A letter.

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Love is a story set among the desperate. Today we are besieged by it, hounded by it. And yet today we beat those drums of love. How can we not? How can we not play to the tunes of the heart and of the loins?

Forget that mushy claptrap already. I set out to write about love today, some mushy stuff that would make me cringe later when I re-read it. But then I thought who needs all that? What about those out there who have never known love? Wouldn’t they find that insulting, perhaps challenging? Wouldn’t that open some old wounds? Would they bleed afresh? So I decided to make it realistic and write about the thing that will keep the city moving today, today’s money maker; women.

It’s rather stating the obvious when I say Nairobi is full of women. Women who are smart, women who are tall, women who are short, women with long hair and women with dead animals on their heads (Mohawks), conceited women, big women with small smiles, women with bottomless hearts and also heartless women, women who think the sun rises from their bums, women who are sharp, witty women, women who don’t get jokes, cute women, dull women, angry women, brown women, boring women, dark women, funny women. Women. They are everywhere, one for each man. There is even enough to share with other women. And we, as Kenyan men appreciate and love them. OK, except the ones in a Mohawk. Those ones are different.

The best part of being with a woman is meeting a woman, or when boy meets girl, if you are from that school of thought. When he looks at her and feels his stomach tighten. When she is exquisite and staggeringly gorgeous. When she smells like sunset and her eyes tell a story. When you never want to stop hearing her giggle. When she floats your boat and mystery enshroud her. And mystery is good. Mystery is very good.

But this image is misleading, deceptive even because when a man meets a woman he likes he falls for someone in his head; perfect and untainted by reality. This is before you learn that she doesn’t keep time, or her promises. This is before you learn she can’t kiss, or she wears mothers union. This is before you learn that her ex-boyfriend is a 135kgs monster who still wants her back, and also wants your head on a platter.

Every guy wants to be with a beautiful woman. It’s a supreme quest. These are the women who stride into a room and everyone stares- including other women. Especially other women. These are women whose counter has a queue that winds around the block. Pick a number, Martin, and wait. But to tell you the truth these women are a total waste of space and time and if you dare ask why then either you are in high school, or you are a hot woman. Fortunately these are women men get tired of very quickly because the more you see a hot woman the more you see things on (not in) her that aren’t as perfect as you imagined; eyes slightly skewed, a huge vein on her neck, a nose that looks like Hosni’s… Beauty is like a bar of soap in water. So forget this woman, she’s only a picture.

 

But be wary of the woman who walks into a room and you feel a sharp change in the room’s chemistry. A woman who alters the composition of the room by a simple action like pouring a drink. She isn’t strikingly beautiful, but there is something unworldly about her, something that makes the energy room gravitate towards her. She isn’t the hottest thing in the room, but she has something that a hot woman can’t buy, something that cosmetic surgery can’t fix; she is sexy.

She is sexy in the way she sips her drink or rummage in her purse. She is sexy in the way she throws back her head when she laughs. She will stare into your eyes when you talk about stuff that she doesn’t care about, but she will also look away when you look too hard in her eyes. If you try to see her soul. She will exude the right vulnerability, but just enough not to make her weak. She won’t necessarily know who Mohamed Bouzizi was, but she won’t shy at asking, in fact she will ask in a way that will make you enjoy explaining to her (She: “Bouzizi? I want to desperately think he is the guy who whips then later hangs men who wear skinny jeans.”). She won’t need to flash her cleavage in your face or show her whole thigh to make you like her. But the fleeting patch of skin that will show when she casually crosses her legs will make you gasp. And it’s something you will not forget about in a hurry. And this kind of woman never looks at the floor when she walks. Never. And the clincher is that she is totally oblivious of her sexiness but the moment she starts thinking of herself as sexy she stops being sexy. God’s sense of humor runs deep.

Unfortunately there aren’t many sexy women around. You are more likely to meet an Elephant along Ngong road than meet a sexy woman. You will meet plenty of gorgeous women though, but what good is that? What good is another perfect chin? But this being a city of vanity you will encounter many women who think they are sexy; you will know they aren’t sexy because you will see them trying to be sexy. And you will feel a tinge of sadness for them.

