Disclaimer: Right off the bat; this blog respects its readers and thus wouldn’t want to offend them. But having said that, don’t forget – dear reader – that this blog is largely about art and art is borderless in terms of how far you can push its creativity. Today’s post is a bit risqué. If you are easily put off by sexual innuendos please, don’t read this post because it will get a bit down and dirty. This post is flagged as PG.

There comes a point in a man’s life when he has to remove a woman’s knicker. It’s inevitable. It’s a point of gravitas. It’s a definitive point. It’s the icing of a flirt. It’s the last horn blown to the game of attraction. It’s the last stanza to the love song. A cul-de-sac of the road trod by lovers. Whatever rings your bell.

A woman’s knicker is a cloak that enshrouds her respect. A woman’s knicker is a metaphor of preservation. And because a woman’s knicker is indeed the custodian of her womanhood, it then becomes a symbol of power. A symbol of her power. And for a man to fully be conscious of this power he has to be in that frame where he appreciates the woman’s worth. He has to acknowledge her potential, her insurmountable role. And that’s why men don’t remove prostitute’s knickers…if they wear any.

I lost my virginity in my early teens. I lost it at the back of an old blue Volkswagen Beetle. A little hot contraption with bald tires. She was older. I was wet behind the ears but very enthusiastic and eager as only a 17yr old faced with the prospect of a lifetime can be. She dragged me into this car that sat behind their house, and there she had her way with me. Not that I resisted!

But I didn’t have the pleasure of removing her knickers.

I felt short changed because to fully appreciate a woman’s nakedness you have to remove her knicker. The process of removing a woman’s knickers is sacred. It’s poignant than the first kiss because it’s an endorsement of sort, an endorsement of you as the man of the moment. The very action of removing a woman’s knicker is a powerful moment, an avatar of supremacy. The very exploit of removing her knicker is defining to the moment as it is for the man. It says – rather childishly because indeed aren’t we all children gentlemen? – that we have triumphed. But largely it means success, and success is a tongue that men seek to learn and muster.

Here is an irony: Whilst men might feel like removing a woman’s knicker is a fruition of their own sly effort, the truth is a tad shocking. The sobering truth is that it’s not us who remove women’s knickers; it’s the woman who “removes” her own knicker. In essence, no woman lets you remove her knicker if she isn’t ready for you. She dictates when you remove her knicker and she dictates where you remove her knicker. Hell, she even dictates which knicker you remove. The true power still remains with her.

But still, it’s a moment of beauty to pull down the woman’s knicker, you know? Yank it over her legs and toss it away because for that moment, that moment when she lies there without her knicker she becomes helplessly yours. The moment becomes more than just about sex. It’s naked power to finally expose the real woman because a woman without her knicker is not the same anymore. She can never be the same anymore because her nakedness was her veil of intrigue, and now that that cloak hangs from the lampshade she becomes bare, stripped down to her elements. She becomes vulnerable in your eyes. And she becomes truly yours for the few hours after the departure of the knicker…or for the next one minute for some men.  I’m just saying guys.

There are women who walk about without knickers. The wind blows through them. It’s sexy, yes. But it robs a man off that power to “dominate” the proceedings. It makes a mockery of the sanctity of eroticism. It snuffs the heart of sex. But the knicker has also gone through a metamorphosis; it used to be the mother’s union and then came the g-strings. The message is the less the better, either that or it’s about global warming; when it grows hotter less makes sense.

But hold up for a second. Let’s talk about mothers union as a form of knicker. The only thing uglier than Mother’s union is a Mohawk hairstyle. I can’t understand why any woman who respects herself would wear a mother’s union. It looks like a deflated parachute. It looks like something a woman would wear in a big hurry when her house was burning in the middle of the night. I think a woman who wears a mother union is not respectful of herself or her man. If a woman wore a mother’s union and she didn’t get an orgasm I would blame it on the damned parachute. I hate the Mother’s Union as much as I hate the tax man. I will quit now.

The art of intercourse goes beyond a man being in a woman; it’s about removing her knicker. Removing a woman’s knicker should be done the same way you would eat a good plate of prawns. It’s delicate, it’s an art. I always secretly imagine that for a woman to permit a man to remove her knicker she then allows herself to be his canvas where he can express his artistic prowess, a chance for any man not to squander. Women should wear knickers. It really helps if they are clean, but not always because as some men would submit the true essence of a woman’s smell is not her Channel no.5 but the scent of her knickers.

Tonight many knickers will be shed; small knickers the size of handkerchiefs, big knickers the size of hot air balloons, knickers with holes, black knickers, red knickers, white knickers, borrowed knickers…All these knickers will be shed by amorous men. Some will take their time while others will rush through it. If you are a man and you are reading this, today is your day to take off that knicker like it’s made of delicate china. Take your time taking it off her and look into her eyes while you do it, I swear you will see (apart from ugly lust) a haunting weakness in her eyes. Isn’t that what sex is about guys? To conquer? To make vulnerable? To mark your territory?

