a traumatic experience…and to those evil men….you are such wicked mortals…Lady, am so glad you rose from this gruesome ordeal,,and your hubby such a great man!

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  160. I wish nothing but the very best to her, may her soul heal, may the tragic memories leave her and may she find peace. I cant help but wonder, what if she never opened her car doors?

  161. I cannot explain the pain I felt she described her rape ordeal. I resonate with you on these rapists when caught – ” I silently wish the gruesomest of deaths to those men. The longest and the most painful of cancers. Bullets in their chests so that they can feel themselves die. Anything to make this right, fair and just to this woman before me with her cold mocha. Just anything to make the world just again. ”

    I am glad she got a happy ending, what happens to those who don’t. May God protect us and our daughters from such evil

  162. Had to leave my desk, go to the bathroom and cry. This is sooooo sad, so painful. I thank God she has healed. I also hope that her dad does not blame himself and has healed from this incident.

  163. I read this piece twice and cried over and over again., made stop assuming stuff and to be more grateful for little mercies in my day to day life

  164. surely, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I Thank God she was able to overcome. Despite of everything God made a way out!!

  165. I was constantly getting angry while reading this piece. I hope those beasts have by now gotten what they truly deserve: an extremely brutal and cruel death.
    Also disappointed by how most of the people around us do not respect our genuine feelings, hence looking for unfeasible ways to fix them. Perfect example is in this paragraph where she says, “I was given a lot of spiritual advice and generally made to feel that had I prayed more, gone to see my pastor more this would never have happened.” More reason why I will keep saying (to whoever cares to listen) that religion is the biggest scam!
    I am also impressed by the happy ending. She got back on her feet, got a good man to marry, became a mom, et cetera. But unfortunately, she might have to live with some of her fears.
    Finally, I am truly inspired by the last paragraph, “He’s a very good man, very cool and very calm and steady. I rely on that part of him because I’m the girl who keeps a nyaunyo under her seat.” Because I am the one who keeps a nyaunyo in my marriage and I can no longer rely on her patience.

    Nice piece Biko!

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  166. This is quite sad even though humanity gets a lifeline through the dad and the hubby. The scars may never go away but keep on encouraging others. May those beasts face the wrath of the gods.

  167. I can’t tell if that’s a true story or not…but it’s so tragic. I’m also not sure if I should applaud your storytelling skills…but they’re good.

  168. Am just speechless…..tears in my eyes…as read that difficult bit……then slight smiles that she is ok….sending her many hugs

  169. Its nearly impossible to imagine that such incidents do happen, but God works in mysterious ways, its somehow gladdens the heart to know that you finally found the silver lining in your cloud.

  170. I can’t get over this article. I’ve cried a fountain. For her, for me and many more women who go through a rape ordeal. One day, I hope to get the courage to tell my similar story. May be telling it is part of therapy.

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  171. This made me angry… Really angry!! Then sad… Then teary… Then happy that she’s doing well. But the anger is still there. I hope those mongrels are suffering now. I hope that in their deathbeds they will regret what they did. I hope that they are languishing in poverty, hopelessness, guilt and every bad thing that exists.

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  172. This is the saddest story I’ve read in a while. I don’t know how she managed to rise up from the dark dark place she was in. My heart goes out to her. May those men never find peace. I’m gutted to think this is the society we’re raising our children in

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  173. When he said, toa nguo I honestly wished they just wanted to leave her cold in the forest, I honestly didn’t want it to be rape, I’m with her in that moment too afraid to read the next part because I don’t want it to be true, then a gang rape… I feel so sad but I’m greatful.that God has given her more than anyone would ever take away from her, peace and love abundance

  174. Oh my goodness ! A very gruesome experience ! This is very sadI could not hold it. But why are humans so WICKED?? Man has become so wicked. I do empathize with this victim. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and I do think this is part of healing for you. I pray that God grants you the peace that you need. May God help us in this wicked world!

