Your Mom Will Break Your Heart


Your phone will brrr into life. Mom calling. You are indicating right onto Ole Odume Road from Argwings Kodhek, a wary eye on the gangly raggedy­ass bus barreling down from Kawangware. The phone rings out; one missed call. An hour later you will shake hands with the people you have just finished the meeting with. You will placate them with words that have no legs ­ it was nice meeting you; let’s catch up later; I will send you an email to start a conversation. You will walk out and stand outside your car in the beautiful sunlight and dial mum. Or maybe you will return it after you have had your lunch of salad because you are trying the whole healthy thing. Or you will return it from the office balcony with your back to the glass door, five floors up. Or outside the office block, leaning on a slab, because mom can go on and on and on….But you will return it, eventually.

What if you return it and someone, a relative, a househelp picks up and through choked words breaks it to you that your mom is dead? You will probably chuckle. Or even laugh. Or you will click and say, “put her on the phone.” But then what if she’s really dead?

Wait, I know what will happen. You will stand there; rooted to the ground, in the shoes you wore in the morning when you thought nothing could break your world, when your world was solid, when you felt invincible. You will feel like a dead tree, gnarled into the ground, anchored on a myth. You will feel like ashes. Like the wind will blow you and scatter your broken pieces all over. Your world will turn darker than you ever imagined it would be, even though it is high noon.

You can’t believe how fragile your world is when you still have your mother alive. I used to envy people with mothers. I really did. They’d say stuff like, “I’m going to see mom over the weekend.” Or “ I’m going to pick mathe from the airport” or “ My mom called yesterday…” And I’d want to punch them in the throat. Then steal their wallet. But after a while, after my mourning period settled down, I became cool with it. Then one day I realised that I wasn’t doing too badly, because mothers are just very tragic heartbreaks waiting to happen. People with mothers are walking on thin ice.

Mothers are like a train on the verge of derailing and the crash will resound in your being and bones for an eternity; the clanging bones, the twisted carnage, the smell of pain and smoke from your wrecked scorched heart, a single most event that will leave your soul yawning with a hunger that will never be satiated. You will be destroyed, my friend. Your mother will break your heart.

The other day I ran into this pal Andrew who I haven’t spoken to or seen in ages. And I remember wondering why his hair was turning white yet he’s slightly younger than me. And I started making fun of his silver hair and all, asking him if all hair on his body was going white as well, hehe. Then he told me casually, “ by the way, did I tell you mathe died not long ago?” And I was like, “The hell? Jesus! I’m terribly sorry, man. Why didn’t you tell me?” Then he said ati si it was on Facebook. Seriously? Like I spend time going through my “friends” updates on Facebook just in case they have lost a loved one!

Anyway, later I thought, damn, you lose your mom and your hair grows white. That’s the power of mothers. They will discolour your hair. They will discolour your sense of security. They will discolour your life.

My mom was a talker. She would call and go off on a tangent. Because she was terminally sick I would always pull over to take her calls, or talk to her while driving. I would walk out of a meeting and stand there and listen to her tell me about her beloved chickens. (For chrissake!) Or something silly my dad did that annoyed her. Or ask me to talk to my little sister ­ who was then having massive problems in her marriage ­ to leave that prick. (She did, but after my mom had gone. Nkt.) And I would stand there with the phone pressed to my cheeks thinking, really? Now?! And I would tell her politely, “Ne’ mummy, abiro gocho’ni bang’e, sawa?” [I will call you later.]

Sometimes I would forget to call her. Or I would probably call her the next day. You know how it is, right? We get busy, no?

Our last conversation was on Friday 2, May 2012. It was shortly before midday, I was coming from Gigiri and had nipped into the Stanchart ATM at Oilibya, Limuru Road. I pressed the phone between my shoulder and left ear as I worked the ATM.

She asked me where I was that sounded so hollow and I told her I was in a police cell. She laughed and told me that it had rained hard the previous night and she was inspecting my simba and she felt that if I didn’t send money a.s.a.p. to have it fixed I will find it swept away into the river and right into the lake. I smiled and rolled my eyes. (She was ever so dramatic, Jane). I will send it on Monday I told her, only Monday she was long gone.

She died that Sunday, exactly three years ago tomorrow. She passed on during the rainy season. When all that rain was breathing forth all sorts of life into nature, filling it with energy and renewal; the grass turning green and the flowers blooming, the cows’ flesh filling out and the crops sprouting, my mom’s life was trickling out of her toes. My mom died that Sunday. And for the longest time I wished I had called her on Saturday but I came to learn much later, after I had unraveled the thread of grief, that such thoughts are foolish and unnecessary because when death comes it sneaks under doorways like an odourless and colourless smoke. You can’t prepare enough. You remain a sitting duck.

Here is some good news; when your mom finally dies, you will remember distinctly the last time you spoke with her on the phone. Every word. Those words will pull a chair and stay in your head. You will relive that last conversation in your head, a million times. Her voice will never go away.

But for now, this sounds like something removed, something abstract, something written by someone who obviously needs a drink. (Looks at watch). You will read this and look for a snack or chat up Lucy from accounts at the water dispenser. You will remain gloriously unaware, naive, unmoved in the face of death and its dastardly ways.

But that’s not even the worst thing, the worst thing is when you sit there and imagine your mother will always be there. When you imagine that only other people’s mother’s die. That death isn’t for your family, that your family is protected by a special prayer, that your mother has never been healthier or happier, that you put her on a Sh.4.5million In­Patient medical cover so she’s protected by the forces of economy and by the blood of Jesus Christ. You are sitting on quicksand, my friend, because your mother will break your heart when its time for her to break your heart.

The only way you can beat death is to one day sit back and say you treated your mother right, that you did not squander your moments with her, that you resolved disagreements in good time and didn’t let them drag on for months. That you aren’t still sulking because she called your girlfriend a toad, or a turd.

She won’t always be there tomorrow and when she is gone, because she will go and I promise you that you will crave for her like you crave for water on a dry hot day. You will see an old photo of hers that will drag your emotions into this furious whirlwind of nostalgia and pain and loss.

So call her. Call your mom today.

Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms. Alive and departed.

You may have heard by now, we (yes “we” as this blog is not just about me) won the Best Creative Writing Award category at this year’s Kenya Blog Awards. Again. Three years in a row! It’s inexplicable, the faith and commitment you guys have in this blog. And I’m speechless. I’m grateful that the random ramblings of my thoughts captured so many loyal fans. Is thank you, enough? Can it start covering my gratitude? I doubt it. But thanks for being here, for reading, for sharing and for running into me in public and resisting the urge to stare at my forehead. I’m humbled.


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  1. This past sunday I was mad at her for complaining that ever since I moved out I don’t go to see her yet i’m with her every Sunday. I’m calling her this instant to tell her she has priority on all my weekends henceforth.

  2. A friend of mine lost a mom recently and all you are saying she relates to all departed moms till we meet again.
    Congratulations,your works as always….amazing.Peace!

  3. At first, all i read in this article was pain. But then i saw it for the graceful mirror that it is. There is no reason known to man that your mum is absent from this life and mine is present. Or that my friend’s mum has Alzheimer’s and mine doesn’t. It’s all grace. Grace from God. Unmerited. I don’t deserve it but i’m grateful. And i’m calling my mum now 🙂

  4. This is so very touching .I just remembered that it’s a while since I spoke to mom who is spending her sunset days somewhere in a village. I should actually spend more time today … even if just to beat death just like you mentioned.
    Happy mother’s day Priscillah.

  5. Wow ! Happy mothers’ day . From up above (yes i believe beyond those clouds up there , there is heaven),she is smiling . Proud of his boy . Happy mothers day to your missus . Am i allowed to say happy Mothers’ to my mom too ?
    Btw, for me , I still envy guys who have dads.

  6. Congratulations Biko, that was easy. I remain a loyal fun. I too lost my mom in July 2011.
    The pain is still fresh. Those whose moms are alive, take care of them, they are priceless!!

  7. Read this with a tissue in my hand…very profound and true! I appreciate my mother while she’s still with us.
    Also,congratulations on the win..well deserved.

  8. May your mother rest in peace, ondiek. I get the same feeling with my dad. Every Feb 14th (last time I saw him) and Feb 25th (he died) and March 12th (he was buried on my birthday).

    Also, congratulations on winning the BAKE Awards. Three times in a row. You win even when you do not want to. Legend, ondiek. You are a living legend.

