Give a Man a Hand

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Unaware, he stands in the rubble of his own destruction. He thinks he’s fine. That nothing has changed. But a hell of a lot has changed and he’s launched on a ruinous journey. It starts out subtly; how he remains reluctant to go back home at the end of the night. His desperation to fill the void with human company. How at the end of the night, he shuffles to his car like a man who has a date with the guillotine.

His life starts to orbit around the bar. He either gets louder while drinking, or more silent, brooding and brewing in his glass. His lips look fuller and redder. His eyes are a constant hue of red; rheumy, like the piss of a spider. He will start losing weight. His belt will start missing more loops on his pants. His shoes will get scruffier.

Soon he will stop paying half of his bill; flaccid excuses vesseled with uncomfortable laughter. One day he will call you and say, Boss, do you have 5K on you, I’m in a small jam, I will sort you out next week. You know the only jam he is in is perhaps a traffic jam, but you will MPESA him because he’s always been good for it. You will soon write it off as bad debt. He will go under for a while; a loose Whatsapp once in a while, an odd phone call that you pick while sitting in traffic, watching your incessant car wipers waft off the rain; Boss, you are lost, where are you? Ahh, I’m headed to Sherehez for one, if you are near here si you pitia? You won’t pitia because it’s a bloody Monday. And it’s raining. Plus you were reminded (again) to pass by a store and pick milk for the baby. (Babies should just grow up and eat food like everybody else).

One day you will be in town, turning a corner in the street and there across the road will be him chatting with some guy who looks like those guys who sell land; colourful checked shirts, a flashy gold watch, & pants with turn-ups. Toothpick between lips. You will cross over and say wassup. He has on a clean white shirt and blue pants and a kabambe in his palms. (He lost his phone in a bar). He’s been biting his nails, they look like short stubby arrowroots.

He looks tired. No, maybe tired isn’t the right word, he looks resigned. He looks like one of those people who get off the bed and think, Do I have to? Anyway, he finishes with the land guy (who turns out to be the owner of a bar and a car wash…drat!) and accompanies you to run your errands as you catch up. Later, over lunch, he says how his job is shit and how he’s thinking of “doing his thing.” You ask for more lemon for your fish.

He misses work frequently because of hangies. He starts moaning – with a drink in his hand – about how unfulfilling work has become. Time passes, you don’t see him for weeks but the next time you meet for drinks you notice something weird; that between his beers, he takes copious shots of Vodka. Or he mixes his beer with his whisky. You ask him, What’s up with that and he says it’s his new thing. His eyes are redder now. His sense of dressing is getting worse. He has lost more weight. We order something to eat? You ask and he shakes his head, Nowadays I’m bila appetite.

[By the way, I’m testing this thing where I don’t use speech marks, instead to notify the start of a quotation I capitalised the first letter, is it working ama it’s a bit confusing? Picked it in the book I’m reading; The Road by Cormac McCarthy]

Then there is his car. You can always tell the disposition of a man by how he treats his car. Guys who keep their cars clean and polished all the time most likely feel the same way about themselves. His car has dents and scratches. Broken tail-lights. He has refused to fix his CV-joints that continue to make a racket when he turns into a corner. And it’s filthy inside, smells of a lactating cow. One time, riding in his car, you pop the glove compartment to fetch a serviette and you find a half bottle of whisky instead.

Here is how things come to a head. You call him on a Wednesday morning, say 10am, and he says he’s in the digs, right? So you say, Aah, I’m actually here near Othaya Road, let me pitia. So you pass by his apartment and he opens the door wearing Adidas shorts and an old tee with a collar that a camel started chewing on and changed its mind. You haven’t been in his apartment in months and you are struck at how filthy it looks now. It has this mouldy smell, like he hasn’t opened the windows since the last promulgation. You step over a book and a PS3 cord and some movie cds strewn on the carpet and a roll of tissue. He scoops up a duvet from the seat and makes for the bedroom as you head to the kitchen to get yourself some water.

Standing at the sink washing a frying pan is this girl, an extremely brown chick with a kikoi wrapped around her waist and his orange Lacoste polo shirt that hangs loosely on her body. She has this long dreadful weave the colour of genocide and when she turns to say hello, you are taken aback for a moment, not by her french accent, but her face; she has these large startled eyes framed by sore-looking eye bags, and lips that are chapped and between these crack-lines are remnants of last evening’s red lipstick or wine. She looks bleached and ghostly. Honestly, she looks like a back-up singer in a struggling band in Kinshasa.

