Q&A

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Right now the Elephant in this blog is in form of a question; why the hell didn’t I post something last Monday? I honestly don’t have any excuse that won’t insult your intelligence, so I will give it a rest and instead offer my apologies.

One of the beauties about writing a blog is that you get hundreds of readers who are smarter than you. Readers, who are better learned, older, have travelled wider and further, are more instinctive (if not constructive), quite often these readers normally raise a small flag when I err. One of these readers, Kimutai Cherono, recently sent me an email with an idea for a blog post. By the way, Kimutai’s emails hardly ever go over four sentences, they are pithy and bang-on. He doesn’t delve much in niceties. Those emails that don’t inquire about your health.

But the idea was fresh and new and I promised him I’d adopt it on the days I didn’t feel like banging 2,000 words like today (it was a long-ass weekend, my body and mind are weary). Here is what we are going to do this Monday, er, Tuesday. You will come on -and on the comment space below – ask me a question. Any question. But surely nothing overly personal and intrusive. And I will reply against that question/comment immediately.

Some of you have previously given me grief about not being interactive enough to respond to your comments. Well

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you will admit that sometimes it’s hard to comment on each and every comment here. But today I will.

I have thought of ways in which this post today might get out of control and they are numerous outside of being asked – What is your favourite color, Biko?. I don’t want to draw too many boundaries because it will make this sanitized and lack-luster but I will also assume that we will have the maturity of mind to make conversation as grown-up but vibrant and as intelligent as possible. But ultimately I reserve all the prerogatives that pertain moderation et al. Let’s not get this twisted gang. I’m now ready to take the first question. Let’s go.

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136 Comments

  1. Hi Biko. Huge fan of your work. Had you always known you would be a writer/creative? or what did Biko beta ver. 1 want to be?

    1. Mark, do you know what I imaged the first questions here would be? You don’t come on for two weeks then you ask us to ask you questions, where do you get off Biko?! I had an answer ready for that. Oh boy, did I have an answer ready for that! 🙂

      I think the trajectory for me went something like this; I started reading the Hardy Boys series in primo, then graduated slowly to the Fredrick Forsyths of the world then to John Grishams (gave Mills and Boon and miss), then i realized I loved writers then I started writing and seeking writers who appealed to my art. Then i wanted to be like them. I then started writing mushy poetry because I was young and impressionable plus I was madly in love with -unbeknownst to her – the much older girl from Kenya High who lived in house number 452.

      1

    1. I read a ton of local bloggers. I have them bookmarked in my phone. I read em when I can’t sleep, deep in the night. Or when I’m having lunch. They are many. Can i indulge you briefly?

      I read Shiko Mombasa, she writes beautifully that chick. I read Milonare because he is twisted and has great wordplay, I read Cold Turkey because she is thoughtful, I read Archermishale’s blog because he is a great storyteller, i read Green Calabash to find out what motherhood issues she is grappling with, I read Broke and Amusing, remember her? The guest writer I invited here and you dark hearted people tried making mince-meat of? She writes very well and she has brains. I visit a ton of local photography blogs because I love photography. I read Mrs Mwiti because she blogs about such happy things. In fact Mrs Mwiti strikes me as someone who while walking in Limuru stops to pick a flower and smell with her eyes closed. Hi, Mrs Mwiti? 🙂
      I read theBen10 blog because he is witty. I read this guy called Be-mogul…he is deep. I read OtienoHongo’s blog because of his intellect.

      Look, I read many many blogs that i haven’t mentioned here. Let’s have that beer that you owe me (now that tequila is out of my list) and I shall come with a more comprehensive list. Capische?

      1. Dude the tequila was translated into lunch due to health issues as I remember. I also said we could do nyama @ Dago (with partners) at later date so will Holla soon.

    1. The origin? A noisy bar, a double whiskey on the rocks and some chick who thought I had a strong back. That was in 2004.

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  5. Haha. I waited so long for this moment ,so this definitely makes me among the first to plainfully ask-is Biko his words? Is he literally who his words ‘portray?’

    1. Pure, any relation to tomato pure? 🙂

      Is Biko is words. To some degree yes, sometimes it’s shameless posturing. This – the blog – is a stage, I come on, wear a hat and play a role. When I’m done i climb down and live my life the way I understand it.

