Looking For A Date

9
A while back, a friend asked me to hook her up with one of my “interesting friends.” She had just turned 40, great job, mortgage, drove a German car and drank premium vodka, no man. Rather, there were men. Many men. So many that they were coming out of her ears, but they were the wrong men. Men who wanted to borrow her car, sleep in her house and empty her house bar. Oh, and jump her bones. You know, good time men. She was tired of good time men, and asked me if I knew some “serious” interesting men that I could introduce her to. So I picked this guy I knew; single, dapper, younger than her but mature, broad shoulders and sharp enough to open a bottle on a door. He carried a lot of philosophies in his head; learned, engaging and very Machiavellian. Just what her doctor ordered. Plus, he wasn’t a good time man, but I was sure he could show her a good time. They met. Dinner in a garden restaurant. A starless sky. A blind date. I knew my boy would kill it. I wasn’t even worried. The next morning I woke up to a disappointed sms from her, a rant, berating my choice. “He had dirt under his nails, Biko!” She screeched. I thought it was a metaphor. Turns out it wasn’t. He really did have dirt under his nails. I was puzzled, I don’t recall him ever having dirt under his nails. “Apart from the dirt under his nails, did you like anything about him?” I asked. “He didn’t pay the bill. The bill came and he said something about only having dollars. Asked if the restaurant accepted dollars. What rubbish is that? Doesn’t he carry cards?” I chuckled. Oh boy. The house of cards was a-tumbling.   “So are you ticked off because he had dollars or because he had dirty nails? Which one was the deal breaker?” I asked. “What kind of a man has dirt under his nails? Is he a mechanic? Does he work in a cemetery?” I rolled my eyes, such a storm in a tiny teacup. Anyway, suffice it to say, it all went pear shaped for my pal. She never called him back. Eventually I had to tell him that it was his dirty nails that broke the camel’s back. That and maybe his dollars. But he’s now married. I guess he finally found a woman who accepts dollars. (Hehe. That’s a joke, baba. No offense to madam.) That was three years ago. Now there is this other friend of mine. She’s 27. A doctor. Chocolate in complexion. A good chocolate, like coffee beans slowly roasted over a kiln overnight. Sharp like a lancet. Reads nothing but those boring medical books. (She’s doing her Masters). She runs four times a week and swims often; physically fit and slender. She has bright eyes. She enjoys dancing, goes for those Zumba akia’angowa things. But you don’t have to know how to dance to kick it with her, you can just sit and watch. With your mouth closed, preferably. Her days are spent in hospital ICU’s saving children, from 8-5 and “hoping she has a made a difference.” She also told me that she hasn’t been on one date this whole year and she’s wondering if she’s losing her spark. You must be wondering, OK, so why can’t this Cinderella get a man? She can. She has before. Her last boyfriend was a doctor. (Went tits up – There is a lot on inbreeding in hospitals, it seems – misery loves company etc.). She is just tired of that pool of medics who have hope swinging from their stethoscopes. She believes at 27 years surely there must be an interesting man out there, right? She mentioned to me how she misses going on dates. “Kwani those doctors don’t ask you on dates?” I asked. She said she was taking a break from doctors. “All doctors ama just anesthesiologists?” I always imagine them to be very lonely people who drink gin and tonic. Every time I see someone drinking alone at a bar I think to myself, “I bet he’s an anesthesiologist.” He probably put five people to sleep today, now he’s drinking his gin thinking how he can score a new laryngoscope online. She asked if I could introduce her to any of my mature friends. (Yeah, mature? Like I’m now so old?) I told her that all of my friends are married except for one whom I wouldn’t introduce her to because he’s a bad boy. He will tap her and move on even before her heartbeat normalises. A devil of a snake charmer. Bad for her. And here is the thing with most women; you tell them, don’t touch that, it will burn you, and what happens? They now want to touch it. She was intrigued by this bad boy. I told her, no, not him, he will poison your body. She said with a smile, “That’s OK, I’m a doctor.” I didn’t make the introduction of course, because that would go so bad and I’d be left picking up the pieces. So I told her I would write about her, cast the net out on my blog and see what we catch. Maybe there is a man out there who wants a doctor who swims and dances and has great skin. To be clear she isn’t desperate; she is a self-assured go-getter and she is bold and fearsome, because I told her this can go anywhere once it’s out. She says, bring it.  All she wants is to go on a proper date. It has been a while since she has sat across from an “interesting” man, had a meal and talked about something stimulating, laughed at something he said, glowed under his awe and admiration, and felt a manly hand brush against her skin as he fills her wine glass. Note, she doesn’t want to get laid. Well, not after just one dinner at least. She says that she just misses sitting with a man that can make her laugh or intrigue her, because getting laid, come on, she can get laid before I’ve finished writing this article. She misses the scent of a man who took time to try and make her have a good time. The slow burning ember of a man who wants to be approved and to approve. She doesn’t even want to go to an expensive restaurant (because she does that with her girls); she can easily sit at Diamond Plaza amidst the throngs of saris and curries and eat with her hands. She can sit on a plastic chair at a corner table in a late night fast food restaurant and watch the black of the night get darker. But if you can take her to a great restaurant like Dusit’s Soi, she’s down with that. Just don’t feel pressured. Or get a hernia over it. What she doesn’t want is to sit in a loud bar and try and have a conversation over Chris Brown. She doesn’t want a man to marry tomorrow. Or to lay today. She doesn’t want a man who will show up on a white horse with a longsword, or man who rocks up in a tuxedo with gel in his hair. She just wants a guy who makes an effort.  She’s old fashioned, which could be waterloo for someone out there or not. She loves to laugh a lot. Her tongue is always in her cheek. It would be nice if you are the kind of guy who can make her laugh. If you like to talk about your dad and what he owns don’t even bother you. Or if you are the guy who removes his shoes on dates, you definitely are way over your head. If you are below 27, you better have the soul of Otis Redding. She’s stubborn. She doesn’t make excuses.  If you are a buffoon, the evening won’t go past the first hour. Married? No, no. Single only. Poleni mafisi. Oh, she also wants a tall man, but you know how it is gentlemen – there is what they want and then there is what they need. I’m certain there is a man out there for this chic. He’s probably out there; maybe in IT. Or he’s a Quantity Surveyor. Low key. Reads a lot. The kind of guy who uses words like “magnum opus” in a conversation to describe a musician’s work. In a party you wouldn’t notice him, the type to sit in a corner with his beer and talk to whoever talks to him. But once you engage him and his layers start peeling off, it will reveal a funny bone with a charming streak. He doesn’t go to Mavuno. He’s modest and a bit of a recluse. Maybe a Catholic. Likes an odd sport like Formula One. I’m almost certain he doesn’t even read this blog, so a female friend will call him and say, “Stano. Did you read about that doctor chic looking for a man to take her on a date on bikozulu?” He will be like, “What is that?” “What is what?” “Where I read about it.” “Bikozulu.” “What is that?” “It’s a blog, boss.” “I don’t read blogs, si I told you!” “Let me forward you the link, I think this chic is looking for you.” So he will read the link and not bother doing anything until two weeks later when he will send an email to her on XXXX. They will go on a date. He will not carry dollars. He will be polite and subdued and she will wear something that shows her collarbone, which he will want to kiss, one at a time. They will laugh a lot. She will like his smile and how big his hands are. He will let her bang on about boring medicine. He will sit there interrupting her narrative with lovely repartee and witty commentary. She will ask him about what he does, and he will try and not hog the evening with his career tales, you know, make it sound less glamorous or exciting than medicine. They will talk about this article. I hope they talk about me a bit and my pal should say that I’m totally cool and she is glad they met through the blog. “Hey, you should read his blog, it isn’t half bad.” He will make a face and say, “I tried. It didn’t really grab me.” “You didn’t find it remotely amusing?” “No. Don’t tell him, though, he already has a forehead to deal with.” They will laugh. He will pay the bill (in Kshs), and walk her to her car and make a backhanded but funny comment about her Subaru. She will laugh, her voice echoing in the now empty parking lot. He won’t hug her goodnight. Or peck her. He won’t touch her, even though her body language expects a hug, a squeeze of the bare arm. Hands thrust in his pocket, he will watch her drive off, his phonebook with one more number. Maybe he will call her again for an encore. Maybe he won’t. Doesn’t matter. What matters now, and what matters for me, is that he doesn’t have dirt under his nails. What does a girl have to do to get a proper date in this town? She asks. Email her on [email protected] No nudes, gentlemen.

