Dispatches from Central

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NYERI: TREETOPS LODGE/OUTSPAN HOTEL

I know I said I would post every night. I thought I would be able to sit down every evening and bang some 600 words. But the itinerary is brutal: I wake up at 6 am every day, I drive pretty much the whole day and do interviews and take pictures then drive back to the hotel and by the time I’d done I’m too beat to write my name. Plus it’s bleeding cold back here. It’s so cold then when you remove your socks and step into the hot shower you feel like your feet are burning. Or does that only happen to me?

Nyeri is surprisingly gorgeous. It’s green rolling hills; it’s fresh air and curious people. There are folk I meet deep in the villages who have never interacted with a Luo before. I swear. One chap, who must have been 39 years old, asked me where Kendu Bay was and I told him it was next to the lake. “Huko kwa samaki?” he asked and I realized what an icebreaker that is back here. Mention fish and the ice is broken. He said the furthest he has been is Thika. I asked him how many phone numbers belonging to luos he has in his phone and together we scrolled through his phone and we stumbled upon a Wafula and he stopped on that number for a moment and said, “Na huyu?!” I told him Luhyas and Luos are very different; Luhyas drink tea after meals, we drink Merlot. Hehe. Inajoma! Inajoma!

But seriously, this guy not having a number belonging to any of my tribe mates is not his fault or anybody’s fault for that matter. It’s purely geographical. I mean it’s the same scenario with some Luo in Rusinga. So basically what informs these guys’ perceptions of other tribes are speculations and folklore handed down generations, no matter how inaccurate they could be. It’s tragic. But through these people, people insulated from mass media, you realize that people are just people and that generally they are very tolerant of others who aren’t from their own backyard. That their first impulse is not aggressiveness but curiosity.

Even though Nyeri is surprisingly fresh, I can’t help feeling cheated. I’m disappointed because the men look normal. They don’t walk around with hunched shoulders. They don’t look beat down. Their self esteem seem as normal as self esteem

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of people at The Junction. I’m disappointed because I was sure I would find street-full of men with band-aids on their faces. Men carrying their women’s purses. Men tugging along behind their women like poodles. Men who have curfews. I imagined that I would be woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of a man wailing at the top of his lungs; “Mama Njoro sitarudia tena! Aki sitarudia mama Njoro! ” A man wailing louder than Njoro. Regrettably, none of that. They look normal. Maybe they have learnt not to wail while being battered, or maybe they have been warned of more beating should they wail.

The women also look normal. I wondered what kind of woman is this who can subdue a man with beatings. How big is this woman? How many kilograms does she bench press? Does she eat green pepper? Does she force her man to wash her knickers? Look, I’m from the side of pond full of male bravado, where we believe in a guy just being a guy and so coming here to Nyeri filled me with anticipation. I approached Nyeri like a medical researcher would approach a specimen. And I’ve been greatly disappointed.

In other news, I learnt a different phrase while here. So the first night I spent at Treetops. There weren’t too many black faces in the restaurant over dinner that night. In fact, there was only one black face seated; mine. I almost felt like it was 1912 and I was in a ship mooring off in Dakar, headed to America. Anyway, so there I was sat buried in my magazine, when I hear some odiero in the next table say in a posh British accent, “ The discourse that ensued didn’t have much of a silhouette.”

I just had to look at him. I have heard people use the word silhouette in many contexts, but never have I heard it employed so abstractly, so eloquently. A conversation didn’t have much of a silhouette! Who speaks like that? No, who speaks like that in Nyeri? That guy spoke with an eloquence that was richer than my grilled fish fillet.

I’m off to the Aberdares to write about waterfalls the whole day then off to Nanyuki for the night. Catch you later, gang.

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53 Comments
  1. What do you mean Nyeri is Surprisingly gorgeous? It is gorgeous left right and center.
    And yea the men do walk with hunched shoulders you just didnt visit the right places….:-) hehe!

    1. Wangu. Quick one, do this names —>Farmer Dave, Mosh, SK sound familiar? I know a Wangu, from Nyeri. #JustCurious

  2. C’mon you should have made up a story about baba Njoro getting a beat down! Something like you were walking around some village when suddenly a man in tattered clothes came bursting out of the window…

    Nice read though the typos today are aplenty (including the word in bold).

  3. I told him Luhyas and Luos are very different; Luhyas drink tea after meals, we drink Merlot. …. Hahahahaha

  4. Nyeri is so cold that if you are born and bred here the cold gets into your bones and becomes a part of you. Soon you become oblivious to it.

    Yes, Nyeri is beautiful. And the women only beat up the hopeless cases. Those you tell “I dont hate you…I am just trying to save you while there’s something left to save.” Fortunately most dont need saving so the situation on the ground is normal.

  5. So basically what informs these guys’ perceptions of other tribes
    are speculations and folklore handed
    down generations, no matter how
    inaccurate they could be. It’s tragic.

    You are one of those guys seeing what you were looking for in nyeri.

    This makes a brilliant bar read (this post caught me at a bar, red wine in hand…).. Happy travels Biko

  6. Welcome to my home town. 🙂
    And, that phrase “The discourse
    that ensued didn’t have much of a
    silhouette.” What!!! That one has won.

  7. l was in nyeri for a ruricio over the weekend…bet you have had that.the convoy from nyanza and western were not really amused by the cold weather.ION l was really happy that l would ave more posts to read this week …nway keep them coming

  8. ‘ people insulated from mass media, you realize that people are just people and that generally they are very tolerant of others who aren’t from their own backyard. That their first impulse is not aggressiveness but curiosity.’ I love the whole piece but this right here jumped out at me… Nice Biko.

  9. “I asked him how many phone numbers belonging to luos he has in his phone and together we scrolled through his phone and we stumbled upon a Wafula and he stopped on that number for a moment and said, “na huyu?!””
    This is hillarious. I hope you didn’t make it up

  10. Nit picking here, band-aid sounded american-ish, in Nyeri we use elastoplast. Love the silhouette quote, elegant.

  11. Nice one, my mum is from those and she is just a normal mum. I would also want to see those men pounders

  12. This piece whet my appetite. That whole women of Nyeri business was exaggerated. Give me more meat to bite into next time! Enjoy the trip.

  13. I have a feeling Luos love using Luhyas to justify their whatever it is they are always justifying. Ati inajoma … hehe!

  14. ooh Biko while at Nyeri, hit me up. I show you how vast the population of jokanyanaam are in this area. While at it, forget not your wallet, i know a pub where we’ll need it.

  15. What say yu on differing physiques.. indegineous Luos to Kikuyus? Is it the type of food? Is it the quantity consumed? Is it that controlling a boat burns less calories than tilling land? Is it genes?

  16. spent July in nyeri last year, I know how cold it can get. there’s a part of outspan, the traven, or sthin where locals ‘heng’ they even have karaoke sometimes.. enjoy your stay!

  17. HAHA.inajoma inajoma.Luhyas are special when it comes to pharases.Joma chai to mean top up their cup of tea.Love the piece.

  18. U say hi to all the peeps over there..and atleast now that fella has a number of a luo in his phone…so the next time anyone asks him..he will show your number and say…’na huyo?’

  19. Nyeri is a beautiful place i agree.. with beautiful people.

    Biko, did you promise to write daily or did i assume you did?

  20. Nice piece as usual. I’ve been thinking, could Sue from Nairobi nights have been your alte ego. . . I don’t mean you right like a female, but like you are such a good writer you could hack writing anything. Plus the connection to UP magazine.