Kitale Guy

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They moved in together in 2003. They were campus sweethearts. She studied engineering while he studied economics. She was the serious one, the one who knew where she was going in life, hell, the one who knew where he was going in life. He was the guy who liked to have a good time; sports and beer. They struggled because that’s what most people do after university, rummaging through the dustbins of employment, trying to get their ducks in a row and constantly discovering that those aren’t even ducks, they are sheep. They had their daughter in 2006 after a particularly rough pregnancy. When the baby came, he was away in shags, supervising the harvest of maize, his side hustle to supplement his meagre income. He worked at a struggling financial institution with stifling work culture. “I shared a small, cramped, windowless room with three other guys,” he says. “Our boss would open the door and shout at us like slaves on a ship.” He wanted them to row faster, to get to the land of milk and honey faster.

We are at Under The Radar, on a bright morning. We are looking at the children’s playground, now desolate, children are in school, in their masks, learning how to count to ten. Such a hard time to be a child – you have to bathe yourself after school on top of that. Life’s so tough.

His maize business was doing okay until it wasn’t. While his business was getting weak in the knees his wife’s career was taking off into the stratosphere. She was smart and driven and focused and she had taken a marketing course soon after campus. She knocked down obstacles with her head, ramming into them like a territorial ram. “I on the other hand, man, I was struggling with the maize business and with my day job,” he sips his beer. He’s one of those Kenyans who drink beer at 11am. “I was also struggling with the idea of employment, that someone would just open the door and shout at me then pay me 45K a month. Every end month I would weigh the damage the job was doing to my self-esteem – what people have now given a serious name – ‘mental health’, I guess,” he chuckles, “and wonder if it was worth hanging on. But I had a child. I needed the job so I hung on, taking that shit from my boss.”

When their daughter was 5 years old, he was still in that airless room and his wife was now working for a good firm, travelling across the East Africa region. He found himself stepping in to fill the parenting role more. “I was now spending a lot of time with my daughter because my wife was away working, sijui Arusha, mara Kampala.  To be honest, I was excited for her, but at the same time I was also worried for myself,” he chuckles, “Worried that she was leaving me behind, you know how it is, right?” I nod. That’s how us men talk. Just because you are a man you automatically assume the other man knows exactly what you are talking about. I do it all the time as well, especially when I don’t want to spell out what I‘m talking about. You just say, “Ah, si you know what I’m talking about?’ or “Si you just know?” or “You know how these things go”, And somehow most guys just do. Or I think they do. It’s a way of not being vulnerable. And so much important shit gets lost in that process of assumption.

When their daughter was preparing to join grade one, they had their first major row. “She wanted her to attend a very expensive school, I wanted a more affordable school. I didn’t want to put her in a school that I couldn’t afford, but because she was making a ton more than I was, she was insisting on this other school and I remember what broke the camel’s back was I kept telling her, I can’t afford this damn school, it’s beyond us! And she said, it’s beyond you, and that just changed shit, man.”

“How so?” I ask, staring at his beer and thinking, the only thing that looks good sweaty is a beer.

“How so? Are you kidding me?” he takes a swig, “Because it showed the simmering resentment of my diminished financial contribution to the family. I thought it was only in my head, but now it was out. That’s the thing with chics when they start making more than you; they want to put their foot on your neck. They want to say what goes. Boss, me I’m from Kitale.”

He says that and doesn’t expound. I thought about that long after the interview. Kwani how are guys from Kitale? I started going through my Rolodex to find out who I knew from Kitale but couldn’t come up with one name. I asked my boy, Hezzy, if he knows anybody from Kitale he said, nope, why? I said, because they know what we don’t. It’s the way he said it, I said, okay, they must raise a different breed of men in Kitale. Boss, me I’m from Kitale. No more. Don’t men from Kitale hold their penis while peeing like the rest of us? Don’t they bleed like us? Don’t they hurt like us? Ye, great men from Kitale, what thine manly secrets do you keep from the rest of us?

“I told her, if she’s going to be paying the fees then she should take our daughter to that school,” he continues, “It was a test. She paid for it and our daughter joined the school and for me that drew a line in the sand. She disregarded my opinion. Overruled me, you know? I mean. But I didn’t fully understand this affront until much later. It’s only when I grew older that I realised that those who make the most tend to influence the decisions. I don’t care what anyone else says.”