  175. Had to go for a handkerchief somewhere in the middle and hoped my young ones didn’t see me crying! but am glad she is happy now.

    Also, first time commenting since i became a ghost follower in 2016! Jst had to..this was too much to bear.

  176. Kasupa…….at first I dont want to read it because of the title. I am thinking this must be some girl falling in love with a boy .I have totally been thrown off my horse.

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  177. I’ve cried my heart out. So so so so sad
    Biko your writing is in a different class, can’t get over it.
    God bless this lady. Her life is blessed. Her husband too is blessed.

  178. It is 5:05 am in the morning and I have just finished reading “Kasupa” I’m crying… not out loud like in a lunje funeral… I’m sobbing, tears quietly rolling down my cheeks as I sniffle away… and so my day begins. I have a full day, I have a proposal t submit by 9:00 am and it is a week past due. But I’m cool… coz I have just read Kasupa… my challenges seem small compared to hers. So I begin counting my blessings… and more tears fall…

    I am a man. A good man by all counts. I hope my friends can say that of me… I hope my wife thinks that of me. I want my children to always know that to be true… and for them to see me as the beacon of hope put here by God to guide them always to safety. I am blessed. I have family who love me. I have four brothers and one sister. All alive and healthy. I rejoice… for I am blessed. My parents, both of whom are still alive have been my pillars of strength for so long… each in a different way. My father has been the one who I strive to be like… unconsciously. He is a proper gentleman! A retires military General who served his country for over 30 years and still does by continuing to offer his wisdom even at the ripe young age of 77 years. But that is a story for another day.

    I think about my mother. She is the glue that holds our family together. Strong as an old oak tree but also soft and refreshing like a morning bloom. She has been ill… 8 years and counting… fighting cancer… The last two months have probably seen her suffer the worst times of that disease… but she still smiles when I go to visit her at Nairobi Hospital and asks me if I have made my Dad’s ugali the way he likes it. I am blessed… because by all medical accounts she should be dead! But she is still here. Sometimes I ask God why…. why can’t he just take her home… to the lace in the great beyond. But apparently her work here is not done… so He says!

    God doesn’t waste pain! So Just know…. that in telling your story, you have helped me (and others like me) find some healing in mine. I’m still crying… but these tears are of a different kind. They are tears of joy because I know I am blessed and He that began a good work in me will bring it to completion. I think I’m rambling now…. so I will stop.

    And so my day begins.

    By the way, I live in Kerarapon…. so I am always on that road that passes by Karinde (or Karen End) and the Kichinjio in Dagoreti Market which just makes this “Kasupa” story all the more vivid.

    Time to go! Work Calls!

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  179. Very sad events happening to a daughter, a sister. Traumatizing. Good she found very good support system. Culprits will die a painful death.

  180. Its a sad story,heart wrecking!but biko does this conclude women and marriage,I bet this story should have been more under people,than women and marriage!It talked more about rape than marriage!is it that women we are not opening up enough??i am dissapointed,I dont know if am the only one feeling this way??the men and marriage series never trailed of,it was very enticing.lacoste of samburu and ten percent are the best in women and marriage.c’mon biko this article was off the hook!have women bored you ??or you are just more comfy talking to men,this are my honest two cents

  181. Oh man!! My heart breaks into a smithereens for her.. I’m glad God has been kind to her. I really wonder at the kind of humans that would conceptualize, plan and execute such heinous crimes and still be cool the next day actually a few minutes later, off they go whistling into the thick of the woods in lay for the next victim. Oh dear God!
    Also, how super insensitive for the government type, cigarette smoking male officer to be the one to look up their huhas?! what nonsense! I cannot imagine this!

  182. True…God does not waste time

    Very emotional story but glad that she finally recovered and was blessed with an awesome partner

    Othwse, perfect delivery Biko

  183. I couldn’t breathe, got heart palpitations, eyes welled up and at some point and so I had to stop. Despite the happy ending, I was so upset throughout the entire story.
    I agree with one comment here, Biko please be warning us to have tissues nearby.