You share niceties and carry your glass of water to the bedroom where you find him seated on the bed thumping an sms from his Iphone. You ask, And who is that Congolese mama? Without looking up he says with a chuckle, She isn’t Congolese, she’s from Gabon.

Gabon chicks are light…kumbe?

He looks up and asks, How many chicks from Gabon do you know? And you say sarcastically, Whatever the case, you sure are shagging upwards now. He laughs and says, It’s nothing. You stand there holding your glass of unsipped water and look around the room; her jeans, torn at the knees hang from the wardrobe door. He finishes his text and sighs and asks you, Wassup? You ask him if he’s going to work and he says he he might, but later, jobo has become lousy. You sip your water and there is that moment of silence when you both don’t know what to say because there is an elephant in the room…rather, in the kitchen.

Eventually he says how hangied he is (lately he starts all conversations like that) and you tell him Let’s go have a bite at Java and he says, I can’t leave her here alone and you tell him, Then get rid of her. He goes to the kitchen and from the sitting room you hear them talk and she tells him in a nice broken swahili laced with French that she has to shower first. (Oh that would be nice). She showers, dresses up and then on her way out, picks up her very shiny silver handbag from the dining table, they hugs awkwardly and she makes her departure forgetting behind her very strong aroma.

At Java, Valley Arcade, it’s pepper steak and chips for him and chicken chimichanga platter for you. Across the children’s playground, you watch this chubby-cheeked kid try to bounce this deflated orange ball with little success.

You guys talk about those Makini kids who got stuck in that bus in the floods until the small hours of the morning, he says he should probably learn how to swim, you tell him that he should also learn how to ride a bicycle while he is at it. Who, at 32, doesn’t know how to swim AND ride a bicycle? You ask. Random conversations. The in the middle of him moaning about some wedding committee asking him for 40K, you blurt out; you are losing lots of weight by the way, drinking more and eating less?

I eat.

Where does it all go? In your pocket?

I will eat more, mom. I promise.

Easy on the boozing, boss.

My boozing?

Yeah, I dunno, it seems excessive.

What, I’m now I’m an alcoholic?

Stop talking with food in your mouth, have you finished your homework? He laughs humorlessly. You joked to reduce the tension that has no set over the table. He has become defensive. You don’t say anything for a while and eat in silence. You struggle whether you should tell him to see someone about it, whatever is causing this excessive drinking. But you can’t. You feel that you have already said so much and he’s already embarrassed that you called him out on his drinking. The chubby-cheeked boy finally tosses the bloody ball away and walks away to the slides.

***

We all know someone who needs to step away from the bottle for a bit. Someone like this chap up here, but it’s so hard to tell someone they need to step away from the bottle isn’t it? Because they will feel like you are attacking them, or judging them, or you are being Dr Phil or being mother and they will ask YOU to get that bottle out your own ass first. You will step away cautiously and then they will slide down that hole and one day he will be fired from work and he won’t have money to drink anymore and his pals will start avoiding him because he’s bothersome but he will make new friends who drink harder and cheaper liquor off those transparent bottles and soon he will move to some sq then finally move to shags where he will drink more hard liquor as his mom prays for him day and night while his cheeks continue to sink further into his bones and his head starts to look bigger than his body. Finally he will die on a wheelbarrow as he’s being wheeled to the hospital.

Then you and your mates will shake your heads in the bar when you hear the news of his death and say just how tragic it is, how he had such promise and “opportunity.” As you stand at his fund raiser at All Saints Cathedral and introduce yourselves as his “friends” there will be no bigger irony. You will remove 5K (again) as a contribution and go back to your life and he will be buried in a shirt cleaner than all the shirts he wore for the past two years.

But it shouldn’t end this way, should it?

I’m writing this because I don’t know how else to say that you (yes, you) need help, that I know a guy who can take you to a place where you can clean out and talk things out. I’m writing this because I know you will read it and you will know it’s you I’m writing about because not many people meet light mamas from Gabon. (Nice body, though!). I truly hope you will read this and say, OK, I need help and then actually seek help. Because more people want to help than you imagine because then you will save everybody the indignity of introducing themselves as your “friend” at All Saints when they did little to help you when you needed friends. But nobody can help you if you think they have bottles up their asses.

If not, if you disregard this, and continue mixing your beer with your vodkas you will die in a wheelbarrow. Or somewhere less comfortable; like a ditch.

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191 Comments
  1. That last line, tough love… I hope he hears you.