But what it also did was it made him realise that he would never have a voice if he was making less. “And if you are fighting for power in your own house, yes that’s what it was, when you are fighting to remain ‘relevant’,” he makes quotation marks, “You can’t be a good parent at the same time. It distracts you. You know why?”

“Why?” I want to add, ‘man from Kitale’ but this is serious.

“Because it’s about ego,” he leans closer, “Let me ask you, Biko, do you think if your ego was punctured you’d still get a hard-on?”

“Yes.” I say without thinking because that’s how manhood works, you never say you can’t get a hard-on. Especially to another man.

“I’m telling you, you can’t!” he says, “You haven’t been there, trust me, you won’t. The first thing a woman who wants to finish you does is she kills your ego. You can’t stand on your two feet.”

“Where is this going?”

“I couldn’t stay in that marriage. So I left. You know why I left? To build myself!” he jabs at his chest violently, “Besides, I wanted to have a son and the doctor had said she would not be able to have other children without seriously risking her life. I knew I wanted to have a son.”

“Why was it important?”

“Because we don’t have sons in my family. I just wanted one, I have always wanted a boy of my own.”

“Boys come from men,” I tell him, “the Y chromosomes?”

“I used to skive biology classes,” he grins, “Can I smoke?”

“Yeah, just blow it away from me.” (I hate smoke on my beard).

He lights a cigarette. I keep interviewing men who smoke a lot lately.

“I had stopped smoking in my third year, but then I picked it up during the stressful days of farming,” he says. “Farming can drive you insane. You can put in 400k and lose everything because of something like pests.” While he was working on himself he met a girl who was also working on herself and they dated after her fiance called off the wedding. They moved in together; two ships with broken masts, desperate to find their way through choppy waters.

Enter baby momma numero dos.

After a year or two she got pregnant and gave birth to another girl. “Honestly, I don’t want to imply that I wasn’t grateful for my baby, because I was. I’m very very proud of my children and I love them, but I was sort of disappointed that it wasn’t a boy. Right now it’s not politically correct to say that you are looking for a son, but f**k it, people want what people want and I wanted a son and when I didn’t get a son I was deflated.” He says.

“Did she know you wanted a son?”

“Of course not,” he dismissively waves off the hand with a burning cigarette, “She didn’t need to. Too much pressure on her for nothing.”

His father had two wives – his mom is the second wife. They are eight children, two of whom are boys. “My mom worked in the city,  where she met my dad, a civil servant and a failed politician, just as well,” he chuckles. His lips are sort of dark, like he’s been kissing cooking pots his whole adult life. He has an interesting face, those faces that come out nicely when you take profiles of them; angular boned, strong chinned, generous eyebrows, intense eyes and very dark skin. If you don’t immediately notice his face you will notice his wrists; they are big. The girth of a goalpost. “The politics of polygamy is interesting,” he says, “My dad wasn’t a poor man, but if you have eight children and two women, you can’t prosper and I don’t think you will find happiness. There was always a lot of strife at home, competition, malice, and scandal and my father was always caught up in this crossfire. I don’t think he was happy. How could you be with eight children and two wives? My mom worked in the city and my stepmom remained in the village but still, her presence was felt in the city. She gave that man hell, and rightfully so. I like her.” He chuckles, taps the cigarette against an ashtray. “I don’t know if there is anything in my childhood that informs me now.”

His agribusiness flourished. He also got into supplying manure and cow feed. By the time his second daughter was three he had long quit formal employment and was making “decent money” as a businessman. He then got into real estate but only in small towns; making money in darkness, he called it. “My second marriage didn’t work out because of money again,” he says, “Which is, what is that word that we used to use in English in school?…”

“Irony.”

“Yes! Irony!” He snaps his finger. “My first marriage ended because I was broke, right? But ironically, my second ended because I had money. I was a terrible father and husband. I started a relationship in Nakuru with this young thing in Uni, fourth year, because I could afford it and I was looking for trouble to invest in. I rented her a house and all, bought her a small second-hand car. I’m saying this because it’s an open secret now, that storm blew over. I was paying her fees and all. She knew of my domestic situation but my wife didn’t. Then she got pregnant just after university like I wanted her to and man, when she gave birth it was another girl. So now three girls. My wife found out at some point and she takes no prisoners, so she packed up and left. She also denied me access to my daughter. I think I have seen my daughter no more than five times since.”