    1. I’m drawn to satire and humor. I’m also drawn to thoughtful writing. I read Tom Junod, one of my biggest influences (he is my friend on Facebook, I searched him and kissed his ass, he had to accept my friend request hehehee).Junod is also one of the finest Esquire magazine writers. And Esquire is full of great writing.

      I read AA Gill of UK’s The Sunday Times, a very brilliant writer who does mad research and presents them in a voice that you have to love; witty and easy.

      There is Manohla Dargis, chief film critic The New York Times, if Marnohla Dargis says it’s shit I won’t watch it.

      There is Tony Parsons, I’ve read all his books and they are all simple, engaging and well written. He has a collumn in the UK’s Mirror newspaper. Read his piece on the Japan quake. Brilliant writer.

      I read Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone magazine, he is the only person who can write a 2,000 word about the tea party and I wont yawn.

      I read Devin Friedman of GQ (US), he is phenomenal, google his story “Where is Michael” or “The Mussolini of Ass”. Some guys were born to write, Devin is one of them.

      I read Paul Salopek, two time Pulitzer winner, one of those writers i would pay money to sit down with for ten minutes. Only ten minutes. I could write acres on this guy but to save time google his story in National Geographic “Lost in the Sahel”. I have read it four times.

      I read Stephen King, his descriptions leap at you from the pages. I read Nick Hornby, he is funny. I read Eric Spitznagel of Vanity Fair, he is funny and gritty. I read Mari Puzo, come on, it’s Mario Puzo…I read….ok I will stop here for now.

      1. This is enough to keep me engaged for a long time. I won’t fret when you don’t post. hehehe. Thanks!

  7. I am a huge fan as well and wanted to find out what fuels your creative engine?

    1. The need to stand out. The need to be the best. The need to be remembered. The need to prove something to myself; that I can. The need to make others happy. The need to inspire. The need to sleep with a smile on my face. The need for freedom from words, and no freedom is more fulfilling.

  8. Bikozulu. huge, huge fun. what are your top five all time best reads (books). keep up the good work.

    1. Juma, hey. Thanks for reading.

      Best reads..hmmm…tricky.

      1. Mario Puzo – Fools Die.
      2. Nick Hornby – About a Boy..and A Long way down…
      3. Tony Parson – All his books are great. Read all.
      4. Obama – Dreams from my father. (Very well written)
      5. Stephen King. A bag of bones (This was hard coz I love most of his work)

    1. I’d rather freelance. Freedom and all. But this is only sustainable if you are single and with no major responsibilities. I have a kid in school and the fees is breaking my neck, so it’s not very sustainable without comprising on a few things, so I will get into employment soon, but not just any employment, something that resonates with my passions. I’m thinking advertising or NGO communication, I want to help widowed women and children in some Godforsaken place dig boreholes. Stuff like that. Until that comes, i will do this. It makes me happy.

  10. You have written numerous posts and in the beginning I used to admire your tone, you almost came out as though you were in another world. Who is behind your high level of inspiration?

    1. Hi Michelle, nice to read you here again. I have answered this swali. Refer above.

  11. I have to list the posts that get me excited and I keep going back to read them again and again. The Jump, Knickers!, Nairobi Men, Women, Bed No. 5, Yuppie city, Tribute, Zanzibar, Coast, Oh Toni! theb list goes on and on.

    1.How do you do it?
    2.Where do you sit when writing these creative pieces?
    3.Do you wear shoes when writing?

    1. Mike, wasup?

      Let’s jump right into it, shall we?

      1. How do I do it?
      I love it, so it doesn’t feel laborous.

      2. Where do i sit when writing these pieces?
      If I don’t go out sato night, I wake up at dawn Sunday and write it when back from my morning jog when I’m fresh and tingly. I write from the living room when my daughter and the missus are asleep. It’s quiet then. If not I write them on Sunday late at night, when everybody is asleep.