  9. I remember wondering why the sun still shone yet my Mom was no more, I literally wished the earth would turn dark, someone special to me had just breathed their last, that was something!

    1. I felt exactly the same when my dad passed on! I still marvel at how i managed to make it this far, he was my everything.

  10. My mom and I are not even in speaking terms. Thanks to this article I have realized that it is my heart that is on the line so I will pick up the phone and call her. Hoping she will pick up. (swallows hard)

    1. Keep calling do not give up. Mums can be stubborn at times, they are made that way so that they can persevere raising kids who are as stubborn as we can be….

    2. Call. Call her. Love her. Leave her a message. When they are gone, every stupid fight (and every fight and resentment becomes so stupid in the context of death) will return to haunt you; the uselessness of waiting. And everyday you will beg for the chance to be able to say, to have said “How I love you.” Call her. forgive everything. Love is all that remains. Peace to you.

  11. I lost mine when I was 16 and truth is I often envy those who have theirs around……there is nothing I wouldn’t give to have her around.

  12. This has brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for reminding us of that special person who is unreplaceable. Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there.
    Congratulations on the well deserved win

  13. contracts for winning the award brother. I’ll definitely buy my mum a card this day. For me,I envy people who have dads

  14. I called my mum after reading this post.
    I had tears in my eyes, she asked me twice “is everything alright?”
    Mama knows it all, i guess.When she prayed with me today,
    i was in the spirit with her, my “Amen” was from my heart and i actually meant it,
    not like always an “amen” to get her off the phone.
    Thank you Biko.

  15. That was a superb piece. Made me teary. Made me aware of how often I postpone talking to mum Made me realise how fragile it all is. You are truly gifted and deserving of that award. May your mum RIP.

  16. My dad passed away 2012 and my heart still hurts. The last conversation we had still brings tears to my eyes. My heart broke and will never unbreak

  17. That sounds more of a tribute Jackson. Moms will always be moms no matter what. Forever they will occupy a special place in our hearts. You can never get a mother twice. Once you have been robbed of her by the cruel hand of death then that is it. Its game over. One can never turn back the hand of clock to have a mother again once she departs to be with her maker. I imagine what life would have been were your mom be around today. But take heart buddy I know its not easy on you but you have to shoulder on.

    On the punch line the “Bikozulu Gang” have kept the promise and did it again. I am proud to be associated with this blog. Kudos man! You breathe life into our limp faces every week that you pen down words.

  18. “Mother is Supreme” I read that somewhere. Treat them like you will treat your happy hour.

    PS. Biko am furious with you. Very.

  19. That memory of the last phonecall; those final words of goodbye which, unbeknown to you, are actually the final words of goodbye… sigh… and they say that it gets better with time. No it doesn’t!

    Losing a mother can never be equated to fine wine.

    From one Jane’s son to another

    P/s: Congrats on another win at the BAKE awards

    1. One day, when you are ready, allow me to write your story, Edu. I think it’s the most gruesome story ever about losing a mother. But only when you are ready.

      1. Remember when I told you that it’s first going to get really bad, then it will get better? Yeah, I lied. And I agree wholesomely with you, losing a mother, nay, losing anyone near and dear to you is a most gruesome affair.

        Mama Eddie’s anniversary is on the 27 July, maybe we can do a piece on her then. That should be a befitting way to commemorate her…

        1. Atta boy! Indeed! Let me know when you are back in the country for a sit down. Don’t forget my drink!

          1. Today I read your Mother’s Day letter to your mom, and someone on the comments
            directs me here.
            ‘Anyway, later I thought, damn, you lose your mom and your hair grows white.
            That’s the power of mothers. They will discolour your hair.’ this is what happened
            to my mom when my grandmom died three yrs ago..she aged immediately and its only now
            that her color is returning.

          2. uuups! that was meant for comments,
            here i meant to ask, did you write Edu’s story?

  20. Biko, the only pain that comes close to losing a mother is losing a child. Like your friend Andrew, my daughter’s death discolored my world. So I ask, let’s celebrate to-be mothers too.

    1. Darn, Biko Zulu!! Are you flesh and blood or what?! Wow, and thank you. Thank you for the reminder, thank you for celebrating us mothers. May benevolence always be yours.

  21. Dear Writer,

    At this time of year, your posts are most powerful, most meaningful…to myself…as im sure to everyone else who pops by here. We share a slightly similar path we do.

    Well done on your winnings (without a campaign)!! I do hope you won a holiday or something related. We indeed are always glad to have our musings interrupted by the pop up that says “NEW POST on” …

    Yours sincerely,

  22. Congrats for the award. And you are absolutely right, nothing beats losing a mother; it’s after she is gone that one realizes just how big a role she played while alive. The nostalgia is the worst, and the day remains etched in your memory for ever…..especially on the anniversaries!!

  23. Mothers just hold EVERYTHING together! Thank you for this article. Rip Mama Biko. And happy mother’s day to all moms.
    Congratulations on BAKE award win!

  24. Biko, imagine reading this article at work (in an open plan office) and then trying to conceal tears…
    My mum broke my heart 9 years ago…still miss her and think of her often. I wish I could share a meal with her, get a hug from her, buy her a new kitenge…Mum, you continue to be loved.
    May her soul rest in peace.

  25. This, i can relate to.Allow me to call you Jakom. Now,Jakom, you are truly gifted.I’ll want to write like you some day. Pole for the loss of your mom.
    Happy Mother’s day to all mums.

  26. R.I.P to moms…I am sure she is so proud of you.
    Happy Mothers day to the mums who are with us and who aren’t.

    Also congratulations on the win .It was very well deserved.

  27. reading this article makes me want to give you a long warm hug>((0))….Grief never really goes away…I dread losing my mother , i cant fathom it. i cant let the thought even linger in my mum lost her mother(my grandma)about 4 years ago,and it was the first time in my life i ever saw my mother cry..and realized it doesn’t matter how old you are. mum is still mum..well in my case i still call her mummy.hehehehe my friends never let that go. but she is mummy!!!

  28. Oh my Biko…You have captured the truth of our relationship with our mums. We postpone talking to them and paying them a visit. Always telling ourselves that we will do it when our schedule lightens up. Until that moment…that moment. When you cannot. Thanks Biko for the reminder. Our mums and dads are precious gifts never to be taken for granted.

  29. May she rest in peace Biko. I have mixed feelings about this post. whoa,what?with my mum recently diagnosed with cancer. I know she will die eventually(but when she is old,she’s too young) I still need her now.

  30. Wonderful piece….reminds me of my mum. Every word she spoke, how she said it, how she sounded at 8am on Thursday May 8, 2008 I still remember. She broke my heart.

    Mothers are special, may those that have left us rest in eternal peace.
    Congratulations on your win…I am glad my vote counted!

  31. I lost my dad, Chief, as we used to call him, six years ago. It is still seems like yesterday. I was able to bear his passing because ten years earlier, he had held me as I grieved my brother.
    True, when you talk about death to those who have never felt its sting, they can not fathom painful and broken it leaves us.
    Thank you. This is a tribute to mothers and all our loved ones who have passed on. You deserved the award.

  32. A home without a mother is like tree that no longer flowers,to those whose moms are still around enjoy their company,to those whose moms departed before us cherish the memories…… mum nyakindu will call me at 5am and go on and on and on about really…….I learnt not to complain about her waking me up coz I know of my friends who long for a mother’s phone call.Happy mothers day min Abby

  33. Mama died two years ago today, on a Sunday. She just didn’t wake up to go to church like she always did! I’m healing, I hope on the 3rd year I can say I’ve healed and accepted and moved on!

      1. True thing, there’s no moving on, My mum passed on 11 years ago, and the feeling is simply incomprehensible. I remember vividly the talk we had that Saturday as she lay on her hospital bed,the glimmer in her eyes, telling me She will be going home on Monday, Only that I didn’t know which home she was talking about. Awesome piece Biko. Awesome.

        1. I like this, “you learn to walk with a limp.” I have been walking with a limp almost 11 years now 🙁

    1. Am sorry but you will never heal.Its 15 years later and i hate Christmas because to me its about family and without my mom its not Christmas.Maybe it will change when i get a family.