After three years, the Nakuru girl got pregnant again, another girl. Four kids and counting, all girls. “At this point, I wasn’t even seeing my first child that much nor paying for upkeep and to punish me, her mom would make me jump through fire to see her. She also told her that I was no good – “

“Or maybe she just saw it for herself,” I say.

“Well, I disagree. If she gave me a chance I think I would be a better father to her, but she poisoned her with falsehoods about me. She started withdrawing from me, getting cold, so I stopped bothering them.” He says.  “Anyway, before long I also realised that this new one wasn’t a good mother or she wasn’t ready to be. She drank a lot, she liked going out, not being attentive to the children and all. So we broke up. Rather, I said, screw this, I can’t deal.”

I chuckle. “What do you think is your role in all these relationships breaking down?”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean, do you ever wonder if you had a role in getting where you are?”

“No,” he leans back.

“You just had rotten luck with three women and four children later.”

“That’s how I see it.”

I look at him to see if he’s serious, and it turns out he is.

“How often do you see your kids?” I ask.

“I only see the last two kids…a  few times, it gets complicated when another man is involved” he says, “But my ex started dating someone else, some rich chap, so I guess she is fine.”

“Are you still looking to get another kid, a son?”

“Yes, I think I will get a son.”

“After how many attempts, when will you say, okay, enough? After child number 10? Maybe 13?”

He doesn’t answer that question, instead, he orders another beer and lights another cigarette and we talk about the time he went to Rusinga Island and how amazing the place is because it has palm trees and all. I don’t want to talk about Rusinga Island for 30 minutes to be honest, I want to know what happens when he eventually gets a boy. Will he hang him on the wall like a certificate? A memento?

“How will your life change if you get a son?” I ask. “Describe that life for me?”

He mulls over this briefly, smoking, before mumbling a few things about completion of a family circle or something like that. After the interview, I wonder what the story here is, and if it’s not a cliche of sorts; man burning, cutting down the lush land of uteri in his search for a son, and leaving in his wake a trail of mostly estranged children. I phoned him. He was driving. I asked, “If you had a second crack at this fatherhood journey, what would you do?”

He paused a bit. I could picture him steering his big-ass car with one hand, his seats smelling of smoke, a packet lying on the passenger seat next to a diary stuffed with receipts. He said, “I think I’d make better choices.”

“Like?”

“Maybe pick the woman I have a child with better.”

I was even more confused. I made a mental note to find other chaps from Kitale to get a better perspective.

 

****

There are no announcements here, nothing to do with polio or a bridge that’s been swept away. But if you have a motherhood or fatherhood story, ping me on [email protected] and also buy my new book if you have some loose coins. See Marketplace, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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193 Comments
    1. Ha ha. Lakini Kitale Guys need to see the Principal after parade, this is notrait; in fact kneel outside the Principal’s Office before the Principal comes from the Staff Room.

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  1. He really needs to self-reflect and refresh his knowledge of biology. Also, kids can tell when you treat your spouse badly and it affects them.

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    1. I think he is trying to fill a void ,unconsciously ,from his childhood. Probably it would help if he would seek help and heal,find that missing piece and find peace.See what I did there?

      Accept the girls,seek forgiveness and move on

  2. Kitale guy using women to get kids he doesn’t want to be responsible for.
    When you are in denial and offended by science

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  3. Remind me to stay away from kitale dudes coz this guy is a rollercoaster that will leave a sting of broken women and worse broken children. I sincerely hope he doesn’t get a boy coz he won’t make a better father nor will he raise him to be a man fit for society or a husband to someone’s daughter. Anyway this man’s ego needs to be flattened or just popped like a balloon.

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    1. Couldn’t agree more. What kind of a father will he be to his son if he gets one? Teach him it’s always the other partners fault? Like seriously? No

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  4. He even has the audacity to think he’s “unfortunate” !!

    I know the word “audacity” is a commonly used word in these streets… but dude needs to reset his thinking!

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  5. “After three years, the Nakuru girl got pregnant again, another girl. Four kids and counting, all girls” He totally deserves it! Lakini, from this and other stories on bikozulu, I think I should keep away from men who smoke. Their lives though!

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  6. Kwani how are men from Kitale? ” Don’t they pee standing?”In hospital but I have laughed out loudEeeeish if that’s how men from Kitale are. No thanks!