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501 Comments

      1. you made it where?okay…Doc i hope it works out for you. but just be real.forget about your professionalism and just be yourself.you find real men in simplicity.you find gentlemen in broken places.

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          2. Broken places muchiri……i agree..infact she should try eritrea. There are nice men there

        8. ibet ihave being lookin in the wrong places too,but am always simple and wount mind adate pia thou aint adoctor

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          1. Sometimes they are. That’s why they’re hard to spot, because ladies abhor broken pieces.

  8. “What does a girl have to do to get proper dates in this town?”hahahaha lol.Am also thinking aloud.Nice read.

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  9. Being single is not all it’s cracked up to be huh? The best part though was the guy saying he only had dollars lol! You don’t pull such crap on a 40something lady, she knows who she is and will just kick you to the kerb ha ha. Hope Doc finds a good man from this though!

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  10. LMAO! It’s the little things that matter…dirt under your nails is not a good look on a blind date or any date ever.
    http://www.treatsonabudget.co.ke/

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  12. He will tap her and move on even before her heartbeat normalises. Hehe. Chocolate man has said it, No nudes gentlemen. Let the search for the knight begin

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    1. But why are female doctors like this?In dire need of male attention.My cousins happen to be surgeons and are constantly bothering me to give them reasons to come to court so they can meet people!Now I’m convinced that female docs especially the ones that did not fit the inbreeding stereotype are a bit socially disadvantaged.

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  15. Hahaha Biko slow down on the guy with dollars! He just had damn dollars. Maybe he just flew in from Georgia and did not pass by the bank to exchange the bills. And now this kadoctor of yours why can’t she just go pretend to be a fan of comething me love and catch one fisi from there? Like follow those rugby guys to their training sessions or say go poke the egos of akina Kimani there at ‘Kwan Njugunas’ and then tell them sorry and then they will ask for her number? Anyway, write about it when she gets the perfect guy for herself, one with Kshs and hopefully a low key quantity surveyor 🙂
    Good read though!

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    1. If you’ve just flown in from Georgia or wherever, make it clear at the beginning of the date..don’t have the meal and then announce it later..it’s a first date..for goodness sake!

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      1. Mimi ningwmwacha hapo akaoshe viombo na hizo dollars or I exchange them for him @150bob per dollar hala!!!

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          1. I have exchange rates on speed dial and I have to overcharge him ata angekuwa na YEN

          1. sasa 50bob, kwani ulienda kazi za msaada ama ulienda date?
            the guy is a joker so show him you know some jokes too

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          2. @Christine, hesabu jo. Ukimpa rate ya 150 utaget fewer dollars for more of your money. Ariel is right. If you offer 50bob, you get more dollars for less of your money.