    PS: The thing with speech marks, I was able to read this and distinguish the speech from the rest of the story. It kinda flowed too, and I didn’t have to think about who was talking. It felt…breathless.

  2. The speech marks substitute work well, it doesn’t interrupt the flow of the narrative. I do hope he reads and listens,as hard as it is for men to admit we have a problem. I hope his desire to turn his life around is bigger than his ego or his desire to “chase” his beer with vodka shots. I hope he knows a good friend is looking out for him.

  3. So, I want to meet a chick from Gabon…Now that is not my only take out…I also think this is a very true post and I’m glad someone is kicking the door open. I also think we should just stick to quotation marks, yeah? Good job Biko!

  4. For a chap it all starts going downhill when shit hits the fan and you fail to do something about it. Maybe it’s a job that makes you feel like you’re eating your heart out or walking on broken glass every time you’re doing it. But you keep at it because the unknown is always scary and there’s some sort of validation in sorrow and depression. But if you think about it, it takes less energy and effort to turn your life around than it does to feel sorry for yourself. Take heart man, because many have been in the same hole you’re in and they’ve gotten out of it stronger and better. But mixing whisky and beer? Heck, I must try that just for kicks and giggles.

  5. you are a great writer. Every time i read a post from your blog, i’m inspired to write -i’m a budding writer by the way- so keep on keeping on man. Awesome read!

  6. Jackson for a long time alcohol has been treated as a tolerated substance in the society because we serve it even in the birthdays of our one year old daughters and sons. But the moment that it reaches this point of one losing a job, lips cracking and skin thining then we need to worry. Alcohol should just be taken in moderation because come to think of it. You know alcohol doesn’t change, it is we human beings that do. The formula for making beer has remained the same since time immemorial. It us that start to lick the bottle that dad left on top of the table, the take a sip, take half a glass like that like that until you are given that dreaded tag of an alcoholic. Let’s enjoy the brown bottles guys, but let’s do it with moderation.

  7. Well put! We all have that friend but we are always afraid to talk to them about the struggle, trying to be polite will only make them burrow deeper into addiction.

  8. Great piece as always. Calls for action … have done my bit by sending to persons I am concerned about. Thank you for saying this better than I ever could

  9. Quite a sobering piece! I wonder how many of us consider alcoholism a disease? Or is it classified under ‘shida za kujitafutia’? Breaks my heart to see when this comes to pass. As a person who also enjoys his swallow it’s always important to step back and ask yourself am I overdoing it? It’s important to have a friend who can always tell it as it is to you, rather than wait till it’s too late and start moaning about lost potential et al while contributing the standard 5K for funeral arrangements.

  10. You’re a good friend Biko.
    I hope he, and many others, get the help they surely need.

    On the speech marks, are you sure you didn’t get that from the McCourt books?
    All in all, this unconventional method gives it a free-flowing feeling, so why not?

      1. Irish writers huh?I have a thing for McCourt,great read…I had a friend who spiraled and ended up beaten to death by a drunk boyfriend. Am ashamed to say I was her friend,didn’t even attend the funeral…too much guilt,still keeps me up at night.Young doctor,promising career.Lord knows I’d give anything to do it again,save her from herself or at least say something

  11. Yes, well put, couldn’t have been better. and yes the caps thing is working well..Good job Biko, am sure the post will help someone..

  12. Addiction is like a demon you invite into your life. And that demon’s claws dig deep into your back and wont let go. Nice piece. Very much on point.

  13. Nice one Biko. I need to print this and send a few hard copies to the brothers and sisters i have out here and if it means i have to read it to them, i will.

  14. biko, as usual, your humor is tangible. This post has reminded me of a close friend who went (almost) through the same thing your friend is going/might go through. He passed away though; suicide. And just as you said, it was really shameful being named ‘his close friends’ yet knowing that we did nothing to help his situation. I hope your friend reads this. I also hope that he understands you wrote it out of concern. It’s a good thing you have done.

  15. Nice wording. Actually the guy will know its him you are talking to. Then he will shove the guilt aside and say biko is talking about Kevo (all kevos drink) he’s worse off than me. And behold the wheelbarrow beckons.there’s nothing you can do about it

  16. These addictions have destroyed alot of people and homes. And now it has been discovered that a large number of men are addicted to sex and compromising on everything they stand by to get a fix. Alcohol, drugs and sex are the vices that will eventually end humanity.

    1. True Richard, so many men are addicted to sex. I wish someone can post a solution on how to get out of the addiction.

    1. Lol. The weave thing cracked me up too. They just stink and look atrocious. Unless it costs Ksh80,000 it looks like manure.

