Busia, with love!


Life can get cruel, humorless and brutal, and the men who live it quite often have to pander to these themes with the brutishness that it deserves. Here is how. A month ago this friend of mine who works for an NGO was called to the boss’s office and told he was being temporarily transferred to Busia. Yes, Busia! Hehe. He’s very very bitter. Now I’m sure Busia is a swell place. I’m sure Busia rocks, but I’m not sure Busia is a place you want to go work in, at least if you are the guy in question. My friend’s shags is in Kabete. He grew up in Ngumo. He went to primo here. High school was somewhere in Central province. Uni was along Thika road. He has never been past Kericho. The closest he has come to Kisumu is having a drink with me.

His life has – since childhood- orbited around Nairobi. He suffers from the same affliction that most Americans suffer from; that appalling ignorance that beyond the borders of America is nothing but endless sea and aliens. He too has grown up believing that nothing substantial exists beyond Nairobi. Now he is in Busia of all the godforsaken places, population, what 50,000? Now he has to stop for cows and goats to cross the road. And God keep your soul well should you even dare run over a chicken. Suffice it to say, he is bewildered by his new existence..

Their Busia office is small, he told me. They are seven in number; five Luhyas and a jang and himself – the Fresh Prince from Kabete, Hehehe. The official language in the office is a terrifying blend of Lunje and English, although he says he can never tell the difference. Behind their office, he told me, is a small shamba which he realized the accountant uses to grow pilipili, sukumawiki and peas. “One afternoon she actually nipped out during office hours to go work in the shamba,” he told me. That killed me!  Tea is drunk in the office all the time…even at lunch time, he told me (not that that is in itself shocking)

The tea girl/messenger/chapati seller is a woman he has never seen without a leso, he emailed me, a most disturbing choice of office wear. When I suggested that perhaps he should look at the bright side of it, he asked, what could possibly be the bright side of one of the workers wearing a leso to work, I told him that there is always a pearl of Swahili wisdom inscribed at the bottom of the lesos, like “mwanamke sio urembo, ni tabia.” Or something along those lines. I told him to fill his days reading those sayings from her leso, who knows it might be therapeutic for him. It might bring him peace and tranquility.

Now my pal didn’t end up in Busia because he is a sharp pencil who is going to add value to their Busia office. He didn’t get the transfer because Busia office needed him there, or anyone else for that matter. Busia office is fine.  No, he is convinced that he was taken to Busia because his boss wanted him out of the way. His boss wanted him out of the way because he was having too many drinks with a certain girl the boss was having too many lunches with. It’s not a love triangle…no, there is no triangle, yet. It’s at the stage where everyone takes their application papers to be reviewed; it’s the stage where small interviews are conducted in bars and coffee houses and in the parking basement.

He noticed a problem when the boss’s attitude towards him started becoming somewhat frosty. The boss, normally an otherwise pleasant chap, stopped cracking jokes the usual jokes with him, stopped stopping by his desk for a tete-a-tete. I remember him asking me what I made of the whole situation and in my naiveté I advised him to dig in his oars because his boss clearly had the cards stacked against him; he’s married, heavily bearded (think Al Shabaab) and worse he’s the kind of guy who first pours a little beer in his glass to clean it. My friend on the other hand is single, is great friends with Gillette and doesn’t clean his glass with his beer.  I really thought it was a no brainer. “That girl is yours for the taking chief,” I told him.

And that’s the problem with underestimating your rival; you don’t see him sending the curve ball. And By Josh, we didn’t see this move; with one stroke of the pen and wham! My friend was being shipped to Busia. Now that’s power ladies and gentlemen, that boss is a born guerrilla.  And I mean you can’t afford not to be impressed by the sheer genius of this move; send the pesky guy to a village somewhere to grow old and miserable.

The boss is hoping that my pal will either run mad from the lethargy of village life, or impregnate a village girl and get locked down there for life, or worse get gored and maimed by a cow suffering from Foot and Mouth disease. And he gets to seduce the prize back here without any pressure. Brilliance! However, I don’t even know why I’m so surprised because this move has always been employed by the great players of the Bible; like King David who would send you to war to get your heart speared so that he could have your wife. The things men do to win will move you.

