Lover And a Fighter

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The evening sun followed them, casting long shadows, as they headed towards their deaths. They were over three dozen men, in three military choppers; the Soviet-designed Mi 171 Puma. Three monstrous buzzing bees, chopping over the dry wasteland of Dobe, Somali. They were responding to a mayday call from one of their military bases 25 minutes out; the base was under furious attack by a band of gung-ho Al Shabaab militants. This was in 2013, when the Al Shabaab threat was fairly fresh.  

He sat in one of the choppers each with six other soldiers who journalists would describe as ‘armed to the teeth.” They were silent during the ride, peering passively outside at the quickly running landscape; lone trees, dry riverbeds, cracked earth, patches of brown grass. They looked calm because this is what they did, just another day on the grind. He was in his late twenties and as the captain, the men were under his command. He wasn’t worried about their competence because after all, they were all in the KDF’s Special Forces; elite fighting force, super-humans, multi-talented, fastidious trained in warfare, insanely fit, and the best of the best. There were men and then there were the Special Forces. 

And he was scared. 

He’s only telling me this story because I had asked him to remember when, in his life, he had been most scared.

“As the choppers headed towards the action to save our comrades, I was talking to God. I was like, God you will decide whether I will one day be a husband and a father or I will die today but if you decide that today is my day then so be it. As we neared the besieged camp we could see a firefight from above. It was insane. You could actually see the fire from the bullets going back and forth and the explosions. A minute before we were to jump out I told my men in sheng, these were local boys, you know, young guys in their early 20s. I told them, “Wasee, wakati imefika…tunajijua, tunajiamini. Whatever happens down there, leo lazima turudi home. Sisi sote tunarudi home, sawa?” Then they all shouted, “Tunarudi home!” I can’t explain to you the kind of relationship you have as an elite unit. People talk of brotherhood but this is not even brotherhood, this is something much bigger and stronger than blood, we are all connected to one another by life and by death. People always say, I will die for you until death arrives at their doorstep then they hesitate. In special forces, you will die for the man next to you without even thinking. The Special Forces operate in small units and we are called only when shit hits the fan or as an advance team to clear everything before the infantry shows up. We are normally very fast, very discreet and very professional and we hardly make any mistakes. Ukiona the special forces have arrived, just know they will get it done. We had a motto in Special Forces; leave no man behind, no matter what, dead or alive. So if I was to die, I was sure my body would be handed to my mother. My comrades would ensure that.”

Anyway, safety off. Final checks. The choppers don’t land, you have to jump from about three or four meters from the ground. You land flatfoot to avoid breaking your leg. Guys started jumping off. I was the third to jump from our chopper. The fighting that day was insane. We got right into it, crawling on your knees and elbows, with heavy gear on your back. That bag is about 27kgs. You would hear bullets passing over your head, sometimes thudding next to you.”

“What’s the sound of bullets passing over your head?”

He chuckled and shook his head then he paused. “How do I even explain it. It’s insane. It’s death basically. It’s…I dunno..it makes this sound that I can’t describe..but it’s not a nice sound at all. The enemy was using AK47s which are great for close combat but we were using G3s, which are badass rifles with a range of like 600m. The kick of a G3 can break your shoulder but these guys were super fit. You could find a guy who is skinny, but he’s hard as granite. Look, I played rugby for Nondies and I was very very fit, I never thought I would ever meet anyone fitter than me until I joined the special forces and met chaps who were half my weight but were superhumans. We could do insane things. We could walk for 340 kilometers with almost 30kgs of gear on our backs in the heat of Somalia, wearing full gear. 

Anyway, we had air support, the choppers had the 50 caliber machine guns. All of us have to go through that training course to learn to shoot that machine gun from a moving chopper. These guys on choppers helped a great deal. That day we managed to kill many of the enemy. Only a few escaped. All of us went back home.”

It’s a Saturday and we are having breakfast. He’s having eggs, bacon, baked beans and completely ignoring his bread. [Bread is for the weak and the needy] He’s a big man. He had wide impressive shoulders that filled half the booth. Massive forearms. Biceps the size of a blender. And his knuckles… I know people who have faces the size of his knuckle. Next to him I looked like Jughead in the Archie comic. His deep rumbling voice shimmered the cup of tea on my table. He had a healthy beard running around his face. I could never grow a beard on my cheeks, it comes out like pubic hair so I’m always lowkey envious of people who are blessed with cheek beards. I always fantasize lighting their beards with a lighter. On his right bicep was this unique and large tribal branding that he got in a remote village in Turkana where their unit met Turkana warriors and men being men, always comparing their cajones, they had accepted to do their traditional version of tattooing. It was a painful process that involved a thin unbreakable reed or stick that they tapped on using a camel bone to make marks on the skin. It’s a slow and painful process that draws a lot of blood. It lasted eight hours and the result is stupefying and beautiful. 

Despite his size and his big aura, he was surprisingly very polite and gentle to a fault. He was all ‘Yes, please” and thank you” to the waitresses. He kept referring to me as “sir” even when I asked him very unfair questions like, “Do you remember the first man you ever killed?” He did, begrudgingly, because there is no joy recounting such things. It’s duty to country, he said. It’s war. Bad things happen. When you are trained in Special Forces you aren’t trained to rescue cats stranded up trees. You are a killing machine. You eliminate the enemy. His first kill was in Boni Forest. They had been stalking the enemy for days, walking day and night, in the rain and dumbness of the forest, barely sleeping, heavy backpacks on back, guns in hand, eating biscuits avoiding making open fire, often not talking for many hours, using sign language, moving soundlessly, shadows. Then finally capturing a dangerous man who upon intense interrogation and running out of lies to tell turns out to be an Al Shabaab spy. His unit normally carries these long daggers on them. He unsheathed his and it was so swift the guy was gone before his face hit the ground. I ask him if it disturbs him and he says there are worse things that happen when you are fighting terrorists. 

Many of his brothers died in the fight against terrorism but he didn’t. What eventually killed him, it turns out ironically, was love. 

***

Growing up, his older brother was a navy officer. A beautiful man in uniform. He would show up after the passing ceremony during public holidays in his crisp white navy uniform with medals on his chest. He looked handsome and regal and distinguished. “I admired him, his statue,” he said. “I always felt like serving your country was a calling and he was serving a higher call, a sacrifice.” He studied engineering out of the country before he came back and joined the Kenya Defense Force as an officer. He then found his way into the Special Forces. “Getting in the Special Forces isn’t easy. It reminds me of that camel through the eye of a needle saying in the Bible,” he said. “Of the 200-plus soldiers who went through the training selection for special forces, I think only 10 of us were picked.” When AMISON happened, they were the first few units to go across. 

