I bought a ridiculous floppy sun hat from a hawker with brown teeth in traffic. It’s his teeth that caught my attention before the hat did. He grinned outside my car window. He had a smile you wouldn’t hide if you wanted to. It filled my car window, urging me to open the window and engage it. So I slowly rolled down the window. He was chirpy, “Brathe; nunulia bibi, hii,” He rotated the floppy sun hat in his fist. He had many other hats in his other hand. These hawkers have a knack for carrying many things in both hands and yet you can’t even carry three plates.
I said, “Mama? Kwani mimi siwezi vaa?” On a whim, I bought it for 350 bob. His asking price was 800 bob but I twisted his arm all the way to his back. I’ve just touched down in Diani as we speak and I’m rocking the floppy sun hat and embarrassing quite a number of people, I might add. It’s a hat you’ll see women floating under at the Concours d’Elegance, nosing at sparkling cars. You might also see it at those horse derbies or fashionable high teas. Women who wear hats like these usually have on very bloody lipstick like they kissed hemoglobin or killed a goat with their bare teeth, and they hardly ever say much. They just waft around in a cloud of mystery, a handbag hanging from one hand and a drink in the other. And they sigh a lot under the shadow cast by the hat. I’m also sighing a lot under the shadow cast by this hat—but from the heat—not from the excesses of elegance. I bought it for the heat; it covers your whole face, which is perfect. I have a fairly wide forehead and that’s not a forehead you want exposed in a hot place like Diani because it acts like a solar panel. You heat up. Thus the hat. People are staring, of course, but not as much as they would have stared at me back in Nairobi because here there are white folk and you can’t top white eccentrism. I’d rather be stared at than have my whole face peel off from sunburn when I get back to Nairobi.
I’ve started my small holiday. I intend to do nothing for the next three weeks. Nothing. Nada. Honestly I don’t know how not to do anything because doing nothing is tiring. I have two books I intend to read; These Precious Days; Essays by Ann Patchett and One Friday in April; A story of Suicide and Survival by Donald Antrim. I have waited for Antrim’s book since the beginning of this year and it had better be worth the wait. I also have a bunch of podcasts I intend to listen to because I will be writing a podcast next year and a couple of documentaries. There is Grounded by Louis Theroux and This American Life. I intend to do lots of nothing by the swimming pool. Just lie there in stupor, read and listen and stare at the sky. Maybe swim. And drink lots of iced tea which isn’t exactly iced tea in Diani because the ice normally melts before it gets to you, making it just tea. So, yeah maybe just whisky. Sparingly.
What’s going on with you? Plans for the festivals? Going to visit your mother’s, eh? You lucky tossers? Barbeque with family, ey? Road trip with significant others, ey? Or just getting boozed in Numero 5 sending shots for the babes with wild hair in that next table? Whatever the plans, I hope you make a hole in it. I also hope you had a good year, maybe even a great year. I hope you didn’t have any boils or develop weird allergies. I hope your children are healthy and your spouses eventually fixed their snoring. I hope you are going to give to charity this Christmas, children’s homes or those chaps, homeless of Nairobi. I hope you are going to take a moment to tell God thank you because many didn’t make it here today. I hope you know how lucky we are that we are here and we are healthy. I hope you hydrate. And embrace your vegetables.
Like I mentioned here last week. I will be opening this comment section for you to ask me something, anything. If it’s too intrusive I will pass. Or I will send a smiley. We do smileys here, don’t we? I will open this for the next two hours or so because surely, I have a floppy hat to sit under.
Thank you for reading. For liking. For sharing. For commenting. I appreciate your patronage. [ I love that word, patronage, so stuffy. Sigh].
School is officially closed, Gang. Go straight home. No milling about, no horsin’ around, and none of that tomfoolery we witnessed last term when a bunch of naughty boys and girls—you know yourselves—sneaked cigarettes behind the dining hall. You all head straight home, don’t forget your books. Those who performed well here don’t slacken. Those who didn’t, the first to commenters, take time this holiday to think about your lives. The world out there is cruel so decide if you want to have an education or if you want chlamydia.
And Caroline Meryl Ochieng, please stay behind. You too, Tushy. See me in my office.
So long, until we see each other again on Jan 11th, 2022 [That’s Tamm’s birthday.]
Don’t drink and drive.
Oriti.
***
Lastly, if you are looking for a holiday read, get my books HERE.
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First here
Those who didn’t, the first to commenters, take time this holiday to think about your lives.
I don’t have a lust for comments before reading.. id rather comment last… gerrit?
Gorrit.