Here is another thing that is tragic in this city; the fact that women no longer make you want to touch them. They no longer heighten your expectations to the touch. And make no mistakes about that ladies, that’s a huge part of seduction for men; to meet a woman and want to touch her. That is one of the precious part in being with a woman, wanting desperately to touch her and knowing full well that she isn’t ready to be touched…at least not yet. And not touch her in a sexual way, but to feel her skin and satiate your temporary insanity. To free yourself from the bondage of your own flesh. To make sure she is not invincible. These parts of seduction are subliming into the tedium that plague urban dating; women making it easy. Women not waiting to be “touched.” Breaks my heart that when my daughter starts dating (*throw up*) she won’t experience seduction in its truest form because now we have a culture of chips funga, where seducing a woman can only happen with the help of alcohol and bend over. A culture where women throw it at you, even if you’re poor at missing.

It isn’t too much to ask women to be ladies, is is? To respect themselves. To preserve themselves. To retain their pride. To love their men, but even better to love themselves. Where is the damned violin? Berkley alumni, anyone?

To the men who read this blog, today we rummage through our worn bag of tricks for anything that can redeem us in the eyes of our women. Today we are judged not as men, but as lovers. A whole bunch of will fail but thankfully some will triumph, and to those they will save our reputation! And to that we owe you a beer.

Today a number of women who stop by on this blog will end the day with a smile, not because they stopped by here but because they will be seduced. And some will seduce. We are all happy for you. And yet others will go home to a good book. It’s all good, as long as you love yourself more than someone loves you. Besides love lives in the unlikeliest of places and not only in the hearts of men. And so to all the women who diligently stop by here to entertain my Monday rubbish consider this my flower. Happy Valentine’s Day.

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114 Comments
  1. Nyce! This is much better than last weeks.

    “It isn’t too much to ask women to be ladies, is is? To respect themselves. To preserve themselves. To retain their pride. To love their men, but even better to love themselves” Love that. (Biko, work on that *sp* up there.) Only thing is, the few of us who actually do these things are considered old fashioned, not-hip, outdated, boring and even old.(even though we are in our early twenties.) And when we hang with other “ladies” we are considered “snobs” or even inappropriately “mabarbies”. What to do? what to do?

      1. …so now we should stop and ullulate????ta..ha..ha…

        Women who are ‘ladies’ dont try to be, they are..if you are finding it difficult, you are trying.

        1. So do not try. Be yourself. Let him choose to like it… or move along. ‘Trying’ is too hard if you ask me, I just DO NOT have time for it.

  2. ‘You are more likely to meet an Elephant along Ngong road than meet a sexy woman. ‘ too funny…and tragic…

    Your flower is warmly received, great article as usual…

    Happy valentine Biko.

  3. “This is before you learn she can’t kiss or wears mothers’ union” lol
    And I had to check out Hosni’s (Mubarak?) picture to see exactly what nose he has,
    I’ll take the flower Biko, Merci. Happy Valentine’s

  4. So true about being ladies. Most people nowadays think dignity is ‘overrated’ which is really sad. This post made my Monday.
    Happy Valentines

  5. Just disapointed some guy today when he called to wish me a happy Valentine. I have never celebrated any in my life. Why the hullabaloo? I though accept your gift, it’s more real.

  6. First off the bat, I gotta say am not into the fad that Valentines day has become among urbanites. I would be very happy if the day was also appointed as the day of the African Elephant (an homage to Biko’s Ngong Rd pachyderm) so that philistines like me could have an excuse to join the revelry. (Aha, this is one of them jaded neanderthals. Did I hear someone snicker). Having said that, I rise to defend the NAIROBI GAL. The primordial soup of our urban provenance once slapped upon the harsh urban terrains of Uasu Nyarobe the glob of proteins that would successfully evolve with the terrain. The terrains levelled for sky-crappers to find space and the glob evolved into a much analyzed, much maligned, much dismissed yet well appreciated-by-the-bedside creature we call the Nairobi Gal. Romance is overrated as well as unappreciated. The Nairobi gal is the opposite: underrated but appreciated by the you now know what. What’s a girl to do? In a city full of fake Romeos, struggling Cassanovas and pretentious Don Juans what’s a gal to do? Where are the NAIROBI MEN who will in the sweet eternal cadences of Celine Dione’s ‘Call the Man’ stand up ‘in the chaos and confusion from the plains to city hall’ and attend to the needs arising where ‘the brave who walk the wire are set to fall’. Where are they?! And as they come out of the burrows to help the Nairobi Gal redefine herself let’s all cut the Nairobi Gal some slack. She is an evolving species acting to type- adapting herself to the exigencies of the moment to avoid extinction even as she seeks relevance. Happy vales to all who mind.