The previous year he was playing rugby in a tournament, Driftwood Sevens, when after a game he saw a fine petite girl with a crippling smile seated with his friends. On his way to the shower room, he stopped by the terrace and told her, “I’m going to have a shower, can I see you after?” They met after. She was studying medicine. They talked for a long time. They started dating but then the military started getting busy, he got in the special forces and then got really busy. He was always away on missions; Garissa, Moyale, Lamu, Garsen…riding in choppers, in Land Cruisers, on foot, sleeping in tents or against tree barks, gun in hand. He would be off the radar, incommunicado, for long stretches of time, sometimes many weeks. 

“In 2014 or thereabout we were in Somali. I don’t know where we were going, maybe patrol, or a mission but I remember being seated in front in a Cruiser and my men behind. It was a very risky time, you could get ambushed anytime, so you always had your gun cocked, between your legs, ready, tensed. We were driving in this very dry area, Somalia is very dry, when suddenly one of the boys seated at the back said in a deep voice, “Wasee hapa kuna network. Full bar kwanza.” So I put on my phone and messages started pinging in quickly and one of the messages was from my babe. She had written a long message saying this wasn’t working for her, that she was tired of the distance and absence and she couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like someone had shot me in my heart and it was bleeding.” 

He sat looking out the window at the barren land and he felt his heart break. He felt breathless and nauseated. He wanted to come out of the Cruiser and vomit. “I didn’t think I would ever love any woman like her. That it was even humanly possible. I didn’t think there was someone else for me but her. When you are in battle if you get distracted you get killed so I tried to push her and this situation out of my mind, but it was so difficult. Back in camp, I lay down in my tent and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I couldn’t stop grieving for the loss of my heart” A few days later, in a cloud of sorrow, he asked for leave to go home and perhaps save his relationship. When you are in the bush you don’t send emails for leave, you go to the signaller who is this guy with satellite enable communication gizmos who sends your leave request through this machine and then you wait for days for a reply. “When it came, I was told no leave for now. Nobody was going on leave, not when Al Shabaab was running wild.” 

He stayed for 19 months in Somalia. When the particular mission ended he landed in JKIA one afternoon in his dusty boots and bag on his back. He switched on his phone and called his babe. The phone rang twice. She picked. He said, “Hey babe. It’s me.” There was a pause. Then a sigh. She then generally said it was over. Don’t call me again, she said, because now I’m seeing someone and he won’t appreciate such calls. He was stunned. Right there, under the bright sun of Nairobi, it felt worse than being killed in combat. Rejection burnt a hole through him. Jealous scalded his heart. A deep sense of loss drowned his lungs. In the cab home he remembered her words, “Please don’t call me again, my man is here.” The words “my man” played over and over in his head like a broken record. She had a man who wasn’t me? My man. My man. When did I stop being her man! Still in disbelief, because he was a fighter and a lover, he tried texting her but he realised that she had blocked him. It’s only that he let go, slowly. 

He moved on with his life. Or tried. He carried his fractured heart to more missions locally. In different forests, through swollen rivers and mucky swamps and dark mysterious valleys. His backpack felt heavier, his soul older. Sometimes after a gun battle, seated down, his muscles still vibrating from the tension, his heart trembling,  she’d cross his mind fleetingly. He’d picture her standing at the kitchen sink. Or bent, spreading the bed. He’d wonder if she would feel remorse if he died in battle. 

Time passed. Time heals. 

In 2015 he was drinking at Jamhuri Showground with some rugby chaps when his phone rang. A number he didn’t know. He picked it. It was her. He walked outside, phone pressed on his ear. “I told her ‘Babe, is this really you. Tell me I’m dreaming. Tell me this is not you.”

She laughed, that laughter of hers that sounded like a sound that came from a banjo. It was Feb 14th, 2015. “I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me?” He asked her. She said she was sorry. That she had broken up with ‘my man.” 

“Sweet Jesus! I said.” 

I laughed when he said that. Sweet Jesus! It was funny. The jubilation. The triumph and relief. There is a Gospel song by Steffany Gretzinger [why that face, can’t I listen to gospel music as well?) called Defender where she sings, ‘you go before/ I know that you’ve gone to fight my war/ You come back with the head of my enemy, you come back and you call it victory/ and all I did was praise. All I did was worship.” It’s a lyrically arousing song of praise. God goes to war and he brings back the head of our enemy. Oh, sweet Jesus! Ha-ha. Love it. In the parlance of Kenyans online, Mtaachana tu. 

“I told her, ‘Tell me where you are babe. I will come right now and get you. Where are you?” He said. But babe was travelling to Nairobi from Uganda. They met the following day. He held her small face in his big hands, the hand of a warrior, of a soldier, now rendered tender and brittle with love, and he told her, ‘Babe, I have been in great darkness without you, no lamp, no candle, lost and gutted  but now you are here and my heart is lit with the bright fire of your love.” OK, he didn’t say that.  They met at a Java at 9am and had breakfast and talked, then had lunch, still talking, then had dessert at 4pm. They left shortly after 4pm. “She said she loved me but she had a problem with my job; it was risky and I was never there. I assured her that things will somehow work themselves out.” 

They got back together and started dating seriously. But there was a hitch. Her mother didn’t like him. Her mother didn’t like him because he was from a different tribe. At first, she was subtle about it but then she started showing her teeth. “You know, madharau. Like when I’d call her mom, she’d snap, I’m not your mother. I would never be your mother. Or asking me what I would give her daughter, a mere soldier. Things like that. It got very bad, man. Outright disrespect and animosity. But then my baby got pregnant and we did a hush ceremony at the IG.”

They got a daughter, a preterm daughter because she was under a great deal of stress. [I was never home, I was always out on mission”] He tattooed her daughter’s name on his bicep. Less than a year later, she called him when she was in Northern Kenya and said, “Babe, I’m pregnant.” He was shocked. Their baby was only a few months old! “I couldn’t handle it, so I switched off my phone and for a week or so I was just in the field. In the meantime she was making frantic calls, looking for me. She called the base and my boss called me and said, ‘Your wife is looking for you. Call her!”

Then his mom-in-law found out that they were married. “She was furious! Oh my God she was so mad. She said some very terrible things to me. She was plain nasty.” Anyway, this spilled into the marriage and they started having issues. “She hated that I was away and she was the one remaining to raise the kids while I was away and eventually I decided that I wanted to make her happy, and if this job was standing in the way of her happiness, I would quit. So eventually, I quit my job.”

But the military refused his resignation. They spend almost 10million training one Special Forces officer, it’s a big investment, he said. They weren’t going to roll over easy. They tried talking him out of resignation, they stalled his clearance but he was adamant. He wanted to leave to be a husband and a father.  His mother was furious. “You are the most foolish person I have ever met!” she told him angrily, “Who quits their job for their wives? Did I give birth to an idiot?” His mom cut ties with him.

He stayed home and became a househusband. It was not easy. He had PTSD. His wife left for work in the morning and came back in the evening, finding him in his shorts and his t-shirt. Gradually, she got anxious and testy, they started fighting and he got more and more hopeless. He felt like his life was stalled as hers was taking off. She had a purpose, she woke up to something while he had a whole empty day facing him with no prospects. He missed the military, he missed fighting for something he believed in, for the country. “I reached out to my superiors and said I wanted back in. But it was all too late. I was seen as a deserter. I had abandoned the brotherhood. A disgrace. You don’t leave your men no matter what.” 

