Night Of Long Knife

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Having a phone interview is weird. You hear things in the background; doors opening, whispers, someone asking if you have seen their socks, a cat yawning, the sound of a saw, water running, a cough, silence, tears, pauses filled with questions….

This is her story.

[Trigger Warning; violence.]

***

It’s weird when someone you have shared a bed with, and shared all the intimacy that comes with that, someone who has constantly told you that he loves you, stabs you in the leg with a sword. You don’t register the stab at first because you don’t imagine that your lover would stab you, let alone in the leg. It’s painful as hell, of course, but the realisation that he would dare harm you in a way that cuts your skin and draws your blood with the intention of inflicting grave bodily harm, hurts even more. Because that’s what he intends to do. That’s what he has been saying he’d do for the past hour or so. And now, as you slowly slide to the floor of the kitchen, in shock and pain, clutching the bleeding wound on your leg, you realise that perhaps today is the day you die in the hands of your lover, in your kitchen, this very kitchen in which you have cooked many loving meals for him. It dawns on you that you might not leave this kitchen alive, that you will bleed to death on the tiled floor as he scorns, taunts and threatens you, as the scones you are baking slowly turn brown in the oven.

But let’s start with how I got here, on my own kitchen floor, bleeding from a sword wound, my baking interrupted.

We met at work, at the parking lot in 2015. A colleague introduced us. He was different, not like the men I was accustomed to meeting. I was accustomed to men who drove Toyota Premios. He was different, he looked at things differently. I liked how his hair would sit after he combed it. I was 30 years old, idealistic, driven and a lover at heart. He was 36, a doctor. Very smart. I started dating him because the child in him brought out the child in me. We were like kittens; goofy, we laughed a lot. Because we had dated for so long, it seemed proper to move in together this year, unbeknownst to me, 2020 had plans of her own.

I came with a child from a previous relationship. A boy. When you bring a male child into a relationship, the dynamics are trickier. These are two men, and men – like all animals – like to make things about domination. Thankfully my son was nine years old when they met, so they had lots of time to adapt to each other, to create their own space. They had a budding bromance. I’m the type of mother who is easy going, I let kids be kids. He’s the authoritative one. That often presented problems in their relationship, especially when my son became a teenager, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.

He drunk. My boyfriend, not my son. I didn’t notice his drinking worsen, but it did. COVID didn’t help. He was drinking at the house; whiskies, beers, whatever, legs stretched on top of the coffee table. We were in a small town not too far from Nairobi. I’m not a small town girl, and I was new there, so I didn’t know how to blend in. I didn’t have friends. Most times he’d be off drinking with his mates. Cop friends. They called him ‘daktari.’ Because he was drinking with law enforcement, he was exempted from curfew time. He’d rock up after curfew time, a bit out of his head but not enough to stagger. Then he would pick fights. Useless fights. Things from before, from the dark ages. So I started sleeping earlier, before his arrival to avoid him and his bickering. Or I’d hear his car reversing into the parking space, and I’d pretend to be asleep. On some days he’d stand there shouting my name, and I’d pretend to be asleep and he’d sigh and let me be, stumbling to remove his clothes. On other days he’d wake me up and go at me with words. He was often inventive with his grouses, lashing out at me, trying to sting me. He became angrier by the day. I thought it was just COVID, staying in the house for too long. I was reading about such things happening to couples during COVID.

In the mornings he’d be a different person, hat in hand, apologising for being an ass the previous night. While stirring his tea, he’d be hunched over, feeling ashamed for the dastardly things he had uttered the previous night, promising not to do it again, to be a better human being. At other times he wouldn’t apologise, he’d be a man about it, looking straight ahead, brushing my complaints aside like flies off his sleeves.

One Friday in March, I came out of the shower and he told me that Y had called me and he had spoken to him and that the conversation had gone south quickly. Y was our mutual friend. They hated each other, an enmity that stemmed from their time in the US where they studied. I don’t know what happened in the US. “Why is this guy calling you?” He demanded, pacing about the bedroom, furious. I told him I didn’t know. I was not having a thing with him, matter of fact, he liked my cousin. To this day, I still don’t know why he called me that night, I never bothered to call him back.

The silent treatment started the next day, a Saturday. He woke up mute, saying so much with his body, but nil by mouth. We didn’t speak the whole day, and that’s not easy during Covid when you are at home together. We ate in silence, our cutlery filling the silence. When we spoke, it was to my son or on the phone. The only human voices came from the TV. On Sunday he went drinking until after curfew when he rocked back, a bit shitfaced. He started having a go at my son who was watching TV. He was being a bit rough with him. I told him to leave the boy alone. He turned and told me gruffly, ‘I’m not talking to you.’ My son seemed agitated, close to tears so I told him to go to his room and cool off. When my son left I told him to go easy on my son, that he’s a good kid. There was some back and forth; words spat at each other. He was seated, still in his socks, talking through the booze. It’s hard to talk to someone who has alcohol in him.

This was not going anywhere. I got up and went to check in on my son who was in his room. He followed me, stalked me, suddenly pinning me up against the wall by my neck. He’s a big man; 100kgs, tall and drunk. His hands on my neck caught me completely by surprise. It felt like an out of body experience, like it was happening to someone else, someone in a newspaper. Things that only happened to others. I couldn’t fight him off. I’m a small woman. I was shocked. Shock gave way to fear. I struggled to pry his hands free from my neck, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t scream because I didn’t want my son to hear; we choose death over disturbing our children’s innocence. When he finally let me go, I flopped on the floor like a ragdoll, clutching my neck, struggling to breath. I was coughing.