The “Also Gorrit” below belongs here. Also, Could you Biko make it easier for newbies to access older articles. I spent 3 working days to get to “Something in Jadudi’s head” by clickin on “previous article” a million and two times. TIA.
Hi GG
You can search for the key words on your mobile phone. That’s what I always do to get the results. but it never works on the computer browser
What wouldn’t I do for a Holiday Biko? Because as a mum of two small children, even when I go home I am on my second job. Now I understand why mummy dear couldn’t wait for us to grow up and go to Boarding school…hmmm… probably my kids should go board in her house…now that all the birds have left her nest. Happy Holidays Biko!
Hang tight. They are bound to leave Eventually. Maybe then you wouldn’t have forgotten who you were. Happy holidays.
Also gorrit. Hehee
Never commented but glad to today. Will miss the dose of every Tuesday
See you next year. Stay fit.
Santa bike would love to have one of your books
Happy closing day! Thanks for a year of great stories.
My closing day question is did you fill in the voice over position(s) you had advertised here on this blog a while back?
Happy holidays!
Thanks.
Hey, where do we apply the voice overs gig from? I can’t seem to remember the story the ad run on… Thanks
I would love to know that too, Coz I remember I sent mine and not a squeak since!
Erokamano
In bende, nyakwar dani
Hello Biko,
I’d like to thank you for making my Tuesdays worthwhile. Been a fan since “The 3am man”.
Question, with all the highs and achievements over the years, have you ever experienced Impostor Syndromes? If yes, how do you manage them?
Bushkid. Can you catch a grasshopper? Yes of course, there are moments of great self doubt. Somehow I get over them because what’s the other option? It’s a cycle but thankfully I know what causes it and how to mitigate it.
Are the voice over positions still open? Can I still apply?
Yes please
Hallo Biko. All the best doing nothing over the next few weeks . Question; Did the lady daktari ever find love?
Not sure. We lost touch.
Happy to be part of this “cult”. Tuesdays have never been the same.
Also, I read your two book(Drunk & Thursday), great read and been waiting to lay my hands on the next. As you enjoy your holiday, please, have another book coming.
Happy holidays, sir.
No pressure, yes?
None at all…we remain waiting
Very curious to know what happened to the overnight stranger story
Life happens to people. They find a new norm. The sun rises. And sets.
I also find myself randomly thinking about this story. Together with the kina” Njeri’s and Madhe ” story from the Hurricane.
It’s been awesome,thank you for each and every story.I look forward to more funny,sad, intriguing, happy and a combination of all of that in the next year Happy Holidays Biko.
Be safe and thanks, Anne
Thanks for all the stories you make me look forward to Tuesday.
See you next year
InshAllah
Thanks Biko for making us smile this year (and the years before) …. I see you have a January birthday to celebrate… throw mine in there too, right after Tamms’.
Question ….. Have I missed any interview of you say like on Engage? I really kinda need to put a face on thy forehead 🙂
Cheers to you and fam!! Remain Blessed!!! Merry Christmas and a dope tweny tweny tweu!!!
You had me at “tweny tweny tweu!” Oh ye cool kids.
You said your forehead is like a solar panel Biko . I will never forget that one.
I’m glad my forehead is your source of amusement.
Thank you for making our Tuesdays brighter.
Thanks, Mose!
Biko!!!
Directions to your office please.
I won’t even lie, I’m jumping up and down after reading this. My favourite writer mention me on his blog. Nishikiliwe mimi.
Biko, thankyou for making my year.
You know what I’m gonna do, frame the part you mentioned me because this girl is a lot of things and vain is one of them.
Biko mentioned me, me! (Continues shouting and jumping up and down)
Here’s my question for you, may I see a picture of you in the big hat, when I come by your office?
That will be grand, only I haven’t been in to the office since March 2019!
Oh well, I will take that no gracefully, like a lady.
Happy holidays 🙂 , looking forward to the podcasts
Tushy, could you by any chance be having a handbag or anything so I play pretend to be carrying it for you, if only to accompany you to the office?
Chocolate man, you’re not averse to chivalrous-handbag carrying dudes accompanying Tushy, now are you?
If they don’t have a tweezed out eyebrow, I’m cool.
Oh Mash, I’d have allowed you to carry my very big water bottle and accompany me to the office, but Biko says he’s not been to the office for quite a while now. Sobs.
Thank you chocolate man for making our Tuesdays amazing .Happy holidays!
Happy holidays, Kavata.
photo of the hat or it never happened. (tongue in cheek)
What kind of doctor, are you Caymil?
i have no plans yet apart from healing a flu i picked up. I turn a year older on Christmas and am scared of this new age
Just follow your heart. Age will have to follow you.