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  7. All i see here is a blend of pride and selfishness.
    Man is not even ready to accept his role in all these failed relationships and estranged children.
    It’s all about him and his search for a son!!
    Any one with more information on the ‘kitale’ men? Haha

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  8. i think when he eventually gets a son he will still have excuses that he did not turn out as he expected because he did not have a definite answer when he was asked how his life will be like when he eventually gets a son

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  9. Lakini who are these women that will meet a guy who has three baby mamas with children he doesn’t see not take care of and think they have landed a good man? They will be fed lies of how all the women were evil and how he has made an effort to see the kids and it’s the demonic ex-wives that won’t let him and she will seat there feeling sorry for him, ignore the huge red flag and go ahead to marry the guy and really expect her story to be different because of what again? Love?! Aki ladies, we have to do better!

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    1. Unfortunately for them caution and reservation is thrown to the wind once he pulls up in a fuel guzzler. The society is never short of fickle men and malleable women.

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  10. Chaps from Kitale….come here and explain this! I knew a guy from Kitale in Uni – am I glad it didn’t work out?

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  11. Man sounds like the guy you are told to stay away from. You never see them coming. He is self centered and irresponsible as f**k. As you say Biko you are drawn to the bad guy in movies, were you drawn by his story, he is a bad seed this one. Nimeboeka yangu yote.

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  12. Wow 3 women, 4 daughters later and he can’t acknowledge his contribution towards the failed marriages! Calls for some serious self reflection on his part and probably won’t be a good father to a son either. He seems to be doing well financially and hence could afford to pick the sex of a child through PGD if the itch for a son is that strong. Task will be to find baby mama quatre

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  13. This read has taught me that a man’s ego is just as fragile as a woman’s heart. Women are considered fragile but I’ve never seen anything as easily wounded as a man’s ego.

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  14. Oh, he skived Biology classes?

    Great. Now take this Biology back to him.

    If he wants a boy so much, let him wait until 2-4 am for sack time. Apparently, the Y-thingy likes the dead of the night to ambush the persky Xs whose past-time it seems is to ruin everything for anything with three legs among primates.

    I say that with some modest authority of being successful on first try.

    And that will be all the biology he’ll be getting today.

    Oh, and about being from Kitale? So what? I am from Nyando, mother nature is still at working hard at taming I and the rest of my uncles (Miguna Miguna included) but do you hear us shouting from the treetops above the floods?

    Tell the dude to learn take responsibility for his nyet now that he has managed to tightly hedge his limping ego from healthy engagement with human beings.

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    1. Hey Kidikibudi, I know you from days of yore. I came in much much later myself, but it was always refreshing to read your comments in the ‘older posts’. Lovely to see you around.

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      1. Martis,

        This school is now a kindergarten section, primary section, a secondary section, a beauty and massage parlour, a college yet to be granted charter and a host of everything. It has grown.

        Today, I happy to learn that my old graffitis on the old boys ablution blocks are still legible.

        I had to pass by so that they do not strike my name off the alumni roll of (dis)honour.

        And, also to remind myself of the power of focus. For Bikozulu has outlived Media Madness (MM), a nasty site that had this lively fella called Fyatu Fyake and used to call Tony Mochama, Steam-on-Tiita (and you had to have been a customer at one of Wanjohi wa Kigogoine’s brothels to dig the dig in that name) and one day made Brother Jackson here to cry. (Psst! Dude here does not like being called Jackson nor being referred to as dude. But who is me to miss spreading the cheers and I know he’ll make an exception for an old devil whose graffitis darkens the walls of his institution!)

        Cheers to you and all old boys and girls from them bikozulu.wordpress days!

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  15. Wow just wow. I kept getting annoyed as the story unfolded. I feel for shrinks. How do they not strangle their clients? This one had an issue right from his childhood. The first mistake was hooking up with a focused girl when he had no idea where he was headed. Her career took off while he was floundering and piling on the inferiority complex. Guys we need to deal with our childhood baggage else…

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  16. When you read a story where someone is trying really hard to push the blame on everyone and everything but himself!!! Hmmm… from Kitale…. I know some great gals from Kitale, maybe the men…..I will leave it there and wait for Biko to find another Kitale man to expand.

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  17. “It was a test. She paid for it and our daughter joined the school and for me that drew a line in the sand. She disregarded my opinion.”
    No she did not. She simply saw the future and chose the best for her daughter. It’s not always about the money you make but on how responsible you are with the little you make.