In a daze, I walked back to the kitchen. I had been baking earlier. I love cooking and I’m very good at it. I had scones in the oven. I figured I’d go check up on them, that’s how confused I was, here I was, getting strangled by a man, yet all I was concerned about were my scones. I was in a deera, a blue and black deera. He was in shorts because that’s all he wore during Covid. I opened the oven and peered inside at my scones. They looked so safe and warm in there, unlike me. Nobody could harm them there. No big and tall drunkard was trying to strangle them to death.

In the kitchen he kept hissing at me, talking at me, grabbing my arm, shaking me like those Grand Prix drivers shake champagne after a win. His eyes were red. I was silent, because I was scared. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing – my silence seemed to agitate him further. At some point he locked the kitchen door with a key. I saw it happen as if in a trance, in disbelief. He then headbutted me. I have never been headbutted in my life. I don’t know any of my friends who have been headbutted. At this point I thought of my baby daddy, the father of my son, and it dawned on me that perhaps I attracted this kind of man; brutes and savages, men who would headbutt a woman.

I met my baby daddy when I was 18-years old. I had my son at 20. I left him at 26 when he hit me. ‘Maybe I’m attracted to broken birds,’ I thought to myself as I staggered backwards, reeling from the headbutt. I felt my face puff up like the scones in my oven. When we were starting out, we would be in bed on a lazy afternoon, talking like lovers do, limbs intertwined, hearts entangled, and I would tell him about the baby daddy and how he slapped me once and how that made me feel so fearful and dehumanised. He knew my fear and now he was using it against me.

As if on cue, as the loud sound of the oven timer went ‘tiing”, he asked me to make a choice. He said he was going to either cut off my finger or my toe, whichever I could live without. ‘Make a choice,” he said. He was brandishing a Somali sword that men keep under the seats of their cars but never get to use. I don’t know of any man who has ever claimed to use those weapons they keep under their seats. Because of Covid and because he was not using his car frequently he had removed stuff from his car. I was terrified of him, this man who I had shared the last five years of my life with, who was now making me choose, which digit I should live without. He was frantic, interrogating me about things I had forgotten about and I was saying, ‘I’m sorry,’ to every accusation to placate him, to stop him from harming me further.

I thought of my dad as I leaned against the kitchen wall, trying to make myself as small as I could so that he might see me as small and unthreatening. My father worked for Kenya Railways as an accountant and lived in Upperhill. Every school holiday we would leave Kisumu, where we lived, and board the train to visit him. It was the highlight of my childhood, that train ride. We travelled first class. We’d sit in the cabin, in our new clothes, and I’d stare outside at the running and changing landscape – trees and houses and hills and clouds. We’d drink warm sodas and eat cake and we’d be treated like royalty because dad was an accountant with them. Upon arriving in Nairobi, we’d find him waiting at the platform with a smile, a dad smile, happy to see us. I remember the bashes he held, him walking in and out of the house ferrying drinks locked away in the bedroom. Our relatives seated on chairs in the big civil servant gardens. I was a bright student but one day I failed a math question and he came and sat me down and started dressing me down. How could I get this simple sum wrong? What was I thinking? This sum is so simple, he scolded, sitting down with a pen and paper and starting to do the math, all the while scolding me for being lazy and distracted and not serious with education. When he arrived at the answer, it was the same answer I had arrived at and he suddenly changed and started speaking poorly of the teachers, about how wrong they were. Then he stood up and left. I wanted to laugh. I felt so vindicated. Did this guy who wanted to cut my finger off know that I had a father who thought the world of me, who loved everything about me, including all my fingers and toes? Did he not know that I was the apple of someone’s eye?

My son suddenly tried opening the kitchen door. I panicked. I was afraid he would harm my son if he walked in. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to my son. He could hurt me, after all, I chose him but my son didn’t, this was not his bed to lie on. He looked at the door and then we looked at each other. I quickly told my son to go to his room, I’d see him in a few. I heard his shuffling feet reluctantly recede. Would I see him again? Would I see him if this man decided to kill me in this kitchen tonight? The taunting continued and it would continue until 2am in the night. Basically he had held me hostage.

When he stabbed me, I didn’t even comprehend it. The somali sword went through my deera and into my thigh. It wasn’t deep, but it was a wide gush. Whilst I was on the floor, in excruciating pain, I prayed to God. I was telling Him not to let me die in this kitchen. I had a son in the next room. I had just completed my PhD. Of what use was education if I was making choices like these, getting killed by a man in my own kitchen? Who would take care of my son? How heartbroken would my parents be? People would hear that I died, but then they’d think I died of COVID only to be told that no, I was stabbed by my boyfriend.

I started begging him. Pleading with him. I will never forget the expression on his face. He was enjoying it. That’s what disturbed me the most. He was enjoying torturing me. This whole scene felt like I was in those spy movies where someone is locked in a room and a mean guy is torturing them for information. I prayed for my son not to come to the door because then he would be in danger because my boyfriend had crossed a line from which there was no retreat. My son would want to save me and this man would surely kill him. Then he’d have to kill me too.