  34. A powerful reminder for us to cherish our loved ones….including our dads, moms, brothers, sisters, children, friends…the list is endless. reminds me of when I lost my son last year in August. praying for God’s strength &comfort for you at this difficult moment

    1. My prayers are with you Oba Eke and your entire family. You have captured it very well. Biko God’s speed.

  35. Seminal Stuff. I have come to realize over time that fathers are like the shell of a car. Mothers however, are the small nuts, bolts and cogs and wires that make the car run. The best looking Landrover Defender will not move if you do not crank that shaft – that small hidden piece within. As a father but first and most important, a son, SALUTE MUM! All Mums!

  36. You have a way with words that evokes emotions every time I read your blogs. I agree with you on knowing that you treated your mum well when she was around. I lost my dad 6 years ago and knowing that I gave him my best gives me peace. Congratulations on the BAKE award. You deserve it.

  37. Your random ramblings make my day. Congratulations on the award and Cheers to all mothers who we sometimes take for granted.

  38. Your words are just something else. We never know the importance of having a mum around until you lose her… I will make sure that I make the most of it while she’s still around… May your mum rest in peace though

    About the award, congrats!! You deserve it more than anyone else.

  39. First things first, Congratulations Biko on winning the BAKE award for best creative writing.
    And now about this post, I must say it’s a poignant read. Teary eyes, heavy throat was what I experienced while reading this piece.
    Mothers are a gem who cannot be traded. RIP Mama Biko and Happy Mothers’ day to all mums; alive and departed.

  40. Bravo Biko. Moving piece in May as you have done last 2 years. On the flip side, these pieces make me work harder at making the most of moments with my sons. And hope to somehow cushion that most dreadful moment.

  41. I was that guy standing at the water dispenser three weeks ago. Then she broke my heart bad…it’s not easy. Coincidentally she was also a Jane

  42. Funny thing is, one of my good friends and I were talking about cleaning gravestones (her mother’s) last evening. It feels just like yesterday that I was with her, listening to her and hearing her laughter, and it already is Five Years gone by, her words on missing her mum. My heart broke at her statement, and after reading this, yes – when the time comes our mothers will break our hearts..
    Congratulations on the win, yet again!

  43. I thank God for my mum who has been and still is my greatest pillar in life. The thought that one day she will not be around is very un-settling for me. Mama please, do not break my heart. It only happens to other people right?? I have the privilege of telling her that i love her every single day. I thank God for that. Greatest gem ever.
    Congratulations on your award Biko. You definately deserve it. I cannot believe how fast i interrupted my work just to read this. Totally worth it. Kudos!

  44. Amazing, I cherish my mom so much but at times I feel like she is too much on this and that. Thanks for letting me know that it’s my neck on the line. I will try, NO, I will make our moments worthy living on when she is gone from today. God bless you Biko and God bless me too.

  45. This is a very touching post. It took everything inside not to shed a tear. Mom’s are amazing. I look right from the grandmothers to my mum, even my mother in law and now to my wife I see the effect a good woman has on the family. We should always cherish them and appreciate them because we have a finite time with them. Sometimes I look at a so called busy day and ask myself, I couldn’t squeeze in a lousy 5 min to call mum? What am I doing? Curing cancer? I’m calling her now!!

  46. Reading this article I was substituting “Mum” for “Sister” whom I lost 4 years ago…The emotions are still raw and somewhat similar…It is when you lose something that you cannot replace that that cloak of invincibility just simply fades away…Great read…

  47. Biko u have created a community, who will feed from your hand. I know in 2 to 4 years ur blog will be an “elite daily” kind of blog with thousands of readers daily and the many writers u mentored will build communities. And finally a big silicon valley investor will come forth and acquire a stake of 30% worth 200 million and then people at NationMedia and the rest will wake up! Then once you are a billionaire, the luo council of elders will meet and declare “biko” a tribe on its own. So Biko ur mother brought u to this world and we are forever grateful to her, God continue resting her soul. But biko dont rest until ur a billionaire iwinjo?

    1. Haha funny. If indeed Biko becomes a tribe, it’ll be that of great writers. This is another emotional piece that the writer has posted. I always admire Biko’s style of writing.
      Also, Congratulations on the BAKE award. You’re always a winner 🙂

  48. Ja Kanyanam…Thanks for this post. I remember that hollowness only too clearly…and I have truly tasted that emptiness that comes wen your mum is no more. I have been there, done that and believe me I bought that t-shirt and I know it fits badly….RIP, Mummy.

  49. Crippling reality! I take my mother for granted far too often, getting caught up on fickle things because I tell myself mum will always be around when the world fails me, my parents are my constant. But your article has hit a sensitive spot

  50. I am terribly sorry for your loss. I dreadfully shudder at the thought of that happening. All the same one of us will go first n the other will be left to mourn (not for mom only). I do not fear so much now.
    Clear testament to why you are the best blog. Fine piece!

  51. I don’t know the policy of this page about posting links. But this…talk of spanner in the works..

  52. Lovely reminder Biko.I live in fear and dread the day my mum breaks my heart coz I remember the pain of loosing a dad.I just turned 30 on Sun and I cried sooo much coz I missed my dad.
    Happy mothers day to all

  53. Mum Don’t break my heart just yet. Si you always pray? Good mum. (reality don come anytime soon, asayi)
    Congratulations Biko!

  54. I was brought up by my grandma. She invited me over for mbuzi for Jamhuri of 2013, I was so tired I lied I was working that weekend.She died that Sunday. I regret that last phone call more than anything else in my life, and men has it been a hard life.

  55. congratulations. forget for a while,the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying ‘time heals all wounds’ is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.
    Learn to live with the pain

  56. Reading this piece took me back to 10 years ago..
    Losing a mother is hard, and even when you have a good support system it’s just not the same. There are days I will go to functions with families especially my relatives who are very close knit and I zone off and wish my Mama was also there. You are surrounded by people yet you are so alone
    I remember too well,that phone call- only mine was not from her number but my Dad who broke the news. It has been years of finding myself without her, finding a coping mechanism and being the person that I think she would have wanted me to be
    But it has become easier with time,and the pain is now more of warm thoughts of Mum and the remarkable woman she was. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less

  57. Congrats Biko on the win.
    I must admit i have a silent follower of your blog but today’s read has taken me back to the day my Mama broke my heart,it will be 19 years this september,and truth be told you never recover from the death of a mum,you just learn to move along.R.i.p Mum and all mums in heaven.
    We shall meet again,………on that glorious shore.

  58. This is beautiful and your mom is resting well. Hope you are making her proud. RIP Jane.

  59. I have called my mum after reading this.Nani kama mama?
    I know the pain, my dad passed on 5 years ago

  60. “She asked me where I was that sounded so hollow and I told her I was in a police cell. She laughed and told me that it had rained hard the previous night and she was inspecting my simba and she felt that if I didn’t send money a.s.a.p. to have it fixed I will find it swept away into the river and right into the lake. I smiled and rolled my eyes. (She was ever so dramatic, Jane). I will send it on Monday I told her…” Its like you were talking about my mum. She often calls my brother about his simba. Thank you for this piece Biko and may your Mum’s beautiful soul continue resting in peace.
    Congrats on your BAKE win. You deserve it.

  61. It’s really sad just how true this is. Twenty years now since she broke my heart, but for the grace of God, I would not have survived it. Now I cling to the memories with everything I’ve got although time threatens to take them away. Happy Mother’s day Nyar Lul.

  62. Half way through this, I just had to call my mom to make sure she is ok and that you did not jinx her existence in any way. When she picked up I almost cried in relief. It is a heartbreak Bikozulu but one that is worth it a million and one times.

    This is the reason why you win each time, you never fail to capture our emotions in some way.

  63. My mum did break my heart…and it still hurts so bad! This is a very powerful piece…made me sad, and yet grateful for the time I spent with her. Biko, may our wonderful mums (incidentally called Jane) Rest in Peace.

  64. My mama, i made her mad and she said the most painful of words to me but how can I be mad at her? I know its the love. Sorry about ypur mama, she is alive because her spirit lives in you.

  65. I lost my mum 12 years ago and I still wonder how it would be if she were around. The journey to healing is a so long one cannot put a timeline to it.
    Thanks a lot for the article and congratulations.

  66. I have finally finished reading this article after four hours of floodgateof tears.I miss my mom 15 years later.She would have been 63 this year.I cry everyday when i think of her.I hate it when people start talking abut their mom or they post awesome selfies of themselves and their mom.I stare at old women in the streets wishing they could turn into my mom.I look at her passport photo that i have put next to my TV everyday.I hat to know that there are people who find their moms as bother because when she breaks your heart,your world changes.You become empty and even if you have the most awesome aunties or mother in law,no one ever replaces her.To us who have lost their mothers,know so well that the pain is unbearable.15 years later,loads of counselling and i have never recovered.