The fights at home became more and more. The shoutings, her coming back home late drunk, the bitter words that would ensue. “I felt disrespected. I felt like she was openly disregarding me.” One day she came home drunk at 1am, he stood behind the grill and told her to go back where she was from. She was furious, she shouted, “I pay rent here! You can’t lock me out!” She called her three cousins and there was some verbal altercation between him and them. When he opened the door he punched one in the chest and broke his limbs. Cops came and he was hauled away. 

“When I came back home later I found she had burnt all my school certificates, passports, clothes, everything. Then she kicked me out. Then she got a restraining order, saying she feared for her life and her children’s lives that I was a violent man, maybe even unstable. I couldn’t contest it; I had beaten up her cousin, and broken his limbs. I was barred from seeing my kids or getting anywhere near her or them.” When she left he called his mom for the first time in a very long time seeing as they weren’t talking. She was ailing now. He said she had left him. She sighed as if she saw this coming all along. He begged for his job back but the army – like a scorned woman – had turned its back on him. He didn’t have his papers or a job or prospect of getting a job. He has applied to jobs abroad, private security contractors to no avail. He’s at the rock bottom of his life. He lives with friends now, couch surfing they call it? He can hardly sleep for more than two hours and when he does he dreams of tunkers rolling towards him as he lies tied to a railway line. Or of beared turbaned men standing over him with a long dagger. He has waves of fury, he punches walls with his fist in anger. His right wrist was only just healing when we met. He’s broke and broken and each day when he lies in bed and morning light finds him staring at the ceiling he tries to be positive, to be less bitter, but it’s insurmountable. 

Often he cries.

***

Here is how we got to meet. Eddy sent me a screenshot of a DM he had sent to our Instagram. It was a Wednesday, I was seated on a high stool like Bogi Benda, listening to Rhumba in my local and nursing a Fernet-Branca. He wrote that he had just read about Josh, the very sick gentleman I wrote about who was looking for a kidney

He wrote in part: “People are going through some crazy shit in this life. My life has not been perfect either, I have lost everything; my job, family, kids etc. Anyway, this is not about me. I want to donate a kidney to Josh, I’m blood group O-positive and giving this kidney could just be the best thing I have done in my entire life.”

I read the message and told Eddy, get me his number asap. Forty minutes later we spoke. When we met I asked him why he was giving his kidney to a stranger. He said, ‘It’s the irony of our lives with this Josh guy. He is very sick and probably doesn’t have a lot of time and all he wants is a kidney to help him live long enough to see his son grow. I’m very healthy and maybe I have more time and healthy kidneys but I’m unable to see my kids. So why not give him one kidney and time to do the things he wants to do with his son that I can’t do with my children?”

He talks about the desperation that his life has come to. Having to ask for handouts. To live under people’s mercies. The indignity that his life has come to now. His greatest regret, he says, is quitting the military. He shouldn’t have. “Nobody should quit what they love doing for their spouses. It comes to haunt you.” 

“My ex has since moved on with her life, “ he says.  “She seems happy. She posts pictures of her new guy on social media. Pictures of them with my kids.” His eyes get red and he gets teary. He pauses and looks up at the ceiling to avoid crying. “It makes me so sad.”

Tomorrow he will start doing a series of tests to certify if he is fit to donate a kidney. In the meantime, he is also looking for work. Any work that suits his talents. I will do anything, he says. 

 

***

On behalf of Josh, I would also like to thank everybody who offered to donate their kidneys. The response was overwhelming. He now has 51 potential donors that they are also considering. God bless your hearts. 

PS: The registration of the Creative Writing Masterclass is ongoing HERE. Limited slots available.

***

UPDATE: 

This story has further developments. Buckle in, and read more HERE.

 

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229 Comments
    1. Listen to Bruce Hornsby and The Range- Mandolin Rain.
      Apt sound track for this sad story.
      If only the military could take Edd back, he’d have a brotherhood to belong to.

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    1. My primary school principal always told us “a dog does not go back to it’s vomit” words that resonate to me right now as an adult.

      Once a soldier always a soldier, don’t give up bro! (((((hugs)))))

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  1. Such a sad sad story.

    I realise as i grow older that men who accomodate women whims too much always end up loosing.

    A man being a leader needs to make decisive decisions that may strain the relationship at the beginning but may pay later.

    Unfortunately for our soja boy, one way or another he was going to loose the lady. Their foundation was very weak & the families were not behind them.

    I have really felt his sadness. I hope he finds a reason, a purpose to wake up in the morning. Most soldiers after leaving service fall into depression and sometimes take their own lives. Out he, they struggle to find a ‘brotherhood ‘. Out here people just don’t give a f__k

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    1. Can u guys beleieve all this was nonesense! Yani this guy is this good. He made all of us sad for nothing.
      Humans will never cease to amaze me. When i think i have seen it all, more shockers await. The bloody guy lied to Biko with a straight face. Waah! I am not meant for this world. It’s too complicated for me.
      I think there is no mythical devil. It was meant as a description of the evil that lives amongst us. So disappointed…… Argh!

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  2. Is this life worth living?
    What makes one desire to live many days on earth ?

    You find one whom u care about ,but feelings are not reciprocated.You seek to live for God but that too seems a vagurle reason for desiring long life.

    What exactly is life?

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    1. It’s vain, that’s what life is. In about 130 years from now give or take, everybody alive-right this moment, right this second- will be dead. Live and enjoy life, and always do what pleases you. After all, a person needs just three things to be truly happy in life; someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. Life gets easier when you just accept that life isn’t always fair.

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    2. Life.
      Life, true life, is not found on earth. There is no reason to desire long Life on earth. Its all vanity. At the end of it is death…so useless.
      There is one who said, The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly..John 10:10 This is the true life. The one that’s everlasting. The one that comes…. from LOVE!

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  3. Where does this guy Biko harvest his similes? Bicep lithe size of a blender? Surely now…
    Seriously again, mighty hats off for guys who do what they have to do, for their country. I feel this guy’s pain
    It drowns my lungs
    May God reveal Himself and restore your happiness brodher

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  4. if loving someone was as easy as giving someone your kidney…..id give bolliscot mine……this guy should not loose hope time heals all wounds even though the scars will remain. he will get back on his feet and find peace and happiness…to all 51 humans who are willing to donate their kidney…..thanks for being human shows the world is not going to the dogs as we would like to think…..and hey what if heaven is people? like good people are heaven? means we have experienced heaven atleast once or twice no?……anyway peace

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  5. Oooiiii
    Sigh.
    Aki, the part where he says that his ex wife has moved on with her life and posts pictures of herself with her new man and the kids, his kids. That broke my heart.