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    1. Same here, creative to the core with a little banter and puns dished out with strategy. Well thought out and crafted with a great sense of ;’ dos humeros ‘ and very conversational to get one addicted to his style of writing. ‘You can have them swooning over you with a few well placed words. ‘ Guess I have been sworn. Nice title, crowns it all. Hope we won’t have stereotypes over Kitale guys which we are already having. May be ‘The Kitale guy’ but still Kitale guy hacks it. Thanks Biko.

      2
  18. Tell this man to marry a single woman with a young son…and bring up the boy like his own…..else, curses from this string of women will make sure you never get a boy.

    I pray you get a boy though…..maybe you can check those ovulation charts they talk about…

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    1. Surely! Does the single woman deserve such an irresponsible man?
      I don’t think single women are as desperate as he is!

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      1. @Audrey, my thoughtline was that if he wants a son so desperately, then he may love a woman with a son without limit because she already has what he so desperately craves for…..

        Maybe he would finally settle down

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        1. I get what you’re saying but with the kind of attitude he has displayed in life, I doubt he would ever consider “raising another man’s son”.

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  19. I believe in that ego thingy. It could have been worse but he keeps on working on himself. It might take him longer than most but he will come around, it does not matter when.

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  20. That which you want so much Will continue to evade you until you deal with your own demons, don’t drag innocent people into your chaos.

    Getting a son will not complete you.

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  21. Today’s story imenikasirisha tu bure. Surely surely. Is he even serious? Ati he doesn’t think he has played a role in this whole thing. What the hell? Ah!
    Ebu niulize, if he was the one earning more and wanted to take their child to an expensive school would that be a problem? Huyu mtu amuse serious maisha kidogo.
    Also, what does he mean that this girl from campus that he impregnated is not a good mother? Ah!

    Lakini Biko buana, ati will he hang the son if he gets one on the wall like a certificate. Gatho!

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  22. “Anyway, before long I also realised that this new one wasn’t a good mother or she wasn’t ready to be. She drank a lot, she liked going out, not being attentive to the children and all. So we broke up. Rather, I said, screw this, I can’t deal.”

    …… Wondering out loud…because what is the role of a man in his child’s life?

    Does this one think that his only role is donating sperm? I am sad because yet another woman is going to fall for this douchebag .

    He should learn his lesson first and fast

    Meanwhile… I am keeping away from men from Kitale

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    1. Such a selfish guy, you’d think he would stay for the sake of his two daughters since as he claims the mother is so irresponsible.Only thinking about himself.To imagine he has the audacity to say he’s been unfortunate. May women be spared from this species of men

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  23. Great read.
    From a polygamous family – upbringing is never good; he ended up smearing innocent women with bad behaviour.
    Alcohol and getting a baby boy don’t go together, you will think “ulirogwa”. – You need a top-notch semen to get baby boy. Anything dilute semen, you will get baby girls until son of man comes back.

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    1. Millan, what are you on about! Do you know the male species would not be around if mothers were not there. Sindwe…

  24. I like him. His resilience and certainty about what he wants. Its selfish, yes ..we all are to some degree…but he wants what he wants. Hes living. He’s backing himself.
    I wish you love, life and happiness.

    3
  25. Awesome read about some realities, don’t want to say ” life” coz there is no ways women are sentenced to this madness. Sad! it’s nice to get the perspective of such men and woe unto the women who fall into his path, simply casualties of war. Sad! I bet some of these ladies (Num 2 & 3 & the ones that didn’t warrant his disclosure) thought they could “change” him, spotted those flickers in his humanity and state of mind that was good and sane. ‘Aaaww Shame’. He is just a broken human, raised in a broken home set-up. Kudos to “his” wives for choosing different, for their sanity and kids mental health. Choosing to teach their baby gals deserve a different kind of loving.

    1
  26. This guys doesn’t know what he wants and unfortunately he ends up in relationships with women who do. The son he is so looking for will not change him as a father he will still be a bad dad or worse to him. If he can’t be a father to the girls he already has how will it change if he gets a son? And then he said he will change the women he has a relationship with? He is the one who needs to change for he is still rudderless in this world whether or not he has money

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  27. I see a man who’s not in touch with himself. He hasn’t really taken time to reflect on why he wants a son. Heck he can’t even admit his role in the breakdown of past relationships. This is a broken man. This is a frustrated man devoid of self-retrospection.

    The only thing that looks good sweaty is a beer and Tusker to be specific.