Hi Birthday mate! Me myself I am facing this birthday and the new age with defiance. I’m like: “What d’you got?”. In the words of Biko, I have bunched up a fist to punch it in the gut. You are welcome to this wozap group. Ala?
Sending lots of love from +250. Been here since Januari. Wish you all the best!
Come back with an accent. Happy holidays.
Aye, now that we are asking questions and whisky has been mentioned, sparingly. Biko, nikutumie till?
For the first time in my life I am sad that school is closing .
Biko I love you! Thank you sir for blessing our Tuesday morning without fail. My year has been super eventful. So much has happened, both good and bad but botton line is that I am grateful to God for seeing the end of the year (almost)
I wish you a happy holiday. Please stay hydrated and love your vegetables . Oh, shine with your ugly hat too
See you next year majaliwa!❤
I salute you for giving us an agenda every Tuesday and some odd Thursday’s. Everything about your written word is real and relatable…it’s become our mirror and window at the same time.
If you could consider a sequel to ‘Drunk’…
Happy Holidays from me and my daughter…she almost pulled a ‘Thursday’s’ on me though love and common sense prevailed and she is still in Uni!
FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! Damn, this has been one hell of a year Biko i honestly can’t believe I’ve managed to survive it lol. Anyway, a few good things happened to me 1, I managed to get both your books delivered to me in Uganda (I won’t stop bragging about your message to me), 2. I got an amazing internship and I’ve been retained as we speak. Ye, go figure. 3, my birthday is on Saturday. I’d appreciate a shout out on your story, kidding,that’s too much to ask. My question as we break off is one, kindly share your position on this whole “everything happens for a reason” narrative because i categorically reject this idea and want to know if I’m just stubborn and too agnostic about it. Being comfortable with accepting that “shit happens” without trying to reason with why it did, is important. So Biko, i want to know your POV on this, thanks.
Hey Biko,it’s been a pleasure ‘patronizing’ your blog for the last couple of years,thank you for the great work,the 2 books are a great read as well.
My question,what other blog would you recommend,mostly just for the humour content?
Much obliged sir.
Thank you for always delivering Chocolate man, I always be waiting for Tuesday mornings
Happy holidays Baba. Plenty love from Uganda ❤️❤️
God bless that your forehead
Thanks, Ssebo
From sh 800 for the hat to sh 350, your negotiating skills should be tapped kutusaidia tukilipa mahari.
Thanks Biko for keeping us entertained through out the year
Last year you gave the Gang a Christmas gift of ‘Thursdays’, when do we expect a new book from you?
Next year.
I am a cult member who hardly ever comments. Enjoy doing nothing .
Thanks, Cartoon Network.
Enjoy the holidays, Chocolate Man.
See you on Tamms’ birthday, inshallah.
Hello Biko, thanks for the consistent posts. They usually give one something to look up to on Tuesdays. It’s like your offering to us. We all assemble at your shrine and receive our nourishment without fail. Question, did you, from a young age know that you would write as a career? When starting out did you fear getting criticized and how did you overcome that and do it anyway? Were your parents for it, if not, how did you still do it anyway and make peace with the fact that you would disappoint them?
Thank you for the weekly stories. Happy holidays Biko
I’ll be in Diani with family the last week of December. Would it be too much to ask to meet with you, by your pool and at your convenience?
Hi Biko, have you kept in touch with the lady from “They were birds but they didn’t sing?”. If yes, how is she?
She fell off the radar.
That story made me cry a water fall. I hope she is ok.
Im in my late, very late 20’s,,and i worry alot about the future. Im one of the unlucky tossers who wont visit their mothers, coz, she visited the big guy. Am Simon, like your dad,, something in common to throw in.
Anyway,, advice the 29 year old you. Just few lines to make me sigh.
The shit you are stressing about now will mean squat in a few years. Live your most authentic life.
Thanks for keeping us here with your creativity in writing……when I grow up……. In the meantime please lose the hat as soon as you board back to Nairobi. Let’s catch up on that whiskey sparingly. Enjoy your vacation. In whose hands are we safe while you are away?
40 in January, and it appears to me now there is no hope I will ever make it. All those hopes and ambitions now seem like invalid dreams we had when we were young. Is this the thing they call mid-life crisis?
Painfully shy human(who has mustered the art of feigning confidence) stepping out of their cocoon to give a shout out to their fave writer…ardent fan since waaaaay back when..
Wrote to you/your team asking about the possibility of getting an autographed copy of Thursday, got blue ticked 🙁
Any way you could make it happen?
Otherwise, happy hols to you and yours.
