Salt Water

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Cerebrospinal fluid is saltwater, her gynae explained. And that this saltwater is manufactured inside ventricles, which are these hollow spaces in our brains. He was a middle-aged man with ageing eyes and thick knuckles. He looked like he would fall asleep talking. Earlier, he had rubbed ultrasound gel on her round belly and ran the knob thing over it and studied the monitor intently. A little more intently than she would have liked. But you always know if there’s a problem. It’s instinctive. He had wiped off the gel with a tissue in silence and tossed it in a waste basket. Soft music played in the background, something jazzy with no words. The soft trumpeting of a saxophone.

She was five months pregnant.

As he washed his thick-knuckled hands at a sink in the corner, he had announced, over his shoulder, that there seemed to be a little anomaly with her baby. Anomaly. Like they were dealing with figures here that didn’t add up. Anomaly. When he sat back down, pen in hand, he said that it seemed the baby had what he suspected was hydrocephalus. She gasped a little and put her hand on her belly, as if she didn’t want her baby to hear those words. He drew a head on a notepad and he explained the saltwater. She was half listening. She felt like she had been hit with a brick on the back of her head. Hydrocephalus? Why would her baby have that? The drawing of the head on his notepad looked like the head of an alien. He was a better gynae than he was an artist.

“…it flows around the brain and spinal cord, cushioning them, sending nutrients to the brain and removing waste, “ his pen ran over the notepad. “But you see if the flow of CSF is blocked here, it’s called obstructive hydrocephalus. That’s what causes the head to increase in size because of this fluid and because…” She turned away from his notepad and looked at a white wooden sculpture of a fetus in a womb and wondered why nobody had thought of making a black wooden sculpture of a fetus. Or even a brown one. She looked around his office at a cheap painting. “…but not to worry, we will run a few more tests…”

On her way home she Googled hydrocephalus in babies and read up on it. She clicked on images and stared at the babies and their heads. She put away her phone and sobbed. When she got home she made some tea in the kitchen and carried it to the living room. She suddenly felt lonely. Her feet looked slightly swollen but not as swollen as her heart felt for the unborn child.

When her husband came home late in the night, as he was accustomed to, she was still up reading about the condition, worrying about the condition and talking to God about the condition. He looked surprised to find her still awake. He had missed a button on his shirt. He was having an affair. She told him what the doctor had said. She asked him if he was going to stay with her now that their baby was not going to have a normal life, a normal head. He sat on the bed and said, of course I will stay with you. Why would I leave? We will be in this together. All the way. Then he went into the bathroom and she heard the shower come on.

In the following few weeks she did a 3-D scan and a 4-D scan and they all confirmed her fears. She was going to have a special needs child. “ I thought it was something I could reverse, something God could reverse, so I went to see a number of pastors to reverse it through prayer.” They touched the crown of her head and with eyes closed beseeched God to intervene. They cast their eyes skyward and asked God to be merciful. They spoke to her in sagely murmurs in their offices that smelled of the Corinthians. They prayed together. She prayed alone.

On the night of delivery she called her husband as she counterchecked the contents of her “overnight bag” that she had packed and unpacked many times for this moment. There was no answer. She switched off all the lights in the house and left. At the hospital she changed into those hideous hospital gowns that leave the breeze blowing your bare ass. (As if sickness isn’t undignifying enough). The nurses were nice, though, they asked her questions, took her vitals, asked if this was her first and told her, ‘don’t you worry, everything will be just fine.” In the delivery room men and women with gloves and masks walked all around her; pediatrician, gynaecologist, neurosurgeon, nurses going about their great tasks of touching things, setting things in complete silence but in a beautiful synchrony. They looked like worker bees. Machines beeped. Rubber gloves snapped like they do in Grey’s Anatomy. She stared at the ceiling which was white as snow. Someone asked where her husband was. She was embarrassed to admit that she didn’t know. The doctor looked at the clock on the wall and said, “well, then, shall we?”