    1
  28. He truly is a man from Kitale.

    But seriously Biko , a man must have means. No two way around it believe me.
    Be poor and you will be blamed for delayed dolphin migration in east cambodia.

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  29. I don’t know why but I just can’t help but laugh with the count of daughters as the story progresses. Just when he thinks it will change with someone else. Just how many tries can there be really? Mhh

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  30. I think this guy’s quest for a son is really an unselfconscious search of his younger self. There’s something he lacked in his childhood (my bet, mummy-problems) that he is looking for in each woman he comes across. He said he liked his step-mother. That to me sounds like the step-mother had something he wished his mum had.
    To sum it up, that guy needs a shrink to confront his mummy-issues and start being a preset father to his girls.

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  31. Don’t men from Kitale hold their penis while peeing like the rest of us? Don’t they bleed like us? Don’t they hurt like us? Ye, great men from Kitale, what thine manly secrets do you keep from the rest of us?…lol

    3
  32. Just to set the record straight;am from Kitale,am a gentle soul,loving husband and a responsible dad.
    This dude needs to find his purpose and identity before it’s too late!

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  33. He made the right thing to leave the first marriage and find himself but then went ahead and made the stereotypical mistake that most men make, i.e, defining themselves by what they have or don’t have, and now, he’s stuck in a dead-end perpetual catastrophic cycle of running for and from things he knows not, coz he knows not who he is and consequently he knows not who he should be. Every finish line for him will be the beginning of a new race. He got the money and now he’s looking for a son. Let’s hope and pray God gives him the grace to find himself and when he does, he will finally be at peace.

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  34. Eish chill your horses “nearly said balls”. The kitale guy was stripped of his ego and is broken as well. The venomous snakes should stop all hissing and baying for blood. He is not right leaving a trail of broken hearts or children without a father. But we got to look where all this is coming from

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  35. If his story is a he tells it, then the only blame he should take is of the second wife. I think given the opportunity he can be a good dad. I wouldn’t label him irresponsible.

  36. I phoned him. He was driving. I asked, “If you had a second crack at this fatherhood journey, what would you do?”

    He paused a bit. I could picture him steering his big-ass car with one hand, his seats smelling of smoke, a packet lying on the passenger seat next to a diary stuffed with receipts. He said, “I think I’d make better choices.”

    “Like?”

    “Maybe pick the woman I have a child with better.”

    I was even more confused. I made a mental note to find other chaps from Kitale to get a better perspective.

    I felt this.

    2
  37. He is the k factor in all those broken relationships, He needs to work on himself first before he ruins another life. My sentiments though.

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  38. What would he even do with a son if he cannot take care of the children he has carelessly sired…..such a selfish and undeserving man,then he will start lamenting on how he has been denied access to see his children or abandoned by his children…NKT. @Bikozulu; What’s the moral of this piece

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  39. I laughed really loud at the part you asked him whether he though he had any role in how his life turned out.
    Then after wiping away my tears and composing myself, I said,
    “This guy is an idiot.”

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  40. “His lips are sort of dark, like he’s been kissing cooking pots his whole adult life.”

    As for this guy, he is a jerk – plain and simple. If he wants to know who is the problem, he needs to look at the mirror.

    2
  41. I pity his son if he will ever have one. That boy will be brought to this earth with an assigned role to be his father’s messiah, to cure his abadndindg demeanour or his irresponsibility.
    The problem is this man and unless he sees himself as such and take responsibility then all children that come from will be broken and detached

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  42. Kitale Guy and those that identify with “coming from Kitale” presumably from a specific tribe are the perfect definition of toxic masculinity. This one is a serial monogamist who will probably have more children than his polygamist father and if he gets that son will probably teach him to also be a “man from Kitale”

    1
  43. “I don’t like the smell of smoke on my beard”. “He had fists the girth of a goal post.” I have enjoyed this piece. I have seen myself somewhere in there.

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  44. I hope he doesn’t get to leave the earth without knowing that his marriages ended because of him. Especially the first one, you disagreed on one thing and suddenly your ego is bruised for life?

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  45. I hope and pray that a fourth woman doesn’t become part of the statistics. Knowing or unknowingly. Aih basoleli ekitale eyeyi pthooooooooooo #ISpeakInTonguesSometimes

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  46. Good Afternoon Sir Jackson,

    Thank you kindly for sharing this one. Juu unfortunately it is the story of some of the mens out here. It is his story, and it is valid too.