      3. Do I wear shoes while writing?
      Hahaha! For real? Mike Ng’ethe what do you do for a living?

    1. I was born in the cocks. My Luo name is thus Omondi. You can call me Omosh if you want. Or Omoshe. Whichever tickles ya fancy 🙂

    1. Bemogul, thanks for dropping in.

      Yes, I do. I know my weaknesses as a writer and therein lies my insecurity. I sometimes write stories that i feel are weak and shallow, and those stories make me feel weak and shallow. Once in a while I read on a blog someone trashing my work and I don’t shrag it off and say, what the hell I bet they can’t even write a decent sms. It breaks my heart a little, but not enough to make me stop writing, not enough to make me question whether I can write. It’s just enough sting to spur me to evaluate what I did wrong there.

      But yes, I think to be a good writer – something we all aspire to be Bemogul – we have to have a level of insecurity when it comes to our work, it’s the only way we can grow.

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  17. We have heard stories and opinions of who is a real man. According to you, who is a real woman? (in Kenyan context)

    1. I wrote this in one of my blog post Roba. But in a thumbnail, a good woman does the right thing.

  18. Seems to me you’re ‘out of stories’ Biko. How about i write some? and then you pay me? Hehe.

  19. How many times have you fallen in love and describe in your words what falling in love means to you?

    1. When you grow up love takes a different dimension. It stops being about poetry and blooming flowers and Barry White. It stops being about “liking” everything she puts up on Facebook. It starts being about fulfillment and the means that attract it. It starts being about the subtle things; like her laughter or how she shakes her head when she is mad at you or how she touches your face and asks what caused the pimple or how she says she is sorry for being a drama queen. It’s a sum total of the things that make your woman a woman, warts and all. Falling in love to me means wearing the same shirt twice in a row because she said it makes me look sexy.

      1

  20. If you were a tree, which tree would you be?

    OK, seriously, what is the toughest thing you find about blogging as compared to your other writing?

    1. Hey Magaribina, Kisumu dhi nade?

      If I was a tree I know i would be in Kakamega forest. I would be 196years old and have a strong back, er, bark.

      Toughest thing about blogging? Setting the tempo, reading the mood and delivering a story flawlessly. Lets break it down, eh? Mantalk is about issues, it’s got a much regional readership and thus offers that discipline to set an agenda and take a position in about 1000 words. The pressure there is feverish and the readers there are unforgiving and brutish, they write nasty emails to me. They don’t care about my feelings. Mantalk toughens me up makes me unafraid to take a stand and stick to it, even if I’m wrong.

      True Love is easy, it’s 600 words on a relationship driven issue. It’s me explaining men to women, something any oaf can do really. Here, on this blog, its about narrative, it’s about prose. It’s about telling a story to a friend in a bar. And the readership here – I want to imagine – is very urbane and suave and perhaps going through the same challenges as I do. This makes turns it into an interesting conversation and I love conversations.

  21. Since you hate Mohawks with such a passion. Would you date a chick with a mohawk or a really bad unkempt weave?

  22. So,am gonna be the first one to ask a personal query,does your partner/wife read your blogs?and what was her response to that blog you wrote about the beautiful woman of the Mara who carried a red umbrella and who you asked to leave her husband and come with you?

    1. She does, once in a while at least. Here is what, I know I’m in trouble when she reads my blog hehehe.

      Yes, that post was harmless, it was good fun. I mean if she told me she saw a good looking Maasai who she hoped would sweep her off her feet, do you think I would flip? No, unless the Maasai is the guy who serves drinks where she goes to drink with her friends.

    1. Hahaha, THE Toni Braxton? Her of Unbreak my heart? Chief, why you gonna raise my hopes like that?????

  25. Now you go teasing us with possibilities and then take them away—sounding like my primaryschool headteacher….

    Question: are you the kind of daddy who blows hot and cold on your daughter? Extremely niiice, and then threaten to knock out her teeth the next moment?

    1. I never shout at my little girl. I shoot her a stare and she knows it’s not a stare that means we can hug after, but blow hot? I don’t have the balls to do that. I don’t know how to do it, and I’m afraid to learn.

      Once I raised my voice at her and her lips started trembling, you know, in that way that kids do when they want to cry? Then she went and sat on the edge of the sofa, staring at her nails. You can’t imagine how THAT made me want to cry.