  17. interesting piece there biko.. i think a crucial step in saving oneself from alcoholism is accepting the problem is there and looking for hep
    ps: you are the first person i’ve heard say that spiders piss

  18. So true Biko, I know a guy who is at the ‘shaggs’ stage… I shudder remembering his once superb life – home, great job, wonderful family – these are distant and fast fading memory. His choice of booze more vivid…..

  19. Well written but sad. I am so praying and hoping that it jerks Mr. Guy to reality when he gets to read it.

  20. reading through this,it kinda struck me that you were speaking to someone I know,a bright fellow,a qualified engineer whose younger siblings have made great strides in life while his life remains stagnant coz of the bottle.i wish he could read this as well.well said.

    1. Also reminds me of someone I knew..Swiss-educated pharmacist PhD….C&P that’s exactly how his life went..down to the service at All Saints

  21. If you disregard this, and continue mixing your beer with your vodkas, you will die in a wheelbarrow. Or somewhere less comfortable like a ditch…

  22. Really touched by your last few posts. I’m praying for your friend. It shall be well. (Keep the quotation marks.) People are always in need of kindness, especially when they do not see it that way. Praying for you.

  23. Thank you Biko Zulu. This morning, just this morning, I sobbed and cried and sobbed some more, over this very guy you are writing about. I have wiped my eyes clean, washed my face. But like the sand in my eyes that I do not seem able to rub away, the discomfort of knowing that I’ll soon be changa’ing in All Saints tugs at my heart. And the pain, acute and unending, chews at my small heart:(

  24. sometimes am worried about my drinking too. Almost every Friday. Gotta chill down before i find my friends with the intervention banner ‘will they real intervene?’

  25. As usual, very well-written Biko, IMHO, your best this year. Ironically, its the first time I have picked up a typo in your work: “no set ” when you meant “now set .” Now, there are many guys like this. Some have not yet gone that far down the road of destruction but if you are the guy who when you are told of a get together or an event, you ask; “will there be booze?” or if you find yourself talking about your hangie proudly like someone talking about his favorite dog, watch out. It is very easy to slip into alcoholism. And if you need alcohol in order to have a nice time, you are almost there. Because soon, you will need alcohol to feel Ok. Then you will need alcohol to face your family etc.

    1. Jacob, no one has captured it well like you have right here. “And if you need alcohol in order to have a nice time, you are almost there. Because soon, you will need alcohol to feel Ok.” Anyone who feels the need to drink in the beginning, middle and at the end of the week, meeting up with the girls you have been showing off to your boys so that you can take her home, because you believe you will have a better time because of the alcohol you are on the same track and half way there as this pal. It’s not worth it. I speak out of experience. Lost family members, my mother would not have anything to do with me. My daughter and sons are not allowed to see me and my genuine friends got tired and moved on, spent money on people who did not care about me. Am still standing and now trying to hold my head up high. You make stupid decisions it takes you longer to recover.

      1
      1. This has moved me deeply. One can only save themselves. Peter Langat your story is not unique to you, I have seen many of my friends go down this path. Five have died.

  26. Such humour, you laugh at this A weave the colour of genocide! Then the tragedy of the truth dawns on you and you remember someone(people) and it saddens you at how helpless you are in the face of their addiction. BZ candid as always. Perfect read even for such sad reality.

  27. Great piece. Alcohol addiction is always the elephant in the room…I’d urge the gang to forward this to anyone suspected to be sliding down this slippery slope.

      1. This was going to be my life but I decided to change it after struggling with alcohol for the past 10 years. I’m 27. I found the love of a woman who reignited my love for Christ. On Sunday last week I decided to make all the moves I admired in movies like Denzel’s flight. The next day I called my boss and told them I took $3000 from the business expecting to lose my job. I started AA on Wednesday. I just had my disciplinary hearing 2 hours ago. Today is Friday of the same week. My fiancee is pregnant and I know the best thing I can do is be sober for mum and this new life coming into this world. Thanks Biko Zulu. That piece by Dickson Migiro was beyond amazing. Be blessed. I hope my story will encourage someone who reads this. I hope I’ll have my job on Monday 🙂 If not, I’m still so happy that I did what I did this week.

  28. Ummm no,return the opening and closing speech marks, you tend to re-read coz halfway you realize the convo has begun.

