An antelope, a breast and a baby.

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I went for this swanky cocktail shindig last week. The type where folk pick on their biting with toothpicks. The highbrow type with low lingering jazz music in the background and where people don’t laugh out loud but chuckle like aristocrats. The type with the glitzy invite and these ushers with long endless legs who run a long manicured nail down the list of invitees before looking up at you before saying with an officious yet flirtatious smile, “Please welcome Mr. Jackson, enjoy ya evening.” I hate the name Jackson, but some sins are forgivable in some circumstances. I’m just saying. The crowd was the corporate after-work type with ties and suits and spit shined shoes. I was in jeans. I’m always in jeans. And I stuck out like a sore thumb. Anyway, this do had all these abstract paintings on the wall and to fit the profile of prominence and affluence the invitees walked around, with drinks on their hands, gasping at these paintings and acting like they were really interested in them, like they really understood art. I wanted to laugh. You should have seen the white folk, staring at one painting for a good 15mins as if the paintings held the secret to success, as if the paintings were a crystal ball. The paintings had these small round red stickers at their edge which priced them should you be inspired enough to write a check. One of the paintings was going for something like 370k a pop! I gulped. I mean, I’m selling my car, Yuanita, for less, and my car plays music! There was this chappie (yes, I got that word from Jack Nicholson in the movie The Departed) in who was walking guests around offering a narrative about these paintings. You know, breaking it down for them. He had these long dreadlocks. That’s the thing with art, you got to have a look to complement it otherwise it wouldn’t make sense. Art always needs a prop. So anyway this chappie (can’t get over that word) in his long dreadlocks wore these ragged leather jacket and well worn jeans and real hip boots. On his neck hang these chains that rattled when he gestured with his bony hands. His fingers sported numerous silver rings. A black Johhny Depp. He looked arty to the bone and you should have seen the white folk hang onto everything he said. He was the messiah of art. I chortled silently. There was a painting of something that looked like a tree stump and on it was a head of an antelope and a baby suckling on a gigantic breast. At the foot of the stump was feet crow. That painting excited the white folk but it disturbed me deeply. Here is the thing, I respect art and artists, I really do. I think everyone has to believe in something, everyone has to have something that anchors them. And it’s tough to nurse your art, whatever it is, even if it involves painting breasts on tree stumps. But what I can never get over are artists explaining their paintings, the amount of rhetoric that leaves their lips is profound and corny. For the longest time I have harbored this suspicion that artists have no clue what they paint and that it comes to them after they are finished. So anyway, at some point I get a hold of Bob Marley here and ask him to explain that disturbing painting that was going for a hissing 78k. He seemed disappointed that I pulled him from his highbrow clients who held a promise of a sale. That plus I think that fact that I was in jeans didn’t help matters any. See, he saw me as a riff raff, some drifter who was there to pass time drinking the free drinks and stuffing his pie hole with the free biting. From his shifty body language I suspected he resented me a bit for not wearing a tie and a blazer. He hated me and you couldn’t blame him because I was being a total ass, asking dump questions and basically trying to challenge his art. I

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deserved his wrath, I really did. So anyway, we are standing before that disturbing painting of a baby, breasts, an antelope and crow feet and he’s feeding me with some half assed explanation on the “story” behind this eccentric painting. He says something like the baby represents a new life, the genesis of life, the antelope – or impala – he says represents fragility of life itself and the breasts are the nourishment in which the baby lives on (obviously! Unless the baby decides to choma the antelope). What about the crow feet? He says it represents the heights in which the baby will go when it grows up. And what about the tree stump? I asked, “It’s a Mugumo tree!” he shrieks as if it’s supposed to be obvious. In short his explanation is bullshit. Since I’m idle and I’ve had about two glasses of wine I’m feeling a bit stubborn, I won’t let Bob Marley think he can get scot free with some half assed goombah. “I’m sorry, uhm, Felix, right?” “Phillip*.” “Right, Phillip. I’m just thinking aloud out my ignorance loudly; please forgive me, but that antelope… is there any specific reason why you chose it as a representation of fragility?” He thinks for a minute then barks, “No, do you know anything that could have replaced it?” “Yes, a goldfish.” He makes a pained face. “A goldfish?” “Indeed, goldfishes are very very fragile. Ask around.” He glares at me then looks back at the painting, perhaps considering how a goldfish would have fitted in the painting. “I don’t think so. I think an antelope fits perfectly here.” He declares. “Oh well, I don’t know, I don’t think it’s safe to have an animal like that close to a newborn, those horns can disembowel a small baby you know?” He snorts. “What inspired you to paint this, are you a new father?” He throws a lock behind his shoulder, something I found a bit gay. I mean, isn’t something some chic would have done in the OC, yes? “No. I was inspired by life. Life fascinates me, there is something worldly in not knowing how life comes together and how it keeps its pace until the end.” I sip my wine and nod politely even though I’m not sure what he just said. “I didn’t understand the crow feet.” I tell him. “What didn’t you understand?” “Uhm, I don’t know it looks demonic – ominous even- to juxtapose with the baby and new life and what