  67. Mothers are extra gifts and we should cherish them. This is a great dedication to your mother. Hope your friends have stood by your side through the three years.

  68. Lost my Mum on 22/6/2014 and I agree there is no moving on but the memories of the times we spent together keep me going.
    Like you said she broke my heart.To all those with Mum’s treat them well and spend time with them.

  69. Biko i’am writing this comment with tears in my eyes, seated in an office corner far a land from home (Kenya) i lost my dad while fresh from college and didn’t have time to mourn, my mum was there helpless, fortunate enough i took charge and till today keep supporting, however i don’t get the much time i should have spent with her except the occasional holiday month and may be see her smile fond memories of my childhood, and this thoughts of what if she goes while this far away? is a question that constantly lingers in my head. and i am in the imagination phase where u said “The worst thing is when you sit there and imagine your mother will always be there…………………She won’t always be there tomorrow and when she is gone, because she will go and I promise you that you will crave for her like you crave for water on a dry hot day.” and when i finished the above my eyes welled with tears. Pole Biko and congrats for the Win

  70. At first i thought you were just cruel,and then it hit me…Your writing pushes us to a place,where we become completely helpless and the only thing that brings us back to sanity is your final words as you end your piece.
    Thankyou Biko,

  71. It does paint a clear picture of what is really important in life doesn’t it?Good one Biko….and that win, well in and well deserved.

  72. This made me so sad , cause it made wish I knew my mother. She s in my life now, but for so many years when I needed her she was lost somewhere where people go in their minds, and all you have to hug is an angry violent cruel mum.

  73. This piece draws emotions even to some of us whose mothers are still alive.Thanks for sharing, it will make most of us appreciate them even more. Congratulations on winning, thrice in a row

  74. I had a conversation with my mum about an hour before I read this… and i was telling her how we had a telephone conversation in my head this morning, and I actually forgot to call her

  75. Such a sobering post, wake up call even.

    Perhaps you(we) organize some kind of get-together to unmask this faceless gang, it has been a long coming, High School and all.NO?

  76. Amazing piece. My mom is my constant best friend and confidant. This piece has just made me value her even more.

  77. I am in tears, mixed emotions. Mine has dementia, started early, painful… Thank you from the slopes of Kilimanjaro

  78. Awesome read as always… sorry about your mother and anyone who has lost their mother. My mum is still alive and i hope i be the daughter she wants …though at times i have my drama queen moments

  79. This one touched my heart,and hit very close to home.My mum died when we weren’t on speaking terms, actually a day after a stupid fight she and I had,and I have regretted it since if I could turn back time I would be a better daughter,she was my best friend and the fight we had was just spoo stupid that my heart still breaks when I think of it.
    I wish that her killer crippled her I be seeing her instead of malizaing her,I miss her ako bad.
    Just call your mothers dammit

  80. Congrats Biko, I can not get enough of your articles, even the sad ones are amazing. Thank you for reminding us what is the most important thing!!

  81. I’m reading this post and i’m like…..i can worship this guy!!!!damn…..dnt get me wrong,i knw i can’t…bt can’t i???huh!!!

  82. This is indeed a special note, My mom hasnt broken my heart, but she relocated to the states and was here for a whole month, and only arrived at the USA yyesternight…I terribly miss her, she was just a phone call away, just a 45 minutes drive away, but now, she is miles and miles away…i have to wait for her time to be favorable to call….for all those who have their moms around, just visit her over the weekend and spend time together…sorry for your loss dear one…all the best

  83. Powerful piece indeed.
    Congratulations on BAKE awards. You surely are an inspiration to many.
    Mama Biko nind maber

  84. i lost my mom when i was nine when i get stuck i remember her and think of what she would have done. great piece and congrats!!!

  85. I lost my Mum in May last year, the coincidence of that event and this post is uncanny. I salute you for speaking the truth, I never imagined she would ever pass away, but she did; in her sleep at 58. Broke my heart and a bit of my soul. I miss her.

  86. Now this why you’ve got my vote…beautiful piece…honest and powerful. Congratulations on your award!

  87. I lost my mom, 7th November 2013, its not yet 2 years but that does not matter its still raw and this made it more raw,in her last days she called each one of us every other day I mean nine of us with no fail,Amazingly 2 weeks before she passed on, she called me and insisted I go take her to a distance relative graduations, you know one of those that would be last on your agenda but for her I went, thats the last I saw her, the next I saw her she was gone , seated nicely in a car, she was being rushed to hospital, I missed seeing her by 2 hour only, I replay that scene every time I passed by her former Doctors clinic, I had just driven past and she was there alive with my sisters they let me go home to prepare for an interview I was to attend the next year, for a job I didn’t even last, I could go on and on and rant and say how death is cruel and how my son will not have a cucu, yah…but yes it gets better with time I think.

  88. RIP Jane. Alot to learn from this post and mostly don’t take anyone who shows genuine care and love for granted, because you can never know.

  89. i am reading this and I am wishing I had called my mum last year on
    Wednesday morning 30th April when she left us. Maybe she would
    have told me she was in pain or something, just something to hold on
    If you are lucky to have your mum, please call her.

  90. This is such a true story, I remember my last convesation with my mother all so well. And the dramatization of everything! “Oh I called you and it was
    zero degrees in zagreb and there was shooting everywhere and i had to talk to you…………….
    God I miss her! May they all rest in peace! What i would do to have a talk with my mother????
    RIP Jane.

  91. Indeed the hardest mosy excruciating pain . U wake up on the D-day n feel like all u want to do is crawl up under the bed and hide forever, but uve got to master it up n face the harsh reality, 3 years, 10 years its never gets easier but a sense of acceptance slowly builds up, still u wish. Especially when u become a parent and all u want is some maternal aadvice or some warm loving words of encouragement n u realise how precious it is to have a mom and how u should have made the best out of it…yet we are all human, we can never be perfect but those of u who still have mommies around, cherish them. Glasses up to all the mothers out there.

  92. I have read somewhere, not once, that a mother is born when the child is born, I don’t know what becomes of the child when the mom dies. I pray mine will be stronger when am gone. Meanwhile, we live each day like its our last, and we haven’t even met yet!!!

    ION Congratulations on the BAKE Award.

  93. Spot on. I do not call my mother as much as I should but I think of her daily (silly excuse I know!).
    I promise to be a better son this year.

    Boss congratulations for the win. Now look for an international competition, this fishbowl is too small for a barracuda (you will relate better with nile perch..) like you.

  94. “Ne’ mummy, abiro gocho’ni bang’e, sawa?” Only Giod knows how many times I’ve said those words over the phone!!

  95. Yeah! To ‘them’ get some roses for mama! when today’s her birthday…tomorrow for ‘I love you’ and ‘they’ -do treasure and cherish the memories!

  96. Biko, as usual, you nailed it, and managed to get me teary eyed for my mum. She passed away in 2010. Congratulations on the BAKE win for a third time – looks like you’ve got it locked indefinitely! 🙂

  97. Profound. Today is my birthday.Your blog was my sister’s birthday present to me. I live 8 hours by road 1 hour by air away from my mom. She suffered a stroke and lost her ability to speak due to a condition ‘aphasia’. Very difficult to come to terms with this changed version of her. A vibrant dynamic woman who handled a busy high profile career and a family of hubby and 5 kids in an era sans cellphones with aplomb. I miss her terribly

  98. sounds like the same mess I was in, tho my mum passed on in 96.
    I wrote a similar story
    i know links are nt allowed bt wen sharing the same tribulation, its a considerable measure

  99. Just awesome.. Your mum must be proud of you. Thankyou for giving me something to look forward to.

  100. Last time my comment caused dome discord so i’m going to behave so that this one doesn’t 🙂
    After reading this i just feel like loving my mom ten times more.. happy mothers day to all mothers.
    Congrats biko you are trully a living legend.

  101. Tell them Biko, let them stay told. The quiet grief of my mother’s loss is usually tucked at the back of my mind but by the end of this piece I was sobbing like a child.I had the real I WANT MY MUMMY moment. Death is a violent robber, but when it robs you of a mother it robs the ground you have stood on since you were born. 9 years later and i’m still picking up the pieces of my heart…
    PS: Ofcourse we were gonna win, you thought?