    1. I have to say I agree with you. It’s easy to make fun of, insult, be angered by or snicker at the Nairobi women but unless they’re sleeping with each other, where are the Nairobi-men? It’s easy to point fingers at all the things the Nairobi women may have become but what about all the things the Nairobi man isn’t (and I don’t mean wealthy. I mean the things he should be that money can’t buy). Anyway, jus glad someone pointed this out. There is (or isn’t) a Nairobi man too.

      1. @ miamor… your comment is the best in this blog. The society has to stop blaming the woman alone. Where are the men in all these?

  7. “Breaks my heart that when my daughter starts dating (*throw up*) she won’t experience seduction in its truest form because now we have a culture of chips funga, where seducing a woman can only happen with the help of alcohol and bend over.”

    Couldn’t put it better…how women became too cheap only God knows…it breaks our heart by the way women behave in clubs…

  8. This was a tear jerking read for me…I relate and I hope that all the women out there today appreciate themselves and love themselves first before expecting someone to come and love them off their feet. How about we just take a minute and recognise that paragraph that Biko asks us to respect and preserve ourselves in order to retain our pride…I believe you find love once you accept yourself and love yourself.

    Happy Valentine’s Day Biko…

    1. I could not agree more!. Elsie you said it all!

      And Biko, your flower is well received….

      Happy Valentine’s Day to all the readers both passive and active, and to you Biko

  9. you know,this article seriously makes me wonder what goes through your head on a daily basis,especially paragraph 10.
    How do you come up with this stuff?
    Interesting read.

  10. I think there are more sexy women out there than we think. Problem is many guys are looking for them in the wrong places.

    Happy Valentines Day

  11. loved the feel of your words; esp when describing ‘the touch’ …and as for your quest to interact with women of substance, perhaps you’re hanging out in the wrong places?

    My valentine’s parting shot is an add on to your lovely closing remarks, and it’s a quote by Maya Angelou, “…I do not trust people who do not love themselves and yet tell me ‘I love you’. There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked man offers you a shirt…”

    1
  12. “A culture where women throw it at you, even if you’re poor at missing”.

    This should be put up on some billboard!! ouch

  13. ……….To preserve themselves. To retain their pride. To love their men, but even better to love themselves…
    Perfectly said.
    Thanx for the flower!

  14. for once i see sense in #mututho bill…and as much as we blame the women, i blv tht as men we should also take responsibility. we’d rather meet our “dates” in a pub rather than a coffee shop or even a park. its scary to even think abt the next generation. the meaning of sex has bn to changed, we use sex to get promotions, favors, prove our “love”, and so much more. Men lets not tk adv of our women, and women plz learn to say “NO” and let it mean “NO”

  15. great read, better than last week. I will end this day with a smile, not because i have been seduced but because its good to know that being a lady is still appreciated.

  16. Funny, nice & a tad sad.

    It’s my hope that Nairobi women are just human beings who have their ups and downs and can’t therefore be generalized in failing in self restraint, class or culture. Not a specie for study but individuals trying to figure this life out best way they know how.

    Happy Valentines Day!

  17. Thanx. I guess. But receiving a flower on blog seems kidogo pitiful (for me! 🙂 ) Happy Valentines to you too.

    “But be wary of the woman who walks into a room and you feel a sharp change in the room’s chemistry. A woman who alters the composition of the room by a simple action like pouring a drink.”

    Dammit, how badly do I want to be that woman?

  18. I will accept your flower, and water it and when it is about to die i will put the petals in a tiny bowl and preserve them. This is an awesome read.

  19. ..chief i was in an office somewhere in westlands and voila!that typ of woman you talked about’…who strides in aroom and every one stares…’walked in and i sort of lost attention…damn i dint want to leave the establishment haha.Indeed ths city has beautiful women and i ahad not seen that variety in along while…bt am abit dissapointed with this day-its one sided bana its only women receiving flowers,maybe we just rename it..nice read though..

  20. Hope guys are spending this obnoxious day with a person they love, by choice if not by force!

    Mine will be spent watching movies and hoping that one day my boyfriend and I can learn to love each other better without making it difficult to enjoy the process. Love is difficult as long as you make it hard for each other. Valentine’s day is a hoax just thought I should say so!

  21. @The Spinster, you have taken the words right out of my lips. Women are accussed of various setbacks that befall them as it’s a man’s world, judged unfairly and harshly and yet when you look at the lives of these men judging us they are as hypocrical and rather sad. Women don’t let men create boundaries that define who you and how to carry yourselves.

    Happy Valentines!

