957 words on why you should read “Gone Girl”

   89    
10

Of

course you have dated a crazy woman, unless, of course, you’re 24 years old, in which case your time is coming. Hang tight. The craziest thing about dating a crazy chick (and the most ironic) is that crazy chicks don’t look crazy, least of all act crazy. Crazy chicks are caring. Very tender. They are oh so mild. Oh so loving. They will serve you food. They will tenderly rub your back when you are feeling blue. They will drive across town to grill your steak. They will even remove wax from your ears. And all the while cheap beats uk it’s “baby” and “darling” and “honey.” Your pals will see how she fusses over you and they will go, “damn man, does she have pals?” And for months, many months, she will be agreeable and loving and you will be riding this dangerously deceptive wave until one day she shows you her barbed tail.

Then they want to kill themselves if you dare leave them. Or park outside your gate, on a Saturday afternoon, until the watchman comes over and asks, “Unajua ule msichana ako hapo inje ya gate?” And when you guys go out to look there is no msichana. Then the fights in cheap beats the middle of the night, and how she would pick butter knife from the kitchen and chase you around the your only furniture, beats by dre uk a two-seater, wearing nothing but knickers. Because you are slightly sick, when you remember her now, you don’t even remember the peril of it all but of her perky breasts bouncing on her chest as she chased you with that knife.
http://www.capoeirauk.co.uk/
She will burn your clothes. Smash your timepiece. She will change the numbers of other chicks on your phone. Or delete a digit. She will send a chick she thinks you are interested in an sms saying that you have syphilis. Hehe. And when you finally get rid of her crazy-ass, change the locks and ask the watchman not to allow her in, she will be silent for weeks, then out of the clear-blue sky, you will receive an sms from her: “Hey baby, is it cold today or what? What are you up to?” Like she never left.

Have you ever been walking in tao lost in thought, and just as you turn a corner you run into this girl who looks exactly like an ex who was a complete cuckoo, and you are so taken aback you have to stop at a newspaper stand to catch your breath and let your heart go back to beating normally?

If you pick up “Gone Girl” By Gillian Flynn you will meet Amy Dunne. Loving. Smart. Witty. Funny. Good in bed. Supportive. And crazy like a bat. Amy moves town for her husband Nick Dunne. Takes care of Nick’s mom who is dying of cancer. Sweet woman. Just sweet. Until Nick fucks up, like we always do.

Gone Girl is also an illustration of how we will never win with women. How scarily a woman’s mind works. Their uncanny ability to record minutiae. How when you are flirting with some tail on the sly imagining you are so smart, how they will be onto you in a minute, and how they can keep their suspicion under their hats, watching you for weeks, picking evidence, naming it, filing it away, all the while never changing their attitude, always smiling and being all loving until she has enough evidence to send you away to Alcatraz for life. Then she serves her revenge on a cold platter.

Here is the difference between us and mamas. So you are in bed, it’s like 10pm. Your mama’s phone rings, she talks on the phone for thirty seconds and tells that chap “Ebu we speak tomorrow, I will send you an email.” You ask and she says it’s a client. You cause a royal stink. “A client? Does that client have a watch?! What biashara is this that can’t wait until morning? Is he bloody doing a heart transplant tonight that he has to just call you now? That shit has to stop by the way, tell him to not call you at this hour!” She says sawa and you are pissed off and you sleep all sulky and shit. Hehe.

Now reverse the scenario. Phone rings at 10pm, you are in bed. You pick up, and speak for a minute and say, “Sawa, let’s talk kesho, I will email you.” Your mama, without looking at you (because she doesn’t have to look at your face to see if you are telling the truth, she can hear the lie in your voice) will ask, “Who was that?” You say, “It’s Miriam, from Orange.” And she will say nothing. She will continue removing nail polish from her nail. But be sure that the story is filed away somewhere, and she will not forget those two key words: Miriam and Orange. Women? They chill. And they observe. We are fools, we rush in.

This book is about how we, men, are constantly outfoxed by women. How they think and scheme and manipulate us. How we imagine we are in control, when all the while we are only playing by their script.