Sorry about that; Eddy must have been twisting his locks. Please email me and I will make it happen.
Teacher, Teacher I have a question…. What is the one thing you have learned this year from your interviews?? (Cliche but I’m curious)I know parents do not have a fav child (yet use one of the kids date of birth as password) but which story did you enjoy writing?? Last but not least hakunaga scholarship ya Master class??
This needs a bit of mulling. Will get back to you.
Happy Holidays!
Biko stop by nyali on your way to Nairobi I will cook you anything as long as a Kikuyu can cook. I have no story for you to write about but it would make my 34yrs of life worth it. My report card says I read through all your articles so I have been a good student.
I’m your neighbour Kari. Call me when he arrives we have some Mukimo together. Happy Holidays.
Biko can I see the man behind this informatice blog? As a lotal fan, that’s all I’m requesting. A picture of you. To see the man in flesh.
I’d like to see your legendary forehead. It woujd be even better now that you have a floppy hat to hide it in. But just a selfie of you, Biko. Adwa neniye yawaa. Adwa neno this man who writes so beautifully.
I hope I’m not asking for too much.
Erokamano
Chieng moro wabiro romo, nyathiwa.
At least you’ve not been told you have a balcony for a forehead yet Biko. Happy Holidays.
Sending love from +256. Tuesday flavour will be missed during the break. Happy holidays chocolate man!
Stay Taliban!
Happy holidays 🙂 Also I’d love to read something on your podcast next year.
Happy holidays, Annetamed (I see what you did there!)
Hello Biko,
2021 has been kinda tough on me but your articles have made some of the tough moments bearable. Thank you for making me laugh randomly on some Tuesdays. Merry Christmas Biko. Men like you deserve happiness that you consciously / subconsciously give to strangers like me. How does it feel being Biko? Listening to all these stories and writing as beautiful as you do? If you were to describe the feeling in a fruit, what fruit would it be?
See you on the opening day Biko. Please don’t be late.
Haha. A fruit! That’s original, I will steal that question! But a pawpaw, for sure . Pawpaws are so kind to our guts.
Are you single?Married?Seeing anybody?Or it’s complicated?
Happy holidays our chocholate man!
Happy holidays, Ndush
Hi Biko, the Tuesdays read have been interesting and worthwhile. Enjoy your holiday and Merry Christmas. Thank you.
Thanks Monica and stay safe.
Biko you are gifted. Thank you for sharing this amazing gift with the world. Maybe someday i will make it to your buyline. Maybe i will order your books which you were delivering personally last year. Have a great holiday.
Have a lovely season!
Thank you for keeping us entertained this whole year. I was glad to have something to read every Tuesday. I also learnt a bit from some of the stories.
Wishing you a great festive season. Now what will we read when you are away? Oh I got Jack and Jill book but already done.
Stay safe and thank you once again.
Thank you for the fabulous reads.. Happy holidays Biko.
My comment never appears,, why?
This appeared.
Thank you Biko, you are the best. I have no question, just wishes for a great holiday and a great year ahead for youband your people.
Hello Biko
Kindly refer me to the doctor you mentioned in your story “This Is Nuts”
Drop me an email I send you his number.
Happy holidays Sir!
Thanks Biko for lighting up my tuesdays since 2018. Except for the aforementioned incidences, students have been on their best possible behavior, and yes, we shall be “good” students ready to be educated come next term.
Has 2021 been a good to you? P.S not asking for a friend
2021 has been excellent for me! What about you?
I read “A brief history of seven killings” after you mentioned it and that Sir Arthur intro sure sounded like an excerpt from your blog… 🙂
Happy holidays!!
Thank you Biko for making our Tuesdays interesting. Blessings galore to you and your family. Cheeers
Damn-n..I can’t believe you have left us gawking at this goodbye summary…just like that.
Obviously you won’t stay ‘relaxed’ for long,there will be some characters worth sharing..eeh writing about!
Well,have a lovely holiday,use some sun tan lotion, yeah..smack it especially on arms& face.
See you ..as we troop in for Tams birthday(Kenyan style).
Enjoy yours, Cathy K
I’m I late to the party?Oh my Biko,thank you for.making my Tuesdays amazing.I always look forward.
I had written you an email sometime back.
Happy holidays chocolate man!Merry Christmas and a happy new year.
I still read Overnight Stranger, for some strange reason, I don’t know why. Also, what eventually happened?
Happy holidays, remember to wear sunscreen on that forehead
It has been real bro.
Till next year, keep rocking.
Read you later.
Peace!!!
Happy holidays Chocolate man.
Have a lovely one!