  22. I like your description of sexy women. I often find myself trying to explain to pals why I find the women dressed to the nines on a night out in Nairobi ridiculous n’ way off the mark.. And I end up feeling like a hater. But you so get it, thanks for articulating it. I’ll take a piece- such as this one- by you over a flower any day, but the thought is appreciated. Keep ’em coming

      1. @Mackel, si mohawks normally start kidogo on the side, this one was starting in the middle of the head…
        Fashion Police need to have a HOTLINE 🙂

  23. Mohawks should be outlawed with immediate effect, just saw a lady in the street with a strange shabby Mohawk making her head look like an ugly hedge hog. The horror that is the misdirected feminine vanity that plague our ladies, who will usher in enlightenment, to yank out the Kenyan lady from a deep miasma, not of ignorance, but of pure conceitedness; and direct her to a path of grace, beauty and dignity.

    1. I donno why people don’t like Mohawks (they’re like beer: an acquired taste 🙂 ) BUT I do think “Fashion Police” may be the forgotten profession, and would be the most lucrative in Nairobi. I’d say to ALL Kenyans: “just because you see it in a magazine doesn’t mean it’s for you and for goodness sakes, pick a trend and stick with it; mixing a million things makes you look tacky. Finally, understand ur body; guys, if you have bootie, skinny jeans may not be for you. Ladies, if you’ve got large boobs, double breasted jacket may not be for you. Just saying….”

  24. Tru Dat!

    I think we should ask the Government esp Mututho, to ban
    Mohawk.

    It ain’t much asking for women to be ladies.

  25. a good woman is something every man should desire hard to find but its not that they aint there…we have to look harder! and be gud men too..wonderful read

  26. The world is changing, so is the Nairobi women, she doesn’t hv to be judged too harshly, there are still women who are sexy, they preserve themselves, retain their pride, love their men and love themselves…but how many Nairobi men recognise them? they wouldn’t because what they want is the superficial woman, drop dead gorgeous with fake hair, loads of makeup and dancing bend over…so what u want, is what u get

    Nice read Biko, next write about Nairobi man 🙂

    1. So weird I was just thinking the same thing: every man wants a decent, dignified, beautiful woman. Until they get one. Then she becomes boring and unexciting. The thing that always puzzles me is that if you want a BMW, you don’t go to Mama Nani wa Nani and buy an old 82 Jalopy THEN complain ati it’s not a Bima. Hello! If you want a Bima, do what you need to do to get the Bima BUT if you settle, at least acknowledge it.

  27. @Mrongo & Maria, the two couldn’t have said it any better. There are many good women out there and it’s only fair to expect good when you are good. Most men are two faced as what they expect is not what they give out. Men need to be good as well, be willing to listen to the discord.

    Ladies: If you’re important to him, he’ll always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies, no games.
    If there’s a problem he will work with you to find a solution whatever it takes, however long it requires .

  28. I really do like this post, I read and rarely take the time to comment, today I do. Ladies, I almost lost a good woman because society demands that I judge her harshly and threaten to replace her when she doesn’t walk the slow and narrow. Women are human and so are we, what it takes is to have realistic and humanly expectations, open conversations and room to negogiate and not a one way transaction. What I eventually realized is the grass is not always greener on the other side.

  29. Guys are like dogs. Put them on a leash and they’ll be chasing every puss in sight!

    Women love yourselves and only yourselves.Men are not worth our time!!!!!

  30. Ladies we have heard you…this all has been sparked off by valentine’s! No more valentine day, which I never really take note of anyway.
    Any man can be tall, dark, and handsome, just stand on a chair, turn out the lights and lie. Am all man and I do agree good men are hard to find in this hypocritical world. So ladies we get from all of you what we ask for…men hate me for saying it as it is.

    Dude, if you write about Men, you will never hear the end of it from the women.

  31. People say it here all the time, but I will say it again; you are a fantastic writer. Ever thought of writing a book, I swear me and six of my girlfriend would EACH buy a copy. so if you ever decide to…..:-)

  32. @ Brenda, good idea though he will have to sell more than 7 books to make money. Millions is the magic number in publishing.

    Biko ma guy gives us humour next week.

  33. Biko, the “Women” post still stands out for me as my most favorite. I always wonder what kind of a person not man you are. What you read is not always what you get is my dedusion.