They injected her and half her body went numb. Then they went below her, sliced through her and someone with bloody gloves lifted her up. “I remember thinking, why isn’t she crying? Why was my baby not crying? I panicked. I started crying, why isn’t she crying? Why isn’t she crying? Then I got really agitated, trying to sit up, trying to grab my baby and the anaesthetist was holding me back, trying to calm me down and I don’t know what the man did but suddenly I started slipping under and then I don’t remember much else. I woke up in a different bed.”

“Where is my baby?” She asked a nurse groggily. The nurse smiled and said, your baby is fine; she’s in the NICU. That’s an ICU for babies. It’s a horrible place if you ever saw one; these tiny little babies with tiny little feet and hands, tubes coming out of them, eyes closed, fists folded, fighting for their lives. Just poor little things who don’t deserve sickness. It’s enough to drive you insane with sadness and profound helplessness. She asked to see her baby, please bring her to me. The nurse said they couldn’t, that she was on machines. She started sobbing, then she started crying. Can I just see her please? The nurse said okay sawa, so she wheeled her into the NICU with all those transluscent chested babies, just fighting to stay on this earth, their small hearts carrying all the hearts of their mothers and fathers.

She held her baby in her arms for the first time. She could see her ribs move. She was breathing. She stared at her head and she teared with a love that surprised her. It’s like all her insides were suddenly filled with bright yellow. A warmth that would not die. She wanted to touch her small feet gently and whispered to her, mama is here, mama will always be here. It’s you and me. “Her head was so big. I cried so much. I couldn’t stop. I cried so much the nurses had to take me out of there.”

A neurosurgeon came to her bedside later. He didn’t look like a neurosurgeon. He looked like a guy who works at the Treasury. Or a contractor. He wore brown shoes. A good sign. Men who prefer brown shoes over black ones tend to be more competent. I read that in a book. He sat on a chair next to her bed and walked her through the surgery they would perform on her baby again. It’s called a shunt surgery, he said, and it involves surgically implanting a flexible tune into the brain and spinal cord to divert excess cerebral fluid from the brain. When she was done asking her questions he stood up and smiled broadly at her. “Well, a nurse will come get you to escort your baby. I think the hospital procedure requires a parent to escort the baby to the theater, is your husband here?” She didn’t know where her husband was. She was as clueless as the neurosurgeon.

A wheelchair was brought. A nurse said, “we haven’t been able to get a hold of the father.” She said, it was okay, she would escort her baby. Baby was brought. She was asleep. Her C-section hurt like a mother. [You have to read that line in Samuel L Jackson’s voice]. At the doorway to the theater the neurosurgeon asked that they all pray. They all bowed their heads, the whole motley of nurses and doctors and he led the prayer. “I was crying because I was handing my baby to these people I didn’t know and they were going inside the theater with her and I didn’t know what would happen to her or if they would come out with her. But the lady wheeling me told me, ‘don’t worry, many babies have gone in there and many many babies have come out alive. Yours will live.” She was later told that they found two holes in her baby’s heart.

That evening her husband rocked up with his friends. Thick as thieves. He had been drinking, celebrating the life of their newborn perhaps; a baby he didn’t know was alive or dead. He stood by her bed. He blathered and blithered. He blinked a lot. His friends waited outside her cubicle. They looked like hooligans who had left a rowdy match they had lost. “I asked him where he had been and why he didn’t see it fit to be here for the birth of our child. Did he not know that she had been in surgery, four hours of surgery and where was he? He said I liked making noise even in a hospital. That this was not the right time to cause a scene, that I was unwell and I should focus on getting well.” He saw the baby for ten minutes and they climbed back on their flying brooms and left.”I was in the hospital for seven days and he came around only twice. When being discharged the pediatrician wanted to talk to both of us about our child and the journey ahead with a special needs child but he wasn’t there. It was a bit embarrassing to be honest.” She felt like the weight of his irresponsibility was hers to bear.

A nurse helped her to the car with the baby. She took a taxi home. The taxi man – a stout bald guy- helped her with the baby and her luggage into the house. Her C-section wound throbbed. At 1am, her husband stumbled home drunk. Where have you been? She demanded. They argued. He swung his arm and slapped her across her face. This is something he had done a few times before and apologised with flowers and chocolate and tears and promises. She thought he’d change. She believed him when he said he’d change.