    I hope things look up for you.
    In the meantime, could you please stop looking at her social media? It’ll break your heart every time.
    All the best, and thankyou for the noble thing you’re doing, donating your kidney.

    PS: Haiya Biko, gospel music?

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  6. Such a sad turn of events, yet heartwarming that he is giving out his kidney to Josh. I really hope things turn around for both of them. In the meantime, I am saving his email, just in case something comes up.

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  7. When such a guy becomes desperate it’s very dangerous, can you imagine if alshabaab gives him an offer and he decided to take it up?
    I pray that things work out for him soon,no situation is ever permanent. This too shall pass

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  8. Biko unapenda kututoanisha sana, and it makes me as a reader feel stupid to believe you in the first place. For instance,
    ‘Babe, I have been in great darkness without you, no lamp, no candle, lost and gutted but now you are here and my heart is lit with the bright fire of your love.” OK, he didn’t say that.
    But I always laugh it out and forgive you.
    Love can make you do things that you don’t believe in and without intense thinking about your future might make you regret in the long run.
    Our guy should have invested in something first before quitting his military job.
    Like the youth now say, ‘ngatafuta bisnes lenjit, ngawelekea pesa, ngaacha kazi ya military ngafanya na mpenzi’………

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  9. First of all hats off to Officer Bolliscott here for donating a kidney to a stranger. It speaks volumes.
    That said, I believe something drastic must be done to salvage this country of creeping male weakness.
    1. How in the name of Jehovah Wanyonyi do you as a man take back with open arms a woman who dumped you, much less one who contemptuously left you for another man?
    2. Women don’t know what they want. They will make you weak then blame you for being weak. That’s why Bolliscott’s wife pushed him to quit his job then blamed him for the ensuing consequences.
    3. It will take me a while to digest how a most masculine man, in this case a true soldier, would allow himself to be emasculated in this manner.

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    1. True bro, moreso number 1. A real man’s heart should be a one way passage. You leave, I close it to you forever, however much I loved you. Not everyone is for you but the one for you is one among many.

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    2. The world would be a better place if we could stop judging others…I mean the bro is already hurting ,the best you can do is be alittle gentle.
      Honestly ,soldier boy got a big heart…served his country and even risked it all for love …to me he is a hero ,a man with a big heart,despite it all he’s still got live for mankind and is willing to donate his kidney to a total stranger who needs it to be able to be there for his kids…I mean this is nothing but pure love …
      I love his love

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      1. Understand this Rita, men don’t roll like that. Iron sharpens iron. There is nothing more effective in sharpening a fellow man than brutal honesty. The quickest way for a man to feminize himself is to soak in too much feminine energy. This softness with which you suggest we handle him is not manly. It’s about time women shut the f**k up and let men be men.

        14
        1. your take on what being a man is so flawed.However ,you are a reflection of the environment(family,friends and immediate society) around you.Our Hero,Bolliscott ,needs help.Its sad to to say that the women in his life have emasculated him,beginning with his mother,wife and mum in law.

          Its very easy for him to turn around his life by helping him discover himself (love himself,be firm,set boundaries and lead) Its hard to give from an empty cup.

          Biko kindly encourage him to seek professional help.Sometimes you have to kneel down in order to effectively receive.
          i highly recommend that he finds her-She is- Alice Njambi
          @theconscioustransformationcoach · Coach

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  10. Human beings are unbelievable. This is a lesson taught. Never sacrifice what you love for someone else. Love is a beautiful and dangerous game but I wish there were rules to follow. I feel sad for his misfortune and hope everything is going to be okay for him. Keep being positive and have hope.

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    1. There is guide on true love.Understanding then experiencing true love with yourself.That is why the bible says,love your neighbor as you love yourself.God recognizes that in order to let someone experience your love,you ought to have experienced it yourself.

      This is a blessing in disguise.Its a red bulb that he needs to deal with this now.Its not about his children,his wife,his mum or anyone else,its about him .

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  11. Oh Oh Oh LIFE! “Nobody should quit what they love doing (passionately) for their spouses”……that cut is too deep. May the good Lord grant you another chance. Hugs bro.

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  12. In war, whichever side may call itself the victor, there are no winners, but all are losers. Neville Chamberlain
    He fought and won so many battles away but lost at home. Home where his heart is, sprawled in dusty sooty ruins.
    The scars he carries will forever remind him of the trenches and pits he’s gone through. His heart bleeds not from the bullet holes inflicted on enemy territory but from love. Bleak, deep blue black love and his mind is just but shreds, strings ,broken twigs and derelicts of his former self. like the proverbial phoenix he shall rise from the ashes. For he is a borne fighter and love was his poisoned chalice. He shall rebuild . He’ll get back his Kingdom, even start over in new lands where he shall be King.
    The guns fell silent but in his heart and mind the war rages on. How ironical it is to loose yourself in the quest to finding yourself.
    To God ,country and a mans heart.

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  13. He’ll get through it. God does wonders. His powers are never in doubt. I wish the soldier well. He gave himself for the nation and lost all. But at the right time, God will restore him

    4
  14. This was rollercoaster. When I started reading it, I felt like I was reading a Kenyan version of Forrest Gump saving his comrades in Vietnam as bullet wheezed above him and around him and his never dying for Jenny Curran… and then it became teary because it reminded me of a time when I called my ex-girlfriend and she refused to pick my calls only for her to later tell me: “Nilikuwa kwa bwana yangu, mbona unakaa kunipigiapigia. I said it is what is; you and I cannot be anything now”. And then I felt sad for him when I read that he had quit his job for love because I came to learn that that could be the worst mistake a man can ever make. I remember that when I was young and stupid, I quit one of the two jobs I held because I wanted to spend some more time with my girlfriend and it backfired financially in a way that developed my character. I know this is a very unpopular opinion but as I have said before here, men must lead and women want men who lead financially, emotionally and knowledgeably. The moment you stop being a leader in the small domain that is your house is the moment people start knocking at [your] door at 2am wakisema ‘Nifungulie’.

    Okay, this is the reality of life; women are attracted to status, financial potential and ambition whereas men are attracted to a woman’s youthfulness and beauty. I read this in an evolutionary psychology textbook and I don’t argue with science. . I know I am going to irk social justice warriors on this forum but I believe that this is not a safe space for anyone. That is the reality and hayo mengine ya kusema I am perpetuating sexist notions and patriarchy tumuachie Simone de Beauvoir na wenzake.

    Anyway, I digressed. I think the worst mistake he did was to go back to an ex. When one does that, it basically means that you are an option that pops up when she has space and time for options. You will always be treated as an option especially if you lose your status; the very thing that makes a man compete effectively in the dating pool. I really hope and pray that he gets a job and I wish him all the best.

    43
    1. Don’t worry about irking anybody. Let big meaningless words like sexist, misogyny, toxic whatever not intimidate you. Just be the man you must be and speak up unapologetically.

      13
    2. @Mkosa Adabu, My views totally align with yours. Haujakosa adabu!