He leaned against the counter, sword in hand, as if contemplating his next action, hopefully not where to hide my body. My pleas seemed to be working because he suddenly said, ‘let’s go to bed.’ He said it in the tone a man would use to tell his woman that it was bedtime after they had been sitting on the sofa watching a late-night movie together. My blood had dried. My wound throbbed. I felt faint. He stripped and got into bed and fell asleep almost immediately. I went into the bathroom and cleaned my wound, whimpering silently like the wounded animal I was. I then pressed ice cubes on my face to reduce the swelling. I didn’t want my son to see me looking like that; harmed, broken and defeated. And then I went to sleep.

In the morning he looked shocked to see my face but he didn’t say anything. I made breakfast; mandazis. My son came out of his room to have breakfast. I couldn’t look him in the eye. He never said anything but he knew what had transpired because it had been loud and also, who locks the kitchen door? Questions sat heavily between us like a tumor. The next few days he locked me in the house. I couldn’t leave. I was making plans to escape to Nairobi. He stayed in the house the whole time. I thought of calling the cops but what if his drinking friends picked the call? I didn’t even know if my car could move anymore, it had not been driven since COVID started.

My friends eventually called the OCS. I texted him the directions to my house. Twenty minutes later a platoon of cops showed up at my door; the OCS, the OCPD, a senior sergeant and two other cops. I had never seen so many men at my door. They crowded it. Big men in coats and squeaking radios. I was shaking with relief. They knocked once and when I opened they simply walked in. Cops just walk in, man. Suddenly there were all these men standing in my sitting room, men who were there to save me. My boyfriend was drinking in the room while watching TV, his life going on as usual. When he came out, he looked frightened to see all those cops, one who was his friend. This cop friend of his said, ‘we know each other but I’m here in a private capacity over domestic complaints.” My boyfriend said there was no problem here, just usual domestic squabbles. The OCS turned to me and asked me if I had a problem and I said yes, I did. I don’t feel safe in this house. They asked me to leave with them. I packed a bag and they took me away. We slept in a hotel that night.

You’d imagine that pressing charges after an ordeal like this is easy. Many people tell me that he has to pay. I think he has to pay. But I don’t have the energy for it. For statements. For court, seeing him there. For interrogations by strangers. I’m tired. I got many calls from his friends, his parents begging me not to ruin his life. Nobody thinks about how this has ruined my life, how it has unmoored me from my home, how it has set me back emotionally and financially. All my plans have been scattered. I was hoping that by now I’d be thinking about self actualization, travelling, doing things for myself. Instead I’m battling with self esteem issues, with pain on my body and in my heart. I’m exhausted. I’m homeless, staying with people. It’s hard being housed when you are used to your own space.

I’m struggling to reconcile with myself. I’m wondering if the problem is me. Why do I end up dating people like him? Is it a deficiency deep inside me? Do these men see something in me, something fractured, weak, that attracts them to me? I’m trying to investigate this thing, trying to look at myself differently and not through the prism of how these men looked at me, someone you can headbutt, punch, slap and stab with a sword.

**
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169 Comments
    1. Finally a first comment of maana. Children…. this is how it’s done, no need to run here to shout first it helps NO ONE not even you

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    2. I might sound s bit traditional or mainstream but I think being 36 , successful and single or childless is ared flag by itself.

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  1. I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not weak and fractured. You had the strength to walk away and you have done what’s best for you and your son thus far.

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  2. I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not weak and fractured. You had the strength to walk away and you have done what’s best for you and your son thus far.

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  3. I am also looking at myself and wondering why i attract emotionally abusive men. Is it me? Is it them? Am i meant to ever enjoy life or just to be content with being a single mum? Love, life, complications.

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    1. First of all, it is NOT your fault!!! You need to digest and accept that! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
      Secondly, you will find someone who will treat you like the beautiful soul you are, you only need to learn how to accept point one above, and give time, time. Heal first.
      Also, being a single mom is not at all bad. This too needs to be accepted. Having been raised by a single mommy, i sometimes envy her poise and freedom. So this too is okay.
      Lastly, all my love to you! Love yourself.
      And I am here incase you need a listening ear. I’m good at it.

      And lastly lastly, read Biko’s stories from when he started this space, if you haven’t already. This man is a doctor.

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        1. Isn’t it? It is so important that we love ourselves. And not just that juu juu kind of love. Like deep unfathomable self-love. It is even hard to understand how it is done.

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  4. God have Mercy!!!!! Get up, dress up and show up for yourself and get some help. Forgive yourself, and the person who caused you so much hurt! Set yourself free. Sending love …

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  5. Oh man, this has shattered my heart. One thing I will say though, you will pick up the pieces girl, you are better off alive and homeless than in a home where you walk on eggshells not knowing what he will do next to you or your son. Hugs mama, may God give you direction.

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  6. I’m glad she left immediately after that first incident. She will overcome the self-esteem issues and will most definitely bounce back.

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  7. This is such a heartbreaking read.

    I yeaned to at least get a glimpse of why the man would simply sit and decide that laying hands on a defenceless woman was alright. What could be the reason? Alcohol? Anger issues? Regret? Hate? I mean you do not wake up one day and decide to stab someone with a Somali sword! Especially if that person is your wife!