  34. “You attract who you ARE not who you WANT” so if all you’re seeing and attracting are (wo)men without any class, dignity blah blah, then consider that YOU are the problem because the only thing they have in common is YOU. This applies to both men and women. LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE so if you want a partner with (insert qualities here) then you need to be a partner who posseses those qualities too. It’s impossible to be attracted to someone who isn’t like you in some way. If you want, you can read my latest post at www.miasaysyes.wordpress.com

  35. “It isn’t too much to ask women to be ladies, is is? To respect themselves. To preserve themselves. To retain their pride. To love their men, but even better to love themselves. Where is the damned violin? Berkley alumni, anyone?” ….When you live in a glass house, you cannot afford to throw stones!!!

    1. @ Disappointed. Whoever you are, you are a coward but worse you are uncultured. You can’t have the right to be nasty if you can’t be man/woman enough to put the right email address up to give me the right to reply.

      There are a many comments on this blog that doesn’t agree with what I write and they express those opinions without malice. You on the other hand want to be crude and tactless with your comments and that’s why I spike them.

      Unfortunately for you, I have very little patience for such childishness and your total lack of class and as much as I’m trying to build readership here I won’t deal with you for a word longer. I suggest that you find other blogs that will entertain your idleness.

    2. Dissapointed, I feel like a missed something here so I’ll just comment and agree with Biko: he actually doesn’t do much censoring and allows the bikommunity (hehehe) to interact with minimal intrusion. If you disagreed with him, he’d still have posted your comments. Don’t believe me? Ebu read previous posts.

  36. @ Miamor 2111, whatever it is that we missed betwen Biko and Disappointed is now being aired elsewhere as a case of bloated ego on Biko’s part and that this blog does it thang only for Biko’s brothers, sisters and relatives. Which is simply preposterous seeing that apart from this blog I can’t tell Biko from The Abominable Snowman. I guess our brother/sister wanted to ‘cope a feel’ of this blog in the same of zany and inanely unfettered manner with which it is done in the site where now he/she goes with the nom de plume of ‘What the Hell’. Well, I guess we all need manners and a sense of occasion is one of them. Just to echo you and all else who care, if this blog doesn’t quite get your goat the honourable thing is to find one that does, not spewing self-righteous pubescent spiel on other sites about spiked comments on a blog which for all we care might just be the agreeable thing needed to be done for the sake of our blogging peace. I am with you on this Biko. ‘The Management reserves the right of admission’ tag is not some silly frippery on the doors of establishments that value their integrity. It is a sign of business sense. And this blog here is it.

  37. Biko, I love your blog. This article didn’t really cut it for me, but the discussions that have come from it have been interesting.

    There have been a couple of requests to hear about the Nairobi Man, and I thought I’d share something I found in cyberspace with you and your readership:
    http://maandishi.tresgarras.com/?p=20

  38. The last posting I read was “Women” and I do enjoy your style of writing dude.
    @Lillian Chesoni, do you know something we don’t….fungua roho lako!

  39. women have lost the ability to be ladies,with dignity and poise.the ability to become an enigma in the brightest of days,a flower to be handled with gentleness.You are spot on Biko:we got to bring our sexy back with a tinge of vintage mannerisms and an aura that is a tad shy of aloof.Great piece!!!!

  40. “And mystery is good. Mystery is very good.” These two lines made me cry, and I just don’t know why. Well, I do!

    Thanx Biko valentine post…

  41. Am catching up on the articles i’ve missed but it’s all good.
    Thanks Biko for addressing the problem two fold, that is:
    Women being loose not making men want to go crazy thinking of touching them
    Men actually encouring women to be cheap and then compaining about this state of affairs
    And for the record just being sexy gets us nowhere because of the above statement, men want it easy, good to know ther are men like you who think otherwise

  42. Haha. Dissapointed got her ears filled. I am dissapointed you did not have more words for her. Thanks for polishing our women. Lately, there has been a man bashing media extravaganza, steered by heart-broken female columnists. One might think the ladies have nothing to polish, prune, or cultivate.

  43. ”Besides love lives in the unlikeliest of places and not only in the hearts of men. ” Even Westlife in their song, ‘Flying without wings’ admit that everybody is looking for that special thing….something to make them complete…..you find it in the strangest places…..in peoples words….

  44. Interesting read, everyone has their weaknesses, weaknesses are not limited to hot women. We all present a good picture for the public but we all have issues, some are selfish, others egotistical, shallow, proud, name it, go for the woman who rocks your boat, even the mothers’ union wearing women rock someone’s boat, just respect others’ definition of sexy.

  45. It’s all good … As long as you love yourself more than some one loves you…..that got to me one month after valentines!

  46. I am so late to this but it’s all good..hehehe women that think the sun rises from their bums ….awesome piece..