  102. May your mama RIP.She’s always with you and I hope you understand that

    That win was well deserved as always.Kudos

  103. My mom totally shattered my heart and for the longest time I blamed her for dying! Made no sense but there it was. You are great wrier Biko, a real gift.

  104. Be thankful that you did have a loving mother…There’s those of us who have nightmarish memories of our mothers, mine sold me out as a baby…found out mine didnt want me from the begining…. was planning to leave her abusive husband then i showed up, i was the reason she had to stay in this marriage, she is mad at me to this day … messes me up from time to time.

  105. I lost my mom 7yrs ago n trust me when i say i was left vulnerable…dear reader jst appreciate yours when she is alive..ts never the same

  106. Beautiful Biko ! My mums name is Jane as well. I still have her . A blessing for sure. I haven’t been here in a while. This touched me kabisa. Congrats on your win. Ps. My apologies I promised to buy you beer sometime back. I was I Kenya in December but was sick half the time. Next time I will. Have a blessed week and thank you for this beautiful post.

  107. Nice emotive piece that really touched me.I lost my mom some two months ago. Nothing in this world can prepare one for the death of a mother. Something in you is forever lost-never to be regained again.
    Being the academical type, I had read a lot about the mourning process in my Sociology classes. That you start with Denial, then Anger, followed by Bargaining then Despair and finally Acceptance. But nobody guarantees you that the above process will follow you in that order. You can wake up one day and all the above processes are in full swing all at once in your head like a Caribbean typhoon. Then you collapse right before your children who believe their dad cant cry. You see, I come from a community that discourages crying in funerals. After the funeral, the emptiness gnaws at you for days on end, and you take lots of time to enjoy things like you used to do.
    Then you learn one thing-happiness is a universal emotion, and happy people are happy in the same way. But sadness, or rather grief is highly individual-and thus nothing can prepare you for it.

    1. I know that feeling of loosing a mother…its true no one plans it or expects it! mothers are supposed to leave forever!

  108. It’s been 2 years, 9 months. It feels like it was only yesterday.
    She called me everyday without fail. To find out where I was and what I was going to have for dinner. Every single day.
    Nothing ever prepares you for when that one phone call is all you long for. Nothing.
    When people complain around me about their mother’s calls, I get all torn up afresh.
    Call her, go see her, pray for her,spoil her. She’s the only mum you’ll ever have and one day she will be gone.
    As for those stages of grief, sometimes I wonder who came up with all that. It’s indescribable this feeling. It’s all those words sociologists use and then some, all at the same time.
    Thank you for this post.

  109. Touching post ! We need to appreciate and care for our moms more and more each new day !
    Congrats too on the win !

  110. You’re awesome!!! Not slept going through your articles. Started with laughter till your last article that has made me cry bucket. Thanks Biko moms are precious. RIP to all gone moms and may we live to cherish time left with our mommies.
    Congrats on your award. You deserve it so.

  111. Hi Biko congratulations beautiful piece as always death is truly a mistry I was raised by my grandmother never the touchy feeling type but a great woman. Your piece reminded me of her and how I miss her. Thanks Biko and Dani

  112. I wish to start by passing my condolences to Biko and all those who’ve lost their mums.
    Av gathered that most people here, are fairly young, so most of your wounds are fresh.
    I just want to encourage you that it’s ok to’s real and it never goes away.
    My mum died 46 yrs ago, and I still mourn .
    What soothes me, is that if I keep my faith in Jesus, I will meet her at the end of time..
    That keeps me in tune, with the creator.
    Happy Mother’s Day to all,
    Ps, Congratulations, Wuod Jane!

  113. Biko, you’ve made to miss my mom. Tofeel. Today I don’t so much care about your stylisctics. It is this great and emotional message that calls me to be by her side and never leave again. Thanks, Biko.

  114. Thankyou for reminding us to cherish those nearest and dearest to us Biko!You are an amazing writer and you deserve all the accolades.May Mama Biko rest in eternal peace and may it get easier for you…one day!

  115. Just yesterday I was talking with my mom and telling her I cannot imagine a world without her in it. And she said to me the reverse is more tragic because I should bury her and not vice versa. For a number of reasons I have lately been forced to imagine that she could break my heart so completely that I would never be the same again.

    RIP mama biko and all mothers watching their babies from the other side.

  116. I have always panicked and cried at the thought of loosing my mom. I cried reading this. I am calling mama this instance! Thank you for reminding most of us to be nicer and available to the ones we love while they are still alive. Thank you so much Biko. You write sence… you write well. Pongezi.

  117. Your writing has evolved and the last two posts seems to read as well as it did 3-4 years ago. Splendid work boss.

  118. This is a wake up call to me, my mum keeps on complaining that i rarely call…….I will now be calling mama and papa oftenly, this artical definately deserved the best Award. Congratulations!!!

  119. OOOH men!!Scary so!!Things that no one likes to ever think about…In this life,no one,no,not one is guranteed of the next hour,however monied..prayerful..happy et al..May the lord teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.That we may know hoe to live right and to treat others right….@Biko,good read as usual,this is timeless!!#Pulpitmaterial #Halleluyah..

  120. My mum and i speak daily and if i do not pick up she will call the next day
    expecting a crisis,did you get fired? are you hiding something?are you sick? and the dramatic can i come see you…this will be a constant reminder to
    always pick up her call even if its just about her pregnant cat and the
    sukumawiki missing from her kitchen garden, Happy mothers day Wambui.

  121. I lost mine 35 years ago when i was seven.and for the seven years she was in my life i treasure them.the post made me cry so hard.for all those broken hearts.and you know what Biko you scared me because it hit me that one day i will brreak my cchildrens hearts.

  122. Mom passed on Feb 22nd this year from her hospital bed-it was a Sunday and i was bringing her favorite breakfast at 6.30am.The sun was rising as we drove to Hospital with my dad and i questioned what the day would bring. i feel the piece Biko.

  123. My mum went back to where she came from when i was only nine and it still feels like yesterday.however had i try i just cant get away from the pain of us not having spent time together.God bless the soul of Winfred lilian wherever she is.Thanks for the courage forencouragement Biko.Peace!

  124. Great article. I Lost my mum when I was two weeks old. She must be smiling back at me. But am going to call the second mum God gave me.
    Happy Mothers day mum (s). Congratulations Biko. You never dissapoint

  125. “The only way you can beat death is to one day sit back and say you treated your mother right”- RIP My mummy, I hope I treated you right…

  126. This stings. My mum is by far the truest friend I have (everyone else is there for something). “People with mothers are walking on thin ice.” – That’d be me 😐

    1. @ZM, Yes people will use you to the last breath. True friendship is somewhat a mirage. Only your mother has your best interest at heart.

  127. I lost my mom in January 2013, she was ill and suddenly became friendly to my siblings and I, she used sweet names like darling, sweetie whenever I called, ,, I feel like she died alone as I was away when she got admitted, ,, I cry alot even though I have accepted the fact the she’s gone,, reading your piece has made me smile because of good memories we shared with our moms

  128. I am guilty of taking my mum for granted,reading this has hit home and sobered me up.
    So this comment is a confessional, and a commitment to treat my mum and loved ones right.
    Great piece Biko, to those who have lost mums and loved ones, my heart goes out to you & may God rest their souls in piece.

  129. Priceless!
    Sad thing is, most people think they can pay a parent off for all they did.
    Congratulations on the award!

  130. This article is so real and speaks to the core of the soul.
    My mind goes numb at the thought and I have refused to confront that fear.
    To all who have lost their moms, Godspeed and keep the memories alive.

    Happy Mothers’ Day to all amazing mothers!

  131. Biko….I saw feeel you. My mum passed away exactly 5years ago tomorrow! I topped up credit on my way home so that I would call her later in the evening. I got “busy” and never did. In the morning she was gone. Lesson learnt, when you think you want to talk to your mother, stop right then and call her, you never know when she will be gone. To all those who still have their mothers physically…appreciately them daily.

  132. Bad grammar I “sooo” feel you and at the bottom…”appreciate” them daily. My apologies

  133. very touching indeed.All mums are special till now i still miss and crave for mine..Sorry about your mum and Happy Mothers day to all Mothers.