Not long after this she discovered that he was seeing a girl who was married to a guy she knew. One day she called the girl’s husband and said, “your wife is seeing my husband.” The guy said, “I know. I can’t do anything about it. I’m jobless, she does whatever she wants.” What could he do, leave?

She hired a househelp. A girl from Webuye. Strong. Sturdy. She sang around the house like a canary. Made a mean ugali, the type that stuck to the ceiling. [You have to be from Western to understand this]. She started work on a Friday. On a Saturday she asked her, “mum, ulisema uko na mzee, kwani anafanyanga inje?” She mumbled something because how do you tell her the mzee disappears on Fridays and comes back on Monday? On Monday morning the help told her, I don’t think this is right. Whatever is going on here. And it’s not healthy for you.

“I really cried. That this girl, an outsider, would see the status of my marriage and feel moved enough to comment on it. I made a decision that day, that I had had enough and I was going to concentrate on my baby and my peace of mind.” Because what could she do, leave?

“When you have a special needs baby, you are always fighting for them. You have deep hope. You can’t lose that hope. You see every specialist you can, you follow all leads. You meet doctors who discourage you with statistics and some who fight with you. You read literature on their condition. You join support groups. You pray. I focused on that.”

Speaking of prayers. When her baby was six weeks old, her friend mentioned a place called Vincentia Prayer House for Catholics. Her friend mentioned that she had said a prayer for her baby there, asking God for a miracle on her behalf. That evening she called her and said, “The priest said that someone in there asked us to pray for a baby with holes in her heart. If you know the mother, go tell her that her baby is healed.” She thought, yeah right. But hope. So she went to her pediatrician who did tests and confirmed that the baby no longer had holes in her heart. She was gaining weight, feeding well. “I couldn’t believe it, Biko. So I went to the pediatric cardiologist and he confirmed the same. She said in all her years in the profession she had never seen anything like that. It was a miracle.”

Babies are fighters. She fought cortical blindness. She went through numerous surgeries and therapies. She raised her head in four months whereas normal babies do it in one month, but she raised her head. She underwent speech therapy. Her milestones are all delayed but she slowly gets there when she gets there. Having a special needs baby with hydrocephalus means people stare at her. People stare at her in lifts, in malls in the neighbourhood. Some ask, what’s wrong with the baby? She tells them nothing’s wrong with the baby, she was born this way. “Whereas people might see her as having a problem, I see her as normal. I love her passionately. She has given me strength to love and to defend her and to love myself. It’s expensive yes, the insurance covers hospital visits yes, but all the speech therapies and other therapies are out of pocket expenses. Sometimes it breaks my heart to see kids younger than her walking but then I catch myself and am happy she – at two – can hold onto things, crawl, walk while supporting herself on tables and chairs and she follows instructions. People don’t understand her. People make comments, sometimes hurtful ignorant comments. House helps quit on you because of her condition. Nobody can love her like you do.”

The lady her husband was seeing died suddenly. Then her husband lost his job. Early this year she left the marriage. She realised the whole marriage was in slow decay. She’s in her mid thirties and she’s starting the journey again, only this time she isn’t alone, she has her baby. She fears for her. She fears that she will be bullied at school. She fears that she might struggle with school. That she will stick out, that she will never blend in. She fears dying before her, leaving her behind to a cruel world that doesn’t understand or love her like she does. When she prays she often tells God, ‘you can’t take me out of this earth because nobody will take care of her like I do.’ She fears losing her finances because her baby needs them. She fears if she will ever get friends. She fears that one day she will ask what happened to her daddy, why he never calls or shows up and if he rejected her because of her condition. She fears that she will be hard on herself because of a fault that isn’t her own.

But with her fears also come the irony of immense love.

***

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108 Comments
  1. Hugs to you lovely lady. I pray that every prayer you’ve made about this little angel is answered.
    Strength and grace to you!