Biko, you give Tuesday meaning; all the other days of the week already have a reputation of their own. I know you know them. Thank you for Biko Tuesdays!
See you in your next Master’s class. I’ll be the one wearing a sun hat. And no, I don’t have a big forehead.
Clearly define ‘drinking whisky sparingly’. What’s the point?
You are right. I have since changed my position on the whisky maneno.
Biko, thank you for sharing your art with us. We are a very privileged lot. May your creative juices never run out.
Question: Is there a third book in the pipeline? Thursdays and Drunk left us thirsting for more ( haha pun fully intended).
Thank you for consistently obliging us with your posts every week .
This year has been tough, the pregnancy took so much from me but it added a new friend. A son, my little leonell ❤️so for that and many more I am grateful. It’s my prayer that 2022 will be amazing with this new bundle of joy
What’s one thing you want to instill in your kids as they grow older?
Huge fan of Ms Tams
Happy closing day to us all. Since I have no questions, I’ll stick around to see what y’all are asking.
What is the best advice you can give a 29 year old who is looking forward to settle down after hitting 30 next year? Also any life advice whether financial etc will be really helpful.
Can we have “men and marriage” series next year? I really enjoyed
Won’t that be akin to banging on an old drum?
I really enjoyed this series too. I feel like there are so many untold stories out there. Besides, baba Tams, an old drum has this deep comforting thud from years of being….. banged. It reassures us that others have been down that road, and they came back alive. Whatever it is, it shall pass. Please do ‘men and marriage’ pliiiz.
Taking a holiday at Diani too
Will be checking out for a guy with a floppy hat or a massive forehead. Do not snoob me when I find you Biko
Have you ever tasted camel’s milk?
(Not a serious question, I just want you to respond to this comment, hehe)
What interview made you self-reflect on some of your behaviours and/or attitude to life?
Do you try more to be original or to deliver to readers what they want?
If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?
Most do, actually. They all come with lessons. But often almost all of them make me appreciate life more and live a life devoid of baggage.
2. I try to tell a great story all the time .
3. I have been very fortunate in this journey . I wouldn’t do anything differently.
Happy to have read you all year
Looking forward to more and maybe a new book? Yes? I nibbled on Thursdays for a month! with no shame.
Enjoy your holidays
Nibbled. Like a biscuit. I like. Thanks
Now that I stay in Diani with nowhere to go, if you ever want to chat with a local, hit me up…mJava Diani is chill…Happy Holidays.
Drop me an email with your number and let’s have a drink at Forty Thieves this evening.
Si it was closed?
Your work is great Biko. I have read your posts consistently since 2018 and I am not leaving for sure!
Please don’t. Thank you.
Hello Biko! Enjoy Diani. If the spirits of your ancestors summon you to travel to Kendu bay you can hit my inbox I can join you at Big Five (nice one for old folks like yours truly) or the new one I heard called Piccadilly or something. Baraka Tele Jaduong’
Piccadilly is the happening place now. Next year Feb I will be there. Drop me an email with your number wuod Kendu.
It feels like you broke up with mama watoto as you said( re-arranging furniture ) in your last man talk column. Now it seems there is someone since you now have someone to fight with over Enashipai 🙂 Mmerudiana ama bado mmeachana?
Uko na umbwakni sana, Wambo. (I love that slang).
Thanks for hosting us in your shindig all year long Biko. How about something you unlearned this year, could be in vain or pivotal in your life?
I may be those ones who visit the coast when everyone else is gone, along with the noise, play, laughter and pimp. But I have to work through the days left of the year. See… I mean read you after eleventh.
Happy holidays
There is still “pimp” now before next week when the herd comes in.
I am reminded every Tuesdays that i need get your books, Procrastination. No question there but ‘?’
Get them.
You ain’t alone.
Biko you didn’t tell us the story about the ladies who knock and claim they are from the bank
We try again in 2022? Donge?
Happy Holidays Biko
Be safe, Kyoshi
Hey Biko, will you do a Master Class next year in Mombasa Insha’Allah?
That would be dope, ey? Near a beach. Madafu etc
Thanks for hosting us in your shindig all year long Biko. Happy holidays. How about something you unlearned this year, could be in vain or pivotal in your life?
Milk is overrated.
Wariti, I hope this year brings joy and happiness and prosperity to you too Biko. Thanks for making my year, our year great.
You annoy at times but you’re a charm most of the time. For the annoyances I choose to pass and celebrate the best moments you gave me/me.
Merry Christmas and Happy and Prosperous New year y’all.
Ha-ha. Too kind. So gracious. Thank you, sir.