      A few weeks ago, @Hush was stoned along these streets for speaking the same truth.

      7
    3. Despite having mkosa adabu as your name , I agree with you on most of the things you’ve said. Us (women) can be love thugs

      2
    4. Men, stop simping! Women punish simps very ruthlessly. This story has really proven everything that the RedPill and men like Amerix preach.

      2
    5. Looks like we expressed very unpopular opinion in defense of a psychopath. I take back my words but the core remains; men ought to work on themselves. A good man is one who is responsible enough to know that his family is well taken care of. Work on your status, feed your mind and make sure you are at the top of the food chain. Usije kulia huku na hadithi za kaka sungura kama baba mdogo hapa.

  15. Maaaaaaan!!! What is this life?? He has a fully functional healthy body but he feels like he has nothing to live for. Josh has been ailing, and he has everything to live for (read his son).

    This is a really noble thing he wants to do though, give someone else another chance at life.

    I’m really rooting for both of you!!!

    4
  16. One of the takeaways is that when you give up what you love doing, even if its for the people you love, you end up losing an integral part of yourself. You may lose everything, but the most tragic thing to lose is Yourself. However, I don’t think this Fighter has lost himself-evidently by his desire to give a part of himself to Josh, in order that Josh gets to see his child grow.

    The tide will turn for you Fighter. Fight on!!!

    9
  17. Clearly love is not enough to sustain a marriage. That’s all they had from the get go. Both their moms were right it wasn’t going to work in the long run

    6
  18. Men, if a woman says let’s work it out after coming from another break-up, RUN!
    Here is some nugget for the day….“Nobody should quit what they love doing for their spouses. It comes to haunt you.” Need I say more?

    10
  19. I really hope he gets a job,such a selfless soul in this selfish world. Lesson learnt: Be committed to your purpose always.I believe we can comeback from anything so hold on to hope bro!

    1
  20. Amidst all the madness, the mayhem, the earth is hard and the never ending supply of memes, there are still a few good people out there… 51 potential donors. I am proud to be Kenyan.

    6
  21. He has just started his new lease of life, enjoy it all the way Sir! Time to let God fight for you.
    Biko,continue doing what you do,blessings galore!

    1
  22. This is horrible! Make him leave his job, burn his certificates, get a restraining order then sleep soundly at night knowing you’ve ruined someone’s future… aii? her humanity must have taken a trip to Mars and decided to settle there! Praying this man catches a break! Men are people too…

    16
  23. Well, this story turn around on its head quickly. It possesses almost everything. From biceps like a blender to, in his words, ‘Living under peoples mercies’ .
    But these millitary men and women go through a lot. Boni Forest is crazy!
    May heavens bless our (wo)men in the forces.

    May he relocate his path.

    5
  24. Very sad for what Bollis has had to go through.

    Over my short life, I have learnt a few truths, that I keep validating almost daily.

    1. Love is transactional. Never lose your leverage. For Bollis, the job was the leverage.

    2. We always want what we can’t have, and despise that which is readily available. It always happens that those you love, rarely love you back, while those who would die for you, you don’t give a second glance. That’s why men chase after the most slippery girls, while girls are ready to stake it all for committed men.

    3. Sometimes, the gender of Eve is by default led by animalistic instincts. Think about all male animals in the bush, even birds. They mostly have to fight it out, sometimes to death, just for a chance to mate with the females. The females just sit and enjoy the show. Its natural selection, has happened since creation, and no amount of love can win against it. For humans, its about security, especially in terms of provision.

    4. We never run very far from our genetic heritage. When choosing a wife, be more keen about the mother. The daughters turn out to be replicas, if not worse. I would say Bollis’ wife will turn out with a worse character than her mother. The insults from the MIL were not because of tribe!

    5. Life is made of seasons, just like the climatic ones. A season of plenty and lack, of love and hate, of health and sickness etc. While in a bad season, just be hopeful that a better season will come along, and when it does, recognize it and stock for the bad season. A better season for Bollis will come along.

    6. A lady who loves you in your poverty is investing in your dreams. She sees your rugged potential, even in that single roomed house in the ghetto. She will support you, because she knows higher dividends are in the offing. I haven’t quoted Omanyala, its the truth.

    That’s the order of the universe.

    I wait at the stoning square, for the feminists with a few stones they wish to throw.

    70
  25. What a sad story. May well wishers come through for this guy, that he may be able to get something to occupy him and earn his living. May God reward him for being selfless and even offering to donate his own kidney amidst all the troubles he is going through.

    2
  26. Urghhhhhh ! I shed a few tears for him. He sacrificed so much for love. May God open doors for him. May this be a new beginning for him. May he get past the PTSD, the heartbreaks, and embrace happiness, self-love and may he find a new kind of love within himself and family.

    2
  27. Oh my!
    This story gives me Samson and Delilah vibes. Another strong man who was humbled by his love for a woman. No wonder King Solomon said “Love is stronger than death.”
    I hope the best for him and pray that opportunities will come his way. I think it is possible to apply for replacements for a lost passport, and as well for certificates (from former institutions of learning).
    I’m a firm believer in the God of second chances. Not all is lost, especially when one has great health and is alive. Just as Samson’s hair begun to grow again, you can begin afresh. Never think of it as starting from scratch, nope….you’re starting from experience. I pray that Josh receives the kidney well and can have a new lease of life. Shalom.

    23
  28. I’m so mad with the ex-wife. When you marry a soldier you know that he will always be out there fighting to protect you and your country. He will not always be home. It should be a sacrifice you’re willing to make. I wish he’d never quit his job. No woman or man should have to quit their job and stay at home to make their spouse happy. Having something to do with your hands is important. Have your own money is key too. As much as we pretend to be in love, the partner not bringing in even ten shillings in a day quickly becomes a burden, a pest. Love cannot buy food, or pay rent or school fees. Love soon turns bitter. I really hope he finds something to do eventually. Heck man, I pray that you become stinking rich and start a new family. Ex-wife and her mother need to hear of your success.

    18
    1. Hehe. She will probably come back for child support if she even as much as suspects he makes 100 bob a day. She strikes me as a very selfish person.

      4
  29. Oh My!! Life….I have a feeling that this amazing man is good people. I mean…he honestly loved the girl. He quit his job. A whole job. A whole career. For his wife and kids. And he is about to donate his kidney. You are good people…You are a decent human being….You deserve all the good things life has to offer…You deserve peace…I hope you heal and that things work out for you because good things really needs to start working out for good people. It is about that time….Also, I hope Josh gets well soon. He deserves to see his son grow.

    15
  30. This is one of the saddest posts….I really feel for that man; talent and resource wasting away. Anyone that can give him a hand wold have done the him and country a favour.

  31. She’s truly diabolical. To burn his certificates to ensure he doesn’t get his act together while she moves on with her life.
    Lesson. Don’t give up on what you love doing/purpose, even if it’s for the love of someone.
    In the Alchemist, Fatima tells Santiago when he proposes to her before finding his Legend… “Love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend(Purpose).
    If he abandons that pursuit, it’s because it wasn’t true love.”
    I hope things work out for him eventually.