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not.” I mumble. He looks at me, obviously impressed by the word “Juxtapose.” Hahaha. I’m vain, I know. “Crow feet are not evil. In some cultures crow feet were boiled and used as medicine to cure ailments.” “Like what, athletes’ foot?” I joke. No smiles from him, in fact he acts like he didn’t hear that. I’m beginning to think he smoked some weed before the function. Who doesn’t even crack a smile at a joke like that? That was a good joke…no? He starts looking around the room restlessly, perhaps to show me that if I don’t have any more stupid questions he will be going to attend to someone who has less questions and more money to buy his paintings. “How do you mark your painting?” I asked. “How do you mean?” he snaps. “How do you arrive to mark this painting at 78k?” I was tempted to add “because I don’t suppose you bought an antelope and asked it to pose to paint this piece.” But of course I didn’t, the mood was already too frosty as it were. “ I consider many things like cost of material and equipment, my time, the thought that goes in it and my expertise.” “How long did you spend painting this one?” I motioned at the painting with my glass. “What, the breast?” I started laughing because I thought he was joking, but I looked at him and realized he wasn’t, he looked at me like I was strange, like I was the one who smoked weed before the function. I ceased laughing. “I mean the painting.” “Oh, two weeks.” he said distractedly, still looking across the room at something. “Do you make a lot of money in a month from your work?” He looked at me like I had asked if he finished high school. My God, Bob Marley here was so high strung, he needed a drink. “What did you say your name was?” “I didn’t, but call me Zulu.” I wasn’t gonna tell him my real names. Shiit. “Zulu huh? What do you do?” “I’m a potter.” “Potter?” “Yes, I make pots, you know, from clay.” Oh the disdain in his eyes. The disdain in Bob Marley’s eyes! “Where do you make these pots?” “Kisii.” I said, hoping he wasn’t Kisii and he asks me where in Kissii. “Oh, okay.” He said before excusing himself and making a quick getaway leaving me there staring at the crow feet. Mine. Now as fate would have it, our paths crossed again before the evening ended. I was on this table chatting and drinking with the lady who invited me to the function. This was way after the speeches and guests were leaving at their own pleasure. Bob Marley stops by our table – one of those high cocktail tables where people stand around- to have a tete-a-tete with this lady and after a while they start talking about the media coverage and who showed up and all. And the lady turns and says, “Oh, have you met Biko, he might do something for you in that regard,” You should have seen the look on his face, you should have seen him look like he had eaten that antelope he painted. You should have seen him try to be nice to me then. You should have seen him kiss the potters ass. And I let him.

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  1. I have to agree with you that that painting was strange and might be a manifestation of an even stranger mind, or as you say, a mind inebriated by weed and whatever else. As for being a potter, that was a truly odd answer to give, but it made be laugh nonetheless. But be careful what you wish for, that dude could be a sangoma and we might find you in Kisii making worthless pots, hehe just saying

  2. “I mean, I’m selling my car, Yuanita, for less, and my car plays music!You should have seen him try to be nice to me then. You should have seen him kiss the potters ass. And I let him.” Whaaat you let him kiss your ass, now that’s gay hahaha But since you had a few glasses of wine i might overlook that. Biko I think that weed really helps you a lot I should try it myself!!

  3. Like you I am having trouble distilling the message in your post this week. I neither found your piece entertaining nor informative in any way. If any thing I think it was more a self venerating piece.
    Having said that I find art prices ridiculous and unjustified more over I just don’t understand abstract art, maybe it is my ignorance. That does not give you the right to belittle someone’s efforts.

    1. I have to agree with Phillip on this one. It is just uncool; you admit to not understanding abstract art but have no problem ripping into an artist’s work…the funny bit is, you’re a writer, how would you feel if someone took apart your work just because they do not understand it?