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  2. ‘you can’t take me out of this earth because nobody will take care of her like I do.’ I feel the depth of this statement. Maybe because I’ve had a feel of mine being taken out a little too soon.

    I love her resilience; hers and her baby’s. I wish her long life full of more answered prayers, an optimistic spirit and contentment.

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  3. You can tell our lovely lady loved the husband. Good thing the husband is now out and all the love is channeled to the good strong daughter.
    Hugs and Warmth.

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    1. The achievement of those delayed milestones makes one more appreciative than any parent with a neurotypical child. The first word….the first step…the first unattended toilet trip…..everything. The common-interest groups with parents raising differently abled kids will be most helpful for lessons from the older ones and will prepare you along the way on what to expect. Keep them close.

      You have gained more resilience and patience than most can withstand. May this lead to more success in other spheres of your life. Don’t be afraid to get another child, your girl will thrive more in the company of her siblings.

      Best wishes to you mama. You will make it.

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      1. I have cried because of the powerful prayer this lady made to God. That she begs God not to take her out before her daughter ‘coz no one can love her as immensely. From your mouth to God’s ears (sob sob sob) you will live to see the goodness of God in the land of the living. You have no idea. coz you PRAYED FROM THE HEART not with your head in the sand.
        Now on to reply this thread, I agree 100% on getting another baby for your baby girl to thrive! I have seen it. Go on brave woman!

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  4. Ati “……the office smelled liked the Corinthians…….” hahahaha
    I managed a smile through the waterfall of tears.
    Hugs mummy. Love that little angel with all you have!

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  5. Sigh sigh sigh.
    Last week we smiled and celebrated two love birds, this week ni machozi tupu.

    Love and hugs to you mama.
    May God protect and provide for you and your child.
    May He give you peace of mind.

    You know that part where she says she prays to God and tells Him not to take her out of this earth because no one will take care of her baby? My momma once told me that she also tells God not to take her away before I can fully fend for myself.
    God bless all mothers.
    I refuse to say anything about the husband. He’s not worth it
    I’m getting pretty emotional now so bye!

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  6. She fears dying before her, leaving her behind to a cruel world that doesn’t understand or love her like she does. When she prays she often tells God, ‘you can’t take me out of this earth because nobody will take care of her like I do.’ She fears losing her finances because her baby needs them. She fears if she will ever get friends. She fears that one day she will ask what happened to her daddy, why he never calls or shows up and if he rejected her because of her condition. She fears that she will be hard on herself because of a fault that isn’t her own.
    Hugs mum..
    Hugs mum… Love and light mum..

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  7. It’s never easy, keep on keeping on. My son, now 13, is shunted. Sometimes the shunt would fail, this has happened twice. Surgery to correct the malfunction would derail his growth. Hydrocephalus sucks for sure, but God gives me the strength and wisdom to take care of his property. All I do is ask, and all is given unto me. I pray that God gives you the same. Take good care of the princess.

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  8. My dear, do not lose hope. I have had hydrocephalus for 17 years. I was diagnosed at 12 years, it just appeared my parents had no clue about it. Till today, there’s no explanation on how it came about. I have had 8 brain surgeries with the last one being 2 months ago and preparing for another one in the coming month. Your child will be okay. I know this because after having my neck bones chipped off, doing my KCSE exams in hospital, missing important milestones, and struggling to integrate in the society, I am still alive and hopeful. Recently, my brain shows that I may not need surgeries for management in the future although we are still researching this occurence. I think it’s prayers that have done this because my neurosurgeon cannot explain this and we are living each day in faith. I am very willing and happy to support you in your journey. Let me know if you’d like a shoulder to lean on ❤️

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    1. Amazing ❤️❣️. May God continue to hold your hand and thank you for offering support to this other wonderful mum.

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  9. Good thing she has her mom. A strong mother…and amidst the world’s cruelties, she’ll grow knowing nothing beats love and strength❤.

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  10. Goodness! Nothing compares to the love of a mother to her child. Sending the Lady some love and enveloping her and her baby with hugs. Lots of hugs. May God continue seeing them through.