    1. The thing with this blog is folk come out here and comment using these uncreative names to conceal their identity. I don’t know who Wechy was unfortunately.

      But Wechy, if you reading this say something to Janice, she misses you.

  27. My friend and I have always wondered…do you have a big nose?…do you wear specs? 🙂

  28. How tall are you? I have put alot of money on this question and my galfriends are all smiles… 😉

    1. Linda, do you really want to lose your money on something so frivolous? You have a chance to cancel the wager. I’m saving your money. 🙂

      1. I left Chigali a long time ago, I’m now back in Nairobi, back in school… etc

    1. States? *Falls off chair laughing*

      Isabel, I’ve never been to the States. The closest I have been to the streets of America is watching Celebrity Apprentice.

  31. I love the posts..but at some point i noticed a common thread…’post on the high class shindig’…’kakamega’…you’d take an event and really milk it (in a good way no less 🙂 )…but what tired me about the Forsyths..Jeffrey Archer..Robert Ludlum..was the fact that i could almost discern how the next story will be..Ludlum would have this Corsican conspiracy that resemble the Matarese circle one…caught on on Archer’s habit of starting off the narrative with twin contrasting stories..cue Kane and Abel..First among Equals etc…do you worry that you could get closeted into one style?…do you think of yourself as being versetile enough to conjure stories of a varied kind other than those inspired by recent encounters?

    1. It all boils down to the kind of writer you want to fashion yourself as. I mean the lines are very distinct aren’t they? But writing is very transformative, isn’t it? I’m doing a lot of observatory writing now because it’s where my growth level is at the moment. I’m certain that perhaps in another two years or so i will be writing something different, or if I’m writing about the same thing i will be writing it differently, with a different perspective and voice.

      I know there are certain kind of writing that I can’t bother delving in because they don’t inspire my creativity enough. So for now, I’m trying to enjoy this, who knows maybe in a few years I will find scriptwriting attractive enough to make me do it.

  32. i have a blog http://www.returnofthought.blogspot.com/

    please give me your feedback on how I can make it ‘scream’ like yours does…

  33. I hear from some of your hommies that you’re a ladies man. Do you think you are and that’s why women all over die for you?

    1. You flatter me Fridah.

      If your source indeed were my “hommies” I’m very confident they wouldn’t have said that. They wouldn’t need to.

  34. hmm…Assuming you go through your blogs later, do you burst out laughing? 🙂

    1

    1. I don’t go through my blog, unless someone has an issue with something I wrote.

  35. 60 Seconds with Biko. Yipee!

    Thanks for the mention. I’m flattered. I really am. Tuesday blues be gone! Also ashamed that I’ve not written for close to a month now. This is the second time your comment area has pulled, nay, yanked me from blogging slumber. Post coming up soon.

    Question:
    Is http://tartandsoul.com/ among the many blogs you read? She good too. You may just like her. If not, it wasn’t me.

  36. If you were lost in a remote island for a couple pf months whom wouldn’t you mind being stuck there with other than Toni Braxton and your laptop?

    1. I’ll have to ask Mr. Mwiti, he knows stuff like that. But it’s a HP Pavilion. Wide screen. Great for watching movies too.

  39. All interesting questions have been asked…..so your favorite movie of all times?? i hope not the Godfather and thinking the Titanic?

    1. That changes as soon as I watch a new one. But Pulp Fiction is up there on my list. Great dialogue.

      1

  40. Do you ever write (articles) by hand? What are your thoughts on writing by hand (and typing later) as compared to just typing?

    1. This is interesting because just last week i was having this conversation with this writer of note (I won’t mention his name lest you say Im name dropping) and he was telling me how he “charts” his pieces before he starts writing them. He writes down the intro and the structure of the body then the conclusion and he jots down the ideas that will go into the three sections. I found that too scientific and arduous. But it works for him, keeps his thoughts in a boundary as he put it.

      I have none of this discipline. I write down short, one line, notes on my phone so as not to forget, but i don’t do the whole writing in shorthand then transferring on Word. When I sit to write, I know the general idea in my head, I’m clear about the story I want to tell. Im a subscriber of the maxim that a great story will always tell itself effortlessly. Hell you could be in the next room sipping coffee, but the story will tell itself.