    2. Come on guys… this is funny… interesting. The thoughts that run through some of us when in a foreign environment, you just dont wanna know.

      1. well, there is funny and there is mean jack ass funny…my problem is that he has the audacity to poke fun at someone/something out of ignorance and we’re all supposed to cheer him on like it’s a good thing.

        My mistake was to think that coz he’s a writer, he’d have the foresight to see it. My bad

    3. Oh Philip, I thought this was hilarious. I think what ur feeling is irritation that Biko would rip into another man’s work? Or maybe I’m wrong. Or maybe I’m nuts. Maybe next week Biko won’t disappoint you 🙂

    4. you didn’t find this piece entertaining? I think its hilarious, rib cracking… Maybe Bob marley is a personal friend.. no?

  4. He thinks for a minute then barks, “No, do you know anything that could have replaced it?”

    “Yes, a goldfish.”

    He makes a pained face. “A goldfish?”

    “Indeed, goldfishes are very very fragile. Ask around.”

    …… And Karma too is such a bitch! The potter guy would be needed eventually?

  5. you guy…now i get why when one is having a conversation with you, like in real life, they might say: “by the way, don write about this…”

    and a week later its splashed all over ur blog. #GottaLoveIt

  6. Ni nini with guys getting touchy now, aii! I don’t find this piece offensive one bit. I guess kila mtu has their own way on interpreting stuff.

  7. interesting read. but i wonder, i am new to this blog so i read most of your earlier posts and wonder why you say dump, instead dumb??? It throws me off, but otherwise, you write like i would in another life. Brilliant

  8. hey whats up Biko…why are guys getting sensitive about this post?art?…..i haven’t read some cool shit in a while…and this is it..keep them coming man,like i told you you are the talk of town,its your time bro…..everybody out here says Biko writes some cool shit….worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd you rock….peace.cheers man.

  9. Abstract art rates just next up there with post-modern literature for me; vainly oblique and unimpressibly high-horsey. That the arteurs try to justify their inane affectations with equally uninformed hypothesis only end up riling us the unwashed masses more. If he were so genuine about his art why didn’t he make you appreciate it so well so that he would perhaps gain a favourable mention on your blog? Fakery! And you Biko, what’s with the ‘I can’t stand the name Jackson’ affectation of yours? Go get a new legit name you pretty much like and publicise it to the world. Didn’t Kajairo legitimize his moniker? Sembuse wewe? Give us a break on that, it is a tired line if at all you thought it makes a unique stamp on your blog persona. Otherwise, good piece, as usual of course.

      1. LOL…cracked me up! Actually, maybe Kidikibudi shouldn’t come slowly…lol, still laughing; not *at* you, just *with* you I guess 🙂

  10. I like Abstract art. I love Mondrian, whose art someone once pointed to me that they could have done in babyclass.

    That being, I went to an art gallery once. Nice abstract pieces. But one was just a single line in red. looked like someone smacked a brush with red paint on canvas, forming a very angry looking gash of red…diagonal. Looked like something you would see on your arm after a ninja ran his blade through it.

    His explanation…This line represents life. Life starts here (pointing to one end of the line) and ends here. You guessed, pointing to the other end. And this–pointing to the middle–is all the nasty all between. its the pain, the love the blah blah… it was an expensive piece but i had to laugh out loud. I mean, come on! Seriously? One single effing line?!

    That being said, painting / art is an expression one self. You express yourself through words, me through film, Phillip through art. no matter how pretentious it might seem, or even be. Jean-Michel Basquiat was an amazing artist. but there are pieces of his work i find disturbing, haunting even. But he was disturbed, highly talented young man. He could never explain his art very well, in my opinion, from his interviews that i have watched. I guess it is hard to explain themselves in the first place, hence putting it down on canvas.

  11. I’m also wondering…….”errrrr……what was the point of the story again? Didn’t do it for me this week.

    And vain, that you are my friend. #inawayweallare.

  12. Yes, u really are vain. But yes, these art people like to make u feel like u r missing some faculty. Like you havent evolved to their depths. crapity.

  13. I think sometimes Art is not meant to be understood, as everybody has his/her own interpretation!

    Having said that I found the piece funny especially your banter on Bob Marley hahahaha..

  14. Niiiice as always.. Love the ‘taking apart’ of abstract art, it just sucks.. Those asking about the lesson here- be nice to people, you don’t want to be the guy kissing a** when you discover who you were talking to..