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  11. Your resilience and faith in prayers moves me. Thank you for being strong for your daughter. May watching her grow up fill you with beautiful moments and memories. Sending hugs your way

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  12. This was such an emotional read. I’m glad you got rid of that sorry excuse of a husband and father. May you never lack finances and have a long life. With a mom like you, your daughter will be okay.

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  13. When I read…..” The lady her husband was seeing died suddenly.”.. I laughed. My God please forgive me.
    May this baby receive blessings after blessings… favors upon favors and May you be strong always mamaa..

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  14. I’m so happy, celebrating each milestone with you. From one neurodiverse mother to another, you are doing well, she will thrive!!! I read each word and Mama you are doing well.
    Thank you Biko for this story.

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  15. Nothing really compares to the unconditional and passionate love of a mother to her child, keep the hope alive and may God bless you abundantly and all other parents of kids with special needs…
    All parents wish the best for their kids right from conception to adulthood and nobody chose how they were born so we should be kind and sensitive to kids with special needs and their parents.
    Miracles happen every day because our God loves us immensely, unmeasurably and unconditionally….

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  16. This breaks my heart. More grace and strength to you dear mum and beautiful daughter. May God answer your prayers

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  17. Oooh my God, I feel for her and I pray for her Peace of mind, love and Joy. You’re not alone ,even though it feels so most times but God’s got you.. Isaiah 43:2

    1
  18. Miracles still happen, am so thankful that she has no holes in her heart now! More streght to you mama, may your pockets never dry, may your baby always be provided for and happy. Hugs.

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  19. All glory to God first because you have improved the faith of so many people in here Biko. Then for the child of the lady, she’s will be amazing as she continues to grow. Like you’ve told us, slowly but she does them at last. I pray you don’t lose the hope because hope never disappoints

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  20. It never ends well with someone who breaks a marriage. I pray that God continues to grant strength to this dear mama. May she never run out of finances, and may more miracles happen.

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  21. A sad and beautiful story at the same time. I am happy that she finally let go of the toxic marriage. May God bless the little girl and her strong mom. Yes, miracles do happen everyday

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  22. Oh, my! Heart- rending! I pray she finds a genuine support group that will affirm her and always have her back. I pray she clutches onto God and His Word. You will live , Dear! With long life the Lord will satisfy you and your precious girl and show you His salvation.

    1
  23. Damn!! I don’t know how to express what I feel. Joy, anger, sadness, hope etc. I love that this hasn’t left me in suspense because there’s faith, there’s hope. Thank you Biko for poking out humanity with this piece. You’re intriguing.

    1
  24. This struck a certain cord.May baby grow to blow 1001 candles and may our good Lord look upon you with favour .sending Good tidings your way.

    2
  25. I love love her strength. Hold it there.
    And Amen to those prayers you’ve been making about your baby. God sees, He hears. When the time is right He will do it for you.

    1
  26. I am a man, but what’s wrong with this gender.
    Seems we are not in touch with reality, how do you party, when your wife is having a CS. When confronted you dismiss as drama. Taxi man assisting to deboard, and with luggage…
    Fate fate, the pain of this lady! Is evident on the events that followed. There is God is heaven, He wipes tears, feels our pain and comforts. You shall see His goodness.

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  27. Aw.
    In the past whenever someone said a story made them cry on here, I rarely related. But today I did. How cruel. How very, very cruel.
    Although it may not seem like it because she has suffered more than she deserves especially for her age, your sweet little girl is very lucky. Because you understand love – true, unconditional love, like many of us will never know. And she has all that. She has you. God’s one secret weapon, and gift to her.
    I wish you could’ve shared with us her name too, because by listening to you describe her so passionately, I too now feel a strange devotion to sweet baby I have never met.
    You have inspired me, Lady. I hope I will be as good a mother someday as you are. You are doing great. And if ever you want to make friends, reach out to me(Biko knows all our emails, no?), please, It would be an absolute honor to meet you.