  29. That up there is the story of my brother, he was fired after missing work so many times, went to shags after I stopped paying his house rent and is now binging on those things that make Mututho froth at the mouth talking about them. Whilst stupor he liberally insult the mother who feeds him but is penitent in the morning. The sheer thought of him dying on a wheelbarrow or in deluge of rain water in a ditch is simply heartrending, our quagmire is how we can help him…he is egoistically obstinate

  30. I have two very close people in my life, i wish someone especially their friends, and including me, had the courage to tell them they needed help. Still do. I usually come on here for laughs but today it has been really sobering. As always, good work Biko.

  31. I have two very close people in my life, i wish someone especially their friends, and including me, had the courage to tell them they needed help. Still do. I usually come on here for laughs but today it has been really sobering. As always, good work Biko.

  32. Awesome piece, I hope it helps people with a drinking problem. The bottle is never the answer. A few typos though biko, but I love ur work still. True talent.

  33. nice read n on that not does anyone know an alcoholics anonymous group, within nairobi, that i can my friend to? !

    1. Thanks for this post Biko.Tough love is the way to go. If we all reach out to our friends we will sure save some.Find a list of A.A meeting venues at http://www.aa-kenya.or.ke/meetings.html.

  34. Biko i loved this piece because it really very relevant to me but i need help.. not for me but for my friend’s dad he drink every waking hour he even needs to drink so he can sleep and he quit his job he had a really nice prestigous government job, the thing is my friend and her family are abit scared of approaching him with the topic because they fear he might just blow up and he is a bit difficult to deal with and i want to help her i really do but i don’t know how anyone on here who can just get me someone who will go yank him from his comfort zone on his bare ass and make him realise he has a problem would be really nice.any help would be nice actually

    1. Alchoholic Anonymous is a professional body that deals with such cases in the country. Its located within Nairobi and you can drop them an email on [email protected] or even visit their website on http://www.aa-kenya.or.ke/ The information there may be scanty but its worth trying. I think once you log on to the website and show that you are really in need of help they will guide you on how to find them.

  35. Great piece Biko..Alcohols Alcohol destroyed my friend (not close friend though).He jumped off a high building running from police when he was found stealing to get money for alcohol. He didn’t survive thebfall.Head torn.Sad death

  36. about bottles in the ass,its even worse if the guy in question is say your elder bro or even your old man coz if u bring that up and they tell you to get it off your own ass first,the conviction that you really have one up your own ass is so strong.You will just lenga that storo and wait for the introduction at all saints

  37. Sobering. And funny. But mostly, sobering.

    I like the disregard of speech marks. Actually facilities the flow of the narrative.

    Biko, you are a great friend.

  38. We all need some tough loving at some point in our lives. Hope the brothergets the courage to seek help.

    P.S The lack of speech marks worked well.

  39. Gang, take a seat and listen!
    Alcoholism is real. Its been two years now being a doctor at Muranga and the tales I could tell about alcohol and its effects could run a documentary. Yesterday, of the 20 or more patients that were in my ward, 13 were on treatment for alcohol intoxication, alcohol withdrawal or its long term complications. I know this comment could help someone so allow me to digress
    How our bodies handle alcohol depends on many factors. First and foremost alcoholism can be inherited and passed on to the children. known as the “alcoholism gene”, its responsible for about half the risk for alcoholism. Enviromental factors can trigger that gene eg stress and peer pressure as Bikos friend up here.
    So how do you know youre being sucked by this monster? CAGE
    1. Have you felt the need to CUT down on your drinking?
    2. Have people ANNOYED you by criticizing your drinking?
    3. Have you felt GUILTY about drinking?
    4. Have you ever felt the need to have a drink first thing in the morning? EYE-OPENER
    TWO yes responses is an ominous sign and you need to seek help before its too late
    Some of the complications associated with alcoholism are:
    1. Alcoholic dilated cardiomyopathy
    your heart simply becomes too big, flaccid and weak. It fails to pump blood well to your body and that can lead to kidney failure or even stroke
    2. Liver cirrhosis
    alcohol damages the liver and that increases the risk of developing liver cancer
    3. Anemia
    chronic consumption of alcohol can decrease the subtrates needed for the formation of your blood cells resulting in formation of red blood cells that are less effective in their function
    4. Wernickes encephalopthy
    a triad of unstable gait, brain injury and eye problems
    5. Korsakoffs syndrome
    last stage of alcoholism characterised by apathy, anterograde and retrograde memory deficits
    Others issues that arise inc loss of libido and alot of pyschosocial problems thereafter.
    ADVICE
    1. If either of your parents is/was an alcoholic, your chances of being one are raised.
    2. If youre an alcoholic, the chances of your offsrping (s) being one are raised too
    3. Alcohol either controls you or you control it. I cant put that better any another way. The more you drink the more the habit is reinforced in you.
    I have a patient now who was a major in the airforce, a pilot who still clings to his pilot license that he cant use anymore after he was relieved of his duties 5 years ago due to alcoholism. He is an effigy of his former self, withdrawn and apathetic. The not-so-good news about alcoholism is the failure rate even after rehabilitation is very high. Dont say you wete never told. Biko, sorry for evading your space, but I felt it was important to reinforce your message.