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          3. If he had $100, at your 150 rate, you’d give him Ksh 15,000.
            At his 50 bob rate, you’d give him Ksh 5,000.

      2. Hizo uwongo za eti I forgot my wallet, I only have foreign currencies apelekee his grandmother. Angechonga viazi. Or leave his Tag Heuer watch or whatever swiss made watch he was sporting kama payment. Eti I only have dollars. Nyof nyof.

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        1. Hehehehe dont laugh, maybe this guy was aiming at a girl like me…ningejulia mbele nikienda kuexchange nikiambia forex watumie 150 bob hehehehe sad

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    2. But it is particularly funny if a guy, lets say he comes in from Georgia and has dollars but has dirt in his nails!! dollars should be held with clean hands you know, its an insult to those notes!
      Tuesday made as usual

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        1. Dirty hands, clean money. Maybe he took this quote literally. This guy, is a player, as Biko said. Ana mchezo mingi yaani…so the dollar excuse was one of his games.

          Well played, player.
          Hell awaits

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    3. Biko, man, you never disappoint. Keeping my nails short and clean incase another 40yr old ghost shows up. For the young doc, can get her a pal of mine, actually he has already turned down my suggestion to catch a statement of your story but will be sending him the link after this comment. Nice read Biko, any time i read your articles, they pay for my time. Thanks man.

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  17. Wow,I hope it turns out well for him, that dude should thank you later. I have friend who should read this.

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  18. Really Biko? “maybe a Catholic?” You’re incorrigible…but a real Catholic man would date precisely like that- and I would know- still dating mine.

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  24. “Maybe a Catholic…”I see you’re incorrigible Chocolate man. But you’re right,that’s exactly how a real Catholic man would date- and I should know.

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  25. ha ha ha ha ha !!! Seriously??? This is a hook up Post??? O my goodness!!! But Biko, ladies are always putting themselves out there and advertising their need for a serious man… Are there serious men out there looking for serious ladies?? <> 😀

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  26. So today the she gets to find her hook up on this blog. Biko now write about me, I want. I don’t know what to do to go on a date at 36 without being labeled a female sponsor

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  27. What does a girl have to do to get a proper date in this town? I am also waiting for an answer for this one…
    Thanks Biko Tuesday made!

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  31. This doctor sounds interesting.
    I won’t email her though because I am under 27 and my soul isn’t old.
    But good luck to her and her Subaru.

    https://thispostisabout.wordpress.com

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  32. ” it all went pear shaped for my pal,” as a member of the pear-shaped group of women I forbid you from using this phrase again..ha ha
    Carrying dollars only would be a deal-breaker for me too, kwani he didn’t know he was going for a date in Kenya huku sio New York. I’m also looking for a good date too Biko.

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  39. I do not have dirt under my nails, but i’m also not sure i know what magnum opus is, leave alone how to use the phrase. Great read

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    3. Strange but am also here busy musing if she’d be amused by my saying that her Subaru is somewhat kaodo Magnum Opus?!

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        1. I believe the devil (or God) is in the details. Dirt under your finger nails esp when you’re about to settle down for a meal makes one question your personal hygiene. And the Dollar thing; makes him seem like a guy who either didn’t care much about the date to come prepared or is simply a guy who doesn’t draw well-thought out plans (even tourists change their money to local currency on arrival at the Airport)…
          That said dating in Nairobi was a mixed bag affair (for me). Those who left a lasting impression, however, were generous, had curious minds, kind, owned their choices and were self-assured in a manner that had a calming effect on me…
          Oyunga Pala summed it up best in his blog. A gentleman is a man who keeps his word, minds his manners, practices self-control and always strives to be a better version of himself. Which is what every lady wants, no?

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          1. Jay, hmmm. Well put. Disclaimer: dont get me thinkin further, i might also opt to be blind-blog-dated!

  45. Stop hating on Mavuno Biko. Its a church for you and I, people who might otherwise feel alienated in regular church.

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  46. Ha ha ha haaaa someone tell me that email is almost blocked by now!”The kind of guy who uses words like “magnum opus” in a conversation to describe a musician’s work.” That line though….Well done piece as always!I doubt the IT gurus and Quantity surveyors read blogs.Biko what happened to Joe Black? https://nimmohdarling.wordpress.com/

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  48. The hustle is real. Amazing read though. You are such a cool friend. Mahook up
    ndio zako.
    www.ogetoevans.com

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  53. Maybe I should also drop my request here for Biko to hook me up. Heheh but truth be told, more often than not we look for pretty simple things in a man. Wish her the best and hey dont dare make fun of her Subaru…

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  54. “He didn’t pay the bill. The bill came and he said something about only having dollars. Asked if the restaurant accepted dollars…..” loved this line!

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  55. Hahaha.. am waiting to see how this cookie will crumble. When I saw Peter Wesh, I thought he is here to take one for the team. Cliff the Tall maybe? He already has an ace up his sleeve with this one- he is tall, hehe.

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    1. Cool. I met my hubby on fb so Can’t be that hard folks or can it? From the doc though: Am routing for the men here. Coz until a lady learns to “JUST BE” and not attach her profession to the end of her name; she ain’t there yet. A man will be dealing with an unfigured out person and it will be his fault not hers. #justsaying

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  57. Too bad she only wants a man. I know a woman who would show her a dandy good time.

    So over to you, gentlemen. MAFISI TIBIM!