    4
  28. May God give us life that we may raise our children I pray for you strong brave woman! May His light and mercy constantly shine upon you.

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  29. There’s nothing as sweet as reading that the husband lost his job and that the lady she was seeing suddenly died; that’s the textbook version of poetic justice.

    There’s nothing as disgusting as a man who treats his woman as trash when he can do better. There’s nothing as distasteful as leaving your woman to battle it out on her own in the labor ward.

    When my wife was expecting, I once escorted her to one of her antenatal checkups and realized that even the nurses subsequently treated her favorably because her man showed up. They asked me if I was willing to take an HIV test and I promptly did so. Their eyes betrayed their thoughts about what I had just done. This taught me that how one treats his or her spouse says a lot about their character.

    I have also realized that how a person treats an unborn baby says a lot about the person. One of my exes terminated a pregnancy because she thought it was an inconvenience to her youthfulness and career prospects. Her attitude and coldness towards the life that was developing inside her later unraveled and I realized that she was as indifferent to other people’s feelings as she was with the life she terminated.

    A man, or woman, who treats an unborn baby as an inconvenience will ultimately treat a spouse or other people as means to an end and not the end that they ought to be; narcissists and psychopaths needn’t another description.

    10
  30. This makes being a man hard to take in. Even while I think I’m good, I fear that one day I might change, simply because I’m a man.

    2
  31. This is a heartwrenching story with a beautiful ending and even a more beautiful future. My dear, don’t beat yourself coz of a good for nothing man. God will surely provide the finances, friends for your daughter and genuine people to walk with you the parenting journey. May miracles be your portion forever.

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  32. After reading this.. I needed a proper cry.. Couldn’t coz i was in a jav.
    Be strong mama.. For you and your baby. As mothers we pray for long healthy lives to see our children stand on their own two feet.

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  33. The sustaining fluid through all the pain was ❤ love. Love for life, love of God, love of the innocent baby and ultimately due love of self. Stay in love dear. You are winning and love has kept you and the little angel. May more comfort and peace be your portion.

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  34. Yesterday was a waiting day. The waiting bay, my email inbox. I was waiting for a notification from Bikozulu. My literature buds were actively secreting the digestive enzymes necessary to appreciate a story, a good story. I kept refreshing my email, connecting to different internet service providers thinking maybe my network has risen in arms against me. I checked the calendar, both soft and hard copy, to confirm if it was Tuesday or maybe this week did not have no Tuesday. I even restarted my gadgets thrice, but no notification from Bikozulu came forth. Only emails from Kenya Law, Glovo and that lady from Bolt, what’s her name?

    On to the story. my heart goes out to the mother. Having to bear the responsibility of her child all on her own. A special needs child. Sometimes am tempted to ask questions about life, but then I remember there is no manual for life. Or a trailer for that fact. Life just is; (sh)it just happens and we just have to live (with) it. That there is one strong mother. In the days of Abraham, I would offer a burnt sacrifice on her behalf. In my days, I will offer a prayer to accompany hers. May the heavens be kind to admit our good wishes for both the mother and child. Just like the Beetles, “all you need is love”.

    PS; Vincentian Prayer House, Biko.

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  35. I have loved your resilliencelady,I love your acknowledgement that our God does stuff that we cannot explain.
    Do not let hope die ,
    Keep it close to your heart.
    I have loved your courage amidst pains to walk away from the sad marriage.
    I love your baby even without knowing her.(your love will shiled her from the fear of this world& above all,God who still does miracles to this day,May He overwhelm you with grace.
    She will live,she will find friends genuine friends,Our God is not mocked dear.All these milestones you are worrying off,He only needs you to step back,with Faith and see

    1
  36. How can you hit her fresh from CS! Omg
    About the death of his side lover and loosing his job…. I almost said good riddance…… But vengeance is the Lord’s.

    1
  37. This story hit too close, tears!
    May God perform more miracles in your baby’s life.
    Hugs to mother.

    @Chocolate man the gang did not receive notification

    1
  38. One of my deepest ponderings: why do babies suffer? God bless you lady as you love on your baby; you deserve all the love this world can give….and so much more.