All i want for Christmas is my family and boiled kienyeji chicken. Haven’t been home since March 12, 2020. I miss home. Can’t wait to be home again! Thank you for the amazing reads this year! I hope your iced tea is icy this time see you on 11th. Happy holiday!
We can only hope, can’t we Mbithe? Happy holidays.
There’s that lady who went through literal hell. The story was “The birds did not sing.” and all she wanted was to listen to some music and I remember you bought her a phone..? Would you know how she is…?
Happy Holidays Biko. Will miss this class.
I tried her number a month ago, it was off. 🙁
My Tuesday’s have been great all thanks to you. Happy holidays to you and yours. I’m looking forward to reading you next year. Inshallah.
Have a lovely one, Cecilia.
Happy holidays Biko. Thank you for always making my Tuesdays. I admire how well you write.
Ahsante Kuse.
You leave me balancing tears of happiness and of sadness, thank you for reminding us that humanity is what we humans choose. Happy holidays
Thanks for reading.
When is your next masterclass? How long (days/weeks) is the class?
We are doing something new next year. New format, et al. I shall communicate that when we have crossed the t’s (Who speaks like that?)
Bwana Biko, I thank you sana for keeping me/us thoroughly entertained week after week. I did pick up an allergy against honey this year but otherwise the year was great and I am thankful. I made a silent prayer for you last week when you posted about your exhaustion. May you be refreshed during your holiday!
I have no question. Just loads of gratitude and good wishes. I could send you avocados but you’re away – and they don’t keep well. Merry Christmas!!!
It has been a great year here. Thank you * Ohhh wait! Wait! Year and here might be the same thing to someone I guess *
What thing in your life would you give up in an instant if it got you to an even better place than you are now?
Before we tackle chlamydia…how is everything in Nairobi nursing a flu? I have one…it’s terrible. I could definitely use some Diani Sun.
Did you have an epiphany this year? Which one tops your list and why?
Epiphany? Such things don’t happen to me, unfortunately.
Before we tackle chlamydia…how is everyone in Nairobi nursing a flu? I have one…it’s terrible. I could definitely use some Diani Sun.
Did you have an epiphany this year? Which one tops your list and why?
Happy holidays
Close sch and invite me to your office too.
Together with Meryl and Tushy,
I wanta see what happens in the stay behind business
Happy holidays!! I enjoyed posts thoroughly in 2021 and look forward to many more in 2022.
Until, then, Hilda
Wishing all the best…
And you, boss
Am an old, old student. Happy holidays chocolate man. I always look forward to Biko Tuesdays. May the Big man upstairs bless you mightly.
Merry Christmas Biko. May you and your family have the best one yet.
Are more interviewee’s getting cold feet? So many stories this year have just left us hanging.
Alafu Biko, you always mix names up. Like those folk you tell your name is Belinda then they end up calling you Bephine. And you can’t do nothing because they’re the Big Kahuna in the pecking order.
A Happy first Anniversary to Bumble Bee and Peter Wesh, a Happy second Anniversary to Mr and Mrs Cliff-the-tall.
Merry Christmas gang. Don’t overdo Christmas. Don’t overeat, don’t overdrink, don’t overdrive. Christ is the reason for this season.
Everything in moderation and see you in 2022.
Thanks, Caro.
Thank you Biko for keeping us entertained all through the year. Blessings to you and yours. Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
How does one fix snoring…
Chokehold.
Thanks for recognizing us – the last to comment. Yes, I had a good year, but the spouse is yet to fix his snoring. Recently got him a CPap machine, hoping that it will improve my quality of sleep and reduce my murderous thoughts brought on by insufficient sleep.
Enjoy your break, and the hat. I will get one for myself too. See you next year.
@Kerubo, Where can one get a CPAP Machine at a fair price . I need one before am dispatched to my maker.
Nowadays I scroll down first to assess if it is an actual post because PTsD Biko, you should be classified right below MDMAs.
I’d like help with social media. Social media: Twitter, FB, linkedIn Instagram posts. What are your price bands, say x posts per week/ month across the 4 channels costs yKsh
—Social media: at least 1 tweet a day, at least 1 LinkedIn a day, at least 2 Instagram a week for a corporate account, liked by personal account.
—Draft an articles: per word cost?
Those who performed well here don’t slacken. Those who didn’t, the first to commenters,take time this holiday to think about your lives. The world out there is cruel so decide if you want to have an education or if you want Chlamydia.
Aye Biko you have chosen to sidestep my question but okay, merry Christmas to you and yours.