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    9. Hi,bin thinking since I know so many young single
      ladies, if we used to have a switch which one can flip
      and turn gay I would.Getting a good man is hard,but I already
      know good ladies.Unfortunately I was born
      this way;only men do it for me

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  60. Does the same happen for dudes too? I mean it cant be that this loneliness thingi only affects ladies. Chocolate man it would be interesting if you could find one man to share his story too….not me though, married Catholic style

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  61. When a good man shows up! Half the ladies yearning for one won’t notice the other half won’t care… He comes packed wrong, with little crumpled shirt and an odd tie. Maybe little dirt under the nails. You want a successful man! Define success first and act accordingly! Good luck chaps…. Hope Biko does a follow up.

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      1. Women we are hard to figure out. It is easier to find ourselves through what we don’t want than figure what it is we want.
        Poor men have to contend with this.

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        1. Interesting read, I still fear that today’s ladies still believe in storybook Princes Lol… I like how Biko puts it,’A storm in a teacup’
          We as humans will never be satisfied. Today will be dirty nails, the next time will be the heavy Kao accent. I saw someone say here that a matching belt and shoe is a no brainer for the guy during a decent date.*facepalm*
          I just think there are front line basics that serve as everyone’s cup of tea. The rest? Too many Standards …
          (Reminds me of Business class 101: Wants vs Needs)

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  63. She’s very detailed on the kind of man she would like, but throwing it out there, she may have to painstakingly sift through for the correct person…lest some broke ass nigga wants to jump in the fray. She can pray about it, and vuka borders..the guy of her dreams may very well be across the border.
    And guys please? First dates; pay attention to your nails; trim them short, having clean hands may just win her over. Then the belt and shoes should match. If you’re wearing designer clothes and have a nice cologne, she may be happy to meet you a second time. #mytwopence
    https://www.instagram.com/travelogues_africangirl/

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      1. Any man in his right mind and intelligence to ask a young lady doctor for a date.
        In addition, his jacket shouldn’t have fluff and he shouldn’t be boring, the doctor doesn’t want to constantly glance at her watch willing for time to speed up.
        Ni hayo tu.

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        1. Hizi standards ndio maana we stopped taking girls on dates.
          Am better off fishing in a noisy club. The girl I meet there will not check if my coat has fluff.
          I have a job and a business. Am already tired. I want to lean back n chill.
          I refuse to be interviewed for P.

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        2. Errrr, agree w/ some & disagree w/ some. See your worldview though, hope it pans out for you w/ those standards.

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  67. Please let us know if she gets to goon a proper date and enjoys herself.I just love romance and am a sucker for love stories.

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  69. hahahaha…great read ati dirt under his nails and dollars but seriously who goes on a date with dollars!day made…

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  70. Thank God am out of this game.. It could get very lonely.. All the best doc. There are still good guys out there am sure…

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  72. hihi! my friend once got turned off by a guy for swashing beer/ his drink in his mouth ..its like rinsing a glass before using it
    …like ‘didn’t he brush his teeth in the morning’….the things that girls pick! All the best to the doc though!

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  75. Biko the doctor ordered this guy for me too. This debonair man with pedigree is an endangered species. Where are they found? Is there a gentlemen’s club somewhere? Is there an alabastron shaping and making men? Why do men like quiping ” there are many good men but you ladies are too money minded” does it mean all only ‘poor’ men are gentle? Am lazy in getting out, hanging out but i would like to meet a good guy like the ones you described..one who even goes to Mavuno and learns under Pastor S -a great man.Dirt under his nails I can deal with Nairobi lacks many things but has water and soap. Dollars and I go was at back we are great friends..what I can’t stand is a man who chews loudly with an open mouth. What i cant stand is a man who sits with legs wiiiiide apart shaking them in out in out wah wah wah whilst bellowing “yeeeees” what I can’t get is a man who beckons you hard on your shoulder over and over as he’s speaking even though you are eyeballing him to show you are attentively listening all this whilst he is raining spit on your face..then again I want a debonair man with some pedigree. The rest are details

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  78. Nice read Biko, hope ur friend gets a suitor, . . . .hehehehe its so rare to find someone serious nowadays, I’ll support ur first friend up there that most men out there are “good time men”. But for every good gal out there there’s a good boy somewhere.

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  80. Good morning fam…I hate dirt under nails too, it’s simply gross…n that guy claiming he only has dollars was stupid no one falls for that nowadays…

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  81. Hahaha. The moment i reached that part of dirty nails i paused and looked at my nails for a minute. Boy did i like what i saw. They are clean! Great read as usual.

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  83. “He had dirt under his nails, Biko!” She screeched. I thought it was a metaphor.
    Me too…
    a prologue to good story

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  85. “In a party you wouldn’t notice him, the type to sit in a corner with his beer and talk to whoever talks to him.
    But once you engage him and his layers start peeling off, it will reveal a
    funny bone with a charming streak. He doesn’t go to Mavuno. He’s modest and
    a bit of a recluse. Maybe a Catholic.” my type of guy…

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  87. Biko, we want a follow up on how the date went!
    Guys with dirt under their nails are a big no! no! It shows a great deal of poor hygiene.

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  89. Let me go out on a limb here and ask about the forty three year old, did she find someone?
    I don`t have dirt under my nails and I carry my cash in Kenya shillings.

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  91. Also looking for a proper date…I’ve also been asking myself what a girl’s got to do to land a serious gentleman in this ‘our Nairobi’

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  92. She described you. Or you described you. So be a champ and take her out on a date. After all there’s no strings attached right?

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  93. I was once accused of manspreading I didn’t even know what that was, let alone it being an offensive, but in the end it turned out alright 🙂

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    2. What did you want him to write about, dude? ‘The Pathway to Sainthood??! Gerrrarrahia!’?