  39. Manze!! This is not the day I comment BUT… My heart goes out to this lady and her princess. Saa zingine sisi majamaa huangusha familia zetu vibaya sana. I mean, aaah, yaani wife is pg and you busy smashing another damsel out there and zero emotional support to your number one fan? I hope the husband doesn’t just wake up some day and realizes he is 67, doesn’t have anyone looking after him and he goes like, Aaah, I had a wife and a daughter, let me go cause drama at her ruracio coz they don’t recognize me as the father.

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  40. My heart goes to the mother, the fears the worries…I believe things will get better. God will hold your hand through everything. Life is a roller coaster. We are only required to give our best according to our abilities.

  41. Salt water got into my eyes. Dear lady, may God’s grace be abundant in your life and your baby’s. He chose you to be her mummy because He knew you could do it!

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  42. “Totally related with this ” spoke my deepest fear

    She fears for her. She fears that she will be bullied at school. She fears that she might struggle with school. That she will stick out, that she will never blend in. She fears dying before her, leaving her behind to a cruel world that doesn’t understand or love her like she does. When she prays she often tells God, ‘you can’t take me out of this earth because nobody will take care of her like I do.’ She fears losing her finances because her baby needs them. She fears if she will ever get friends.

  43. I don’t understand men or fathers who would be anywhere else apart from the labour ward (where possible) during the birth of their children. I have no comments for the male character in this story.
    As for the Mama, sometimes the best journey is that which is taken alone. May the good Lord keep her alive, strong amd healthy.
    And by the way, most of the medical miracles reside among these little fighters.

    1
  44. I never got this in my mail last week, I don’t know what Biko was up to. My prayers to this strong mother and her baby.

  45. Hats off to this courageous and determined mother. I love your spirit.
    From this story, I have learnt that don’t go for kids of you are not ready for them.
    It shall be well.
    We shall keep praying for you.

  46. It’s such a sad and powerful life journey. This woman is strong and God’s Spirit rests in her heart. May her baby be healed in Jesus name

  47. Continue trusting God, the first miracle that happened is a sign that others are possible. Even in areas that your baby is struggling with, its possible, keep trusting. Don’t ever forget the miracle, and never stop expecting another, and another.

  48. Mama, she will be well. You will be okay. As for the looks, pardon their ignorance. I know the feeling, am raising an eleven year old with the same condition; shunt intact. Those statistician, they brought me to a sea of tears saying he won’t live to be six months! I rejoice his every accomplishment, from grasping my finger to a cup. Their progress is slow , don’t compare them to others; they are special. The day her baby sister was born, i thanked God for if we left this world he has someone who will love him and care for him as we do. A sibling will passionately share that love for her. Pray and be hopeful. Strangers will befriend her, it will surprise you.. there are kind people too in this world.. Support groups will enlighten you of the journey that awaits, at least you will be psychologically prepared.. we didn’t have WhatsApp groups then.

    Keep the faith, you are stronger than you give yourself credit. xoxo to her.

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  49. This is the most beautiful writing I’ve read all year! I raise you and your beautiful child up to God. Wait and Watch how He will show up and show out in your lives! You two got this!

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  50. This really touched me. There’s nothing as heartbreaking as being told there’s something wrong with the baby you’re carrying. The worry consumes you. I went through the same situation but unfortunately lost the baby. It’s a grief that you can’t explain. More strength to you mama and I hope that you live long to take care of your baby and that she gets a community of people who will surround her with love.

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  51. Hugs, i went through the same and my little boy is doing so well in school, God takes care of His own, see this as mums who God saw fit to trust us with such gifts,.

  52. Hi Biko,
    One of my friends recommend your stories to me after telling her how much I like reading.
    Your stories inspire one,motivates and encourages one.
    It gives one hope to forge ahead keeping in mind things will always be better,we shouldn’t give up and we are always blessed so much contrary to our complaints when things go wrong.
    Lots of love from me and keep on sharing and motivating us to live fully and love life.