    1. I have seen this before…
      4. Wernickes encephalopthy
      a triad of unstable gait, brain injury and eye problems

    2. Thank you for sharing this very useful information on the physiological effects of alcoholism. Allow me to add Drug (read Alcohol) Induced Psychosis. Alcohol abuse could land you in a mental health instituion. A nurse, the saddest thing for me is to see so many young people (under 25) admitted and treated for this and it leaves me thinking “where are we goin wrong with our younger brothers and sisters?” In as much as we’d like to tell ourselves that once they have ID cards “hao ni wananchi”, a word of caution may just be what stands between their current position and a dead alcolic in a wheelbarrow or a sad looking patient in a striped uniform who stands in the sun from 9a.m. to 3p.m. singing the national anthem over and over after yelling at the demons standing upside down on the perimeter wall.

  40. Walala! I can’t believe the lack of quotation marks is the thing you have picked up from The Road. I hope you cry buckets when you reach the end.

  41. ….loved it…sobering…..real. Everyone needs someone to call them out..many of us are afraid to…thank you. As for speech marks, you could write in all caps and I would still follow…so im on the fence on the speech marks!

  42. This Guide too could do some gud.http://modernafricanguy.com/bachelor-in-alcohol-a-user-guide-for-friends-who-booze/

  43. On the speech marks, this is the new age where we use the Oxford comma and split infinitives, so ditch them! You’re a good friend Biko and i hope he hears. Do nudge him every now and then though.

  44. Quite thought provoking. Seek help if you need it; give a hand to those who require it. There’s a thin gray line between the white of drinking and the black of alcoholism. Reminded me of a quote: If you don’t learn to write your own life story, someone else will write it for you…

  45. when you talk to the inner person… its hard to ignore as that person’s image pops in my mind with every sentence i read …

    Right on point!!!

  46. I think you wrote about this chap before. The one with a Kao chic. Remember! Hope he changes. This beer and Vodka thingi sank my uncle. Left his family subsisting on water and salt. I went to bury him in Oriang’. It was so sad. I hope this was written in 2004.

  47. You ask for more lemon for your fish.

    What?! You’re such an abstract thinker. I would pay a fortune for just to be inside your head for an hour (more would be fatal)

    1. Comes with the trade I guess. So Biko should be careful too since it can possibly catch up with him too since he has semi experienced the wrath?

  48. A thought provoking piece,and quite endemic a problem this is especially in my village with such chronicles becoming a norm.
    P.S The speechmarks just worked fine..free flowing

  49. Thanks Biko for this great piece. Thanks more for your effort in contributing to build a better society.

  50. Great way to bring this to light Biko. Most people don’t think of alcoholism as an issue they’re facing because the word alone conjures up images of people at the very end of the road, rather than the spectrum of the many different ways it can affect you.

    Your writing here is very reminiscent of Junot Diaz, who I absolutely love. The lack of speech marks is fine. I find the story flows better. Smoother. I read very fast and this takes out the jerks, like those you experience when you haven’t quite gotten the hang of driving a stick but you want to cruise down a highway.

    Finally, if anyone feels as though they may need help, or maybe wondering if they do, there’s an anonymous way to seek help. www.clmc.co.ke is a great resource to use. There’s a self assessment tool that one can use by answering some questions that will give one a clearer idea, and help them decide if they do want to seek help.

  51. This is what we really need…That the men in society are surrounded by ‘No Men’, brothers who will tell them the truth. Biko’s friend please, Please give it a try, and if say you don’t like the ambience try learning a new language, Russian sounds good no?

  52. Kids need to grow up and eat what other people eat..ha ha…Yea, using capitals in a quoted phrase works. Very sane piece of advice!The bottle…

  53. Not exactly what I am going through… but such reflections help me get back to the nick and tow of the line. Thanks for another great piece.