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  99. All catholics (married or not) a Novena for the dear doctor and for all the ladies who have expressed explicitly and otherwise the desire to go for a date with a man who does not do any physical work….dirt under the nails translated to notes in the wallet.

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  100. What happened to proper dates? You don’t have take me to a restaurant, pack some food and let’s go for drive and watch the sunset.

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  104. Our interests are incompatible. In case she changes her mind and she wants to be laid, ask her to send me an email

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  106. Biko, I have never commented on your pieces. And I read every single one. But today is a first. You had me at maybe he is a quantity surveyor. I am a quantity surveyor.

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  107. Right move there chocolate man, casting the net out wide and see what she’ll catch. Is it that all ‘good men’ are taken or do they also have tales of their own about the availability of ‘good women’.
    Hope she nets a good catch and maybe for keeps.

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  108. …..hehehehe @Biko this is the story of my life, just replace the ‘doctor’ with a flight Attendant

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  109. Biko when you write a book, i will buy the first ten copies, i will then read them slowly, pouring on every letter, every word, every thought, drinking in the story, and i will hope it never ends.

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  112. “Dirt under his nails…” Honestly guys got to keep it clean, with *Nails* here being a metaphor… I tots..relate with this… I mean are there any local breed date-able men left???!!

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    1. Dating is only a task when you start dating with expectations coz you will spend the rest of the dating time managing the expectations.

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      1. So true Mr Nduta. Expectations are the issue but then is there any human relationship without expectations?

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        1. Yes, Those one night stand kind of relationships without any expectations are the ones which end up in marriage.

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      2. In effect, you’re saying she should go in with zero expectations just to avoid further disappointment, as it’s most likely going to turn out?

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          2. Nah, bruh. Not so,IMO. Usher heart, soul & we’ll bring previous to you? Does your heart (your heart, not your little man) pulsate when you think of spending an evening while she opens up her mind to you? If you do, aimless dating does her a disservice. Just my $0.02

  118. A wise one once said: Dirty hands (nails included) is a sign of clean money.. the reverse is also true that is all. 🙂

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    1. For real? Hope you make it. FYI I met my hubby through fb a group we were in together and after a few chats inbox we met and the rest as they say is history. So am routing for you or Clif Tall 🙂 if he sends an email

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  120. i thought there would be takers for this guy,,,xcept for one whom I wouldn’t introduce her to because he’s a bad boy. He will tap her and move on even before her heartbeat normalises. A devil of a snake charmer. Bad for her. And here is the thing with most women; you tell them, don’t touch that, it will burn you, and what happens? They now want to touch it. She was intrigued by this bad boy. I told her, no, not him, he will poison your body. She said with a smile, “That’s OK, I’m a doctor.” I didn’t make the introduction of course, because that would go so bad and I’d be left picking up the pieces” no?

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        1. hehe, i hadnt realized how long the description was. I am just curious there are no takers here for the bad boy

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  121. Haiya, nangoja ya next week nione success stories or story because only one gentleman will make the cut.
    Nice one Biko.

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  122. The first lady rejected guys who are exactly like me… may be I should try her, though not sure about my nails…….or even ability not to touch her on first day, or even how to fake I won’t lay her immediately. Ni ngumu kuficha tabia za fisi

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  124. I had really waited for read. I had to ignore that its meant for men. And yes, it paid. Biko you should see me reading and rereadingthese storoz. People ask, kwani ni mpesa ama ni nini. Thanks

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  127. Biko this is my first post here and I must admit whenever I read your articles I feel blessed with the way you slither around words….I may say you ‘omweririze’ vocabularies. As the Don aka Kris Darling says “Big up yourself” so am I. IoN kabuoch is not far , I mean very, from Kanyasoro.

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  128. Interesting piece. Dirty finger nails? No No! I am telling my friends to tell their friends.. hopefully we can find this guy because every girl deserves a man who will stare at her collar bones over a glass of wine!

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  130. The struggles of finding a “good guy” in Nairobi in 2016…will be watching closely to hear about the outcomes…But in all honesty why is it so hard to find a good mate in Nairobi?

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    1. People are looking in the wrong places, Young single men and women using private cars to go to work,hanging out with friends/colleagues…How on earth will they meet people?

      Reply

      1. Mr Nduta I disagree with that whole issue of wrong places.I have met pretty decent guys in random places like traffic,on queues in supermarkets,petrol stations,parking lots,by the road when am all sweaty from my morning run name them.Its just about being yourself and having a free spirit.I think its about having no expectations and just having normal conversations with someone who before you know it ends up asking for your number and viola a date it is!I am a cool young Nairobi girl who never has a problem finding a date infact sometimes I drive across the city from one date to another.The Nairobi man constantly yearns the company of a smart fine lass who seems to have their stuff inorder.Trust me.But I have met rather decent guys in random places.Met my fiancé in a club so really what are the odds!Daktari go yee forth and be a fleeting butterfly and see what happens to your dating life

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  132. “…I’m certain there is a man out there for this chic. He’s probably out there; maybe in IT. Or he’s a Quantity Surveyor. Low key. Reads a lot. The kind of guy who uses words like “magnum opus” in a conversation to describe a musician’s work. In a party you wouldn’t notice him, the type to sit in a corner with his beer and talk to whoever talks to him. But once you engage him and his layers start peeling off, it will reveal a funny bone with a charming streak. He doesn’t go to Mavuno. He’s modest and a bit of a recluse. Maybe a Catholic…”

    Email noted.