    Am I wrong for assuming there has to be a reason? Either way, ending up in a hotel room seemed way better than constantly toying around with death in between baking scones.

    I hope life deals her better cards. And that she does not question her own goodness based on the brokenness of the men she has met so far.

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    1. Peter, with risk of putting words in your mouth, are you saying the woman did something to give the man a motive to do this..?? there is absolutely no reason that can warrant someone to stab another person..!!!!

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      1. Wesh isn’t saying that it’s the lady’s fault coz it’s never about what the other person did..All he is saying is that the guy was dealing with his own issues be it anger,low self esteem or being drunk.He just doesn’t understand what would make someone do such a thing so he’d want to know what his trigger was.

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    2. Toying with death in between baking scones? That’s a light moment in an otherwise somber moment . Yeah, people turn to beasts overnight and maybe bring out what they otherwise are?

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    3. I do not think that was what he was implying. I think it is just wondering what motivates a man to be so monstrous to the woman he claims to love. I wonder the same thing. What is going on in their heads when they do such things.

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    4. Peter, these men are simply just cowards who want to “control” the woman in their life, there really isn’t any other profound reason. These same Somali sword wielding men, will never pick a fight with someone their own size or in their weight category. They are cowards

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    5. As a man, I’m asking myself similar questions. I wonder whether there’s any research that’s been undertaken on the causes of, and factors associated with, domestic violence.
      For this particular case, what would precipitate such monstrous actions?
      – inferiority complex? The lady has just completed her PhD
      – mental illness? Depression, bipolar disorder etc.
      – PTSD? Guy’s a doctor and might be acting out on trauma from his work
      – personality? Guy might just be a psychopath whose true nature was suppressed and is now being unmasked by COVID-19 (is there a pun here?)
      Whatever the reason, the good lady did well to move out when she did.

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  8. I am sorry, this happened to you. I wish you a quick recovery. And do not let that idea of you attract those idiotic ,weak men who hit women seep into your mind. Learn from this , forgive yourself.

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  9. Never regret being a good woman to the wrong man. His loss
    Women put themselves through toxic relationships by ignoring all the early signs and warnings of fuckboy behavior. You all stick around because you’re comfortable and hope that the guy will change but in reality he’s not the guy for you.

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    1. WOWWWW Helen! Volume pleeeeaasseeeee. Yes, definitely his loss!!!!!! I’m so glad she left the first time it happened. that is STRENGTH. Some people stay and stay and staaaaaay, haha – and while it may seem stupid/not wise, maybe it’z coz they wait for the good in them, the love that they proclaimed, to surface again. But what I know, if he hits you the first time, he will MOST PROBABLY do it again and again. People treat us how we allow them to. You will be fine. And so will your son <3 Love and hugs

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    2. & I will also blame our African mothers who encourage their daughters to persevere violence in marriages in tha name of ‘let’s meet with him & work things out’…. smh! those beasts never change…. run for safety my dear women & never look back. Am glad she got out with LIFE even though broken…. I pray for your healing sister.

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  10. One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. …No relationship or marriage is worth dying for! go where you’re needed , re-invent yourself.

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    1. I generally ignore narrow minded people. But this level of shallowness is extreme. Is there a study or survey conducted that beautiful women attract violent men? A story so raw, so nerve racking, has nothing to do with looks and yet you manage to trivialize it so. This mindset is what perpetuates violence in relationships.

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  11. “We choose death over disturbing our children’s innocence.” Many are the times parents have shielded their own children from domestic wrangles. I feel pity for the son. I don’t know which notions he has picked up about marriage along the way.

    Remember: The formative years of a child are like wet cement; every impression made on it is hard to change once the cement has dried up.

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  12. You deserve love that makes you feel whole and Safe. Don’t settle for anything less. Ever
    Eventually you’ll meet someone who’s tired of the games and their loyalty will match yours.

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  13. So heart wrenching. Thank God you got out of that house. I held my breath while all the while reading it. Feeling scared for you and your son. You shall get back and reclaim your life.

  14. I’m so sorry you went through this. I pray for your healing. And no, there is nothing wrong with you. It is just that some people are so insecure that they take advantage of well organized go getter women and try to bring them down to prove a point to their selfish beings. I pray you find your footing soon and concentrate on life with your son. Sending hugs your way.

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  15. So heartbreaking!!That man needs to pay for what he did because he will do the same to other ladies…I am not sure about attracting the wrong men but there alot of weak men nowadays who use violence to intimidate women.Some sort of dysfunctional generation???I hope the lady gets therapy and the son as well….

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  16. I’m so sorry for what you went through gal but just as darkness can never stop the sunrise,difficulties can never defeat hope of a new beginning.
    There is God in heaven who gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.So do not fear for he is with you,he’ll uphold you with His righteous right hand.
    Girl,,please inhale confidence and exhale doubt

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  17. I have learnt from COVID that we are so busy with our own lives and 80% of our lives are spent away from each other.
    Take my scenario, for instance, we leave our houses to our respective workplaces every morning, I come home early, mine is an 8-5 job while he runs a business.
    Most times he finds me asleep and the only conversation we will have is that period in the morning when I’m preparing to leave for work which 80% is about the kids.
    In short, we are running through a life filled with so many responsibilities and we never pause to think about our well-being. The only time we are together is during our scheduled yearly holidays which run for one week at most then its back to the grind. we have been married for ten years and I believe we have changed, it’s not about romance and happy marriages it is about kids, parenting, financial stability and what have yous.