Gentlemen, let’s do this.

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  1. Mother’s union irk me, they make me go bananas, go nuts and lose my cool. So don’t nobody mention them again!
    17!!? Were you waiting to join the seminary?

  2. Whoa that writing is unique…am new on board and this is post 1 in this arena and am loving it.
    And yes most of that is rue…some women even look away, subconsciously or otherwise, at that very moment wen you expose their nakedness

  3. I’ll take my time when i happen to have the pleasurable moment to do this. I do find Mothers’s union very intriguing though, they have this innocent, unbridled charm to them that is very erotic, just saying.

  4. Mothers union are such an eye sore especially if they are stained or torn…….And tonight i will have the pleasure of having my knickers pulled down and pulled up again in slow motion….

    A Very good easy read today.

  5. The art of knicker removal is a ceremony in itself, symbolizing just how much a woman trusts a man.
    Ha ha underwear choices aren’t about global warming. For some women it depends on the time of the month, the type of outfit your wearing, comfort, occasions, different things dictate choice of underwear.
    Mother’s union I must add is the most comfortable piece of underwear even though it is the least flattering.

  6. Having been ‘away’ for sometime and to come back and be welcomed by a knicker story! One thing though is very clear…to a man its all about the power while the poor women thing of love!

  7. I read this earlier but being the late bloomer I was still getting my mind around a 17yr old you in the back of a VW…that aside, Mothers’ unions have their days, they are unattractive but very comfy and on some days its all about comfort trust me. They don’t always come in black or brown you know,can be bright yellow with red polka dots hehehe

    1. ‘Bright yellow with polka red dots’
      Hahahha!!! Am done…totally done.

      I’ll search for one like this (in honour of this post) when I go shopping next…

  8. I love ur writing,but i didnt promise that i am gonna be all positive about my comments..this is itching me though……How wonderful,really???a whole page,just about knickers????am i missing the point here?or am i being just the conservative me..but all the same…well..let me just leave it at this…

  9. Since i didn’t think much of this post randy Jackson, i took the liberty of counting how many times u have used the word KNICKERS!

    40 times!

    My head is swirling.. and i feel sick!

  10. a whole page about knickers!whoa!ur quite the writer(blogger) biko!
    my brothers,take the challenge….take the time,look at her;-)dont always do it in the dark…

  11. May I congratulate you on the wittiness of your retort, sir! … This was an article for people who have an artisitic flair….I will continue reading your blog and it’s time you write a book…..

  12. @ All the gents. Yes, and thanks for reading.
    @ Gorgeous, anonymous and sucrose (why not sugar?): ….and thus the disclaimer!
    @ The rest: Great pleasure to have you here.

  13. I think the knicker removal is the sexiest action ever if done right. But why the ill will toward the M.U? It’s really handy when it is cold =D

  14. Oh my word!!!! Biko… are you sure you weren’t born with a pen in your hand? Seems to me that your firt sounds were a selection of well strung words instead of a newborn’s cry! This article should make it to many pre-post marriage counselling sessions!

    Me “sendy” this to someone me “likey” very much (hubby) so he can…well….you know!

  15. …a beautifully written piece. I’ve read it like four times n each time the piece is as fresh as ever. I had to send this to my girlfriends! hmmm… n it made me smile n somehow blush! 🙂

  16. wow wow wow… I wish it was longer than that!*

    Heysh…helplessly yours-oh my!

    Mothers union-gosh!

    I’ve really enjoyed each and every line..

  17. There is a knicker too called a Cstring…though this is the briefest of all briefs yet…Great read about knickers

  18. no knickers robs a man off that power to “dominate” the proceedings.
    now that statement right there made all the sense for me

  19. wow! i have recently discovered Biko’s writing. i cant get enough .keep them coming Biko. on knickers, the look on her eyes as u remove it say a million things….experience, sexual attitudes….

  20. Biko keep at them. Men, dont we all love removing knickers? its a moment of sheer adrenaline and lust……

  21. Great article! At the risk of sounding a little coarse, I love that look in her eyes, and there has been a time or two when I wouldn’t have minded if they went on again after… Just so I could do it all over again.

  22. First off, thse days men dnt bother going through all that trouble. This will still hump by passing on the side.
    Secondly i thnk women wear M.Us to turn off men. I mean Who wouldnt? If the guy wont even even try foreplay leave alone *looking at the girls eyes while pulling off the knickers*
    its a nice one tho. Cant have such much words on just one word!