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  133. Wow! A rare find indeed. Thank heaven for the internet in providing men such a valuable resource that we might encounter so rational and strong a woman as this.
    Anyway! As funny as all this is, it serves to show that women live and operate in gender
    assumptions that they simply take as normalized conditions. Were a man to publicly expect these terms and demands for his own provisioning and intimate access that women demand without an
    afterthought, he’d be instantly accused of misogyny at worst, comedy at best.

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  134. Biko killed this thang, i hope i sound like a bag of brains too… lest i be told magnum opus, wait… what is that in english!?

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  136. If this is the person I think she is….tell her pork chops at strollers……but I have sent an email just to confirm…….as for the he got dirt under his nails……lol maybe he had puncture and yes we at times only have dollars in our wallet, no fault of our own.

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  138. I thought i was the only one who notices small things like dirty nails..i mean if you can’t handle the small things is there anything else you can?
    And i do understand her..hope she gets a good date if not anything else

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  142. dirty hands is a sign of clean money…i thought doc should be aware of this anyway

    best of luck in your search

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  144. Thank you Biko’s Doc friend….. Atleast I now know that I’m not over the top or old fashioned… because my list reads similar to yours.

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  145. When/If doc finds this guy, can we clone him for the rest of us?
    http://girlabouttownweb.wordpress.com

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  147. For those who say that her expectations are somewhat high, let me quote some(anonymous) author. “We should not settle for what we deserve. We should look for the guy/girl of our dreams, so that even during the toughest of times, we will feel that we got what we deserved.”
    Hope it makes sense.. All the best to Madam Doc

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  148. Ladies unfortunately the chances of getting someone who fits your mould to a tee is rare. You will have some sprucing up to do. That’s the truth of the matter. Just know what fundamentals you cannot compromise on and the rest are workable. No one is perfect after all. All the best to the good Doc.

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  151. Still trying to figure if I have a dog in this hunt considering I read Biko’s blog and find it captivating. You won’t however find dirt under my nails and dollars ‘only’ in my wallet, they get mutual support from ksh and plastics.

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  153. Ninjas have read the piece, Single yet qualified hearts palpitating with adrenaline, Love sick puppies on the loose,and even more losers to to go aboard, pursuits of men in suits will remain unremitting. Standards have been set, and now that the orthodox is crystal, it’s safe to say an apple aa day will keep me away from the doctor. But here i pray she stumbles upon a forthcoming endearing endeavor.

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  154. Dear Dr. Lady – All the good men you want are already taken. If you want one you got to identify a taken one and tear him away. It’s not about morality – it’s rationality..

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    1. I believe there’s someone for everyone and you’re giving terrible advice ati they steal other people’s men

      Reply

  156. Finally, one man has voiced out on the kind of men WE want. Coming from a guy, this is impressive. One more thing, a man with money doesn’t have to show off, the watch and shoe says it all. Quick tip to the ladies who have class and know how to make their own money.

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  157. Hahahaha. But Biko, what is it about mechanics and dirty nails. I started my career as one but never had dirty nails. A nice one as always.

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  158. Has she tried men from the trenches, those who land in Nairobi from the warfront with dust in their ears

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  159. so should i say this post is magnum opus? if misplaced fine, i will get it next time. my line of day story
    ”there is what they want and then there is what they need”of my life;

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  160. Dance,,okay, that I can watch, Swiming? am still trying my best, come on, dont roll your eyes, I am somewhere trying to balance between 29th and 30th year, so you can seat in diamond Plaza,,well I hate Nairobi,there’s a better place here in Nakumatt Nyali, i am not sure wether I am interesting, you can check my blog and judge, https://mwanaareginah.wordpress.com/2016/06/02/such-is-life/ ,, Oh, you said you are a Doctor, My bro is a doctor, his girlfriend is a doctor, my best friend is a doctor, and I almost dreamt being a doctor, so I got enough doctors in my life I have pleased before,thats experience there, right? No? well,you can decide to hit my mail and find out

    Reply

      3. hahaha, Sure thing, thanx for the reminder, had forgotten bout all that potential, but ever heard of only witches see others being witches? now you know

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  161. so should i say this post is magnum opus? if misplaced fine, i will get it next time. my line of day”there is what they want and then there is what they need” story of my life;

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  163. Sometimes its good to be alone. Problem is, many people don’t know how to enjoy ‘alone time’. The society has programmed us to view ‘being with someone’ as the only acceptable norm. I don’t think it should be that way. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. Am I making sense? No?

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    3. Yes you do make a lot of sense. It’s good to be with someone so long as they don’t stifle you. I love my time alone I guess am the few who overdo it but I find solace it.

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  164. Its worse for the under 24s,guys in our age group are still yapping about their dads,or texting in bad English,or asking for mpango wa weekend. Those older want you for a good time. Further up they need semi-clueless wives. Oldies then need sponsees. Hmmm

    Reply

    1. In between, is the said fella. Quiet, unassuming, full of ambition & hoping to catch the under 24’s eye if she’s serious.

      Reply

  168. dating nowadays. sigh. it is easier to perform neurosurgery blind,file your KRA returns on the deadline, pass 3 camels through the eye of the needle and have the rich man enter the kingndom of God and finally release an album in Kenya than than to find a proper date! Good luck daktari

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  172. Met her recently and on Sunday we went for a date. Shes a doc 27, beautiful.. pretty and beautiful. Took her to an up market Italian restaurant, she had lasagna cravings and thought I was psychic.. anyway, same old story of “in-breeding” Docs now don’t do it for her, she wanted something different, a mature man to have interesting convos and who throws in witty lines. Sat on the terrace the evening was cloudless, we star gaze for a minute and ask her what she thinks of the cosmos, whether there could be other earth like planets orbiting the stars in their goldilocks zone.. Shes like Goldi what..? I smile and explain to her.. shes loves the word and repeats it in a mocking way .. we laugh.. She doesn’t talk much, that’s ok, I string convos with ease.. The night thins, but I still want to hold on to her for a little while. I tell her we can passby somewhere for a night cap, we head to B Club then dropped her home, didnt peck her, just a hug.
    Sent her a text on Monday morning she replied at 23:19pm.
    I put some effort, dappered and splashed some Black Orchid by Tom Ford. My nails are neat and I paid by Mpesa..  … but weeh 23:19!!!! Am back to ratcheteering.. no effort required with those.