  15. whaaaaaaaaaaaat, Zulu-the potter? can i ask you to help me write play script? am inlove with your brains and creativity. am serious on the script part. would realy apreciate the help-with your creativity.
    you just make me look nuts with the laughter every time i read your stuff.

  16. Biko, nice piece… as usual BUT since i really do roll on the floor laughing my ass off, on your previous post, it wasnt really all that, i just smiled, which is enough, not everyone smiles at work on a monday when they look into their computers:)

  17. Interesting work Biko! Your first paragraph is a painting without brush and canvas.
    I think Mr. Bob Marley disliked you since you looked like that was your stage…he was in jeans, and you were in jeans! Are you sure no highbrow, wine sipping attendee approached you to ask about a painting? 🙂
    Keep making our Mondays rock!

    1. That weed u are smoking Kev is hot! share the love (just share the weed) :)! I just appreciate the way you are appreciating Jackson. Au sio Jackson. Appreciate the hate speech(blogging) Jackson.

  18. “One of the paintings was going for something like 370k a pop! I gulped. I mean, I’m selling my car, Yuanita, for less, and my car plays music!”
    That did it for me. Nice piece. Readers need to loosen up a little.

  19. I’m going to risk it and say you don’t sound like you enjoyed any part of the evening except for the section you described in the last paragraph. Sounds like it was worth it though. *cheeky grin*

  20. ZUlu, the potter, Oh damn you. A goldfish! Okay you should have told him maybe something like an armadillo head or yak, but goldfish head. NO.

  21. “I dont suppose you bought an antelope and asked it to pose”…..that just killed me…once again thanks for brightening my week…keep it up sir!

  22. This is what I gleaned off your little ego-trip here:
    ” O, dear Reader, what a rebel I am- attending a cocktail party wearing JEANS! Watch me buttonhole this chappie, this weak impala, because of my inability to mingle with this carnivorous crowd, cleverly disguising my insecurities as a complex mix of contempt, indifference and amusement.
    Watch me belittle this stoner’s career choice; mock him and his work to his face, with weak sarcasm as my chisel and poor wit as my hammer, wiping my denim covered ass with whatever dignity he has left.
    And just when he thinks we’re done, BAM! Like a reveal from Hell’s version of Extreme Makeover, I turn out not to be a potter from Kisii, but a Media Guy, the kind of Guy he needs to help him spread the word about his art!
    Lookit ‘im squirm, beloved Reader! Sucks to be you weedhead, hahaha! Eat my ink!”

    Other than this I actually enjoy some of your other posts (except for that broody, introspective post on dreams and what not- felt a lot like public masturbation to me.)
    You are a good writer and I look forward to your next post. I could get some pointers from you if I ever venture into any writing more serious than the pedestrian kind I regularly indulge in.

    1. 🙂 Outstanding prose Mickey. I mean, if you ever decide to write I’m confident you won’t need me, if this is anything to go by.

    2. I enjoyed your piece more than Jackson’s. He just went to war with an innocent artist because of his inadequacies.

  23. Art is never to be understood. If all art were interpreted in the same way, then I think there an artist would have failed. An artist is never to explain or help people interpret his works… If I am an author and you come to me for an explanation of my work, then I think there you would be going wrong. An artist’s work is to pour it out to the world and hope that the madness in it will flow in another’s considerably mad mind. Thats how I believe art should be.

    So you see where it gets you? Letting the artist interpret the message for you? It leaves you arguing about the fragility of a goldfish over that of a an antelope. Even I think mosquitoes are more fragile than your two choices…. Art is supposed to bring forth multiple interpretations.

    That being said, this was a very hilarious post… You have a special sense of humour..that which should be packed in a box and send around as a Birthday present!!!

  24. Oh @ Midas, replace “art people” with “poets”, “thespians”, “creative writers”…. especially the breed that does spoken word. Basically if you don’t have the capacity to appreciate a particular artform, well; it just means you haven’t developed the capacity to appreciate it. Not that anything is wrong with you mind you. Maybe you just need to check out some art galleries solo, don’t listen to the bullshit spiel from the sellers. In the end, as Frieda Kahlo said, there are only good pictures, or bad pictures.
    Maybe I should take my own advice, bite the bullet and sit through one spoken word/poetry session without getting filthy drunk, puking helplessly or going to answer a phone call outside…for the rest of the night. Honestly, whenever I check in to one of those things I get a crazy urge to scream out in the quiet room the immortal words of Daffy Duck: “I demand that you shoot me now!!”