    11
  32. Our guy is a study in contradictions. A tough man with a soft core .. driven by emotions in a rational world. As much as his philanthropy is to be admired, it will further cripple his future options his chosen career field. A missing kidney in the security industry can mean the difference between being employed and being unemployable. He dosn’t have to be a martyr .. let someone else take the hit on this one.

    21
    1. You nailed it man.
      Perhaps,nobody will remember this act in five years time,if things still don’t work out.The world here is a crazy one,Bolis, give yourself some love maaan.Just do it.Keep your sh*t together

  33. The gentleman made three grave mistakes-;
    1. He accepted back a lady that left him.
    2. He quit his job and his passion
    3. He disobeyed his mama
    The first mistake is common with people who are love struck, glad he is willing to donate his kidney for a good cause.
    I wish him well in his recovery path.

    4
  34. Ooh God!
    Am so mad at the ex, it costs you nothing to move on swiftly!
    May of second chances locate you ex-soldier. No matter the darkness, the sun will shine!

    1
  35. By ignoring the many red flags,it ended up in ‘proper character development’…
    Once a soldier; always a soldier, the soldier should pick himself up, soldier on and focus on his life, I pray that he will heal, find peace, overcome and find his purpose in life…

    5
  36. When she called that she wanted back after breaking with the other guy, I knew you goose was cooked. She was never in love with you in the first place. Sacrificing for your a country in a battle Field to a woman who is so selfish and only concerned with her happiness, I wish we would be able to tell the future to avoid such fate. Better to find your love in 40s than this sad tale. I have enjoyed the stories of your fights on mission ground.

    Thank you for coming out for kidney donation, but don’t give up, there is more life ahead and you gonna rise up from the ash and build yourself once again and the ending might just be good.

    2
  37. I am sorry for his predicament but I really wish he had set his foundation and that of his marriage unto Jesus the Christ.
    Life isn’t unfair humans are. Trust on Jesus Christ alone.

    2
    1. Paul, I beg, what foundation are these pastors siring kids with every Jane using? Aren’t church wedded men and women committing adulterly and killing each other all over?

      The French say, ‘Ngai ateithagia witeithitie’, which is loosely translated to mean that God helps those that helps themselves. God has given everyone the ‘will’ to do right and wrong unsupervised, and kesi baadaye aka judgement day.

      Take two, and offer real worldly advice to our Soldier here.

      7
      1. @Mehex2 He spoke of Jesus and you reduced the example to humans who crucified Jesus Ghai? The chief priest is the current man of the cloth equivalent. God and Christ and religiosity of some kenyans/humans is not on equal footing. Abeg. Let the man be introduced to Jesus who is the hope giver. He sounds hopeless but with a Jesus heart. He needs to be taught how to decouple well and still look forward to a better fulfilling and purposeful future sans golddigger exwife.

        1
      2. LOL..I don’t think he meant that. In his defense, I’d want to imagine he meant, founding his marriage on Biblical principles. Values, Husband-wife responsibilities &Leadership

        1
  38. She burnt his things? Surely, that was unnecessary. She should have packed them in a bag and thrown them out. At least, he would have had something to work with. Burning someone’s stuff especially important documents sounds very evil to me.

    2
  39. Okay, I can’t stop crying. This is heart warming and heart breaking. My heart is full for Josh, I pray he gets a match. But above all I pray that our lover and fighter gets everything good in this life. It is dark now, but the sun will rise again. You will smile again fighter!

    3
  40. Semper fi! You’ll get back stronger than before. When you get back don’t ever take love seriously and never underestimate whatever a mother in law says. As the mother thinkeths so is the daughter.

    2
  41. Oh man! Her cripppling smile crippled him in the end. What a story. May God restore all that he lost when he sacrificed his livelihood for love. He is such a selfless, kind and generous soul. All will be well soon. Amen.

    1
  42. Oh my goodness! This gender can be ruthless. I just don’t see how she can do that after the great sacrifice of him giving up his job for her. Ungrateful human.

    1
  43. Biko you’re like good luck or magic,, your stories bring up light at the end of tunnels for so many peeps you write about..May he be one of them

    3
  44. I have shed some tears for him. Lets hope time will heal him and that he will get a job or the military will hire him back. Hugs man.

  45. A very sad story. I could feel the story going south the moment he ran back to her…after being dumped and blocked for years until she broke up with her ‘man’. That lady is a bird, she will always fly away.

    2
  46. ugh…but why do humans forget so fast? Assuming this guy told nothing but the truth, I can only imagine the lies that woman tells those willing to listen to support her reason for kicking a man that was already on the ground. For crying out loud, she wanted that man home, and the man was home….eish… Character development is real. Chei
    And this thing of spouses hiding kids from their other spouses. Really? That kid will be 18 soon, and he/she will make decisions(like leaving with the other parent)and there is nothing you can do! You reap what you sow

    2
  47. It’s never easy to start all over again ,I feel your pain bro. Keep hope alive and remember the rabbit dance it’s only hope that got us to the finish line despite the bulk on our backs yet attain that slot in the elite squad. Wearing that tab with pride. Only for the special breed of men, once a soldier always a soldier. A brother you are. Keep pushing and soldiering on

  48. Wow long live Eddy. I’d say karma happens because I’ve seen it first hand! May the Lord come through for you Eddy.. Hugs on hugs

  49. This is very sad! The marriage was short-lived. Clearly the doctor never loved him. But why should one burn someone’s certificates? She is mean. Let her enjoy the honey moon. She will reap whatever she has been sowing.

    5
  50. Oh, wow! Someone give this highly skilled individual an opportunity to thrive. Not just a job because Special Forces types also happen to be particularly intelligent. I wish I was in a position to help.

    Lakini sasa Biko, there’s 3 typos in today’s script…you need to have some words with your editor

    “…Jealous scalded his heart” – *Jealousy
    “…his statue” – *stature
    “….tunkers” – *tanks

    Aki pole. After the third one I simply couldn’t hold it in anymore. My profuse apologies.

    3
    1. LOL.. like, you cannot get past that! LOL..I relate. But on this one, I never noticed. I guess the story’s too heartbreaking to even focus on minor errors. Heck, Biko, you can do all the grammatical mistakes, you’re forgiven.

      1
  51. This is a pretty sad story…everything gone because of “love”
    May a job come through for him…she is happy until God answers.

    1
  52. In the military,I guess,you do Christ’s job- giving or losing your life for the ones you love.Donating a kidney is so very much in order.

  53. I understand the army has a code but i wish rhey would reconsider taking him back even as a demotion.getting men who genuinely want to die for Kenya vile it has shit hole leaders is not easy.

    2
  54. …a hush ceremony at the IG, AG? Patience. Patience is key. Wish you well for you mean well for your family. A kind hearted warrior you are man.