His boss is 43yrs old, or thereabout, my pal is 34. But clearly age and experience counts for something here. I bet this boss sleeps using Nicollo Machiavelli’s book – The Art of War- as a pillow. I bet Hitler, Mugabe and Zuma are his idols, hell throw in Onyancha in there as well for good measure. I bet he has a huge aquarium full of piranhas in his house. The bastard’s cunning. I like him!

My pal is not taking being outfoxed very well. I thought he would get over it, but I guess watching cows and goats graze from your office window is gravely traumatizing. He called me on Saturday. He’s nostalgic, he misses Nai, he calls to find out if Nairobi has moved an inch towards Nakuru. After every three seconds in our conversation he keeps asking, “So what’s happening back there, what’s new?” Nothing is new damn it.

“So what does a programs co-coordinator do on a loose Sato in Busia, watch a bullfight perhaps?” I mocked him.

He sighed heavily. “I could go to some bar across the street and drink in some seedy bar and listen to them trash Mudavadi, but I did that last weekend and it wasn’t all that.”

“So where are you now?”

“In my hotel room, watching TV with mchele mchele.” He said glumly.

“You are on which floor?”

“Third floor. Why?”

“Don’t try and jump, you will only break your ribs, at worst your ego. You need to go beyond eight floors and above to kill yourself.”

Tired chuckle from his end.

“Hey, why don’t you drive to Kisumu, it’s only, what, 90kms away?” I sparked trying to save his life.

“Boss, I know nobody in Kisumu.”

“Well, I do. I could give you some phone numbers of a few boys and girls you can call; they are good company- if you are buying at least.”

He laughs. “Achieng and Anyango, eh?”

“You know.”

“Nah. I will be coming Nai next weekend.”

“Oh yeah?”


“How’z Mukami anyway?” I ask. Mukami is the chick who got his ass exiled to Busia.

“She is fine.”



“You still think it’s still a two-horse race?” I ask.

“It was never a two-horse race, the other one was an ass all this time.”

Hahaha. Do you feel the bitterness in this guy’s talk, or it’s just me gang?

He continued after I had stopped coughing in the phone. “But seriously, I dunno man; she says she likes me a lot and all. I dunno. I don’t think it will go anywhere. What do you think?”

[By the way, that’s male code for “I like that girl and I still think it can go somewhere.” ]

“Well I think your boss is a genius, that’s what I think.” I say.

“He’s an @#$hole.”

“He won. Come on admit it, you would have done the same thing. Hell, if I was him I would have sent you further, like to Mbita or Rusinga Island.”

“Hahaha, where is Mbita by the way?”

“Mbita is Otieno Kajwang’s hood. From Kisumu you jump into those mats where people sit facing each other to a place called Luanda Ko’Otieno where you jump into a boat full of jabbering women, a boat that you will often share with a goat or chicken or a sewing machine. In Mbita your best bet of entertainment is watching fishermen haggle with big bummed women at the beach. So be grateful you are in Busia.”

“Haha, yes, remind me to send my boss a “Thank you” note.”

“But seriously, you could fly down every second weekend, but proximity is key and this lizard has the edge now because he is with her not in the same town but in the same damned building, the damage he can do while you watching pilipili grow in that garden behind your office is massive. But even if he stands no chance with her, there are a whole bunch of sharks out here who are constantly sending their resume. Take my advice, look for a nice Luhya woman there and live your life, back here we shall do or best to remember you as a fun, respectful, God fearing young man, albeit who tried washing his hands in the same bowl as his boss.”

We laugh, but it’s a hollow laughter from his end, I realize that I’m taking the joke too far. Thing with us men is that we never want to show vulnerability before other men, we want to thump our chests and exhibit bravado. And we should. So my pal was just keeping a brave face. He is to be in Busia for a year then he head back. That’s more than enough time his boss needs to sink his ship even if he sucks so much at dates that all he does is sing her hymns.