  23. Biko yawa…..I always love reading you…..I will liken my reading to the art of removing a woman’s knickers. So you understand when I say like reading you.

  24. Mothers union become even worse when worn with tight pants. Nothing is that ugly. Especially on the streets of Nairobi on a Monday morning. Its lines so clear, if there is a hole or a knot you can put a finger on it wait till its lunch time! If you wear mothers union you should be deported back to the cave you came from and wait for 3000 for civilization to find you if you are lucky.

  25. Why was u not born in this family early enough.. Missed such wonderful pieces. Biko please post more of these past articles. Channel 5!..ok…

  26. M.U. have their purpose. Well written. It caught the tension and vulnerability of the moment. I totally agree that it is the woman who decides whether her knickers will stay on or off. Hence that lil lift of the bum bum to aid the whole process.

  27. Hahaaaaaha…. Ati knickers with holes. Biko you will kill us with laughter one of these fine days. Nice read.

  28. That artist in me concurs! The man in me is inspired to … You know what The reader in me is intrigued and the writer in me is entranced by the words that weave such magic! Every now and again, something this good happens at the end of my day…. #LifeIsForTheLiving so I will live a little!

  29. I may have said this way back in 2012 but I’ll repeat it because it still irks me… only thing more annoying than motthemothersion knickers is a man who calls a woman’s undergarments a knicker. That’s the kind of guy who greats you while scratching your palm. eeouw! It’s knickers, not a knicker. (Rant over, now I can go home).

  30. Mothers Union are the best thing that happened to many of us who are generously I repeat generously endowed. I can imagine myself in a dheera with knickers in town. I will shake off all the traffic to a stand still……

  31. Wow ! !! This article has gotten me all hot and bothered but totally makes sense . …..uuuuulala!!!! Picture this from a scene on Devious Maids sn 3 . ….I totally get it . ….

  32. Biko You Should Quit your Job and Write Everyday, Even Twice when you are not removing Knickers… Nice Read Man…

  33. Biko never fails to nail it whether it’s for an hour or a minute for some article post lol …you do take my full attention as I read

  34. Yeah Mothers Union are unsightly, i however understand some ladies do wear them during that time of the month cause definitely the pads do need a wider surface area for them to latch on and do the job. Having said that, the fact that you do get to remove them, it signifies that its not that time of the month so the Mothers Union Flag shouldnt be flying. Mmmm…i’m man that love the laces and some nice “meshy” thongs eish! let me go see if i can pull some ladies knickers off

  35. Ahahahaha… Nice read. Mother’s Union even though not the “cutest cookie in the jar”, they have their days. Comfort comes first and for those 3-5 days, you will thank M.U

  36. Eish, Biko!!! I hope your mom in law ain’t reading no blog; especially one particular blog(whispering). Six years old but still makes one want to remove some poor girl’s knickers!!!

  37. The disclaimer killed it for me! Even though it didn’t get very down and dirty, this is medium stuff!
    I know you can be down and dirty if you purpose!

  38. I cant tell you how many times I have read and re-read this article over the last few months.

    Foreplay is good but if you rush through removing my underwear then there is a delicate stage we missed.

  39. Biko the man. I love reading ua blogs, am in love with ua writings. As a writter wannabe, am fascinated by your skill, inspired by style of narration and gets knocked off by your wit. Am a realy big fan of yours Biko and in love with the writter in you. I wonder if you can mentor me literary wise. I would really appreciate. Merci

  40. The year is 2016, I still wear mothers unions, haven’t seen any man frown while taking them off. I bet you’d lose terribly if you started a war against them. Besides being comfy, some of us will cause an ass.quake w/o them.

  41. Ermmm…mothers union have always been around, but that didn’t stop the world from populating, did it?..,so your theory is flawed Mr Jackson. Thongs are a very recent invention..or is it creation?
    If a woman didn’t get an orgasm, it isn’t the mothers union’s fault, it is the fault of the man who didn’t take his time to pleasure her.
    Furthermore, to stay clean during that time of the month, a woman must wear a panty that can comfortably hold the pad in place. Thongs don’t quite cut it. Tampons and diva cups are not for everyone.
    Finally, women should be able to wear whatever they damn well want, with the understanding that their lives do not revolve around men. Sometimes going about one’s business panty-less is quite healthy…it lets the breeze in, and keeps yeast infections far away…especially in the hot sweaty weather. (Just being pragmatic).

  42. This was mentioned as we marks the 10 yr anniversary and celebrate the award.
    I had to search for it….and boy isn’t it a read?! Yeah, we dictate when, where, and which knicker will be removed. And its a delicate moment….
    Savour the moment, and appreciate our vulnerability….
    But for the life in me, don’t remove then disparage….
    Above all, don’t remove then shout it from the rooftop.
    Let it be ‘our little secret’…