  55. Such a sad story. He has picked his lessons and my prayer to the guy is that he gets the courage to move on, relocate his purpose and gets readmitted in the force. Actions have got consequences and believe me her Karma is coming and he will live to witness it and even extend a helping hand to her.

    2
  56. Really sad…
    I wish the army could reconsider and take him back; it’s all he has left.
    May he find light at the end of this dark tunnel.
    May the Lord reward his sacrifices and kindness
    May he find true love to heal his wounded heart.

  57. Thanks for the brilliant through a heartbreaking story.
    I will speak to his mistakes and then how he can dig himself out of his hole.
    MISTAKES:
    1. Oneitis – he believed she was the one for him and suffered a severe case of oneitis. Oneitis is the Disney-indoctrinated belief that there is someone special out there for us. This false belief causes ongoing problems for men across the board. There is no special woman for you. A woman is just a woman. Sure, there are good ones and bad ones. But none is special. And more importantly, none is meant for you.
    2. He fell in love with a woman. A man should love a woman but not fall in love with a woman. Falling in love makes us make irrational decisions and fall completely under the guiles of a woman, which renders us almost infantile. The series of poor decisions he made were because of being in love.
    3. He lost his value – someone mentioned this earlier but called this leverage. As a man, unlike women, you are not born with value. You become valuable. He became valuable as a soldier. By quitting the army, he made himself useless. A man can never and should never quit his job or his purpose for a woman. This was his worst mistake.
    4. He thought she was his. She is never yours. It is just your turn.
    5. He made her the focus of his life. A woman should never be the focus of your life – she should complement your life. If she cannot make adjustments and fit into your life, keep it moving.
    6. He lost his masculine frame. His frame is as a soldier. Once he quit, he entered her frame. That is the same as living in a woman’s house where she is the provider. Now, that is what we call losing leverage. He surrendered his masculinity and became her b*tch.
    7. By taking a sh*tty job, he lost his ability to manoeuvre through life. This limited his scope. He had no network, no savings, no game. He should develop a career, make himself financially independent and hopefully become an entrepreneur.
    8. Never take back a woman who left you. Ever. They never change and desire cannot be negotiated.
    LESSONS AND WAY FORWARD
    1. A woman can never love you the way you would like to be loved as a man. Because of their solipsism, women are incapable of doing so. She will never appreciate the sacrifices you make for her, so it is better that you love her without making any sacrifices. He quit his job for her, and she still spat him out. A woman only loves how you make her feel, not who you are.
    2. A woman doesn’t care about your struggles as a man. Women wait at the finish line and bang the winners. Never make a woman the purpose of your struggles and sacrifices. She will never appreciate it.
    3. Never listen to a woman. Women operate on a whim. Today she wants you. Tomorrow she wants something else. If you read Genesis, God tells Adam the first sin he is punishing him for listening to Eve. Do what’s good for you. Put yourself first. A woman that loves you will come and love you doing what you purpose to do rather than tell you to change for her. The first time a woman tells you to change for her, RUN.
    4. Get financially secure. Get a purpose and commit the rest of your life to that purpose. Do not look for a woman. She will find you chasing that purpose. And never quit your purpose for a woman.
    5. Do the work. Keep working out; keep the military discipline. Do not develop a potbelly and become a mess, drinking alcohol and looking like sh*t. Read books, reflect, dress well and do not neglect your looks. Love yourself. Do not be afraid to start from scratch. You are still young and your life is ahead of you.

    13
  58. A Rainbow will shine through one day. Now is to let the thunderstorms and lightning bolt do their thing…..it’s only a phase.

  59. I know a few people were expecting a happy ending when doctor Love called our Bolliscott out of the blues saying that they broke up with “My Man”. It doesn’t work like that. If they go back to you because they broke up with someone they replaced you with, they will eventually meet someone to replace you with in the future. It’s a question of when, not if. It is in the constitution gentlemen. The other thing, gentlemen, if you have 2 thao in your pocket and your wife has 198K, the faster you realise that the total amount of money in that house is 2K and not 200K, the better for the both of your and your kids if you have them. And after realising this, then you will never sacrifice your source of livelihood for anything, not even love. In one of your fights, you will say I did this and that because I love you, then she will shout that love cannot fill an empty stomach, or pay rent. I hope and pray that the universe repays our boy Bolliscott a hundredth fold for all the sacrifices he made for his family.

    6
    1. Coming to think of it now that I have read the ex-wife’s side of the story (partially), the boy Bolliscot and with all due respect, can go intercourse himself for wasting our emotions. Apologies to the ex-wife for misjudging her. Back to you in studio

  60. There are many kind and humane people out there only that they are taken for granted!! Josh’s story was desperate.. one of my sisters said she’d donate a kidney if she were a match..
    Now this Lover and Fighter .. thank you for your service and sacrifice. May you be blessed and healed.. better things are coming your way.

  61. Men and women should give their partners a chance to start over. Burning certificates and important documents?? Cutting them off from their kids? What cruelty!! No scorn should make you destroy someone’s life, that just spites the love you once claimed to have for them. Shame!

    1
  62. This is sad…. Was excited about the whole thing, having nurtured ambitions to join the forces and make it to special forces and yet the journey didn’t even begin…….

    You had to go through this, see this side of her for you to truly heal. And now when life comes calling because it surely will (career n all), make sure to savour the calm after this storm. Align priorities, and no woman- love and all who has your best interest would allow you to resign and go be cabbages in the house. Am So sorry mate, but mark this, you will recover, and you will bounce back.

    And when you do, we want that story of redemption.

  63. Bollis Scott officer,your good heart will open new big doors for you.Your wife never deserved, she was trouble since ‘my man’ era-sorry to say that.
    But you know what they say about karma and malipo ya dunia.
    Keep strong.If i hear of therapist who will do you a pro bono…..I’ll surely connect.You need lots of it bro.

    1
  64. I’m wondering if he can get duplicates for his certificates. Has he contacted issuing institutions. Today I will pray for him. Having been raised in a military camp I know it’s not easy and the pay I came to find out later was not all that. I hope this opens up unimaginable doors. You will thrive!

  65. Officer Scott, thank you for your service to our country. You are a hero.
    Guys, any recommendations for jobs/work for Officer Scott will be appreciated. I believe if he gets this part of his life sorted out, he will be off to a good start.

  66. I think it’s worthwhile that all men enroll to #masculinitysaturday class by @amerix

    Am so sorry for the guy. Hope things will get back to normal soon

    1. Al I could think of was Amerix as I read through the story! Even the mum tried to warn him but he was too blinded. Sad.

  67. We have moms and sisters. Though good they are, men ought to be veery clever when it comes to women. On one hand women can prove to be the best thing that happened to our lives and on the other the very reason to the end of a man who not only had dreams but a life. I will not categorically say that women are bad but i will without a doubt tell men, my fellow men to be veery cautious when it comes to these women.