  134. My mom is alive…one day, i hope hundreds of years from now, she will go to be with Jesus…i had not looked at her from the perspective you have clearly painted…i called her immediately, just to say hi mom…

  135. I am not sure what breaks my heart more, reading through Biko’s memory of his mother, or reading through this ever growing list of amazing individuals who have lived, and are still living, through the loss of a mother, father, daughter sister or a close loved one. I am fortunate enough to be able to say, that all I hold dearest and closest to me are still breathing, and it kills me to think that even for a second,any one of them could be gone in the blink of an eye. I cannot imagine your pain… all of you, and truth be told, I don’t want to imagine it, or live it. Thank you, for reminding me that I don’t have to buy that extra comforter that I want so badly, while mum has been asking for money to feed her chicken (yes she has chicken too). I don’t have to win the small battles, I already won the war by having them in my life. Thank you Biko and all the amazing, amazing fans, for sharing your stories. They brought me to tears, every one of them… Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

  136. First time commenting here. I LOVE LOVE your writing. It moves soo deeply.
    This made me feel like going to my mother, camping by her side and never leaving.

  137. My friend and I always talk of how our mums have a way of getting us to go way beyond our budget lines. Today am glad our mothers are there and the many ways they make life easier.

  138. Biko, you bad bad man. You broke my heart and made me laugh in equal measure. Can I go out on a limb and say that parents death will break your heart. I lost both of mine early and realised how important it is to cherish every minute you had with them. At the end of the day, we are the sum total of our parents upbringing. The safety net that we take for granted is swept away and we are left at the mercy of the Almighty. We never forget our loved ones, we just learn to live without their constant presence. The way I look at it is that I have my very own personal cheering and petitioning squad up in heaven 🙂 🙂

  139. There is no pain in this world like that of losing a mother . Mothers are the anchor, the roots and the foundation of every family. Cherish the moments you have with your mother , no matter how mundane and tiring they may seem . Allow your mothers to ramble on and on . It is the memories that keeps people going long after their mums are gone . God truly could not be everywhere , that’s why he made mums .

  140. Congratulations on bagging the award.

    I recently lost my mother and to say the least, i didn’t expect it. She was unwell yes but she was fine, or so she seemed to me, to all of us. Its barely a month an a huge part of me is yet to come to terms with her demise. Every time I come across something that would have needed her attention or assistance, I grab the phone eager to hear her voce then it dawns on me I have all her lines, that a couple of weeks ago i witnessed her cremation, that I am in fact the head of the family now. I concur with everything you say biko, your mother will break your heart. I am however very proud that your Ma, my Ma, and every other departed mother instills some very crucial values in their offsprings to help them cope even when they are gone.

  141. Biko,

    Got to say this particular piece is exceptionally and quite different from others. It has entertained me as usual, but mostly it has spoke to me. I haven’t being all that good to my mum, now its my time to make peace with her and let her know what she means to me.

    To all mums long gone may they rest in peace. Those still with us may they have a happy mothers day.


  142. Irreplaceable beings are our Mums.Thank God for my own,my best friend..don’t know what i would do without her.Great writeup as always and CONGRATS for the win!

  143. This just spoke to me, the times you want to talk to mum really bad because only she would understand what you’re going through BUT she’s no more!!

  144. And my mum called me this morning to pray with me… I was in a hurry to leave for work but I stopped where I was and prayed with her because I don’t want to regret the day my heart will be broken.

    Thank you Biko for reminding us to stop and smell the freshest (If there is a word like that) – Rose…. Our lovely mothers…

    And congratulations on the award… Truly deserved.

  145. I always laugh reading your posts…not this one. True…your mum does break your heart when she goes. Yaani. That hole seems bottomless and irrefillable. But thanks be to God we are still here…still missing our parents…but doing alright.

    Awesome job on the awards. I am not a bit surprised!! May you soar even higher. God bless!!

  146. Mahn this is deep!! I don’t know whether to smile or cry… I can’t explain the exact feeling. This is the sad reality of life. Treasure them when they are still around. I love my mama <3

  147. Biko, I am touched. You have no idea how many times I have tried to dial my Late Mama’s phone number, whom we lost 9 months ago. My heart and my world is still in pieces. I still question God on why out of all the Mothers in the world, he had to pick mine.
    Despite the tough reality of her cancer condition that was sucking her life away day by day, I never imagined that moving on could be this hard. As you rightly put it, we can never prepare for death enough. We can never be ready to lose a loved one forever.
    Look at how we are sometimes ripped into pieces for loosing a Grandmom, who may even have lived above 80 years… w still want them around forever!
    Right now, when faced with any tough situation, I always dial my Mom’s number… even with the glaring reality that she will never pick. I always scroll through my Mpesa Messages and go through the last Mpesa messgae that i ever send… and wish I could send more.
    It is a harsh reality.

  148. And I would tell her politely, “Ne’ mama, abiro gocho’ni bang’e, sawa?” [I will call you later…. I thought that was exclusively mine..]

  149. Sigh… you guy…tugging at our hearts like they belong to you….Ingia Karumaindu uitishe summit mbili warm on me. Thank you for reminding us.

  150. Am one of those people who deliberately (sometimes, not often) just take time to think how it would be when my mother dies. i know it’s weird but i do it and i convince myself that it’s my way of preparing myself for that inevitable event. I think about almost everything, the news being broken, the funeral and the aftermath. Everytime it’s very different. In fact i am sure i will never think exactly think what will eventually happen. You are right. Mothers will break your heart and i know you can never prepare enough. This article touched me and i remembered how i occasionally think about that eminent heart break. But i tell myself sometimes that what would be worse is if i go before her. She would be devastated. Thanks for reminding us how fragile mothers are. Having lost dad at 9, my mother is everything for me and my 3 bros. Without her we will be four big holes in a hollow world. Great piece Biko. You somehow seldom disappoint.

  151. Oh Biko, why do I feel like we’re close buddies? Best as always. Rest in peace all departed parents (especially mine).

  152. I lost my mum about 8 years ago. and my life turned into a lump of pain. I started asking myself if i had loved her like she deserved to be loved. Did i listen to her enough? was i proud of her? and for years, i couldn’t stop feeling guilty for telling my mum of how much i loved and appreciated her. I assumed she knew. And now, God brought another mother in my life, she was always there, but we treated her like we did not care. And now, she is the most precious woman in my life. I love her, and i tell her that every chance i get. I am about to become a mother, and i sure hope that my kids will love and appreciate me as i am . Thanks Biko for the reminder.

  153. Biko I did a church wedding just coz my mum is all she wanted of her first born son. personally I don’t feel weddings but I shed a tear when I saw how happy she was I had balancing tears she cried.Ok the missus doesn’t know why I agreed to do it.I dont regret a thing

  154. In April 24th 2011 Arsenal lost to Bolton (2nil). I was so mad
    at Wenger and his team that I postponed making an important phone
    call. At around 7pm that day I received a call from my sister telling
    me that dad had passed away. I missed a chance to call my dad that
    I have not recovered from this to date. This is a great article
    Biko. Remember,’The only way you can beat death is to one day sit
    back and say you treated your mother right, that you did not squander your
    moments with her, that you resolved disagreements in good time
    and didn’t let them drag on for months. That you aren’t still
    sulking because she called your girlfriend a toad, or a turd.’
    Unfortunately many will not heed this advice until it is too late.

  155. Congrats. You are good at what you do with the pen. It is true what you have said about how we take mothers for granted ! I will call my mum today.

  156. You’ve reminded me of the hell mum has gone through to protect us..I appreciate single mom’s like mine…thanks Biko

  157. Mothers are irreplaceable. I celebrate mine. We should all do the same. Biko your mother lives on.

  158. To all who’ve lost their loved ones, may you find peace and consolation in the memories you shared. To the rest of us blessed to have our loved ones with us,may we continue to appreciate them and put family first always… Thanks Biko for the reminder, and congratulations on the winning the BAKE award.

  159. this article is a reminder of what a rock our mothers are to calling my mother asap.pole for the loss of your mother,pole jaduong

  160. It’s much worse when you are abroad and you lose a loved dad died of prostrate cancer in 2006.. I regret that our last phone conversation was in October 2005 and he passed January 2006..he was buried on Feb 11 2006, and on Feb 11 2007 I gave birth to my daughter..I believe God was just saying that he has given me beauty for ashes. I lost my brother on December 19, a road accident, a week before Christmas..I was able to come for his funeral though I had been unable to go for my day’s I used that opportunity to stand for a couple of minutes at my dad’s grave in shags..It was hard for the longest time, calling home, talking to everybody but never hearing their voices again…I wish my dad was alive as he always solved every problem, even financial ones!

