I called Njogu this morning; remember him the guy I almost killed? Well, yes, we haven’t talked in ages and so I decided to check on him, see if he is still breathing and all. It was pretty early when I placed that call, around 7.49am, round about the time I knocked him down the last time. We had a very interesting conversation. Like most lawyers I know, he is quite the witty one and quite often self deprecating. A swell guy to say the least, you will see why.
The phone rings like four times. Then he picks.
The Killer (that’s me): Chief, it’s Biko, howzit?
Njogu: Hey Biko! How you doin’ man?
Killer: Easy, what’s goin’ on, things OK in ya neck of woods, sued anybody lately?
Njogu: (laughs) No, it’s kinda slow now this month, I wish I could ruin someone’s life, you know, send em to jail for a long long time. Well, I guess there are months like this you know.
Killer: True. But you keeping well?
Njogu: Yeah, nobody has tried to run me down with their car lately, just so you know.
Killer: (laughs) What a shame.
Njogu: How’z the missus?
Killer: Depressed. She still hasn’t gotten over the fact that you didn’t throw my ass in jail.
Njogu: (Laughs)
Killer: How’re the kids?
Njogu: Growing, growing…how’z ya lil girl?
Killer: Growing…growing…
Njogu: (chuckles)
Killer: Hey, how is ya head now anyway, did you chuck those bandages?
Njogu: I did, kitambo sana…I miss that Mkorino look though.
Killer: I suppose you have scar, no?
Njogu: You suppose?! I have a huge-ass scar man! An ugly thing that runs down my face, you messed up my good looks!
Killer: (Laughs) Stop whining, a little personality on the face never hurt anyone.
Njogu: (Laughs) Oh yeah?
Killer: For sure, I bet you have chicks walking up to you in the pub wanting to run their fingers on it, count your blessings you ungrateful bastard.
Njogu: (Laughs) What chicks? Man I always knew I was drinking in the wrong bar. In my bar, everybody has a scar, or a missing tooth.
Killer: (Cackles) …or both.
Njogu: Hahaha…You know!
Killer: How’z Mr. Kimani, your boss?
Njogu: Yuko tu…
Killer: He seemed like a piece of work, that old man.
Njogu: Did he harass you that day at the hospital?
Killer: No, on the contrary, he was quite the gentleman.
Njogu: Yeah?
Killer: Yeah man, he was very calm about it but he seemed like a shark in the courtroom.
Njogu: Oh, he is brilliant lawyer no doubt…hey daddy, I hope this is not an interview!
Killer: (Sounding hurt) would I do that to you?
Njogu: Yes you would, you almost killed me damn it! (laughs hard)
Killer: (Laughs)
Njogu: You freaking journalist, you
Killer: Anyway, listen I was just callin to see how you holding up, but I’m glad you don’t have nightmares or hear voices in ya head.
Njogu: Hahaha, listen kwanza it’s good you have called, my pals and I are headed to Kitengela on Sato for some nyama plan, you can join us.
Killer: Kitengela? Is this your plan to lure me into Maina Njenga’s digz? You Mungiki sympathizer!
Njogu: (Laughs real hard) Between me and you those folks terrify me. I hear Mungiki I flee; I don’t even finish my beer, and I’m that guy who always finishes his beer!
Killer: Haha, look I’m travelling, leaving town kesho in the cocks…
Njogu: Okay, sawa, si basi you call me when you get back, maybe we can hang out with kina Maina Njenga.
Killer: (lol) Yeah, you know sniff some tobacco and shit…
Njogu: (Laughs) Yeah man….
Killer: Cool. Listen, let’s talk next week then…
Njogu: Sawa sawa, safe trip then cheers.
Click.
(Mumbling to self ) I can’t believe I almost killed that guy. Sigh.
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Im glad Njogu is doing well, don’t forget giving him a call every week he might have a plan for you.
I’m glad the chap’s doing great. Good natured people you two are. 🙂
The hustler,
No the journalist,’
Ensuring the linkages are never cut,’
Never know,
One day he might offer a comment when you are writing a piece about some legislation,
Oh the life of a journalist,’
You never really have enemies,
Even enmity with people you try to knock down!
And many people cannot believe that you are just being friends for its own sake,
I hope that guy never reads your blog,
and finds out that he gives fodder to think about.
But to you, Njogu,
I say God saved you and your life because you have a good sense of humour,
If Biko is not making it up,
He is a God you know?
I wonder what Jesus will have to say about the above statement if he returns..
like every other piece, am glad i read this. Biko!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahaha. Id like to know what he’d say if he reads ur blog. Hehe 😉
hehe…woiye,I’m humbled by that man…
lol…thank God for good natured pple otws Biko u wud be dead by now…
he he he…ati evrybody has a scar or a missing tooth or both! where is this pub?
I have two weeks of exams ahead of me but since discovering a stray link to your blog, i’ve been clicking through page after page of your posts all day.
Quite the narrator you are.
“Killer: (lol) Yeah, you know sniff some tobacco and shit…”
I will never understand how men can get along so well, inviting your attempted murderer out on a plot to kitengela and all. It’s a mystery really.
i cant compare your writing to anyone…..it would do you injustice……but im enthralled when reading any of your pieces, reminds of the days back in high school when a teacher would be teaching at the front but i have a john grisham or a sidney sheldon on my laps slowly turning the pages……good stuff man
Biko, couldnt help myself-am never one to comment but more of the silent visitor in this home type but this piece has had me in stitches all through till i have my colleagues giving me daggers at my gigglings
NKT!
Hahahahahaha….absolutely hilarious Biko….
meine gute..!! hahahaha can’t stop laughing.
just amazing how you play with words, but don’t go to Kitengela…! ehehe!
“sigh”at last he was ok,sounds like a gentleman
I came back to the beginnings because i am up to date with all that is Biko and this i have really Loved!
Here in 2023…