Quick One


I’m in Addis. Transit from Paris, from Poland, from life to life. 

I’m in the business lounge because Remy Martin paid for the Business tickets. It’s 6:30am. A man sleeps with his mouth open in the seat across from me. A businessman who has a presentation tomorrow when he will be in a crisp suit and talking numbers. For now he’s just a human being, a vulnerable one who has his mouth open. He has no blog deadline to worry about. He’s not thinking, ‘What reason do I give le Gang for not posting today?”  

I have no blogpost today because for the past week I have been having long days seeing sights and sounds of Europe and having late nights smelling and drinking cognac. It’s Remy Martin’s fault, that we are here on a Tuesday with no post. However, si next week is also another week? 

Thanks for understanding. I knew you would. 

Otherwise your lives are good? Anything exciting happened to you last week?

See you in three hours Nairobi. 


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    1. Because there’s no story today, here’s a short one, There was a wedding where someone objected to the marriage before the vows.

      So I watched this wedding where the bride had only known the groom for what seemed like a day. They didn’t seem a good match (she was a few good feet taller than him) and it looked like it wouldn’t work.

      Anyway, they’re at the altar, the priest says his line and this dude storms in with his mate and he yells “I object!”. And he confesses his love for the bride. The groom’s buddies become physical and a fight breaks out.

      Long story short, the groom gets eaten by a dragon and the bride becomes an ogre and they now live in a swamp with their three kids. So I guess it worked out for them.

  1. So I just stopped at my desk because an email notification popped up from Biko Zulu, I was going to grab a cup of tea and I thought, “That can wait, right?” and here you are, or there you are in Addis.

    All the best and safe travels

  2. In my head, I thought Biko amejipanga. He’ll still post regardless of his Cognac trip. I’m disappointed, but si ni life. Can’t wait for next week post.

  3. I hope Remy Martin has a bottle that can cure withdrawal symptoms,
    I also hope they don’t mind sending it my way….they don’t? Good.

    Anyway, next week is indeed another week, welcome home Biko.

  4. in the office am the only one who has subscribed so I alert the others. immediately I saw the email alert I informed everyone that a story is out. You have spoilt our Tuesday.

  5. Nooooo! No! Whaaat! Anyway it’s okay. This Remy was actually a “real” human friend or just that very expensive liquor in a beautiful bottle! Thanks.

  6. mmmnhhh feel robed of something that am accustomed too ..like its mine to have… Anyway since I got no control of the pen n the writer …I remain like a man with an idea with no finances..


  7. Remy Martin needs to make it up to all of us who did not travel business class and our only consolation was tuesday read, all with me say Ayyyyy

  8. Hi Biko,
    Thank you for sharing the happenings throughout your journey. It’s like I was there. Remy Martin team choose the best ambassador!
    Welcome back home!

  9. failure to plan is planning to fail……….That was my high school motto! Nyasae!! Yaani you didn’t have a plan B? I need something strong to help with my withdrawal

  10. What now Remy should know how much I wait for Tuesday hope I’ll get through this week without reading all the stories ave read here before

    1. Oriti is kwaheri in Dholuo. Literal translation is May he/ she watch over you, or for religious folk, may God watch over you.

  11. This is becoming a very complicated relationship First I couldn’t get notifications to your posts, now I get one only to find out there’s no blog this week? Aiiiii Chocolate man! Ata nimecatch

  12. Biko darling, I know we complained about not getting email notifications and you asked that guy ..what’s his name again? .. to fix it for us. Good guy that one.
    But now we(solidarity people ..ehe..) are getting more that a single notification. Happened to me last week and today. Anyone else? No?

    Come back quick, we have a situation.

  13. Your opening statement just made my heart sink…. I knew there’d be no post. If not for the love I have for color and reminding myself that you have a beautiful colorful suitcase… ME being the Queen of Colour and your suitcase making you the King of Colour… I wouldn’t have forgiven you… BUT… I forgive you coz your articles tear into my being and let me review my analysis of life. Wanere next Tuesday! It had better be Mach!

  14. Maybe you don’t know,but some of us are addicted to Tuesdays because of the posts,I have to get a dose before my work continues…..

  15. Why chocolate man, why!? I hope you choke on that cognac….
    On second thought, that means no more posts, hmmm……how about you take it easy on Remy and have a do over when you land. The week is still young

  16. Nothing much… a place with sign ya it’s a corruption free zone was rocked with corruption deadly sana,
    I am saying novenas for Kevin hart and his vocals, becaise he is a short, annoying man with a grating voice that I can’t just shake
    The galana kolalu was given a clean bill of health and i want to take a bite of that……
    We are still massively polluting the earth…
    Same same tu

  17. There is hilarious story I was told, about youthful folly! Kept thinking it should be shared with you by the source as it would make for a great read.