    1. I share same feelings with you Carol. My dad passed on 19th Apr 2009. I still grieve for him because he was such a superhuman to us.God rest our dads in eternal peace. Thanks Biko for this eye-opening piece

  161. You couldn’t put this better, Biko. My life began & ends with mummy. My life is all about her. She’s mummy & my baby too. I have asked the court to appoint me as her guardian – too much family drama. I’ve been taking care of her for several years now. She has Dementia which is a progressive & debilitating illness. I want the honour of taking care of her. ♥♥
    Congratulations on your win!

  162. I am that bit of the gang that lobes to laugh at the sidelines but this one tagged the depths of my soul.she broke my heart eight months ago…shattered it to pieces and its true one can never be fine again.Great piece

  163. Great piece as always Biko
    Congrats on your wonderful achievement
    RIP Mum and all other mums resting with our Maker

  164. Last time i talked tk my mum was 15/4/2012 i asked her to mpesa me cash, she asked me how much which was strange. She always complained about how i spent cash, she did not complain she just sent the cash which surprising should have seen the sign i should have. It was also on a Sunday my mum never missed church but she picked up and i did not ask why, i shud have asked why she was home. She did break me still does every passing day. Thanks Biko for the piece.

  165. Omera Biko! You have once again hardening me against comments as, “towtow you are such a mummy’s boy!” from chicks; my friendship and faith in my mum still remains unchallenged;she took care of us since when my Dad passed 18yrs ago without another man’s support in a crime infested slum of Korogocho and all of us came out unscathed neither did any of us turn into a wayward mugger. If she was the cabinet secretary for internal security or education, the Garissa massacre wouldn’t have happened. “Mano Margaret minwa”!
    Congratulations Ondiek.

  166. Biko, Jakarachuonyo,
    Iwuoyo maber kendo lit gadieri ka ng’ato lalo min.
    this part still remains to be the truth ‘….when
    your mom finally dies, you will remember distinctly
    the last time you spoke with her on the phone. Every
    word. Those words will pull a chair and stay in your
    head. You will relive that last conversation in your
    head, a million times. Her voice will never go away.’
    The words of my Dad haven’t moved an inch.

  167. Dammit Biko! I have shed tears like a nonsense! Both from the piece you’ve written and the comments. I talked to mum today, and I’m sure as hell gonna be talking to her tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that….

  168. Thanks Biko for that reality check and may ur mum and all other mums in heaven continue resting peacefully among the angels.

    Congratulations for winning the award.

  169. Grief is deep and death is dark for sure. My husband lost his mom and he is a different man. Something inside him broke. He stopped living. Okwang akwanga as we say it in dholuo. Thank you for this post, I will give him my full support because I now know, the pain of losing a mother. I will also treasure mine. Gods speed Biko and congratulations on winning the BAKE awards AGAIN!

  170. Biko, I can never get enough of your posts. This particular one got my eyes welled up and made me realize all the more, that mums are great treasures to behold.
    I’m calling mum now.
    Congrats on winning the award! Forever a faithful reader

  171. biko zulu… perfect idol… this is the best piece i havr ever read. quite inspiring. love you to the moon and back.
    wish i had read it earlier… oh my! am so touched

  172. Biko
    Today you made a grown man cry.
    The writting resonated with my shatering bones and my broken heart. #Quiet truths.

  173. What an exclusive mind opener? mom complains at times that when i back to college i go mute..i now give her priority… to text her or even give her that brief call frequently…

  174. Thank you Biko for this. It has brought tears to my eyes and made me see how much more I need to value my mum’s time when I still can. I’m sorry for your loss. Thanks again.

  175. wow..i may have read this weeks later but that doesn’t minimize the impact.highly inspired Biko, thank you so much.

  176. This is beautiful. Couldnt help but flashback to when my mother asks me to clean up and I stand there looking at her like she’s just declared war. good read, Jackson. (first name basis.)

    Follow my website, if you wish. That’ll be great.

  177. When my mom died-I was the last person to touch her at Nairobi West Hospital that night when we moved her from ICU to the main ward. Her health had improved enough to be moved and removed off machines. At 6 am in the morning my brother called me and broke the news-I never pick calls before 7:30 since. I hate early morning calls even more if from my siblings. When we buried her I cried like a baby while eulogizing her. I had never cried in my adult life. Last I cried I think I was 8. I think its the only time a grown ass man is allowed to cry-when burying the mum.

  178. Anyone who knows me knows I loved my Mavis and she broke my fragile(shitty)little heart in August of 2011.I miss my girl,she dealt me a painful blow but she made me a better person.Hate to be insensitive but whoever dies now,I doubt it’ll hurt as much as it did back then.Every mothers day I wish I had a flame thrower to wipe all of the “mothered ” out but as the years go by,I get more and more tolerant.God bless Mavis.She missed my graduation,she’ll miss my wedding to Axl Rose/Jason Momoa and she won’t get to hug the brats that’ll rip through my uterus but without Mavis,none of this would be possible.Finish your CSI omnibus in heaven ma

  179. This dawned harshly on me, the fact that they will one day leave made my heart crash..You know I always thought I will do it for her tomorrow or when I get money but it’s never and it will never be enenough.The little gesture,the good morning text will be a memory that will be fond to cuddle amidst the tears…This is a wake up call to those whose mothers are still alive.I am sorry for your loss dear..

  180. My mum has had my life discoloured for the last 2 yrs. her presence though gone can never be washed away. Mothers can get crazy with us but they are a great bond. thanks for this post Biko.

  181. my mom broke my heart last year 25th January I miss her everyday. Moving on is something that is very hard I remember her each day..her voice especially. Being the only child she was my everything my mom my sister all together. My life has never been the same again without her especially because she died while i was 8 months pregnant.
    I pray I will heal from this heartbreak one day…

  182. i read somewhere that when a woman is pregnant, some cells from
    the baby transfer from the baby to the mother.
    I believe it because when my mum died, a part of me died too. its the
    only way to explain that pain, Biko i have read this post like 100 times
    and the feeling is still the same. Mothers do break your heart.

  183. 5Years ago my mummy broke my hear and shattered it into a zillion pieces,i had never ever imagined life without her but here i am 5years later trying to live my life but heck it’s not easy especially if you can’t call mummy anytime you want to throw tantrums, talk or just for advice coz she’s with the angels :(…..RIP Nyar Kamser

  184. Maybe I should just shut the door to my office and literally scream. oooh!!! Our parents, our Gem. I lost both my parents a few years ago (2008, 2013), it never gets better, it gets worse. I always just for a teddy bear hug (as I always called it) from paps and mummy. They will break your heart, death will. May they rest in peace.
    And Biko, congrats on the BAKE award.

  185. you have no idea just how much your mom will break your heart until you think about your babies and how bleak their lives would be without you, how torn their hearts will be because of you…how painful it would be for them to face every day without you. and then you realize just how precious your mother really is and how much you never want to lose her. Rest In Eternal Peace Mama Jane, you brought up a remarkable man and we celebrate you.

  186. Congratulations Biko! I thank God for giving you a beautiful and powerful gift, and that he has given you the courage to express the human experience on behalf of those who find themselves unable to.

  187. The last conversation i had with my mum was an aurgument about a sweater i had put on while going back to school that she din’t approve of.
    still wish i had put on her choice n hugged her before boarding that busscar to Kampala

  188. ‘when death comes it sneaks under doorways like an odourless and colourless smoke’ has moved me to tears…oh how I wish I could wish my mum a happy mothers day, how i wish she could have lived longer to see who I have become.. everlasting peace to all departed moms n comfort to all those who have been heartbroken.

  189. Thanks Biko. I relate so well. Dad broke my heart six months ago. As an only girl you bet what we had was special. I took care of him until the end as he was also ill. No pain compares to what I felt the day he passed on. Each time I meet a man in their late 50s or early 60s, in supermarkets on the streets, I can help but think how lucky and blessed their kids must be. Calling my mum right away.

  190. A single day never passes without talking to mama and I pray she doesn’t break my heart soon.
    Very touching. Thanks Biko.

  191. Biko!My first read & I can’t stop thinking about the sacrifice my mother ( Not mum,there’s a stark difference ) has made.what a piece!