  25. This is total art brouhaha, Biko, keep off paintings sine some of those things serve a higher purpose. Did you hear that? Higher purpose. That is what art is. This piece is ART BROUHAHA

    Good piece though. LAUGHABLE.

  26. Loved the post. I think the varied comments here prove that there’s a need for art – artsy fartsy, modern, abstract or otherwise – since it clearly evokes so many emotions. Hahaha…yeah maybe I was at that gallery too. I hate those freaking pretentious shindigs; talk sense or shut up already. No one is impressed with your empty talk and high n mighty attitude. As for Bob Marley dude, I’d have let him squirm a little too. Just a little. ION…Biko, edit please. Lack of it detracts from your otherwise beautiful writing. Looking forward to more.

  27. Art! I look at something, if I like it, I like it!if not, I move on and leave it for someone else who may.

    Educating a person into liking an art piece is fake as it can get.

    You might get some BS for this piece but its because you expose the views people have about art as elitist and the facade’s people create to feel educated or better than the one’s who call it as they see it.

    Bit nasty to play a dude like that, but personally ‘I feel nothing’.

  28. Love the way Mickey the Frigging Mouse put it!

    Read this article and I was like awesome read….BUT beneath it, there is another story..

  29. Hahaha!you are as cruel as that dude was retarded!Did he actually call the painting “the breast!”? And I’m starting to get the impression that you bump into alot of people who don’t get sarcasm or jokes…..

  30. I like your writing, however something is missing from this week’s posting and am not connecting with this article.

  31. 🙂 i love your play with words…its dint really make me LMAO, but i liked it….guys, its ‘The stories we could tell with our eyes closed’ …give the dude abreak…

    ”You should have seen him kiss the potters ass. And I let him”…Hahaha!

  32. “Please welcome Mr. Jackson, enjoy ya evening.” I hate the name Jackson, but some sins are forgivable in some circumstances.” Hahaha….use your luo name, am certain it’s pretty sexy……. 😉

  33. “It’s a Mugumo tree!” he shrieks as if it’s supposed to be obvious. Hahaha!!!
    reminds me of a time I went for an art exhibition on invitation from a friend i really liked. Honestly, it was the most boring experience EVER!! people walking around and others staring at the pieces like they “held the key to success”. And people do such things. I guess it’s supposed to look like the movies.

    Anyway, having said that, I love your work. It’s always a breath of fresh air. In this article especially, you say stuff that is always bubbling in some people’s hearts and minds, but they are not gutsy enough to say it. maybe that’s why some people aren’t so happy about what you said… I think.

    Looking forward to Monday.

  34. I do agree with u Biko, this art thing, or shall i say paintings are over rated. To me abstract or whatever, it’s just a picture, what i can see with my eyes, i either like it or not, i don’t want to understand it, coz that the painters mind while he was painting and i think they are at a loss to explain coz they too don’t know…
    Other than that, if bob marley was explaining that to me, i would hv bursted in laughter, it’s just funny how crow feet represent the weight that the baby will grow..lol

  35. I like this blog,i hav never done a follow- up of what goes on here after reading the blog…so some serious debates goes on?i have done a follow up today and i must say it was brilliant n i enjoyed…lots of grown-folks talk no hurling of barbs,no salvos…. i have enjoyed the [email protected] bro am abig fun of words,phrases and ‘coinages’ i liked that ‘public masturbation’…and ya choice of words but i dont think this gentleman has ego issues,if he had then i dont think he would have approved your comment.cheers.peace.

  36. I loved the honesty of this post&I did have a good laugh. Biko you never dissapoint…&Mickey!! Hey that dreams piece was one of my best!! No public nasties there..however Biko you do realise that dreams piece is the post that can be compared to the poor chaps painting…it was very abstract. So maybe the painter actually did mean the stuff he was saying 🙂

  37. the last time i was in art room back in the days i felt like hiding behind this big tree and cry like a dog.

  38. Throughout this post, I couldn’t help but crackle mirth which almost broke my ribs because it is super funny. It’s like the ‘Bob Marley’ met a nut cracker. Biko, you took him way heights with questions, or I should say interrogations, that he had not expected at the function. But it seems you wanted to run his art creativity through rough narrow paths that’s why “he makes a pained face”.

  39. More posts is great, though I believe we all look forward to mondays and that’s where the excitement is….too much might not be good all the time.