  54. reading this article felt like you got my thoughts,I have a fiancée who is battling with this,we can’t seem to agree on anything he drinks while on medication he daint eat well and anytime I try talk about he gets so wild,he needs help

  55. funny I should read this on a night that I am crying myself to sleep because of the fear that someone I care for is going down that road. I should replace the fear with action I guess. thanks for writing about this.

  56. i think the not using the speech marks thingi you got from Cormac McCarthy works , imma go ahead and start using it too

  57. no I amnot dropping my chang’aa glass…what do you want me to be …amediocre husband…kids caregiver …agood husband ….who said that is such an achievement …how does it change the world… my world…the world is miserable already am not joining you

    1. The first person here who actually knows what the drinking dude is thinking. He/she first needs an alternative, don’t tell them to quit and go back to the humdrum life that most of the world has accepted. It’s unacceptable to them.

  58. This is an awesome read..as always..a tad bit sad tho..sence of humor on top! I pray this chap gets to read this…and have u been posting less lately? AMA its just me who’s been sijui where

  59. You can always judge a guy bythe disposition of his car…….and he will be buried in a shirt cleaner than one he has worn in the last 2 years..very sobering read..literally. ..

  60. Great writing as usual.Sobering and funny.Most people wish for a friend like you, I pray I can be a better friend to someone.

  61. Nadine Gordimer also uses it in some of her short stories, but I thought it made it harder to read her

  62. Biko, please keep the speech marks. It was okay in the short sentences, but in the long, winding sentences it got quite confusing. It interrupted my flow. I never knew quotation marks were such an important thing in my life. I’m getting quite disheartened by all the encouraging Ditch-the-quotation-marks comments. They spell doom. Is winter coming? 🙁

  63. We all are that guy… at different points of our alcoholism…. I guess the change starts with me before I give a hand to all my drinking bodies.

  64. I love this piece because it not only speaks to the alcoholic but the people around him/her as well. Its a double edged sword that cuts both ways… It outs everyone! Especially the people who stand by on their pedestals watching their loved ones go down the slippery slop while vilifying them.
    Thank you Biko.

  65. Excellent piece as always Biko. Some conversations are so hard to have. There is someone close to me that i had all but written off, I will now purpose to have that hard convo with him, better now and here than at the graveside. I do hope the Mr. Gabon reads this and that it allows him a moment of clarity, a moment with a mirror so clear.

    Cheers.

  66. Biko, u get me to do wats necessary, wat wil be gud for my people… n lets just go bak to speechmarks

  67. Very sobering piece indeed. Challenged me,a lot actually.. whether I am really helping out as I should, especially when the person who needs this help is extremely defensive.
    In my line of work I discovered http://www.smartrecovery.org. That helps the addicted to own their journey through recovery.
    You are a good friend Biko. I hope your friend heeds to your call.

  68. And sadly we all know that 24/7 drunkard and we are doing nothing about it… God give us the grace and guts to step up and lead these people (or even ourselves) in the right direction!!

  69. I have a brother-from-another-mother with whom I have to broach this subject…donno know where to start.

  70. The Capitalization thing is working… The story flows rather nicely without the bloody quotation marks. 😉

  71. I can relate to your article and i was once hook to the bottle but now i longer drink. Lets help the young generation avoid alchoholism

  72. If this guy actually exists, you may be doing more harm than good. I presume the reason he took to the bottle is because he is depressed. If he finds out that you exposed him on the internet you could be making his condition worse.

  73. …………and an old tee with a collar that a camel started chewing on and changed its mind. <<<This line made me laugh so hard.

  74. This is an excellent piece,Biko.it hits close to home; my father was a die-hard alcoholic and he passed away a year ago next month. I have two friends who absolutely refuse to accept that they have a drinking problem.I am so sending this link to them.

  75. Sobering piece of work Biko. I suppose its fitting that one contributes 5k for the funeral seeing as you already had a hand in killing your so called friend. I believe not talking and actually giving such people the bad debts is no lesser than putting a gun in a suicidal man’s hand. So why not make sure the job is done and confirm he is dead and buried. After all he was just a bother you did not want him around you anyway. Biko that is not irony it is outright disgusting to intro oneself as a friend in such a situation. So dear people reading this, yeah you people, pull that bottle out of your ass and sober up if you will your friend to also live a life as “fruitful and full of promise” as yours. Tough love people is the only way it is ever going to work

  76. I lost an uncle and an aunt to alcolism last year,sad I did nothing and only parted with 5k once they were gone…….but you see the folks said it was witchcraft,what was I to do?The message is home Biko

  77. I wish my dads friends intervened may b he would still b here
    Alcoholism should b upgraded to status of drug addiction

  78. Oh this is very true we just true friends should help each other out not wait when its too late then say I wish I helped.