  41. Which in your opinion is the best dictionary to use? Which other tools have helped improve your writing (I mean, besides reading books)?

    1. I use the online dictionary. The only way I try to improve my writing is by reading extensively and by writing as much as I can.
      That and once in a while take a trip to Takawiri Island (If M7 hasn’t grabbed it already like he has Ugingo) and look for a man called Modi, he will give you crocodile fat. Apply at the tip of your nose just before it rains. Don’t shower for two days. Worked for me. 🙂

      1

    1. Got laid. Went shags. He is still there mapping his life, you know that thing of measuring twice and cutting once? Yes.

  43. Dude one of your great pieces on Mantalk was about older women being ideal.
    Question: What’s your preference; Older or Younger women?

  44. I do hope you’re not still driving A VITZ in the streets of Nairobi. Which is your ideal vehicle?

    1. Hahaha, no. The owner repossessed her car.

      My ideal vehicle is a Range Rover. Color? Make that Santorini Black metallic. Beige leather upholstery and all the bells and whistles that come with the extras. I’m not fussy about the model, I find the 4.6 very sexy, modern and yet with that rugged edge that i love in my cars.
      The Sport is also quite suave. Have you heard the sound of a Range Rover? No really Kerubo, have you really? The other day as I sat in traffic, this Range to my left revved it’s engine slightly and I got aroused. My hand to God.

  45. I’m liking this. So here we go:

    1. Do you write things in order, or do you write in broken bits & pieces then combine them all later?

    2. If you could be in any cartoon which would it be?

    3. What 3 things would you have told your younger self if you had the chance?

    4. Who do you think would win in a fight: Chuck Norris or a majorly pissed buffalo?

    5. If you could descibe yourself in one sentence what would it be?

    1. Hey Nyambura,

      Question one i have answered above.

      Cartoon? I think I would be the road runner. Cool guy that one.

      3. This is interesting. Three things I would have told a younger self.
      One, be sure what you want, even if it takes time, but be sure. Then go for it. And two, have little expectations of people, very little. And lastly, dont trust a woman who kisses you with her eyes open.

      2. Oh, okay. No 4. Have you seen a pissed of Buffalo??? And isn’t Chuck Norris dead anyway?

        5. Conflicted.

      3. Hey, don’t count out Chuck just yet. He’s got the script writer & director on his side remember? 🙂

        Conflicted? Hmmm….

        PS: Lovely Q & A.

    1. I haven’t, maybe out of egoism. I want everything I write to reflect my personality. I would never copy paste, but i have quoted writers that I admire.

  48. 1.Are you really going to reply to all this questions?

    2.What is your favourite Post? Mine are : Knickers, the a real man post and ofcourse the one about your daughter!

    3. Do you sometimes just post out of obligation, or is this blog a passion you can never let go off

    4. oh yes how is Faruk?

    5. Do you consider someone who has read ALL your posts atleast three times (each) a fan or a stalker?

    1. 1. Yes, a man can try.

      2. I think Terminal 22 is one of those posts I wrote with great feeling. Then of course knickers. I enjoyed writing that.

      3. Yes sometimes I post out of obligation. Those days I post because you are here waiting to read something, anything and I hate to start something I can’t finish. I want to think of it as discipline.

      4. Got laid, went shags, now he is mapping out his life.

      5. A stalker who is a fun, perhaps?

  49. 1) What’s your day job? And do you love it or just there for a money?
    2) Can you give me feedback on my blog
    http://ahechoes.wordpress.com
    AH

  50. hey there!! must admit refreshing this page like ten times a day was not funny in the past one week…anyhow…

    where did u meet the missus and……where did u live when u started paying rent?

    1. I have a cousin called Vic. He met the missus sometime in 2003. Went on and on about her. Unfortunately (for him) or fortunately (for me) he got an american Visa and left the country two weeks later after meeting her. He gave me her digits and asked me to take care of her until he comes back.

      I’m still taking care of her.