Happy Holidays to all of you!! And to you Biko!! You made me look forward to Tuesdays..I love Tuesdays and your stories are a huge part of the reason I do…GENTLEMEN has been my favorite story this year..I loved it and cried as I read it
And to the Gang!! Y’our comments are always amazing. Even the “First to Comment” Take care of yourselves this December!! XoXo
Somewhere in the coastal regions of the world, there’s a couple taking a stroll on the beach. One of them would complain about the hot sun and while the other just shrugs it off as if the heat was nothing but a bothersome housefly. After a while, the complainer turns to their partner and says,” I think I know why you’re not bothered by the heat”. The partner chuckles. “Do tell,” they say.
“well,” the complainer replies, “its hard to feel this sun when you’re still living in your father’s shadow”.
Haha. Send me the paybill of wherever you will be having your beers.
Happy holidays Biko and a blessed 2022….I enjoying reading your articles…
Happy holidays, Ann
Biko, you still never told me whether Mwendwa in Thursday died. nijibu kwa upole tafadhali. Halafu, are you giving us another book soon? Happy Holidays!
Kwa upole haha. Because you bruise wasy ey? Mwendwa didn’t die. He fell from the chandelier . He still has headaches from that fall.
Happy holidays brother. Rest and recharge. See you in the new year Inshallah
Enjoy your holiday doing nothing sir..
Ahsante
Throughly enjoyed reading your articles and some of your neophytes in class!
Enjoyed the break and recharge.
I intend to register for your writing class mid next year.
Oriti.
Ero kamano
I am working through Christmas, including on the day itself. I wish all of us good times. I’m grateful that I, and all my loved ones have made it this far safe and healthy. These are blessings that surpass all fun that is to be had.
And Biko, sorry about last week, man. You sounded terrible. I hope you don’t go down that road again.
I’m out.
I promise I won’t.
Uncle Biko! In finding this blog I found a treasure. Grateful for the GANG too! I look forward to the comment section (Hi Tushy, I see you shining in the hall of fame). You light up every Tuesday.
A big thank you to Eddy for the days he steps in. Never a dull day in here.
Also, can we please have your books in a Ugandan bookstore for easy access?
PS; I need a signed copy of each.
Happy holidays Uncle Biko and the Gang!!!
Thank you and we shall organise.
Have the best holiday, Biko. Happy birthday to Tamms in advance
Most memorable location you visited this year? Scenic or otherwise?
Much appreciation from
Aaaah Biko, You are a golden touch to my mind. I love you/r persona and work since 2014 (backwards and forth haha). Thank you so much for reaching us crafty and intriguing realities of people. I meditate a lot. Erokamano
I want to start. How do I meditate? Send me links.
I sure will, together with VO clips. haha
Happy holidays, Oriti!
Hi Biko. I hope you’ll see this.
I’ve delayed hoping I’ll be last to comment. Haha. Anyway.
This year has been interesting Tuesday’s especially. I’ve been eagerly waiting for Tuesday’s to enjoy your impeccably well written stories.
Enjoy your holiday. Hopefully next year we’ll meet and be friends. Haha.
Please go through my site n maybe see how it is
https://maishem39.wixsite.com/website
If God agrees.
When is the next masterclass in 2022 please?
We still not sure of dates
Of all your close friends, who constitute the majority, men or women? And by how much?
Women. For every male friend I have two female friends.
I thought so. Happy holidays my male friend.
To you too, my female friend
Happy Holidays Ssebo. When I grow up I want to take a 3 week holiday.
Thank you for the entertainment, it really does warm my heart.
See you next year! Happy holidays
Erokamano Biko. Nothing good happened constantly, throughout the year, every week, every Tuesday than coming here and listening to you tell us these stories. Onere kendo mwaka ojao…
Oriti
Haha Mwaka ojao. That’s deep. Thanks for reading, wuod ma
‘Last to Comment’! Bonnes Vacances Biko!
Great piece on my Birthday. Enjoy your Holiday, and pass my regards to one Ben Japs Ogombe. Tell him Group CEO said Hi.
My comment from Yellow Light was ‘last to comment’.How coincidental
How do you handle writer’s block?
I never have a block. I get writer’s fatigue
Am I ? It’s been a tough year but thanks to all the Tuesdays that came by . Ahsante sana.
Next year we get back in the trenches and do it all over again.
Is been great reading your stories all year long.
Imagine I reward myself with your articles. It’s almost becoming an addiction.
Enjoy the sun and the spinny hat.
Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year to you.
Have a lovely one, Grayce
Hi Biko!
Thanks for the honor of enjoying your literary gems every Tuesday!
The stories-the great lessons.
Happy holidays.
Thank you, boss
How do I apply for the VO jobs? What’s required?
[email protected]. Drop a short demo there.