  18. Biko, you should have gotten a female from Poland to share a story and keep our hope for a read alive.
    No, I don’t understand. Safe skies!

  19. Enjoy for two Biko!Did I tell you am learning how to ride a bike?of course I didn’t but you asked what exciting thing happened right?so here goes, started my classes last week, it’s so much fun! Like a rebirth! My mom doesn’t know, she wil freak out of course because watu wanaolewa na ww ni nduthi umeona? Am really happy though,genuinely happy and content. Living life on my own terms.

  20. Understood, but i can’t stop thinking, it is not only your traveling back that is going to cost me another weeks’ wait, but also your traveling out, so why was I not told when you were leaving that this would happen? At least i would have grown a few shock absorbers by now.

    Also safe travels so we don’t miss next week’s one.

  21. It’s ok Biko. I am still catching up with the other stories since I was a bit late joining the blog, but now I am here to stay :-). I surely hope you will be serving us some Remy Martin next week.

  22. I should have read this post before seeing you after you arrived from the flight. I kept on tasking my brains and only remembered it should be Bikozulu after the bus left.
    Next time( incase it happens) on behalf of the le gang, I will request for a face to face response incase we miss your posts for such a long time.

    I missed the opportunity to say hi.

    Silent reader.

  23. I figured this would happen. As soon as i saw his posts on IG, I psyched myself for a post such as this one. Anyway! The picture of the drink you put up is excellent. It brings good memories, i shared a bottle with a friend. I love that Remy Martin bottle. Something about the bottle makes you love it.

  24. Since tumecheswo, I once heard this short story that has sex, royalty, mystery and religion.

    “My God!”, said the Queen. “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it.”

  25. Noo, I got played! Damn you Remy Martin!
    I thought the business man was going to wake up, yawn, stretch,…..,tell you his story…..

  26. Going by the comments, we all clearly have different ways of expressing our love to Biko. Which is quite hilarious. Biko, what we complaining humans are trying to say is that we love you and are looking forward to reading more captivating stories next Tuesday. Safe Travels! And then….proceed to be happy for him on his collab with Remy Martin 🙂

  27. Gosness and the way i saw my email pop with a notification and i started salivating for today’s read. No sawa Chocolate man. Next week…

  28. I got the email notification and notified everyone that I was going out for lunch. I rarely do. Kumbe quick one is just quick one.

  29. …i.e. as far as le Gang is concerned, you’re in arrears.
    PS: if you’re in Addis, does that mean Rémy doesn’t trust KQ? Or is that a table I should t shake for now??

  30. It felt like taking a Mombasa bound bus from River-Road Stage, Nairobi and asking all passengers to aligh at Railways roundabout, even before we could recline the seats? ati the driver was not ready, Hehe, how could you?

  31. Short story….

    With the excitement of a new month running around social media like flue, this girl seemed to catch it too. Cliche I bet but she would justify it because her birthday is or was on 2nd of September. So she went to instagram and posted a flowery circle with the words september written in the middle, cheezy right?
    Only different thing about her post was the caption. It was more of those happy new years message that people send but she was writting it to herself.
    After the post she grabbed her new notebook ( I mean, everyone has a new notebook at the begining of the year) and she decides to journal. She planned out her week and although monday would be her birthday, she still put down tasks/ activities like “study PPP” we both know she wouldn’t.
    Monday came and like every kenyan does, they go out for nyama choma and drinks. Then they get home late, probably 3am, and they lie to their tipsy self that they will watch a series “The order” while drinking wine from the bottle. I mean, we have whole week birthdays on this side of town. Tuesday morning she wakes up to more movies and decides to nap although she already got Theee Biko Zulu email. She gets herself together at around 3pm and decides to check her new notebook on the days activities and at the end of the list reaks “Biko”.
    She remembers she got an email notification. So she turns down the loud music playing “5 seconds of summer”, she gets to her favourite reading spot and then Biko. Biko decides to blame it on Remy. Remy probably has no idea he is being blamed for giving Biko a really good time that he forgot about his family.
    My heart hurts, I hate love Remy. Yes. Hate love cause hell I love Biko and I will not move out of this seat till I get the next post.
    But then my cake needs me to eat it so I will have that and look back on posts I probably missed when I the page’s email notification had gone to Addis with good old Remy.

  32. I new this would happen when i saw that Europe trip! someone had to be shortchanged and it was Le gang!! forgiven but you owe us two…

  33. And here I am beating myself for not checking on your post, kumbe wewe haina story, like running to a meeting only to be told “It was postponed, you didn’t get the memo?. Dang!

  34. When I saw a boti of Remy Martin I knew there was problem.. issokay next week we will still be here. Safe travels

  35. I saw the notification, I quickly made a cuppa and came and settled comfortably with my laptop. Biko! How now?
    Anyway, you are forgiven. Next week it is, God willing.