    What is happiness when you have responsibilities?

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  18. What was that quote again? ” First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man”. The man is wrong, not wrong in what he does or has done but wrong as a person, he is a brute. Whatever people say about drinking, there is just a sense in which one looses control after a drink and if they are a brute of a person, the drink will simply bring this out and they can/will cause someone, even a loved one, harm! You can tell from his reaction the morning after such brutalisation of someone he loves, There is a sense of shame/guilt but he fails to admit when he very well knows what he did the day or night before!
    No, this does not excuse him, never! But it does also remind us of the dangers of alcoholism! If we can avoid it, the better! That said, is so very unfortunate for the loving lady and her son whom the brute has now ruined emotionally. It may be hard for her to follow through the process, but the man ought really to have the book thrown at him for this violence. And it doesn’t mean even if she chooses to forgive him, which she will have to consider at some point in her life to be free completely of him, he shouldn’t go scot-free! I am for such people paying the price.

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  19. Prayers move mountains may our God open your ways and don’t report to any authority cause I believe the best report comes from God himself Amen.

  20. and there are people calling her telling her not press charges?!! the only two addresses he should be allowed at is prison or a mental institution (there is a third option but we are not God)….. what covid has taught many people is that they are not really sure what type of person they cohabiting with…..I hope she finds peace there is therapy too talk to someone. And teach your son that love is many things but its not hurt….. I wish her well she is stronger than she knows and to anyone else out there afraid to leave because of so many reasons read this……life is short and everyone deserves happiness…..peace.

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  21. Such a sad story. Its shit when u always tend to attract these weak men who end up being abusers. It’s normal to wonder if you are the problem but darling you are not. Dust off n leave that sucker alone. You are destined for greatness

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  22. This is just…..
    Please please when you feel stronger press charges.ruin that matha fackaz life.he is going to do it to another woman and we must look out for each other.let him serve time.get beaten up in jail.maybe he will deal with his own demons.

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  23. COVID-19 came with masks and we all struggled and still struggle with them to protect ourselves. Unfortunately so, it unmasked most people’s inbuilt and hidden traits. Most people will come out of it with better decisions… I hope she presses those charges. It’s beautiful that she finally walked out alive.

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  24. Incase you read this, I am so sorry. I am sorry that at some point you blamed yourself for attracting such. I am sorry that just like you, we have shared our most secret fears and those men ended up using them. I am certain that you will rise again. I do not have a son but I really hope you will have candid talks with him about what happened, for closure. God will send you someone at some point, I dont know when but your companion is out here. It is only a matter of time. I have cried through your story especially with you blaming yourself for the men you attract. Am barely in my mid 30s and I know that too well. I am working on being better ( books and job aside). Take time, love those close to you and find your tribe. I wish you all the best.

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  25. Jesus!

    I have always thought that I’ll never read a more heartbreaking story on Bikozulu. And then I do.

    This made me scared too. As a young person looking forward to marriage, how you think you know someone-5years, and later they stab you on your kitchen floor. This is really scary to think about. There are no guarantees in life for sure. Non whatsoever.

    I pray that she truly heals from this, and her son as well. It’s the most I can do❤

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  26. There’s need to address the underlying cause in Gender based violence. We talk about women being battered/raped and not enough on Men perpetrating the VIOLENCE.

    His family concerned about the guy’s life yet she is the VICTIM.

    Let’s include MEN in GBV talks, koz we have included women so far but still cases are rising?

    We need inclusion of MALE perspective..
    Great article Biko

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  27. Aaaahhh…this whole script took me back to a time I’d rather not relive.
    It was ugly, nasty…and I questioned myself, beating myself up.. why did I ever attract such men. I’ve had 2 near-death experiences with different men In a spun of 4 years ,under 30 years of age. Why?? Where did I go wrong??

    I gave up on love….I’m learning to love myself more. I’ve learned to walk away from toxic relationships… and I’m slowing drying my tears and finding emotional stability.

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  28. Everyone has a right to happiness. Covid or no Covid no one should stab the other regardless. Its okay to make mistakes in life. Pick up and find your path. Define and trust a process

  29. How does one heal from pain that is not just physical but emotional and psychological? How does one heal from pain inflicted by the one person they trusted their life, and heart with…Of importance is to remember that this is not your fault. That you are not responsible for the way this man chose to view you. That his abuse, whether he was drunk or not has nothing to do with who you are as a person…and that by choosing to walk away from this you are the ultimate warrior. May time, love,talking about it in safe spaces and maybe counselling help you heal. 🙂

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  30. None of it ever had anything to do with you. He was projecting every insecurity he has on you. So don’t you dare think you are broken or damaged. You are whole! He is broken. And abusing you like that is how he feels powerful. And yeah, it’s going to be hard getting out of that place mentally. Cry as much as you want to, get angry as much as you want to. Whatever emotion you have, feel it. But don’t let it consume you. Then remind yourself how much of an amazing person you are. You are worthy. You are stronger than you know. You deserve unconditional love. And it all begins when you learn how to love who you are. Learn what your worth is. Be your own bestfriend. Healing is a journey, a beautiful journey. So pray when you feel like you can’t go on. I promise God will always be there to listen and help you through it. And let no one tell you when to heal. You’ll heal when you are ready. You are amazing. You are happiness. You are love. You are God’s child ❤. And you deserve every bit of happiness and every good thing that comes your way. All i can tell you, sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. And it will get better.
    Don’t be so hard on yourself. Hang in there.