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  177. Its interesting how this Lady is basically me….same age, same problems. Last I went to a date was February. Difference is I am a Lawyer and I don’t own a Subaru

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  178. hehehe now every guy who reads this is going to be obsessed about his nails. Ni sawa tu Biko. Nice piece

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  179. It’s funny scenario for this lady… I’m just wondering if she’s a “go-getter” why can’t find her match – with clean nails?

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      1. Nah, not quite. It’s that ladies nowadays have s skewed POV & look for the wrong thing in the wrong places and end up bemoaning lack of good men. Correct the two and you’d be surprised at what and who you see.

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  182. Great read… That last question ‘What does a girl have to do to get a proper date in this town?’ Spot on! I always wonder.

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  184. quite a good friend Biko…all the best to the doc.Incase it works out for her , Biko please let us know so we can also forward our names and emails hehehe for the date hookup.

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  185. Guys have commented without kujitosa kinyang’anyironi cha huyu doctor.am a chemistry teacher.si that is almost related to medicine?am up to the challenge

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  190. Eish Biko…………form a dating website and try these cupid lines….. “She doesn’t want a man to marry tomorrow. Or to lay today.” Are you sure these Kenyan men understand that phrase??!!!Haha #jussaying

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  191. Biko, am an old man and can tell you would really help if whatsapp was one of the share options. I could fit the bill if I wasn’t married, had clean nails and carried Kes. That said I know a guy

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  192. I instinctively started clearing the dirt under my finger-nails… Say hi to Daktari, I tanked at tall..

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    1. No you didn’t! Biko knows tall is not what she needs. Rooting for you all the way … ie. if it comes to a vote

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  193. I swear dirt under the nails guys is a NO NO! Period.
    Dollars on a first date is another No No! Especially if you want to be taken seriously. Aiii, nawe!

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    2. With you Anne. Dirty nails is a deal breaker. If he is a mechanic, clip the nails and make an effort. Manaume ni effort.

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  194. Nice one Biko! – Hope there is another fantastic …and they lived happily ever after… blog to look forward to.

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  202. But who is Mr. Nduta? boss you have replied to every comment you can. Do you know this Lady doc?
    in other news, can the ones she sieves off email me instead?

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  203. Well put tale and descriptions; last week on I tried to hook up a 35plus lady to my pal. It wasn’t easy but they exchanged contacts, have to check this week, whether the guy passed the tests. For sure true gentlemen are found in broken place: I was found when my life had nose dived, after missing a UK VISA.

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  204. Udaktari awache kwa ofisi if she needs a real man but if she bags her professionalism 100% to a date “Mr Forehead issues” you’l most likely receive a text at 3 am waking up all emoji faced with a tongue out and a left winked eyed thinking thats a notification from spesa that you’ve won your last gamble, kumbe this time it will be “that jamaa has uncut index finger nails”

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  206. The guy should have ‘quoted’ a currency that’s almost impossible to change here. Like the Russian rouble or Korean won. A real ‘go-getter’ can call your bluff on dollars. Maybe he finally took out a forex trader who became his wife…

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  207. Na kweli. Hmm! Funny article. Dating is a minefield. Maybe the guy had a flat tire and couldn’t wash his hands. Like that the good date doesn’t try to make physical contact – it so cliche and sometimes off putting. These days with some guys, who insist on those kisses, I announce I have a cold.

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  210. Wait, Bikozulu why aren’t u in a dating firm churning out catchy phrases for “lonely ones” looking to meet better others? If Lilian Muli could leave the media for betting firm you can also try your hand somewhere else…

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  211. This is why there are so many single ladies in nrb.Dorty nails is a deal breaker?how superficial.she shld have lightly made fun of him and maybe date 2 he wld cut his nails..women have become so picky.what I’ve realised is that your soul mate may not be that talk dark chocolate man with the good job.he will probably be the short sweet guy that works a typical 9-5 job with ministry of water.She says she dsnt mind ati eating curry at Dplaza.that’s just BS…if she was that down to death she wldnt probably be single.

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  213. She’ll have to sift through a lot of shitty emails to find someone who’s even remotely interesting, I think. Good luck finding your needle in the haystack!

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  216. I’m married now. But when I was single, dirty nails would have done it for me too. That, and a long nail on the pinky! Long pinky nail, I’m not even giving you my number; Big big deal-breaker.

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    1. I wonder what they do with those long pinky nails…maybe its a code for a certain cult…juu sioni tu ata kama maskio zao ziko deep saaana.. you know like they have a high production of wax and they need a tool to extract it hmmm

      Reply

  217. I freaked out thinking he was talking about me….oooh am Biko doesn’t know me and I aint a doctor

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  218. Each time I read the title of your posts,depending on the topic, I smile and/or giggle and go like ,”Here we go!”. I practically burst out laughing at the dirty finger nails point. I am told I can tell a story well, but I wish I could write like you. Most picky women can relate to the story. Good luck to the doctor.

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  220. Just curious. You haven’t described her as being attractive, save for bright eyes and physically got and slender. This is a humanitarian mission na hutuambii.