The conversation drifted to something interesting. I jokingly mentioned that I have interesting minds in my blog, guys who can give his situation a better perspective than I was. Hell, even go further and suggest how he can still keep Mukami interested all the way from Busia. We can still change things around, we can show this boss who’s the boss, I said unconvincingly. He was skeptical. He thought that was desperate, something he’s not, but I convinced him that it would be interesting to know what people thought of it. Besides he didn’t have much option as it were.

“Hang on,” I said, “Does your boss read this blog?”

“My boss can’t read!”

“Hahaha, nice one. What about Mukami?”

“She doesn’t read your blog, that much I can bet.” He stressed.

“Tell her I’m hurt.”

“But what if someone from my workplace reads this blog and puts one and one together?” he asked.

“So what? I mean what’s the worst he can do, deploy you to Turkana next?”

“Okay then, but don’t use my name. Or where I work, or what I do.”

Fine, I said. We hung up and he went back to his mchele TV.

Gentlemen, is this guy’s goose cooked or he can still pull a caper?

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  1. cooked cooked cooked!!! is my verdict Mukami is entertaining the boss I mean its all about everybody watching out and basically kissing the hand that feeds them so not to blame Mukami, like you told him Biko he should find a nice lunje lady and life continues …the leso lady would be a good place to start.

  2. First, thanx your post was on time. As for your Boy, truth be told unless he is willing to drive to Nairobi every weekend, call her endlessly every night and throw in some financial incentives……. he is goose cooked.

  3. Your pal needs to grow a pair. Pining after Mukami is fruitless. In defense of Busia *somewhat* he is out of his comfort zone and in situ for marvellous growth on a personal level. Your nameless friend should go and explore this side of Kenya, even hop over the border to Uganda and get a life. ‘It is time’ – use Mufasa voice here…

  4. LOL. This has made me laugh! Just so you know Biko, I’m from Busia and I don’t appreciate those jabs you were poking at my shagz. Busia is an economic hub in that region, don’t mess!
    But your pal there should not to worry, there are countless of NGOs in that area, and so many guys like him stuck in jobs there, guys from Nai and coasto, just give it time, one day he will run into anaa hot mama in the market, and the good thing is that she will be bored and so wont play hard to get. His boss might not know him but he might have handed him something….ngoja you will tell me.

    Ps. There are also these many jungu volunteers around there, young sexy things from Europe and Stato…he should find the ones from stato, those ones give bila mingi work.

  5. First, this is more than hilarious! *dead* your Guy has a chance. He should think along the lines of both getting posted to same place! MBITA could work the magic. Just saying. *really dead* I swear Biko you are the best friend any Guy could wish for. (He should be greatfull for that)

  6. I agree with Flora, he oughtta step over into Uganda. The difference between ugandan women and kenyan women is like oranges and groundnuts!!

      1. Tell your friend that he doesn’t have to go all the way yo UG, even the peripheral women are very differnt form the central girls…again to use Biko’s words, groundnuts and oranges.

  7. His is a goose that was cooked gourmet style. Served with organic veggies.
    Biko, the best thing you can do, immediately after laughing at his exiled self, is advice not to seek solace in the seedy bar’s bar-maid’s bosom.

  8. What a charming way to start your Monday….. Your friend is screwed up. . . By the time he Jets out of Busia he will realize there re many Mukamis out there… I can bet, He will have another Mukami over there.

  9. Biko stop hating on mbita i stay there and its not as mbaya as you have said, its a really cool place. There are no face me’s on this road n siku hizi tunapanda ferry sio boat. I even think its way cooler than Busia

  10. i wish i was that guy ,i suspect busia is such a cool place everything is probably cheap and your boy is likely to get laid like on a daily ….he is probably making a lot of noise about Mukami who he has been chasing for a whole decade,the boss has just saved him the cash he has been spending on Mukami.Any urbanite in such a remote place should be `hot cake’ and therefore have a field day….hehe but i feel for him ,you dont mess around with the bosse’s girlfriend,you’ve got to be inebriated to do such a thing.If he is not careful ,one month upon being posted back in Nairobi he will be on another punishment transfer in lokichogio.

  11. Hahahaha! This is hilarious! That said, ehh, Tell Mr. Programs Co-ordinator not to give it too much! If *Mukami is interested, she should have angalau offered to go down there and visit… There’s more than one party in this equation.