  184. Waah, this is beyond sadness and all bad feelings combined. Just after reading this and my boss calls to talk about bad data and I’m like….’It’s so sad and beyond imagination that this data is not behaving!’ lol! Nimecatch sana; Our dads feel our pain; I can’t imagine what the entire family felt, especially the dad. But God…God amended/amends such! Nice read!

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  185. How is it that so many ladies on this comment thread are rape survivors? My heart aches. When will we stop destroying ourselves? When will we realise that this is a crime against us all? When will we take this seriously? Dear ladies, I am sad and angry. I wish I could find those men and boil them alive.

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  186. Angry & blowing your noses, yet the other day Ngash was praised herein for being a good husband and a provider. You are not yourselves.

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  187. I read this on my break at work and couldn’t contain my tears. I can’t imagine how she must’ve felt at the time. It takes immense courage to be able to open up after such a traumatic experience.

  188. After trying to read and crying. I have finished reading. Took me 3 days. I am angry… Sooooo angry at the kind of society we are living in.

  189. To go through all that and live to tell your story, you are a brave girl. I’d dread anything like that happening to my daughters. Not sure how I’d handle it. it’s good to know you’re healed.

  190. Some people deserve the most painful deaths.I have cried a river but i am glad she is now at a happy bless.May God’s peace and joy always cover her.

  191. 20 minutes after reading this and I’m still on this page lost in thought. How do you move on from this? How do you accept that it has happened to you? As a lady in her early twenties, this is scary and horrifying. I’m glad she found the strength to continue living and got married to a good husband. Those men will one day pay and painfully so, I don’t think one can hate them enough.

  192. I didn’t want to read this but I did. Because, sadly, rape is not uncommon. She speaks for many many women who are silent. I wonder if the men who did this are also reading…

  193. Otherwise not many people know about the details of this story in fact, only two people know; my psychiatrist and now you.” and now me.

    Am curious to know why the third guy hesitated, I got stuck right there and realized that her gaze at him spooked at his need to indulge. That in itself was defiance, a moment of triumph for her. A glimmer of defeat over evil.

    Nothing can wipe away the thoughts or the creeping fear, It is a sad tale; my heart is trapped in that moment, in that night ordeal and tears well my eyes.

  194. Biko. Seek out this girl and give her my hats off. Great strength not just in holding together and staying sane after the nightmare. More importantly, for freeing her soul, for letting the pain ooze out, for forgiving and forgetting her tormentors. That for me is the ultimate achievement.
    I salute her
    To mention the perpetrators is to honour them. So let them rot in ignominy

  195. Phew, I eventually read. I have been postponing since I got to the carjacking part. I am normally an emotional wreck . Girl, you are blessed. Continue looking into the future and don’t let your past define you.

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  196. I will never understand why ladies have to go through this… I pray that strength and faith be her portion always and to all the women,girls who have also gone through this.

    Truth: when we wake up we always have an assumption on how we see our days ending….. Dear Lord protect your children.

  197. I’d want to know the minds of such men, look into them and understand if they are human beings or we have other species leaving among us.

  198. I want to know how she ended up healing , it never seems to never end on my side. Its only that this is a woman and marriage column, not yet in marriage but its a struggle….a sad one indeed!

  199. Oooh what an ordeal dear! But we thank God this far you have come! I was practically holding my breath all through as I read and thinking of revenge. Thanks for.keeping it together especially for the sake of your family….they would have blamed themselves all these years… May God continue to be your strength and we thank God for your awesome hubby…bless him too

  200. ..oh this is a so much to take in ..i read this and stepped out of the office briefly. As i walked , i felt so angry..growing up in Nairobi i recall the various advances made at me.. an old man who once offered me a lift and drove me to ngong forest reclined my seat and luckily couldn’t get his “Jonie up”..must have been the age..i was in class five and i never told a soul..then another guy once in a KBS bus had his hand on my vagina ..i remember his mean face..once a street boy kept spanking my ass at the bus stop and i couldnt fight back..then i remember once in high School on an overnight bus, a man kept trying to touch my growing breasts as i drifted off to sleep..

    it’s an evil world out here..i pray for my daughter every day, how do we protect our children from these sexual predators in this day and age..