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  31. You are not weak and fractured, you had to strength to leave and think about yourself and your son and that is the only thing that matter. You will get there, one day at a time

    1
  32. This is a mature story. Very interesting & sweet. I like the way you transit your story from one Era to the other smoothly without the reader knowing the disruption. Very good indeed.

    3
  33. Sad story indeed. But there is hope, hope of a better tommorow.
    Covid gas been an eye opener, a brutal teacher, and at the same time, a self realization time. #StaySafe#

  34. I don’t understand domestic violence,how a sane person(assuming) hurts the very people who are supposed to be loved ones!
    Am enrolling in a pyschology class to try and understand human behavior.
    Pole Madam,better safe than dead.Your son needs you more than you ever before. May God reinvigorate you.

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  35. A divorced daughter is better than a dead daughter.You did the right thing and again you taught your son when there is no enough reason to cling on let go.
    #sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go.

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  36. Just incase she reads the comments, I really do hope that you get courage and press charges. It could be draining but it sets precedence and incase he is jailed or faced the law, you may dissuade other potential abusers. Otherwise, he is free to go and ruin another person’s life

    1
  37. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, and that it has affected your self-esteem. Understand that it’s not your fault and that you’re not responsible for the person you love(d) using you as a punching bag when everything this year has gone belly-up.
    I was trying to cover up for a young woman here sometime back. She was stepping on people’s toes all the time and made alot of enemies in a circle I belong to. When I advised someone to cut her some slack, that it’s 2020 and maybe she’s a little bit more stressed than the rest of us; they replied “BS, we are all stressed but we don’t take it out on others.”
    I guess it’s time for everyone to carry their own cross and be responsible for choices they make. It may be okay to listen to all those out there saying, “Oh, don’t press charges, you’ll destroy his career yada yada..” but I think in pressing charges, you’ll ensure what happened to you doesn’t happen to another hapless woman out there..because realistically speaking..unless this brute of a man goes into some therapy or rehabilitation program, or face his demons, so to speak, he may take his sword again and stab another person who may not live to tell the story.
    Anyway, just focus on your healing first..because you are important, and your son needs you, and you did not wish for this current situation. Light and love to you as you heal.

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  38. First of all, I do condemn the actions of the boyfriend…let that go on record. Secondly, with all due respect, ladies see these abuse coming their way but ignore. She choose death over disturbing the children’s innocence??? Like seriously??? Speak up bwana.

    9
    1. The lady was smart enough to spare her child from this insanity. She knew they could be both harmed. What good would that bring. She was well thinking amidst the fear to walk out alive with her child. This could hv gotten worse. The guy is criminally insane. Imagine him as your doctor?

  39. Women do you just want a partner or a soulmate? Do you just want a relationship or Bliss? Don’t settle for anything else stay single until you get what you deserve. Set your own bar.

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  40. Have him prosecuted. If not for yourself, then for the next girl who won’t be as lucky as you to come out of it alive. May God heal your wounds. You are loved by God

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  41. My favorite thing about men we women we fall in love with is how thy fetch us from our peace to serve us a platter of disrespect, inconsistency, unkindness, violence et al. Now as women we must beg the man to treat us as human beings, with dignity, love, keep his word while all along the man came into the woman’s orbit unprovoked, all lovey dovey Yooooh! This is triggering.
    Dearest woman, it’s not you that caused this on yourself. You are worthy of love and respect and kindness. I hope you get the strength to fight back and sue his violent ass, probably just maybe, you end up ensuring that he never does this to another woman. Love and Light to you sister.

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  42. Ooh my..this is so heart breaking and heart wrenching,,It is true about what the bible says, the heart of man is so deceitful, who can understand it?
    May you find peace eventually, the peace of Christ and most of all the Love of Christ and for your son too,
    Hugs to you.

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  43. Felt everything she felt ..fear ,pain , hurt ,betrayal, disappointment in her choices, but she is stronger than she thinks. Walking away from an animal. dnt doubt yourself.

    1
  44. You’re strong. You can overcome the pain. Seek refuge in God. Man/woman will disappoint but God is always there. You don’t need another human being to be complete. search within your soul. Your happiness lies there.

  45. Very sad to be caught up in such a messy web, especially after proclaiming love. In as much as we don’t get to hear the other side, there are lessons and tell-tale signs to learn. May life be good to you!

  46. I can relate to this madness. It is sad but the man you share a bed with can turn very easily and want to kill you.

    You did well to leave. Please do not ever think of going back.. If you do…you won’t be so lucky the next time.

    Sorry for what you went through. I know the fear you felt

    1
  47. This is terrific!
    This section eased my tension though..