  12. His boss is brilliant…. Your friend Biko as I see it only has limited options. The better option is to count his losses and get another lass preferably from UG and move on.

    If he is really jilted he could try blackmail.. Cook the boss and threaten to tell on him to the missus . Cowardly this is as in my thinking the boss played his cards and did a proper “check mate” on your buddy.

    An while at it he should desist from chewing the busia root “Mkombera” while down there. otherwise the tea girl will start looking attractive too. And trust me he will still have competition for that one too.

  13. cooked!Cooked and perhaps already eaten.Busia boda tell him to try our Kampala sisters i hear they rock.Mukami sounds like a kiamburian she forgot him the day the transfer letter got in the mail box.nice piece.

  14. Biko, Machievelli wrote “The Prince”. “The Art Of War” is some Chinese dude Sun Su Tzu I think.

    Yes your friend’s goose is pretty much done. The Boss always gets what he wants. If wants to play the epic hero fine, but tell him in Kenya we don’t garland heroes, we make monstrous effigies of them then call them statues and we mount them on dirty streeta and wait for their poor off-springs to die in obscurity.

    If Mukami thinks she is such a Prince Charming then they should just go ahead and help sink The Titanic, my grandchild will make a cloying tragi-romantic film about it in twenty years time(I’ll keep the notes for them, I can write you know).

    Or he should just make lemonade out of the Busia lemon. With all the spiralling joblessness around can’t see why anybody wouldn’t stretsc himself to do that.

  15. That is some serious cock-block right there! How cool is it to be a boss? Tell your boy to graciuosly bow out of that one. Instead, let him redirect the effort he’ll spend trying to get one over his boss on making new acquinances and making the best of a bad situation.

  16. forget your pal or his gaming boss the one calling the shots here is Mukami… funny none of them has seen that yet. lol.

  17. Hilarious stuff…though i sympathise with your pal…i just think he is missing a great deal the longer he stays licking his wounds, i think towns like Busia give guys like that quite an edge especially given their exposure,and there are all sorts of opportunities especially business-wise, and given that he works for an NGO, loads of time to get them rolling…time heals and its the opportune time to direct his energy elsewhere…my 2 pence

  18. LEGENDARY POST!!..and that guy is cooked for sure!
    By the way Biko i think my boss is signing my transfer papers. Broke some office furniture laughing like a moron.

    1. Can’t really blame you but if he’s signing your transfer papers let us know if there is a new secretary in the building?

  19. I worship at the feet of Mukami. She has a buffet and she has served everything on offer onto her plate.
    I bet her boss is paying her rent and catering for her monthly shopping which she rarely uses because he is taking her to intercon for lunch and sankara for dinner. She does her shopping at deacons woolworths identity and Mr price courtersy of Mr Boss. And in turn she massages Mr boss’ ego and makes him feel good about his 43 year wrinkly face,huge saggy tumbo which makes him very unattractive and unpropotional because he has this huge belly and very thin legs.
    Then on the other hand she gets intimacy and romance and fun and conversation from mr programs co-ordinator.
    Paris hilton said Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. He best figure out what pet he is ASAP

  20. First of all, your friend really needs to adjust his attitude, he doesn’t then he is really a cooked goose, 1 year could be forever if you’re constantly in a nasty mood. Thanks for reminding him to make lemonade outa the lemon situation….ati read the messages on the lessos, that really cracked me up.

    Second, you think you’ve seen it all in Nai, then you relocate to Nyanza and you think you just might date, and then you then maasai land and you’re dating and then you relocate to BUSIA and you just might find one to marry. Never despise, never say never…I bet you in the next 3 months, your friend’ll be asking Mukami who?

  21. The day your friend decided to succumb to the transfer to Busia is the time he was cooked. His Ego is gone and even if he fights for Mukami (who should have smelt a rat by now and offered consolation to your friend by visiting him down there), he will not restore it when he already took the 1st blow- which hurts big time.

    Btw: just curious, what happens when you step on a chicken in Busia? you mentioned that somewhere.

  22. Invite Mukami to visit Busia, Then Make sure whatever happens she misses her flight/bus back to Nairobi. Call Boss to say sorry its your fault but she will be late coming back to Nairobi.