  40. Pretty vain interpretation of your night Mr B, probably fueled by the fact that passing yourself off as a well adjusted, savvy intellect of sorts just wasn’t happening for you on this occasion. Kick ass punchlines though “And it’s tough to nurse your art, whatever it is, even if it involves painting breasts on tree stumps.” *Dying* @mickey “like a reveal from hells version of extreme makeover” dudes!!!

    In the extremely unlikely circumstance that Bob knows of this blog the poor guy will be having a session with his shrink right now!! Depressive thoughts bearing the potters countenance haunting him whenever he pulls out yet another cannabis inspired image to be put on canvas. Lmfao !! and if Nester has a sense of humour he should rise up and do a painting of the baby doing a barbeque with antelope game meat….

  41. WOW awesome read! It even made me move from anonymous to a named reader!! The crows feet and goldfish bit just killed me!!

  42. Read through all 80 comments(or did they lie) because they were more interesting…:-) Let me read other posts maybe what they say is true…but I *died* at:

    “Zulu huh? What do you do?”

    “I’m a potter.”

    “Potter?”

    “Yes, I make pots, you know, from clay.”

    Oh the disdain in his eyes. The disdain in Bob Marley’s eyes!

    “Where do you make these pots?”

    “Kisii.” I said, hoping he wasn’t Kisii and he asks me where in Kissii

  43. athletes foot got me in stitches…pity he was too dumb to get it…a potter from kisii named zulu_your alter-ego ama? haha

  44. the majority of People are bound to find this really important. I really like the point you are making with your last paragraph.

  45. An interesting read. It is clear from the comments that a person can do or say things that some may find unpleasant but still be a brilliant writer….Zulu you do a great job.

    My dissapointment really is with all the comments thus far for failing to spot a deliberate error in your piece:

    Bob Marley was a great artist

  46. hahaha!!!more fan mail. favorite blog so far, and have read some pretty good ones about lodges, vals( that was just some self righteous crap but written beautifully) masai women. this beats them all. good job!!

  47. Opinions are like assholes, we each have our own. Guys, take a chill pill. I loved this piece Biko. I totally get you.

  48. Whether Bob Marley’s art is good or not, or has a meaning or not, for that matter, it’s no excuse for treating anyone like a rat. Anyhu, good piece as usual.

  49. #DEAD# Great piece..n funny as hell. I never understood art let alone abstract art..n 4 tht reason I refrain from hating on it. Clearly Biko u dnt either so u argue 4rm a point of ignorance. Still, twas very well written and funny albeit mean.

  50. All the painter read ‘Bob Marley’ would have done is continue treating you with the same disdain huh ..nothing works better than reverse psycho…would have got your full attention then I bet..
    You were mean to him ..just saying

  51. ” You should have seen the look on his face, you should have seen him look like he had eaten that antelope he painted. You should have seen him try to be nice to me then. You should have seen him kiss the potters ass. And I let him”

    This one is a winner! Nice Biko

  52. Hahaha look who ended up kissing the potters ass. Yo Biko, Can I call you Jack Potter (from Revenge- the series) for 5 seconds?

    1. Funny how..interesting and hilarious piece there. I agree, the expressions, explanations and descriptions given about art work sometimes are just absurd…i guess most of the time folks are just in denial and nodding at their ignorance

  53. Every once in a while I re-read your old post.so sometime in Jan I was looking for this one but I didn’t find it. Thank God you reposted

  54. this is funny in a dry way..like a polite way of being rude..I read it to the end, I also don’t understand art, abstract paintings give me eyesores from staring at them while trying to jolt any artistic nerve in my brain, all in vain. your reads are diverse and I like the fact that you write anything and still make it enjoyable to read.. Haters exhale!

  55. Biko one day you’re going to kill me with your writing. I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time, I had to take a break first then return to laugh some more and I’m reading it in an open plan office, so you can imagine the stares.

  56. And you let him kiss your ass. Okay. I like this stuff veeery much. But your questions, always pray to meet patient people because one day you will get a fine blow to your forehead. Great piece as always.

  57. Biko,i admire the talent you have. Reading this gave me a clear picture of what happened. Such brilliance is what i admire.

  58. Hahaha… For some reason I felt like I was watching an episode of family guy on this one… And Biko was stewie

  59. You can be an ass
    You really pissed the guy off
    Its 2018 don’t know why I’m reading 2011 posts (i was so tiny then, about say 13 years) I’m having a blast though
    I need the lessons now
    Question how did you manage to woe your missus with such a tongue I’d have slaughtered you already