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  47. So she left the kids from the 3rd encounter with an irresponsible mum because he can’t stand a party lover! And finds that to be okay.Woii the Irony,the need to project his failures as a father on to others,And lastly the look for Biko to cleanse himselfu . Anyway I can tell he is at that age of reflection and that shit is eating him up!

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  48. Let me demystify this “guy from Kitale” puzzle.Having dated one,(rolls eyes)..i feel like this is a therapeutic platform for me to vent.

    I hope i don’t bleed too much.

    They are prideful,irresponsible&egocentric.They are so full of themselves..talking tough with nothing to show..they are deceitful& narcissistic.

    Having said that,it’s only fair to point out that this is a biased assumption.I have generalized.But isn’t that what happens when one experience shapes your entire perspective about the person?

    It even boils down to the tribe and everything else..in an aim to just protect yourself from hurt again.

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  49. Lakini hili swala about guys leaving their wives because hawapati watoto wa kiume linanishinda kabisaa. Kwani hivi, men don’t know that it’s a man’s chromosomes that meketh a boy? Sawa basi acha nilianike hapa for the sake ya wale wameketi pale nyuma.child’s gender is determined by the chromosome that the male parent contributes. Females have XX sex chromosomes. Males have XY sex chromosomes. A male infant results if the male contributes his Y chromosome while a female infant results if he contributes his X chromosome. In simpler terms kama bibi anashinda akibarikiwa na watoto wasichana wewe mwanaume ndie hushinda ukipeana X chromosome badala ya Y. Anyway, mtoto ni mtoto.

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  50. As a chap from Kital, I feel offended. I have my own struggles, but nothing makes me different from other men walking this streets, but at the same time no similarity with this ‘Kitale Guy’. So heartless.

  51. Poleni, I’m so sorry cos it’s said ata kwa mazishi huwa kunachekwa. I’m dead. This father of ngeus has cracked me open. From his days of Mental Health pale na yule mdosi (hapo u-Kitale haukutokea. Ogopa wadosi) to his life and life as an arrogant bombarder of uteruses in such of a Y. I’m just so dead.

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  52. At the same time, kama sio wife numero uno taking care of that fees structure, hii story haingeandikwa. Woman. Her power is just life-altering. A small girl gets set up in a good school and voila it dawns on her father that he hails from the HQ of Trans-Nzoia county.

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  53. The sad part is he doesn’t even see where he went wrong. A rollercoaster of trouble.
    Lord help that I never meet such a man

  54. Just when I put my ass comfortably to listen to the continuation of this story, Lo! It’s ended! Anyways, I don’t think this man is aware that he’s reaping what he sowed. However, I hope his salvation is on the way.

  55. “Such a hard time to be a child – you have to bathe yourself after school on top of that. Life’s so tough” for some reason this made me laugh. The boy-child does not change…

  56. I read this yesterday Am still trying to find the exact words that would illuminate this guy’s mind, guess what ? Still too shocked to find the exact words that would do that.

  57. This guy is screwed up and he needs to fix his life and be a father or dad to all those children he has. They did not choose to become girls and they deserve to have an active and participating father in their lives. He needs to grow up.

  58. I say this with compassion but this guy needs a reality check and a healthy dose of self awareness. 4 children with 3 different women and 3 broken relationships isn’t just bad luck friend. It’s a pattern of behavior that he needs to address. And for the love of God don’t add more children into this mess before you sort yourself out.

  59. Someone needs to teach Kenyan men about the y chromosome and their role in dadhood I have a colleague that married 6 women got 17 daughters n 2 son’s one of whom committed suicide coz of the dad abusive behavior

  60. Le sigh. Where to even begin? The amount of toxicity here is just astounding. Then compound the issue with the fact that this guy will never see himself as the problem. Chei. It’s too sad. He has passed on the abandonment wound to the next generation of four soon to be women. The circle of trauma.

  61. Thinking of it I don’t even want a kitale guy. Look at who they sent to represent them. What sucks most is his ignorance. And he still doesn’t see it.
    I wish him more sonless relations, if that’s what it’s gonna take to make him learn.

  62. The nerve on this man is buffling and annoying at the same time. I hope he gets a reality checker before its too late.

  63. This calls for a redefinition of a father, if he can’t father right his daughters who tells him he can do it with a son?