    1. Kimutai Cherono, i like your thought and Biko, 1) Could you please invite Mukami to read this blog ? Anonymously? 2) Why did you have to talk (extensively) about Ug lasses? See what that is doing? See??!!!

  23. Your boy’s cooked, fried actually. he could do with reading ‘Stories from the rain God’… while watching pilipili grow… That way he can kill time and find skills on countryside romance…

    1. He he he… Country side romance is not such a bad thing.. sitting by a river bank,chewing sugarcane with his date.. Let him make the best of that situation. After a year in his post, he will be able to narrate his adventures Busia. They may not all be gloomy

  24. Mukami’s are all over especially in Busia where they have big bottoms, or Kampala where the bottoms are even bigger. Moral of the story: forget about the girl and focus on how to pull the carpet from under the boss’ feet by going for his position. Lick boots if you have 2, revenge would be sweeter than getting Mukami.

  25. My first day today in new department. Feels like my first day in boarding school.

    I THANK GOD I’m not moving towns…

    This dude should either forget about Mukami or marry her! But from the look of things he has only option 1.

  26. Good read Biko!! It’s good you opened it up to your readers to comment on your boy’s fate, they’re quite an interesting bunch too!! tihihihihi

  27. My verdict? Cooked!!
    The boss put your mate squarely in his place. I like him. (The Boss.)
    Here is a cheesy line to live by,
    ”Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
    The boss and Mukami seem to comprehend the ‘rules of engagement’ better than your pal.
    You don’t wash your hands in the same bowl as your Boss.
    ”she says she likes me a lot” <~hahaha….like that counts for something; in Nairobi. Coast maybe, certainly not Busia.
    Hate to be a Nazi, but hey, it is what it is.

    'Even if he sucks so much at dates that all he does is sing her hymns'…Hilarious Biko.

  28. Hiyo ni bafu chafu! haha it’s like playing against Barcelona- out-maneouvred!
    Fimbo ya mbali haiui nyoka! Long distance could work if she was already in the boss but if he was chasing, he’s at a disadvantage, possession is against him!

  29. Your boy is whipped out, tell him to throw in the towel and enjoy Busia…anyway Nai is overrated; highly conjested, thoroughly disorganised, no basic services present like no water, unnecessary power cuts.I mean rather stay in a village than a joke for a city!!!

  30. Hey Biko,
    Someone once said “There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it is the beginning of a new life.” Your friend shoud let go of Mukami and honor her by embracing change (Busia) even if it’s beset with uncertainty.

    Sometimes people or places we hold on to are never worth holding on to. Busia will bear great gifts for your friend; He will find a better “Mukami” out there. It however all starts with LETTING GO (of Mukami & his bitterness towards his boss). This will make him the bigger man…the real BOSS.
    Cheers and bless you.

  31. One of the 40 Laws of Power is learning how to accept defeat. One year will be over before he knows it. If I were him I wouldn’t even steal a glance at Mukami when I’m back in Nai. I’m sure it’s not the first time he’s been sliced and he’s probably sliced some unfortunate chaps himself. These things happen … it’s the nature of the beast. Plus there’s plenty poon out in Busia that he could, erm, partake. hehehe.

  32. He he, funny story Biko. Some years ago I too went to work in Kisumu, a town I only passed through when first I went to Maseno during my school days and occasionally when I went to Shags. My supervisor had also just moved to Nairobi like me. while I decided to explore the town and make friends, he was of the Friday evening trips back to Nairobi type. Eventually he could not hack Kisumu and I got his job. Suffice to say, when I got a job offer to move back to Nairobi I initially rejected it (though it was paying more) as I had so made myself at home in “odhus” that I could not contemplate leaving. Heck, I even got myself a wife 🙂 I think if your friend ‘forgets’ about Nai for now and opens up to Busia, he will love it. It could have been worse — it could have been Kakuma for example (I also worked there!). It is really about attitude.
    As for the old man, that was really a below the belt hit but as they say, in some things the end justifies the means!

      1. school. We did not use “high” as that was for lesser schools! 92. why, did you go there as well?