The story is narrated in the voices of the man and the woman. Written in a clever way. Often amusing. It will get annoying towards the end, maybe even ridiculous but it will be worth it. It’s not a love story. It’s a life story. You read it and you learn. And at the end of the book, you will feel annoyed at Nick and be a little scared of Amy.

the modeling industry doesn’t even have a wikipedia entry
woolrich arctic parka Being inches away from this made it all worth it

And it’s about to get worse
chanel espadrilles8 School Model Better Than the Traditional Middle School Models
10
89 Comments

  1. Will do, hehe. ‘Man and Boy’ – Tony PArsons. Find it. Great book too. Shares lanes with this one.

  4. Haha that 10pm scenario could not have been put any better.

    She says sawa and you are pissed off and you sleep all sulky and shit.Hehe

    Again,why do women have to always win when it comes to these things??Blame it on their being manipulative and shit!hehe

  6. By the way I have to lay my hands on Gone Girl by all means..
    Should be an interesting read!

  7. I have laughed!!!! ati she sends a text to a chick saying you have what now??? heheheheh

  9. Am nasty like this, soon as i was done reading this piece, i was on kickass torrents site, and in a minute or two, i have the book and am on reading it. I know i will not make the cut for heaven, but all the same, thanks Biko

  13. Note to self: add this to the TO READ bucket list. Maybe I’ll get me some life lessons, lovely review by the way 🙂

  15. Book loving lurker here, a year later i still can’t decide if i loved or hated Gone Girl because of the ending. That said, love this site!!!

  17. “Unajua ule msichana ako hapo inje ya gate?” AND That point about deleting a digit, got me LMAO! hahaha

  20. My friend was dating a crazy chick……she practically moved into his house a month after they meet and he had to move out of his house and move to a location she did not know about……. but she found out and visited one day and did not want to leave. He called the guards to help him get her out and she went under his bed!!! LOL!

  25. This has made my evening. I can’t stop laughing. Even changing digits???Oh nooooo!!!! Paul please email me the book.

  28. ….silent for weeks, then out of the clear-blue sky, you will receive an sms from her: “Hey baby, is it cold today or what? What are you up to?” Like she never left.
    Miriam and Orange – then she will continue removing nail polish from her nail – women they chill and observe.
    These two lines got me, now I know how to unleash crazy…

  29. “you don’t even remember the peril of it all but of her perky breasts bouncing on her chest as she chased you with that knife.” Very good read.

  30. Biko, you underestimate 24yr olds. There is a story in campo about a knife, a “Miriam from Orange”, and an sms. Usitake jua.

  32. Kept the word count.. 957 words indeed. still finishing up on #TheBookThief, but with this my little library is growing fast. Thanks man.

  33. Nice piece Biko.I especially like the bit about Miriam and Orange,took me back to some crazy happenings inn the past.

  36. That interesting moment when an ex whatsapps you this link telling you that the story reminds him of you….now in defense of all crazy girls out there…speaking as a reformed crazy one…There is always a guy who brings out the craze in every woman!!

  40. Haha haaaa….this is crazy coz I know a bird called Miriam who is like truly ” Miriam from Orange!”

  44. LMAO… because 1. am a woman and this post is painfully true and 2. Because no matter how many women a woman dates you never seem to learn.heh heh heh. crazy women have the crazy eyes.you just need to know how to spot them.
    ill add the book to my long reading wait list.

  45. Here is a piece of advice…from one pot to a kettle: “Please lets buy books yawa. Hii maneno ya ‘please send me a copy’ will kill our authors. hehehehe”

    1. I totally agree. You don’t even have to buy the hard copy you can buy the ebook which is cheaper. Certainly Biko didnt write this review so that you can pirate the book! Let’s support authors. Lets support creativity

  47. Amy was always crazy, from the word go, just read the reactionary piece to this post and I agree with it but Amy Elliot/ Dunne was crazy, from the word go!

  49. 10 REASONS DATING/MARRYING A CRAZY WOMAN IS BETTER THAN A NORMAL WOMAN
    Before i decided to read Gone Girl: Gillian Flynn, i had dismissed it for just another black covered book; boring. Then i read the introduction quote by Tony Kushner that described love as a magnificent rose smelling faintly of blood and I was under arrest mentally and physically.

    Gone girl captures the life of a couple who are an insanely perfect match. They know each other so well and bring out the best and worst in each other. Love drives Amy crazy to the extent of faking her death, going into exile and framing her cheating husband who later persuades her of his repentance to pull her out of her hiding hole. They strangely find themselves back together but this time round Nick is fully aware that he is dealing with a psycho.

    But just like Nick, we have guys with an allure for the crazy chic. They don’t walk into such relationships knowingly but they find themselves siphoned in too deep they don’t want out. She is fun to be around, quirky and your friends somehow like her. There are perks to it! Yes, dating a crazy woman has its benefits just like it has down side. i like to think the perks outweigh the cons and i tried to list them down here.