    I thank God for the light he has shone in this lady’s life..i pray many others will one day crawl out of the dark pits rape ordeals may have thrown them into..may those men face justice if not on earth in the great beyond. But surely they will see the wrath of God!

  201. I found it quite insensitive how the story was told.Clearly a rape story from a very macho perspective,!Also how is her happy marriage the last two paragraphs and the entire article is centered on the rape-with jokes in certain areas no less- .Sorry but not my cup of tea.
    There is just some level of insensitivity and disrespect in this women and marriage series.

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    1. No Kendi, I disagree.

      This is a story of triumph. Most of us chose to live in defeat; in fear, in bitterness and resentment. This lady overcame all these and got her life back! If I knew a person who went through something like this I would encourage them to read this.

      The jokes, probably what you are referring to as ‘insensitivity’ are supposed to make this story readable. So that we can be able to stomach it till the end to get to triumphant finish.

      Biko is still excellent at it.

      My thoughts though, thank you.

      5
  202. I never comment, I just get my weekly dose and I’m good. But it has taken me four days to find words, this post has made me cry. I stopped reading where the Dad found her, I simply could not go on .

  203. Why were those men so angry at her? What could make them, especially that ring leader, feel so entitled that they used her like so much garbage. They were kids once, clean slates. How did they turn into monsters?

  204. Dear Biko
    I was introduced to your block by a Kenyan friend and I must tell you how greatful I am to read your stories of modern life. I have never read a more heart breaking story of rape than this, thank you so much, yours Finn

  205. i don`t even know what to say but i`m glad she can share it without tears. she is healed and i wish her the very best in her marriage and life to

  206. I just can’t seem to be getting over my anger even as I finish reading this. I simply can’t! Those big bellied bitches are cursed! They should rot in hell. I hope they are dead. A painful death. And if they are alive, they don’t deserve forgiveness. God should not forgive such! It would make religion sound like a scam. Noooooooo!

  207. This took me a few years back. My then boyfriend and I were also carjacked. It was the most awful experience in my life. I know how it feels. Am so sorry it happened to you. But also so very glad you triumphed.

  208. Took me so long to finish reading this cause I had to take breaks. Those beasts should perish in hell. I’m glad that she fully recovered and even gave marriage a chance.

  209. It’s not enough that they carjacked her, beat her to a pulp, and stole her savings. They had to rape her too… I wonder how such beasts sleep if at all they do.

  210. What a story looks like a dream hope it never happened. .So descriptive of a rotten society which kills and Rob’s ones future happiness and ingrains it forever in ones mind .. God help us

  211. When you think that death is the worst thing that could happen to you……so sad my heart goes out for her.
    Biko your narration is on point.

  212. Very unfortunate!

    But I am happy that she is doing much better now, especially the fact that she remained positive, even going ahead to experience sex -on her terms- and get married; very encouraging. Many breakdown never to recover.

    I wish her all the best!

    1
  213. What a story!! I thought one thug was gonna end up being her hubby.
    Who noticed? The third thug sounded very much Ng’ash wa Mueni. I’m sure he was calling her to let her know he’ll be coming home late.

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  214. It’s just too painful, I couldn’t control my tears… true, God doesn’t waste pain” . They will never know peace in their lives .

  215. Through my tear balancing eyes, it has been one of the longest 50mis reading ever endured with anger and fist clinching, pain, total sadness that overwhelms you to point you wanna screem.
    But am glad she made it ok. If this is a real life to read , she must be the strongest lady, woman, mother and wife I know.