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  64. I believe your ability to get a boy diminishes with too much sex. this is from observation of my own . too much sex equals girls, if you want a boy, have sex as rarely as possible and each time you sire a baby, it wll be a boy.

  65. “I started a relationship in Nakuru with this young thing in Uni, fourth year, because I could afford it and I was looking for trouble to invest in.”…This man lives for violence and trouble…hahaha

  66. How daughters will he get before he gets the son he desires??
    A child is a child be it a boy or a girl.. Kitale guy should be able to build a relationship with his kids even if he is not in working terms with his mothers of his kids

  67. That there is a man in 2021 thinking that having a son completes the family circle is the reason we are still a third world country. What a portrait of selfishness and small mindedness. Those girls he left behind are better off!

  68. Sadly most people are just reacting through the commentary and not picking lessons or providing solutions. Relationships are good if both partners are putting in the energy. The guy is good, holding up for wife as she travels to work related businesses. He was more parent in her daughters formative years than the mom, until the mom decided she would call the shots in the relationship. She couldve built him since he seems to be a hard worker. He decides to try again and again, the results bad ones. Please ladies, for your own sake and your children’s be honest and humble, you will never be less you, or lose your womanhood. Virtuous women are hard to come by nowadays. Stop the emotional manipulation to your men, you are equal contributors and decision makers in marriage. That way you become valuable and indespensable.

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  69. I would like to believe that Im dealing with a Kitale Man too…I think, but he’s from Nyeri, doesn’t contribute to our babys educations, stays at his folks, he only provides when he comes home, I force him to send cash for my upkeep! has never paid fees, i bought a car, he went and bought himself one! he still swears he loves me, gets depressed when I break up with him, very suicidal; he crashed his car and told me I was the cause, and his Ego, same as the Kitale Man! I wonder, do these men ever change? or grown up? I dunno! its just so draining!!!! Trying to run but his parents and family always come looking for me! Ati tuongee, the dad has a church, where do I hide??

  70. “…I can’t afford this damn school, it’s beyond us! And she said, it’s beyond you, and that just changed shit, man.”

    Am not supporting this man’s polygamous behavior; all these kids are innocent and should not be some sort of “collateral damage”, but Y’all ignoring the fact that this story would’ve been different if the 1st womant didn’t pick on his financial situation.
    Am tryna put myself in his position back then and man it must’ve been hard… (Mind you he was working hard-he was trying- i mean he had side hustles and shit. Its just that they weren’t working out the way he wanted)
    So am with @BINGOS on this; communication is key, msikizane vile mtaspend both your incomes but usikae ni kama unaeza kalia mwanaume just because you seem to be making more.

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    1. I absolutely disagree with you. If his financial situation was the issue with the 1st wife he would have/should have gotten his shit together with his 2nd wife and baby mama seeing as how he now had the money. But he didn’t.

      Also why is that when the men make more money then the kids can go to that expensive school, live in that posh estate. But when it’s the women making the big bucks then we must live within the mans mean lest God forbid we crash their egos. I believe when a woman works her ass off she’s doing it so that she can afford her kids the best of everything .

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  71. Eish, Kitale guy…Women are not for ‘picked for having kids with’. All through his interview, I’ve been looking at this guy to see if he’s serious-turns out he is! Yours, Nakuru & Nyeri Guy.

  72. The boy child preference still continues & it’ll take time for us to value the girl child as much as we do the boychild.
    Funny enough men are responsible for the sex of the child because they’ve the XY while women have XX.

  73. Just an irresponsible guy blaming his choice of women.. He needs to work on himself first before he sires more girls.

  74. Biko I am still at the point of reminding the chap tha he is the originator of Y chromosomes….ooh Yes the ego was deflated by a suggestion of a better school by the wife.sometimes we see far like Giraffe just God given freely…Nice read

  75. Kids are able to read the energy around them. They will grow knowing where the bad energy was from and it might be too late to mend the fence.!

  76. MAN CHILD!!!!!!!! It is always somebody else’s fault but his own.
    In my experience men from Kitale don’t believe in actions and consequences. To them things just happen to them. Always.

  77. “Maybe pick the woman I have a child with better.”
    Someone who doesn’t look within but blames everything on others, he needs to take some time out and self reflect. after all the man is the head of the house and as a leader you take responsibility.

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  78. I also want to know if he will hang his son on the wall like a certificate if he ever gets one.It’s a pity how this other gender thinks having babies all over is a game.

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