  33. Hellooooo! First this guy is single at 34, second, he has time to worry about a girl who flirts with the beer glass washer and third, he has nerves to ask (Biko) where he thinks this is going. Look, your friend has a crushed ego. He needs to see better than THIS chick, stop contacting her, pretend for a while he loves the greenness out of his office window, enjoy the tea frequency and voila! He’ll buy his way out of the green in the heat to the sun.The goose is fried man.

  34. Kampala coach is available; she can board one and in what, 8hrs she will be in his arm. Village getaway is perfect for love birds.

  35. No his goose isn’t cooked. It was never on the menu in the first place. If she cared, Mukami could visit his ass in Busia and he could cook her some goose. Show the boss who’s boss when it comes to Mukami.

    Alternatively, if Mukami is allergic to Busia like he is, he’s a grown ass man who could quit his job if it’s so bad in Busia and look for another job in the happening city of Nairobi, get Mukami and still stick it to the boss.

    Otherwise mkubwa ameshinda.

  36. Mr Programme Coordinator’s goose is cooked. Ain’t no way Mukami ‘likes him alot’ and still flirts with the boss. She’s just dangling a carrot in front of him to keep him pining for her while she enjoys the attentions and perks from the boss. She’s a woman enjoying the best of both worlds. My advice-close that Mukami chapter and move on.

  37. First things first.. the boss pulled a nice move right there..props to him.
    On the other hand, our boy is equally cooked and official fried. In relation to Mukami, that’s a chapter closed shut! Tell your homeboy to start checking out the tea girl, lol. there may be a jewel there, you never know.
    Seriously, let him start looking around, he may find something in the area, after all, Simba akikosa nyama, anakula nyasi!

  38. Lol! The way I see it, it’s a great opportunity to pick up some Luhya, some Luhyas, and a book or 20. The most important person you should meet is you.

  39. it aint over until the fat lady sings…he can do what i call a 3 S strategy: sway, seclude, seduce. This will get him only a foot in side the door, what succeeds the 3s will determine the level of failure or success the boss’s endeavors meet.

  40. Your friend is old enough to know that his boss is playing dirty; but that’s nothing personal it’s just business. Your friend should also understand the basic fundamentals of engagement: never unduly allow love to blind your faculties, never allow a handshake pass beyond the elbow. Mukami is gone and the only option for him is to try and move on (but not to turn down the sexual intricacies previously enjoyed); at least keep his mind focused on other things, and most importantly, on other women. Continuously heaping blame on his boss only makes his situation more desperate. This is life and it’s full of shit! Move on, bro, every dog has got it’s day, wait for yours.

  41. ahhh! biko. tell him it’s over. for dramatic effect, shall we use the words that Jesus used: “it is finished”? (hmm… at least i think He did. did He?)

  42. 43yrs,married already,not easy on the eye i bet…am i missing something here??that gizmo has no chance in hell.boring lunches suffice veggies.

  43. whatever happened to all the men out there?!?! like seriously…so the boss pulls the rug from under you …….big deal, get up…dust your shoulders off and get back to it!! no one said this life is going to be easy…you just got to live it!
    and if what he said that the chic does actually like him…then he still has a chance, albeit a slim one. and in this day and age of emails, chat, IM, twitter and even that whatsapp thingi…he can still keep in contact with her…… and going by what someone said in here….that chic is probably using the boss for the material things…while mr programs coordinator was for the the fun, conversions…connecting… (you forget that women are emotional beings…the same emotions that play a major role in all the decision making in our lives..) someone once said…..the mind is a powerful sexual organ ….trust me, and if this guy is as suave an ‘urbanite’ as he sounds to be…. he still has a chance!!
    who knows….if he plays his cards right…mukami could still wait for him…

    then again, he is single at 34….. iko kitu hapo!! lol

    1. hahaha same thing i was thinking . Its the 21st century for pits sake ! There’s email, twitter , facebook, SKYPE! that whatsuup thingy etc , Why is he acting like we are still in the stone age era? he still has a chance if he is serious. 1 year is such a short time!

      and Biko, why is your friend single at 34????!!!!