  36. Biko you’ve got jokes. Andika blog and schedule release while you are traveling. Masira Ma nade ni. Choke!
    Also, enjoy your trip.

  37. Haiyayayaya..I almost forwarded this to le guy without reading to update him on this week’s blog!
    Cheeeso, umetucheza wallahi

  38. Quick One! Then Addis, Remy Martin… How about you come with a case, teach some of us how to smell it too as consolation…

  39. Wee bana. Tuesday is a commitment, a date. Prancing in Europe or not. Short of having a negotiation with your maker for your earthly lease, you don’t get to stand Tuesday up and give this type of flimsy excuse. Do better man.

  40. Really Chocolate man? Yani one wink from Remy Martin and you abandon the loving, beautiful, teary(sometimes), adventurous relationship we have had. It’s sad that we can’t even break up with you but at least I can say utarudi tu. ION huyo Remy is worth a ka50*100.

  41. One day I will tell how MY PHONE disappeared in one of these Double M’s while I was reading one of the men’s series…today I have risked only to get this!! It’s Okay

  42. It’s my first day for industrial attachment at construction site. I came back home very tired and lethargic. I took a hot shower, brewed a coffee and sat on my study desk to check out Bikozulu’s Tuesday blog post thinking that it will revive my energy.

  43. Ok
    But please your poor planning should not be our inconvenience am used to reading articles from your blog on Tuesday that’s what makes Tuesday a Tuesday.
    Next time please plan well ahead so that the your people have something to post for us even in your absense.
    I don’t know what today is now cause it can’t be a Tuesday.
    But ni life!

    Sasa tutadu…

    Let me go find something to help complete this day.

  44. Hahahah reaction to this post is what is interesting. Next week is another week Biko. Just don’t fail next week or we will send DCI over.

  45. And the way I waiting to read the article this evening with bated breath…I’m a bit disappointed but si ni life.
    Safe travels Biko.

  46. I’ve never seen so many comments for a none post and clearly followers ……. Le Fans…….need their weekly fix badly like a gambler needs his bookies! And on that note while you were away Sportpesa is back…..or so they announced!

  47. The bride has been jilted….sobs and more sobs….today is Wednesday. Si you can make up for yesterday tomorrow? Am sure you can. Am waiting for the new notification. Niwaigua…(umeskia)?

  48. Hehehe nice one Biko i was actually hoping to start my day with this story “Quick One” lol only to see its not actually a story….but all the same have a nice journey

  49. Some days can be quite tough. Jana was one of them. A Tuesday Without Biko! Walked around looking for old newspapers for old crosswords. Just to fill the void. But we still love you Biko. As heartbroken as we are, because how can we not. After all It’s you.
    Welcome Home.

  50. Just coz you asked how our week was. My birthday- sato 31st august my childhood friend accidentally dies on…. guess 31st. How do I feel- miserable am I sad- haven’t stopped crying. How do I mourn him- I run 8k a day then Jana went to salon at 8pm cut my hair dyed colour red. Will my mum like it- she will kill me. Do I care- NO

  51. There’s a pose I always take whenever I’m reading from Biko. I always ensure that I have no pending work or any interns sniffing around at my desk. Install my headphones to block anyone who might say Wamlambez and being a mere Kenyan be attempted to reply Wamnyonyez. I then sit at an academic angle and line by line, unwind the magic of the story. Today is a bad day. Hitherto, my disappointment is evident. But I’m only forgiving you because you are Biko. Who can’t forgive the chocolate man anyway…aisuru

  52. Am still in Awe, looking at my cup of tea……Did this just happen. Was so ready for the story, but, alrighty next week itafika tu.

  53. Nnnnkktty!!
    Is that all?
    Ok, my day has been crazygood in a way! I woke up the news that our dog had chased the neighbour up a rat race trap. That is when I realised that a fool is wiser than a teapot.

    True story


  54. Biko, acha pombe sasa. Kama utakunywa pombe unyamaze while my peep huongea na kucheka jioni yote, we hues mek. You should have started a story the Facebook way and leave us in suspense…. Na sisi tujaze ‘F’ for following…

  55. I just bought a mug of porridge from Grogon (Kirinyaga road,if you been here you know how sweet the meals are from this end, like the mutura with kafirifiri!) to have a sitting with this new notification blog post from Biko! I am so over excited as usual as i tap the link then Alas! But why Biko! My energy levels have dropped, its gonna be a long cold Saturday in the office!

    Thanks for letting us know though!

  56. I am sitted at The Java….
    I have just made an order, hot chocolate double…
    …your right, it was really quick….
    Patiently waiting for the next one….

  57. So today, courtesy of Bikozulu, Peter Onyango Onyoyo and Jah, I have added a Dholuo vocabulary to my list. Oriti. I have learnt that it’s a term used to wish people well, when addressing them. May He protect you. Oriti uru.