  79. I am torn between empathising with your friend or sympathising with his loved ones. It is selfish to make choices that one knows only too well will break the hearts of their loved ones soonet or later.

  80. I always stray Biko, but I always come back. And it’s always like Christmas. This is so heartfelt. I hope your friend gets better. Cheers to good writing.

  81. Well written and well told. Interesting how you always find a way to include humour even when addressing grave matters. In the year 1997, a friend and I fell out when I brought up the issue of his drinking which was a major concern to me and many others. In the year 2013, I buried this same friend who died of alcohol related problems. As you guessed, over the years his drinking had spiralled out of control. He was a fun guy and a people person but he had a drinking problem. On the day we buried him, many of us who had attended his funeral went for a drink afterwards to celebrate his life. That is what he would have wanted, we said. How ironical.

    When I learnt of his passing I was angry because I felt I could have done more but could I? The one thing I know for sure is that I was an enabler in a way because I would make jokes about his drinking and then move on with my life, never to take down the elephant in the room.

    Thanks for writing this. It has given us the much needed wake up call. And yes, we all know a guy or chick with eye Rheumy, like the piss of a spider and a kabambe phone.

  82. Superb piece. Gets me thinking do I sit and watch or do what needs to be done uncomfortable or not?

  83. Didn’t notice there was a difference until you pointed out that you were using a new style,so i guess the Capitalisation works just fine. Great read as always!

  84. It’s sad how many people have said that they know of such a person. It’s sadder how we fail to help because we feel that we’d be overstepping our boundaries.

  85. In my opinion, writing about it in the hope that your friend reads it is…how should I put it, taking the easier way out. In the unfortunately event he passes on what will you say, I put it in my blog and he should have read it. Your friend needs an intervention. Help him.

  86. Thanks biko for keeping it real and telling as it is. I find your new writting style more refined and free flowing.let pint in moderation.

  87. This article has really moved me…am close to tears,i know someone very close to me,who have the first few behaviour you have described above.Thanks Bikofrom the informative article.

  88. This was sad but relatable.I think everyone knows someone with a drinking problem.if the article doesn’t work.don’t give up on him. True frI ends don’t give up.do everything possible so that if he does succumb. You will sleep knowing you did all that you could have.

  89. Could actually picture that weave!!
    Good piece Biko, as always. I hope this goes out to all that really need it.

  90. This is real, I know of a guy deported from the U.K. with a Master Degree and is at the the final stage of ‘finally move to shags where he will drink more hard liquor as his mom prays for him day and night while his cheeks continue to sink further into his bones and his head starts to look bigger than his body’ evrything tried by his sinblings including rehab has failed.

  91. I know someone just like that-They don’t have a Gabonese Girlfriend though. I hope they read this. Good work

  92. Well put Biko. I too have a “friend”………
    Facing that elephant in the room is the most difficult thing.

  93. sad but very true.love of the bottle is a sure way to kickstart the end of life.very good advice.The new style of starting with capital letter on reported speech seems new and some sort of change from the norm.i like.Good job as always.

  94. Great work Biko, well said, the love of the battle is of great concern to all of us. It’s sad that the victims live in denial and they don’t want to blame it on alcohol….

  95. Biko the lack of speech marks confuses me…..how about we stick to speech marks? Mighty Thanks

    I do not know why people never wanna see alcohol as a drug. We even label addiction to it as acoholism not drug addiction. It is among the legal drugs so we lie ourselves that if we soften the terms around it,then it is okay to take it in moderation.

    I wonder,is it okay to take cocaine and heroin and ecstasy et al in moderation?

    About addicition, i know everybaddy wants the people in an addict’s life to rally about and around him/her but how about we all be responsible and keep away from the drugs so that we don’t get hooked in the first place? Save ourselves and our loved ones the UNNECESSARY pain!

  96. I wish there was a like button. Some of us love being under the radar though we very much appreciate your work. Am officially a fun. I feel like I disappear in your art an come back at the last punctuation.

    1
  97. This has made me so sad. This story is being repeated many times over in a lot of families. And mums will keep praying. Great read Biko.

  98. This is an interesting read from the archives. I enjoy reading your articles. Interesting, humorous but full of life lessons.