    “When he arrived at the answer, it was the same answer I had arrived at and he suddenly changed and started speaking poorly of the teachers, about how wrong they were. Then he stood up and left. I wanted to laugh. I felt so vindicated”

  48. Sorry for this. May God see you through. Isaac dug two Wells that brought hate and contentions but finally got Rehoboth and praised His for giving him room to be fruitful. May you find peace.
    Approach the throne of glory that you may obtain mercy and Grace.

  49. Peter, these men are simply just cowards who want to “control” the woman in their life, there really isn’t any other profound reason. These same Somali sword wielding men, will never pick a fight with someone their own size or in their weight category. They are cowards

    1
  50. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. Your healing takes precedence. Consider getting your son some counselling before full blown teenage comes. He needs to process what being a man is and isn’t.

    I love that you have friends with meddle rights in your life. What a lifeline when a friend can get the OCS to rescue you. You and your son are valued and loved. Peace.

    2
  51. I have had the unfortunate opportunity to live with domestic violence at some point in my life.
    This is an anger trigger. These stories abound, and they leave me trembling with anger.

  52. If you have noticed that you attract such men, please seek therapy. Allow someone to help you uncover why things are that way. By yourself, you can’t see it. A therapist will uncover it for you. And you will never be the same. There’s freedom in unfolding your hidden traumas. We don’t even know they exist.

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  53. To the woman who has been through this, and to the women still going through this I am sorry. I am sorry that you have to question yourself everytime such barbaric acts are meted on you. I tell you this from a vantage point of personal experience you are not at fault. Your choices are not in question here either. It is not your weakness or your decision that is on trial here. Your partners have failed you. I was a woman beater, a blemish I now seek to aton for with my life. Being a fractured man I channelled my inadequacy, my insecurities and my shame through agressive behavior.

    I had a skewed ideology of what it means to be a man, to be a head of the house. I felt emasculated in my relationship and my avenue of regaining control was through breaking my partner, emotionally, mentally and eventually physically. I moved from having a girlfriend to having a wife and nothing changed then I got a child and thought it would get better but nothing changed. Nothing changed because I was still the same man. I was a ship without a rudder, I still had insecurities, still felt inadequate and still brimmed with toxic masculinity.

    I have been married for 3 years now and my wife (who left two years into the marriage) just recently came back home. I had a one year separation which prompted me to look at myself. All men really should. Before your wife can respect you, you have to love her. The Corinthian’s love instructions cover what you are to espouse. Disclaimer: it is not a multiple choice kind of arrangement what love is defined as is in its absolute!

    For 8 years I have subjected the daughters of men and women to brutal love, I have been forgiven at every turn as I am yet to meet a man as repentant as a violent man. Yet it was only after I took responsibility for what I have done and spoke of my shame that I started experiencing anything close to healing. Over the covid period I have been alone and what better time than this to fully appreciate how good I had it! To those still hell bent on disciplining your partner or wife to stamp authority in your home, to them who would rather slap her than digest that sharp remark she just made, those who choke their partner just to see them on their knees and to tower over them as they cower and tremble wiping off mucus mixed with hot stinging tears and snorting through their pleas. YOU ARE NOT A MAN. Not yet, not until you come to terms with you. Not until you understand what it means to be a household head. Not until you sit yourself down and explain to YOURSELF why you do what you do. If you find even an inkling of pride in it, may your peace too be destabilized may you know what it means to be afraid of not a wild animal but of another human. You are a human behaving like a wild creature and I sincerely hope you get an opportunity to wear your victim’s shoe.

    I am on the path to healing and I am grateful I found forgiveness. I am sincerely sorry for those that have had to face pain because of me I pray that they heal too and rediscover their worth. This story touched too close to home

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  54. You shall be well mami,and congratulations for marshaling the strength to walk out of the abusive relationship…please take time to establish a good relationship with your self first..and thank God you got out alive..NA HII COVID ILIKUJA KUMALIZA FAMILIA AMA????

  55. Tragic, sad and unfortunate. Your best decision? To leave. Gather energy and reboot your life. Take time to understand yourself, get restored and do all you can to mother your son.
    For the boychild-and this is no excuse for violence-we need help and prayers. Many are going through depression. We dont admit. We have trust issues in sharing. We would rather hide it in alcohol. It births anger. Feel misunderstood. Neglected and abandoned. Often breeds violence. In my opinion a couple in similar situation need help-psychosocial support. Ladies help here. When you see sudden change in your partners behaviour, being judgemental is not the right thing. He could be in urgent need for help. Be compassionate and explore a way to have him share it out. Otherwise we all need God’s. Help

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  56. You had plans to travel, self actualization and take care of your self. You had plans to put yourself first and that’s okay. It may take time, but don’t let go of these positive thoughts. I pray you get the strength to start all over again.

  57. I’m so sorry this happened to you… I may not be sure where the problem actually comes from but I’m pretty sure you’re not the problem!!!..

  58. I am sending my love to you. I cannot begin to fathom how you are feeling. Please understand that it is not you that is the problem. Hurt people hurt people. Being a single mum to a boy, I understand your pain and worries for your son. I pray that things work out well for you.
    Amen

    2
  59. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. These men being attracted to you is only a reflection of their trauma and no reflection on you as a person. I’m so sorry this happened to you. When you’re ready therapy is a good way to sort out these feelings.