  216. It has taken me a whole week to finish this story. i could go on after the *toa nguo* part, i just couldnt. I hate those men with a bitter hatred that i cant describe.
    But i loved the ending so much, she got her happy ending. I’m glad, really glad. She deserved her happy ending.
    There are really evil people out there! I secretly wish them a horible death too!

  217. I liked the triumphant ending. She’s strong and I pray all survivors can find their strength. I started reading this story last Tuesday, it was so difficult to read. I was once carjacked after a late-night in the office. They attacked while the cab was reversing and I’d just called my mum to open the gate. They never succeeded to drive off with me because the car had a cut out and they’d tied up the driver back at the house. How I managed to escape in the scuffle is a miracle.

  218. One day my good friend told me how this man known to her raped her (She was a virgin) at the back seat of his car.. ,the man said to her ”Enda nyuma na utoe nguo” this happened at some popular joint on Kiambu road at the car park.She has had to bear the dark days but she overcame . She is happily married.One day she called to let me know she met with her rapist in a matatu and i could tell from her voice she was scared and angry..

    Thank you for speaking up yours is a sad tale,with a happy ending.

  219. Whoa! I have felt both ice cold shivers and hot tears with so much anger. Am glad she is happy now but sad that probably these evil people are still out there attacking another victim!!

  220. One day things are normal the next you experience the most horrific events in life that make you question your existence. But like the aunts said, God gives a testimony for every trial. Pole sana to her. The ending is so sweet and i’m happy she doesn’t let her past define her.

  221. Truly glad this story has a “happy” ending.

    An ending where she is now the girl with a nyaunyo under the drivers seat. The girl with a good marriage.

    When I read the part where she came out of the forest and seeing her dad then running to her, I sobbed all through to the part where she meets her husband.

    Hugs to you (owner of this story) & hugs to all of you going though things. Hard things you can’t share, can’t process or just don’t understand.

  222. I skipped the pain and jumped to where hope begins. The sequence of events is no secret. I debated skipping the whole story all together when she’s at the gate. I used to read through pain before I got daughters. Now I just skip to where healing and hope and happiness is. I no longer have the strength. I like the part of no wasted pain, but I’d rather God used other means

  223. I’ve cried a river on this. Am very grateful she’s doing great. Can’t imagine the experience and how the dad felt like he had failed!! This is a strong woman.. Hope justice prevails on day.

  224. Gosh! This was hard to read and digest. Hope you find peace. This is my biggest nightmare. I have been carjacked twice but all they took was our items and I thank God each day that they never touched us.

  225. I cried with her, while sitting at my desk at work. So I’ll be reading you when I get off work from now on.
    The part about the P3 exam being conducted by a man….what is that? Haven’t the ladies been through enough trauma. Surely Kenya Police can do better.
    Haya tuonane nikotoka kazi. Deuces.

  226. “And the ensuing examination where she joined five other girls who had been raped where you parted a curtain and got into a small curtain cubicle, opened your legs and a government man smoking a cigar came in with a file and peered at your private parts then wrote something on his file. ”

    REALLY!!!! WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING FOR?? THE RAPIST?!!!! THE WOMEN HAVE GONE THROUGH ENOUGH THEN YOU RAPE THEM AGAIN!!! NKT!

  227. I wish there was a way to interview a rapist. I hear from them what goes through their mind as they kill another persons spirit (remember men get raped too).

  228. I stop reading for a while after watching so many movies and series you prempt the next scene and rape scen is one i don’t like reading/watching….i skipped the gory details

  229. You will be whole again, you will be fine. No matter how long it takes, you will be okay because you are strong and like the story said God doesn’t waste pain. Love and light❤️

  230. The resilience of the Human spirit is amazing. So sorry that she had to go through such a gruesome experience. I’m happy that she had a great support system and a great Dad! Oh, and her happy ending… absolutely wonderful.