    1. The romp is crazy.
    The crazy woman is just not made into a flower that blends with the beddings, just lying there pretty. She is nothing short of a panther in bed, digging her nails and fingers into whatever and making such a mess you can’t help but blush at the thought of what went down. She is the type that will turn the bedroom into a red light zone, hand cuff you to the bed while dressed as dominatrix or a nurse and do crazy things to you that no one else would dare. You will love her for causing you as much pain as she does pleasure, you will have come up with a word that best describes pain and pleasure all rolled up in one. you just became a member of the couple that neighbors love to hate because they never get to sleep peacefully with all the weird noises and banging.

    2. Call you out on your BS
    There are few women who will point out your flaws as a matter of factly just to pull you off your presumed pedestal of flawlessness. A crazy woman will not hesitate and if you have the kind of self esteem that allows you to take criticism, then you will be broken into very little pieces of yourself just to be remodeled into a stronger you.

    3. No dull moment.
    A crazy woman will make your life an adventure. An endless series of high powered drama coupled with exciting experiences that are a product of randomly picked activities. Crazy is spontaneous and spontaneous equals fun. You will be convinced to shop lift for the fun of it and you will love it.

    4. No guessing games.
    Men make bad mind readers. They just cant read or just read wrong. With a normally wired woman, you will walk into the house to find her sulking on the couch and have to guess at what you that put you in the dog house. Its not her birthday, check. The anniversary is in two months, check. So what did you do? Leave the toilet seat up? Miss crazy cant stand mind games herself, you wrong her she wont hold it in. She spits it out and gets it over with.

    5. The crazy ugly things we do for love.
    Has anyone, especially a woman ever gotten physical over you? Yes there’s the initial embarrassment, followed by a gratification that no one can take away with the realization that you are deeply loved.
    Dint you just love them for proving to the world how crazy they are about you and the crazy things they would do for you?
    Because to her you could never be wrong, it is the other woman who she must confront, and surprisingly, she thinks every woman wants to sleep with you(such an ego booster). If the other woman too is a crazy, because you are such a magnet for crazies, it will get ugly, a cat fight will ensue for the entertainment of many and your skewed gratification.

    6. More than words
    if your woman is not jealous or seems not to care where or who you are with, she doesn’t really love you. A woman cares. A crazy one cares so much she will get your Facebook account and phone locked after guessing your password wrong again and again, just to know who you talk to. She gets so troubled when you have had a fight her insomnia kicks in. You will be awakened in the dead of the night by her essay length text message explaining how sorry she is for whatever the fight was about, even when it was your fault. It is just an envelope short of a letter and aren’t letters just the most romantic gesture?

    7. I was right and you were wrong.
    Everybody loves that feeling of proving the other wrong. The thing about crazies is that they dive right into the wrong conclusion of things without giving it much thought. The result is that almost all the time they will eventually realize that they were wrong and just like that you have yourself a chance to hold your head high and say ‘i told you so, i was right and you were wrong my dear.

    8. No better test of patience
    You will be pushed to the very edge. You would think you don’t have it in you but she will get on your every last nerve you will develop the patience of a leopard waiting for the opportune time to pounce on its prey. She will be possessive, even overly protective with you like a new mum who will mother and smother you with attention for the purest of intention; love

    9. You will be challenged
    a crazy woman knows no boundaries real ones or imagined. She is like a hurricane sweeping everything that gets in its way. You being her man will be pushed to do such courageous things you will wonder how you ever mastered the courage to attempt them. Like how she got herself a pay rise by confronting her manager. She will push you beyond your perceived limits and bring out the best and the worst in you.

    10. She is so real. She’s a crazy and she knows it.
    Aren’t we all a title crazy? Some of us hide our insanity by keeping cool and acting sane when deep inside we are but a violent volcano waiting for the opportune time to explode. With a crazy woman, you get yourself many small fits of madness and that is how she keeps sane. Its better than a seemingly sane psycho who keeps her cool, records your misdemeanors and one night while you sleep, you feel a pillow land on your sleepy face and slowly wring the air out of your lungs. Be happy with your crazy woman who once in a while pulls you out of the bathroom and chases you around the house naked after finding receipts from a hotel in your pockets. You will get a few lucky spanks here and there and that is the end of it
    She will pull stunts other people consider insane unapologetic, use the most unconventional means to achieve something but you know that deep inside that crack head is a beautiful woman who loves in her own wonderful, weird ways.

    1