  60. Am so sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience.My stomach was in knots reading and imagining that scenario in the kitchen. A few days ago I read of a burn victim, how the man decided to play God with her life and that of her daughter. Unfortunately the daughter didn’t make it. The young lady tried to fight and take away the lighter from him but he overpowered her. So glad you walked away but this man should not walk away scot free

  61. i pray that you heal from the emotional and physical abuse. we often read such stories but never imagine them happening to us. May your son give you the strength to heal from this.

  62. This is so sad. You will get over it. Put God first. I was in such a situation but in my case the man humiliated and shamed me. But I rose and am completely healed.

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  63. I BEG YOU MY LADY, OF ALL THINGS AND DECISIONS YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE OVER THIS MATTER, DON’T GO BACK TO THAT MAN. THAT IS A BEAST WHO HAS DEEP SEATED ISSUES ONLY GOD KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE. HE WILL HARM YOU BADLY. FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SON AND SELF, DON’T GO BACK TO HIM. THANK YOU AN SORRY FOR YOUR ORDEAL.

    1
  64. You don’t need a man to make you complete. You are a hardworking well read woman. The guy was just trying to put you down. He is the problem. He needs help. Enjoy your own company for a while, spend quality time with your son. It will get better. Time heals all wounds. Be strong girl.

  65. I can totally relate to this woman, I was her 3 years ago when my boyfriend hit me for the first time, during a fight in the night hours and I remember how afraid I felt, I was praying that morning would come and I could leave.. I did leave and never went back to him.
    I pray for her healing and I want to assure her that it does get better with time, and she will get back to herself.. I promise.

  66. To me honestly, these are the results of people who used violence to discipline their children. This is what they grow up to become… Men who can hit you one moment and women who are accepting of these men, meanwhile friends and family who intercede on behalf of the man and none intercede for the woman. Violence begets violence….

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  67. I held my breathe reading this. It is a sad story with a happy ending. You walked out of that toxicity and that’s all that matters. And girl, you ain’t weak. He is. He’s the one with the self esteem issues. You’ll rebuild your life with your son. Light and love to you.♥️

  68. The Era of “what will the people say” is long gone. Sorry this had to happen to you. Don’t look back. Make something out of life after this sad ordeal!!!

  69. When you finally learn a person’s behavior has more to do with with their own internal struggle than it ever did with you, You learn grace. Hugs lady, May you find peace and within yourself.

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  70. I don’t get why and how a man in his right mind would do such to someone they’ve been together with for five years. I doubt whether he is okay mentally. There must be something disturbing him, which is why he probably “drowns his sorrows in alcohol”. I hope you find healing and someone who is genuinely a good human. I thought whatever I’ve read only happens in movies but as it turns out, I was wrong. You are a strong woman and I hope you heal from all this.

  71. I find a disconnect between being stabbed, getting into the same bed and later preparing breakfast; but isn’t that how weird abuse is?
    Grace &peace.

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  72. So sorry you went through hell.None of this is your fault. I am glad you found the strength to walk out. May God heal you, may you find refuge in him.
    No one should stay in a violent relationship for love, walking out is always the right thing to do.
    May you find someone who will treasure and treat you like the queen you are.
    May God be with you and your son.

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  73. So sorry for the ordeal you had to go through. Thank God you lived to tell the story. Keep you n ur boy safe. That’s all that matters.. Hugz!! Read on Narcissism and empaths

  74. I still don’t know how I feel after reading this. I hope you are able to get therapy for you and your son. At the same time you should prosecute this act. It’s henious and he will do it again to some unsuspecting woman who may not live to tell about it. Don’t let him go free

  75. I can feel her pain. Not that I have been through the ordeal but man, that was cruel! May God show her love n a reason to love herself again. I think the hubby is dealing with his past pains that he has never shared with anyone. I pray he may also come around n find himself as well.

  76. This is my story. Exactly as your just different casts. I am at the same spot you are in with my daughter. I was both physically and emotionally abused. Since 2018 but with covid it Got worse. I am trying to rebuild my life. Its not easy. I feel drained. I am trying to be stable for my daughter Jasmine. She’s all I have now.

  77. There are multiple red flags in this story that she ignored. She knew that the drinking was a problem, how he’d come home and go at her like that. Then the fake apologies that she kept accepting the next morning? The guy is an abuser. Probably a narcissist or a psychopath based on how he enjoyed torturing her. She didn’t draw any boundaries for herself and that’s why the behavior kept escalating. I was so alarmed to read that she actually slept next to him after he stabbed her. Boundaries. Self-love. Don’t look at yourself as a victim waiting to be saved. Save yourself. Also relationships are never that serious. You can survive by yourself. Take the time to investigate why you accepted that broken behavior as love. Maybe your idea of what love is, is skewed by earlier traumas? Look into healing yourself and accepting yourself before trying to be with anyone else. Not victim blaming. Just trying to rally you to take control of your life.

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    1. Sometimes, we are trapped. Not because we do not want to leave. We are trapped because of our emotional wounds. We are trapped because these responses we make to certain situations are like habits. No, I mean they are like cocaine addictions. She needs a psychotherapist. And a good one, one that deals with emotional traumas, codependency, and attachment styles.

  78. You are stronger than you know it!The great thing you did is finding the courage to pick up yourself and leave.The good thing is that you talk to yourself and you know what is best for you.Listen ,you will come out stronger!All the best.