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  222. I’d like to read a similar blog post for a guy but not a 27 year old maybe a 37 year old..or better yet Biko you should just open a dating site where the prospective couples have to write a bog to attract the opposite sex.

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  223. Hmmm… This is a beautiful piece, Biko.
    As for the lady, I believe Biko has opened a door…a big door. And cool guys with correct currencies will surely walk in. I only hope the dollar ones won’t stroll in again through this door. Goodluck Doctor.

    And that was a nice ending Biko. You really should write some love stories.

    mikeinioluwa.wordpress.com

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  224. Man! you just described me i feel totally freaked out. But guess what? I am not an IT guy or Quantity Surveyor. I am a doctor who works in an ICU.

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  226. Magnum opus I like, it’s been awhile since I heard or read those words in an article.
    Bikozulu you did it once again, made my day. I guess she is my kind of woman

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  227. I’m I the only one wondering when Bill Clinton will walk up to Trump and smack him in the face for the verbal attacks on his wife?

    Biko please;

    We engineers like specifics. Her height, hip size…

    and for the last time. Give us QR codes to be signing in with.

    Reply

  228. `Oh, she also wants a tall man, but you know how it is gentlemen – there is what they want and then there is what they need’. Ha ha Biko you hit the nail there.

    Interesting read. .

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  229. This is so me Biko, though I’m not 27 and nowhere close to being a doctor…may she meet her prince charming. There is what we want and then there is what we need, so true. Just the doze I needed. Kudos!!

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  230. Awesome read as usual Biko, I like this girl already. if this writing thing doesn’t work out you can have a career as a dating consultant 🙂

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  231. Being a hopeless romantic stuck in a fantasy culture is a special kind of hell.’All I want is a man who wants a ‘real’ relationship’. It sucks that in wanting a purrfect man, always thinking grass is greener.#Single #WaitForaGoodMan ~HeIsInBrokenPlaces.

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  234. A nice read Biko. Keep it up. The other specie sets higher standards with dirt and fake attachment on their nails, Brazilian and synthetic hair, I don’t want to plunge more because it’s disgusting!! Short hair, natural nails and no make up makes the day and night for me. She is somewhere and she doesn’t read blogs. Coz she makes home-made-meals and doesn’t sip Ciroc.

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  235. Nice piece, almost tempted to email. Laryngoscope… Hehe. Funny after reading that word I miraculously come across this:
    Otolaryngology (that’s a fancy word for the study of diseases affecting the ear, nose, and throat)
    Why do the new words show up randomly but with a higher then expected frequency…

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  236. There is what you want and there is what you need hehe. Great read Biko. So the good time women are which ones?

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  237. Not all Anaesthesiologists are lonely, they are the
    Coolest lot in theatres and ICUs. I wish this Dr the
    Best in getting a good date

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  243. Biko, can’t wait to hear what happens after this appeal. You must keep us informed maybe until after the wedding…

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  244. My sentiments exactly, only that this time around unlike her, am a bit younger, and a graduate Engineer…..if there are more that one bidders Biko please give me one of the spill overs. am sailing in the same exact boat. Thank you for reading my mind.

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  245. Biko, are Nigerians allowed…asking for my pal Femi here? Don’t worry, he read the blog on my tab and will comment himself once he purchases bundles. Personally i have a funny job, so i’ll just admire this amazing doc from the screens.

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  248. Nails Check,ma broda does she mind Nigeria NIRA? I am not a medical doctor but a love doctor I go smoother her with Love,Like safaricom I am the better option like Airtel I make life better.Na mi son of chief Okunene

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  250. We need one for team mafisi since this one said no..but then again there is what they want and what they need..he he he

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  251. Why didnt I think of this? Biko is it too late to hook me up too. Nancy Cherotich can give can vouch for me…Great post for all us singletons!

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  253. Meanwhile, as we await Tuesday, drop by she never comes back https://georgeach.wordpress.com/2016/07/08/she-never-comes-back/

    Reply

  254. Meanwhile, as we await Tuesday, drop by https://georgeach.wordpress.com/2016/07/08/she-never-comes-back/

    Reply

  256. Dirty nails n dirty ears are a serious TURN OFF why lie…if the doc mami gets a good/nice hook up,i want one too

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      1. hehehe you know! What’s the use of those long pinky nails? And they are so long that they bend inwards! Gross!

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  261. Biko what’s wrong with Mavuno peeps? I go to Mavuno and if the guys are there are fogothare I need to know before one prophesies of a union between me and him from the Lord…lol

    abantugirl.wordpress.com

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  265. Haha, nice one Biko. Story of our lives. I hope there’s a part two coming up…did the lads bite?
    That line about him not going to Mavuno…winner! Mavuno peeps mko wapi? say something 🙂

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  266. dates don’t make a marriage or excellent families, this is shortsightedness, getting good men is beyond dirty nails or empty wallets, it takes a smart lady to read a blank cheque in any man of potential, come for such training. The Dr lady is turning 37 today still searching- SAD

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  267. “Oh, she also wants a tall man, but you know how it is gentlemen – there is what they want and then there is what they need.” haha..so true! ION, I bet the guy with dirt under his nails had those disgusting long nail-ed small finger! Why do guys do that though????

    Reply

  270. Interesting piece ! Just to add my thoughts , if someone needs a KE P11 , my colleagues filled out a template version here https://goo.gl/0zIA4v

    Reply

  272. Seems l hv been living under a stone. First time here a friend just shared it apparently from their memories on FB. Absolutely in love with the piece and low key relating . Am definitely here to stay

    Reply

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