    About that award,your ramblings are clearly unrivalled,so congratulations.

  192. Mine broke my heart on 22/03/2007…i still envy others who still have their mums.I celebrate her still and hope wherever she is,she is proud of me.may their souls rest in peace.

  193. I lost my mum in 21st may 2006 I tell she took away everything with her to the of warmth love advice the list is long.

  194. My mam is also quite a talker. I’m always using the ‘abiro gochoni bang’e mama’ line, otherwise we can be on phone for an hr.

  195. Shit man this is so long ago written, but stumbled upon it today. Man I had a teary eye there, cooked her chapos, she was to go to the hospital by 27th of July, 2004, she decides to leave on the 25th of that month.

  196. This is so wonderful..i cherish my mum for bringing up my siblings and I.Irreplaceable she is.
    May all mum’s who have left rest in peace

  197. Biko…this is just timely. Mothers are soooo precious its just beyond words. I still have mine and i treasure her soo much

  198. I talked to her then I didn’t pick the next call I intended to call her after church only to reach home and find I could only cry for her now………its a debilitating feeling surpassed by no other.

  199. Today I read your Mother’s Day letter to your mom, and someone on the comments
    directs me here.
    ‘Anyway, later I thought, damn, you lose your mom and your hair grows white.
    That’s the power of mothers. They will discolour your hair.’ this is what happened
    to my mom when my grandmom died three yrs ago..she aged immediately and its only now
    that her color is returning.

  200. Believe me its been almost 10 months and I wish she could call me just to update me on how things are, its difficult to loose a mum. Will never see the phone call Mum calling

  201. 6 years and 2 months ago, she broke my heart. I’ve never recovered. Probably will one day. I still remember our last phone conversation at 9:32 pm the previous night when I was standing near the fridge in my house. She asked what time my exam was ending the next day. That’s the precise time she left. At noon. Considerate even in death. That’s mums for you.

  202. Exactly 6 years ago today. At 6 am my bro called me to break the news. I stood in the shower,stoic,numb. The water just dripping on me mingling with tears-I don’t know for how long. I still hate morning phone calls. I was the last person to touch her as we left her in hospital 10:00 pm the previous night. She looked upbeat and bright. Little did I know the heavens were preparing for her homecoming. R.I.P.

  203. Anyway, later I thought, damn, you lose your mom and your hair grows white. That’s the power of mothers. They will discolour your hair. They will discolour your sense of security. They will discolour your life.

  204. a post like this can’t get old. I’ve been going through a dark period where I almost ended my life about a month ago. and on that day I refused to pick calls. My mom kept calling till late in the night and I still didn’t pick up,and when I finally did (at around 2am, she’s persistent like that) I could hear her sob. It’s as if she knew what I was about to do and I felt an unexplainable pain in my chest. I have been avoiding her since then because I don’t know how I can start explaining what I’ve been going through to her. But this post right here just gave me a pair of balls, to open up to the number one woman in my life. Because I’m certain she won’t look at me with judgy eyes, I’m certain she’ll embrace me and reassure me of her unconditional love.
    Your mom raised a remarkable man in you, and I believe that’s where the pride comes in as a parent.
    May she rest in peace, and as always…thank you!

  205. I read this article in 2015, it drew me into tears and I called my mom immediately. She later died on 30th Nov 2017. I remembered this article. My mom broke my heart in the cruelest way possible. May her soul rest in peace.

  206. I’m so heart broken reading this…7months since she passed on in my arms..the heartache!!! I hope they are watching over us.

  207. That day came for me on 23rd January. I never ever believed it would come even seeing mum crumbling like a cookie, her flesh swelling, her legs cold with dark blotches, very weak and mostly bed-ridden..she was strong till the very end and I/we prayed and held on to God for a miracle. The day before she succumbed, I took her hand and planted a light kiss on the back of it as I massaged her arm….she squeezed my hand back, clasped it with my fingers interlocking hers then slowly changed position our palms rubbing against each other.
    When we arrived at the hospital the following day and arrived, the face of the watchman with worry and pity etched all over it told us everything. That it was over..we now had to navigate a new life, a life without the presence of our strong matriach looking out for us.
    We had to wait for the doctor to come before entering the room where she was. When we did, I remember looking down at her lain there without the oxygen tubes and the IV and feeling that she had died long before her actual and death. How could she not have when she relentlessly carried the weight of other people’s problems, when she constantly worried about her sons failing, about her grandchildren’s future, how could she not have when she was a pillar of her church and was always coming up with new activities and projects?
    I miss our conversations but we had so many of them, so I just rewind them in my head.
    I’m grateful to God for enabling me to make it though. The Thursday I was meant to fly out there was a horrid storm in the Netherlands. Nothing was moving, buildings were shaking, trees were being uprooted by the fierce winds and falIing on the roads and train lines…called KLM wondering if our flight was cancelled…regional flights were cancelled but not Intercontinental flights so we pressed through to get to Schipol.
    I arrived Friday morning and spent every moment with mum, before she left us the following Tuesday. I know she is in a worry-free zone and that God has wiped away her tears, and best of all..she is with those gone before her, in the City of God.

  208. I can absolutely relate with this whole piece. I loved every word of it even though it made me sad. This is exactly what I’m going through today. Im really struggling with my mom riran now and I just Binged “why does my mom break mt heart” for the hell of it and out of frustration. I’m so glad I ran in to this. It really hit home. I needed to hear someone else is struggling with this tko. Thank you so so so so so so much for putting this out there. J genuinelt appreciate this! All my love and good vibes are yours today!

  209. My mum passed away in my arms as we were chatting and laughing one evening three years ago.
    The shock on my dads eyes
    Her warm smiles and happy stories of how she will dance with her grand children o e day still fresh in my mind.
    I miss my mum so much.

  210. My mum went 6 years ago yesterday. When it happened I read this article and I am still reading it again because a friend just buried her mum and I want to share with her one of the things I crutched and clutched on while I cried. It helps to know that you are not losing your mind and the pain all over that you are feeling is what mama’s leaving is doing to you. I continue to live, I laugh and I still love, even other people’s mothers, I love them too. But my daughter is the one I am lavishing all my love on because I know so much how special our bond is, ni ya kipekee. Ya my heart was broken and it has never gone back, it’s in jelly mode now, but that is fine

  211. I read and the thought of mother just flashed through my eyes and memory. I remember that irony of ironies, my mother set forth on a journey to that land where in a breaking dawn when as it says, the sun sets on people.. Yet hers had to stand out, it had to be a morning, yes, the virgin morning when the birds wake up and ransanck their sorrounding for a particular suit to wear and a particular verse to call the world to attention with.. Yes, when the cows happily run down the path, trying hard to wrap their tongue on the morning fresh dewed grass as the farmer ensures they help him beat time for other chores of the day as they head to wider expanse that is the field. Oh yes, the bells couldn’t have waited any longer, the long rope that held the balance of her life somewhere in the miasma finally cracked the first strand as the others gave way, and it tolled loudly our ears that Mum was no more.. What do you do with her phone number? Do you delete it immediately? Do you shut it down, or do you hold on to it as you await any of her strange friends to call and you be the bearer of the broken news of your mother’s spattered life? How do you treat their feigned “sorries” as they tell you that that’s how the world is, that it was mum’s time to depart?
    It is not that easy, we all feel it, so painful through our throats as the would around your feet gives in, and have to look for a chair and start warming your feet to her burial, prepare your world, in those two weeks as the “world” helps organize for your mother’s send off, and a good send off, they tell you, it should be.
    Her room starts being hollow, as you cling to that rosary she hunged on her bedside, and the drrsses on her clothes line, her sandals and many a battrerd records of her children in the form of photos, photos perhaps she held on to as her last legacy to the world, perhaps photos she kept looking at every time she felt her own kith and kin were miles away from her and couldn’t be reached physically, so she had to hold on to their still-life. Ofr perhaps smiled on as she remembered each pain she underwent for every kid as she delivered them, either to a midwife or on that hospital bed.
    Then your arrival from the Sun city, with a glimmering little Vanguard, as you look at her eyes, touch her face in the mortuary table, trying to ascertain that for real, she’s gone, the confirmation is true that she can’t be there to smile and laugh heartily, as you arrive at home.. The little quarrel with a whole married man, as you still remain her child..
    Such was my fate on 12th June, 2015, that ghostly morning, as the night gave up the ghost and gave forth to a breaking dawn.