    2. Wamuyu you started so well by agreeing with someone who’d pointed out that Mukami’s probably using the boss9(a thought i am strongly bending towards) and then you go on to advice Mr Programmes Co-ordinator guy to go ahead and use any or all of the networking softwares we have these days to persue such a woman, i say he should stuff Mukami’s selfishness in her face and move. She,in my opinon, is not worth it.

  44. it’s amazing that people still get shocked at a person single in their thirties,,, same goes for a woman childless in her thirties… give the guy a break…

    Now to the Busia dude…. change is something most people are unwilling to embrace and as such, a lot of opportunities are missed. Shed off the negativity and discover new interests… go sight-seeing, try out the national parks around the area… try out the different foods, buy a bicycle and discover the area you live and work in. Heck.. organise some nyam-chom night and have the colleague bring along her pilipili for the kachumbari…

    Simply put… life is what you make out of it. Whining will not change the situation he finds himself in. And then again… as hard as it may be to hear; that lady isn’t interested. She will be though, once she stops hearing from him and hears that he’s moved on in his love life. That’s women for you. Who said we were a simple species to understand ;o)

  45. HE HE HE….The boss is hoping that my pal will either run mad from the lethargy of village life,
    or impregnate a village girl and get locked down there for life, or worse get gored and maimed by a cow suffering from Foot and Mouth disease.
    And he gets to seduce the prize back here without any pressure.

  46. Your friend needs to just forget Mukami and move on.He can either use the one year to get intouch with his inner self and restructure his life when/if he comes back to the city,or get a woman in the village.
    Mukami will not sit around and wait for him,if he could not get her when they were in the same building,Busia just makes it a far fetched dream.
    Plus he is at his prime,why would he still want a woman who is not sure she wants him?
    he is better off cutting his losses and looking towards his future.

  47. Am going to br frank and say, although I totally feel for your pal, his boss is a genius. He should be grateful that all his colleuges do is “kulima nyuma ya ofisi” coz the things i got to deal with on my end are just hilarious. Simple advice, consider the place home, find the few gals you can walk with (eye candies of Busia) and make some memories.

    The boss, there is a reason he’s the boss.

  48. Biko, why is your “friend” single at 34, he has more issues than your cousin, the one you aided in the Kenyan version of prison break.

  49. Biko, tell him to follow Jaguar’s advice.

    ‘Avuke border’ before it hits him Mukami might be a KIGEUGEU..

  50. I would say that life is about choices,your friend can choose to ‘suck it up’ in Busia or be miserable for a whole one year(long time)..as regarding Mukami time heals and coz that gal is as good as taken,he will move on someday…and anyway he can look at the positive part of this,an opportunity to discover other parts of kenya…he’ll make it and will come back to nairobi with a smile…and no there’s nothin wrong with him being 34 and not married,.

  51. Great read Biko!…now I bet Mukami isn’t analyzing your friend’s relocation as much as he is (and his friend’s readers as well)…sounds like she was having her cake and eating it…and probably still is.

  52. Didn’t Sun Tzu write The Art of War? Google is your friend 🙂

    As for your friend, I’m sure he knows what he should do but he just wants people to tell him… to move on!

  53. Great read as usual and by the way there is some kid jacking your posts and posting them on FB as his. Smh

  54. Biko,
    Great article. It resonates on a personal level from an experience I had eight months ago.

    To Mr. Programmes Coordinator:
    Use your time in Busia to first lick your wounds (bruised ego). Forget about Mukami, for now. Next, take time to study The Game – of life, of women, of politics. Read books, get online, arm yourself with knowledge. Use Busia as your training ground.

    Finally, plan your return back to Nairobi. The what, the who, the how. If you must, include Mukami, but only for old times sake. Show her a hint of the new man you,ll have become. If you’re lucky she’ll chase you. If not, at least she’ll respect you.

    The Boss is now your rival. Treat him as such, but keep him close. Avoid foolish pride. Watch your back. Live cunningly.

    Above all, don’t be bitter about all this. Remember all’s fair in love as in war and the workplace.

  55. That dude is like so cooked!!but tell him to make lemonade out of his lemons,after all thats life huh?like calvin said let him find something else to do like read books(lotsa them)so when he comes back he will be a new person!!!!