  68. Burning his certificates was demonic!! She left him naked, and that will take time to heal & recover. Daughters of Jezebel though!! Anyways, I wish him the very best and hope everything will work out for him soon. The kind of men that I would love to date, to help them heal…….

    2
  69. God bless you Biko for the kindness that you show to people and God bless him for choosing to be a donor. In due season, God will restore his life.

  70. I felt boldness at first and now my eyes are red. I really know how it feels to wake up and just sit in the house with nothing productive to occupy your day.

    He’s a man with a big heart, willing to help even in his agony.

    May the doors of luck open in his favor.

    1
  71. My heart has wept reading this. People go through so much for other people, loosing themselves while at it. Love is a mystery that will never be solved, so much pain and heartache. And yes, people are going through shit out here.

  72. This one! It brought out all sorts of feels. Sigh!

    Anyone who even toys with the idea of burning someone’s papers or destroying their means of livelihood has a special kind of mean in them.

    Pole sana for all you have been through, also thank you for your service. It’s my prayer that good fortune finds you.

    I hope Josh gets a match for his kidney and gets to have that extra time with his son.

  73. ….and to think I was here smiling and expecting a happy happy ending..but what is life Hugs soldier boy….this hurts..but there shall be light.

  74. Have come to learn nothing will mess your life up like love. I know no one chooses who to love and love doesnt give a warning but your biggest threat is a broken heart esp for a man no one will ever understand your pain no one . Am sorry for this guy his loss I pray he gets a job and thanks for your service Sir . May God bless your big heart

  75. Someone get rid of the onions I’m so happy for Josh and i hope he gets a fit donor and lives to do the things he wants to. Also, I think people need to choose people they can accept as is. This thing of making people change to fit to yours is shitty.
    To our soldier, I hope you find something that works for you ♥️ I hope you find love that honors you and yours.
    Thank you chocolate man for keeping the pen alive, Always, We are shaping society a story at a time.

  76. Men, whatever you do, never quit your job if you have a family to cater for unless you have something running that will sustain you(if they decide to quit) and family ( if they stick). Always be the leader. Tough lesson here for men. I wish the Soja finds a way out soon. I applause him for his intended sacrifice for Josh. May you find peace man!

  77. Women can be so damn cold.
    As a Kenyan who sleeps soundly at night because of men like you I say this from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your service, soldier. Soldiers never die, hang on in there, help is on the way.

  78. Unpopular opinion – I’d love such a marriage. I love my space to a pathological degree – and would enjoy living with someone who goes away for long stretches of time and lets me breath.
    I’m sorry special forces guy, truly. Life sucks when it doesn’t go as planned. Wishing you every joy, God Bless You for helping Josh out.

    2
  79. The heart wrenching power of love…..soldier on soldier, climb one more mountain, cross one more valley, swim across one more river, just don’t give up. Soldier on!!!!!

  80. True love leads to death in all its forms, romantic or agape. Look at Romeo and Juliet, Pompeii, even Jesus that loved the world ended up dead. But like all earthly things, there is some silver lining to this shit we call life, someone may get a kidney out of all this trauma. I have lots of hope for this special forces dude. Things eventually turn around, don’t give up and keep that big heart.

  81. ‘I was sure my body would be handed to my mother, my comrades would ensure that.’
    That made me shed a tear. The sacrifices these men make for their country.
    I agree no one needs to sacrifice all that for love. After all, when they married she knew what she was getting herself into. Love is about being accommodating and accepting.
    I pray he gets it all back. Tenfold.

    1
  82. This story is so touching. Double or triple loss of what you loved. May he find a job that will give him even half the satisfaction he got from the military and a selfless lady to walk the journey of healing with. May God reward his selfless act to Josh with long healthy and satisfying life.

  83. Wah! I have just read fairy tale and omg! These lies are quite true and convincing…man!! The guts to even get teary! The heights..fictional is an understatement!! I think we lie on so many potentials! Am sure someone cried while reading and is somewhere empathising. Haha..nice one!

  84. That’s one of the most emotional articles have ever read, Biko in this country I think there are people living hopeless lives because of the people they once considered special to them.one big lesson is never stop what you love doing because of your spouse. Thank you Biko.

  85. life is very tricky @ a loved one somebody whom you valued and left everything on there behave now they are happily living with another.

    what is life???

  86. I can clearly picture this military man. I like him at the forces.
    Women can be nasty like that? He truly loved her, with every nerve.
    I pray that he gets the job back and continue protecting us, the country.
    Should I get any referrals, will definitely send. God is with you, sir.

  87. And then it unfortunately turns out that he was lying all along…. Sad. Why would someone make up such a story?? I will tell you what his motivation was, Chocolate Man… He had none. He is just narcissistic, and every fiber of being in his body is just full of lies.

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  88. Too many gaps. Being a pioneer Special Forces operator for this country, I’ve seen so many gaps in this story.

    Biko, please do get in touch with me (0706761858) whence you get any such stories. This bloke is a FRAUD! Not known among the cycles as well. WE HAVE VERY SAD STORIES, yes (I’ve equally been through PTSD and all), but this dramatization isn’t even fair for the legendary achievements of the UNSUNG HEROES that we are.

    Overall, too much BS here.

    2
  89. I love stories about love. This one has such a sad ending. He loved her. Where does the love go?
    Taking with me this line:

    “Nobody should quit what they love doing for their spouses. It comes to haunt you.”

  90. Wow. that’s a great article. thank you for highlighting the plight and challenges that our friends in the military and in extension the disciplined forces go through. God bless

  91. I know the dilemma that you were facing while making the decision to leave the special forces , unfortunately the fact remains that you left your your men behind i.e. ( S.F and FAM) I guess choices have consequences and we do learn from our mistakes.

  92. I read this story a while ago. Then today being kdf day,it kept ringing in my mind(the Somalia part). So I decided to come back and re-read the whole story.
    And now am sad and I really hope he gets something that fits his talents.

  93. I pray he re- discovers who he was before he was a soldier, before he was a father, before he was “babe”

    All the best

  94. “Nobody should quit what they love doing for spouses. It comes to haunt you.”
    This is gospel truth. The story is somehow personal for me and I would preach from the mountain tops that no one should ever put his life on hold for someone else. We are out here doing for people things they would never do for us and when it’s all over, we’re left alone, broken. You are your first love.
    My heart goes out to this guy. If anyone could help him get back on his feet doing what he loves, that would go along way.

    1. Hey Judy, …& new readers

      Turns out this chap was a whole lying truck of Kanjo garbage, went ahead & ruined Biko’s atmosphere.

      This story is ‘How it started’
      Kindly head on to part 2/ ‘How it ended’ – The Fairy tale

    2. Hey Judy, …& new readers

      Turns out this chap was a whole lying truck of Kanjo garbage, went ahead & ruined the darn atmosphere.

      This story is ‘How it started’
      Kindly head on to part 2/ ‘How it ended’ – The Fairy tale

  95. “‘There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.’ The latter is worse.”