      2

    1. Very eclectic. As i write this I’m Youtubing this song mbagala by Diamonds. In the morning i was listening to Bruno Mars. On my way to this place I was listening to Kidum in the car. Last night as I was writing this intro I was listening Oliver Mtukuzi and Taylor Swift. Sometimes I listen to Rhumba. I guess the only person I don’t listen to is Justin Beiber and Will Smith’s kid.

  52. 1.What is the X factor in your opinion that a WOW woman possess. You seem to know all types of women.
    2.How many girlfriends have you had, not how many women have you knocked?

    1. There are guys who go gaga over a boob. Then there are guys who go gaga over an ass. I’m a lifetime member of the ass club. A wow woman has to have a good body and an ass on her. Those, in my books, are non-negotiables. Anything else can be negotiated. Minus the weave and Mohawk of course.

      2. Like any man who is in his early thirties you stop counting the number of girlfriends you’ve had. It stops being a novelty.

      I haven’t knocked any other woman. And I have only one child, Tamms.

      1

  53. I was not born a great writer, I’m still not a great writer and my journey towards being one has been laborious and challenging. Two things comes to mind here. a. God has blessed my efforts and has led me to a path of literal growth b. Determination and courage and the wisdom to learn from mistakes and inadequacies. Against this backdrop, i have to ask Biko? Do you believe truly in God or are you one of the modern intellects who are tempted to consider the big bang theory and question the existence of God and do you believe that your believe has any bearing on your talents and achievements? Have you had any profound difficulties in language while growing up for instance pronunciation(shrubbing) in joining high school or even primary whereby ridicule or bad exam performance never discouraged you or were you literary brilliant from the word go?

    1. Pitz, how can you even question that? I believe in God. I know he exists and even though I don’t go to church as often as my mom would like, I have immense faith in him.

      Have I had profound difficulty in language while growing up? None that i can think of. Does pronouncing the word misogynist count? I had a problem with that word.

      Those were some thoughtful questions man.

  54. You travel so often and the pictures you take are awesome, great camera work.

    1.Which is your favorite destination?
    2. Where is your dream getaway?

    1. Thanks Jennifer.

      Favourite destination? Zanzibar. It’s enchanted.

      Dream getaway? I want to travel the whole of Senegal and live off cheap motels and off a battered backpack. I want to travel in their matatus transversing the country, taking pictures and writing stories about people. I will do it before I hit 35.

  55. my favorite blogger of all time…what would be your reaction to your daughter’s first boyfriend?..lets assume she will be fourteen at the time…

    1. This changes every time I listen to a great album or song. I wouldn’t say I have favorites. But I’m sure John Mayer and Jason Mraz would appear in that list.

  58. Biko am very serious about the height and it’s alright to bet at this time of the month. I send your 6 and my best friend says you’re well taller than that. So have I lost or won the bet??? 😉

    1. Yes, Im happy, thanks for asking.

      But seriously, someone said I’m a ladies man, now I’m gay. Or am i a happy ladies man?

  60. I love your work Biko. Once you deleted my comment because I called you sexy and all. I wonder why, what criteria do you use to delete comments. And lastly, what does your missus feel about your blog and how come you never write about her here a lot?

    1. Curious, you must have said something real foolish to warrant my deleting your comment. I have just deleted Anita’s comment a minute ago, because she wants to be bitchy, childish and scandalous.

      This blog is not about my integrity, it’s about the stories that I tell. So it’s a wrong forum to question my integrity. My missus reads this blog, so if you come on and leave a comment that she will find disrespectful to her I will not let it run, because I hate to go home to find nobody is talking to me. The thing is this, I knew the missus way before i started this blog and she will be there long after this blog has gone down, so i don’t see the reason why I should choose content over her feelings.

      Why don’t i write about her? Because it serves no purpose at all to validate her here. I have no reason at all to do that. But then why do you write about your daughter here? Because it’s a new facet of my life, fatherhood and because every proud fathers always look for excuses to write about their daughters.

      1

  65. Do you smoke to calm your nerves? And why did we not get an apology for not getting a fix last week? Will you pay my rehab fees since I got withdrawal symptoms?

    1. I don’t smoke. Never have. I apologized at the beginning of this post, ama it was too little too late? Next time I will apologize, I promise.