  56. Link us to fool copying your stuff see if we can spam him or s-thing. (get friended then out him on his Note etc).

    Oh! to make the Boss sweat we get chaps to come ask Mukami on lunch dates every day for a week. Watch the Boss try figure out where all the Compe is coming from 🙂

    1. Gypsy waiyaki is the name they are using….. Its not my work but it made me mad to see somebody using another’s hardwork like that.

  57. On 34yo singletons: Anonymous x2, Besh, Wamuyu and Missy – pray tell, whats the prescribed age at which one must settle down?

    Biko: Tell your boy to enjoy Busia or propose to Mukami – although I doubt she feels him given that she hasn’t visited as yet

    1. 34 is LATE ! its displays lack of balancing act ..career,marriage etc..for a guy i would say max 30,if you are past that..biko gets another friend.

      1. Indeed Anonymous (name withheld for reasons related to cowardice?), your one dimensional myopic one-size-fits-all approach applies to all regardless of the curve balls that life throws to everyone.

  58. tell ur boy to befriend mukami on facebook,change his r/ship status to’;in a r/ship with mukami’,text her thrice a day(thats exactly 3 bob a day) ;call her when she’s in the office using the office line (cheaper option than buying lunch) and invite her to busia for a weekend……after a week of the above ,it shall all be ‘mteremko’

  59. Pure genius from the Boss… Your boy needs to up his game kiasi Busia is not all bad as somebody suggested above ”Vuka Border” kwa kina Senga and Muks wount be mentioned ever again

  60. Haha! That gander be stuffed, cooked and served up with a plate of hot mashed potatoes&baby carrots! Let Mr. Project Co-ordinator move on. Lakini what’s with all the Ugandan women recommendations? I’m yet to see a Kenyan man actually marry one! Ni domo tu?

  61. Mindset…….your friend should just change his, was working in one of the blue-chip companies in the middle of the city, then i found myself in a mine site in the middle of nowhere…..changed my mindset, accepted my new status and life couldnt be better.

  62. I really should come back to the comments more often. So, my favourite blogger went to my high school too. Nice. I was next to Bowers. Olang’ 2 (Just shut up, ok! Will’ya?). ’97 – ’00.

  63. First, I work in Kakuma and it’s all good so mwachane nayo..
    Second, what’s the big deal about being single at 34? I guess Imissed that briefing..
    Lastly, your pal is pining after a woman who is seeing her married boss and claiming to like him? Really? Then he needs Busia to take a step back and grow up, reflect or whatever wakes him up to how ridiculous this truly is!

  64. I thought getting a “real” would keep you so busy fleecing the audience that the institution that is Jackson Biko would have better fortunes, better friends with less troubles like me-touch wood-clearly I was wrong.
    And now I do not have more witty suggestions.

  65. The sad part of all this is Mukami is probably not interested in either of them…and Mr. Hitler Boss probably wasted a favour to get poor Mr. transferred to Busia out of the way and Mr. Busia is going to waste a year of his life watching pilipili grow and come back with a lunje accent…love it!

  66. these shagz towns have other nairobians stuck there too-doctors, ngo guys etc. if he explores he will find cool people(chics and guyz). pole kwake lakini

  67. My boss once sent me to Mombasa for 6 months.

    i was duped to think i was the most proactive and hardworking individual capable of opening and running the branch.

    back then i had a colleague we were talking in tongues with.
    .i connected the dots between the hot yellow yellow and my Mombasa transfer.
    lucky it was Mombasa not Busia.

  68. But if the boss is as much of a geezer as he is painted out to be, why do we assume that Mukami is a brainless git who will settle for option number two by default? lol

  69. Haaha Biko u are bad nwes but frankly ua dude should count his losses and jump to UG,those mamas on the other side of the border dont dissappoint,trust me.

  70. Am commenting on this way too late but after reading this masterpiece, I have this to say, at the end of the day, Mukami makes the decision as to who rocks her boat, if she truly loves your friend, she will keep in touch with him, as for your friend, this girl seems to be the type who are easily lured by power and money, woe unto you if you make her a wife.