Enjoy your holidays Biko. You make the cut to maybe 1 – 3% of Kenyans who can afford to go for one in Mombasa during this season. That’s God’s Blessings.
Should we get imaginative why Caroline and Tushy will stay behind? 🙂
Alhamdhulilah. Have a kickass one.
Biko, do you remember the reader from Mbale, Uganda from 11 years ago? I wrote you an email when I was starting a ka-blog back then. Its just an online notepad (https://mwandiko.wordpress.com) but yours inspires us to write something, anything. Thanks for this. Hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday.. Blessings to the Biko gang as well.
Man, Mbale!! I love Uganda. I think I was Ugandan in my next life. Happy holidays!
Thanks Biko for the great stories. I would wish you continue with the manhood stories. Some left a great impact especially the ones who have remained rooted to the course irrespective of the challenges. Hapo sawa bro!!! Happy holidays.
Thanks bro. Happy holidays to you!
Always a pleasure reading this blog every Tuesday for the past 11 years (Well, it used to be Mondays eons ago). Enjoy your holidays Biko.
2021 has been a rollercoaster for me. Very High moments and very low moments. C’est la vie.
January 11th it is.
Next year we try again. Stay positive.
I am going to miss u. You made my Tuesday mornings worth it.
Thanks Emily
Enjoy your holiday
You too Muths. (Do people call you that?)
Enjoy your holiday, Biko!! I love how you bring stories to life and we are able to visualize them and internalize them, hauntingly. If you are taking Christmas or new year wishes, mine is a take two on 40s people – maybe with a twist of not yet out of the woods but holding on.
A thought. Will consider. Happy holidays, Val
He Biko, mine’s really just a thank you for keeping us company throughout the year in this place. I look forward to your articles every Tuesday, and I must admit I get withdrawal symptoms whenever you don’t come through, the same way I used to look forward to your articles on Saturday Nation every Sato. Am yet to recover from the man talk widrawal symptoms but we good. I really wanted to join your Master class this year but I guess is on to the next one. It’s really a pity I haven’t read your two books(no excuses whatsoever) but I give you my word I will before year end. It’s the least I can do to support your work. Thank you once more for keeping us entertained throughout 2021. Enjoy your holidays and God bless
Thanks a lot, for reading and commenting here today. Stay sharp.
Hi Biko!
Thank you for making my Tuesdays worth waiting for ..you are a good writer..quick question,whats your take on men being friends with their ex’s?
There is no cookie cutter way to handle that. Different folks, different strokes. (No pun)
Just glad I share a birthday with Tamms. Capricorns just give you the “look” when you wear floppy hats you shouldn’t be wearing. Merry Xmas Biko to you and Tamm’s family!
Thanks and have a good festive season!
It has been such a year!We have survived !
When the year began,I was so hopeful.I foresaw a December when I’d be showing up at family functions,all glammed up and in colourful ankaras by his side.I crave for love but shit happens sometimes,right?
So here I am,no specific plans for the season apart from going home to my mama.
By the way,how do people find and stay in love?Love that’s true,honest and loyal.
Learn to love yourself first so that you understand yourself way better than anyone else. That’s when you will be able to give love to someone else.
Know what you want in a relationship before getting into one, and speak out your mind openly without fear of losing him. Don’t assume things and hope they/him will get better in the future.
Most of all ACCEPT yourself before you decide to accept anyone
Biko, as someone with a big forehead, I can totally relate to the feeling of it acting like like a solar panel, hehe. Happy holidays everyone! Also Biko thank you for blessing our Tuesdays this year, ciao
and your spouses eventually fixed their snoring…… you should write about that.
Why not
I just wanted to tell you that your blog is categorised as one of my ‘joys’.
‘Joys’ are those special things that I read when I need to lift my spirits, when the days have been shorter than the amount of work that fills them and when everything is all getting a bit much. Then I sit back and savour a ‘joy’ and everything feels much better.
I’m grateful that I have only recently discovered your blog, so the supply still exceeds the demand. Especially as there is only one other blog that fits that category.
So thank you!
Happy Holidays chocolate man, enjoy Diani but visit Mombasa too hapa Nyali
Thanks for lighting up our Tuesdays
Who’s closing the school gate!
Chocolate man, just one request: Please bring back Stale Bread and Joe Black. One guest post each. We want to know what they have been up to lately. 🙂
Thank you.
Happy holidays, Biko
Thanks for making Tuesdays worthwhile
Happy holidays Biko and teammates! Looking forward to 11th Jan and many more great reads!
Been always looking forward to Tuesdays to see a new message pop up and some odd Thursdays. A religious reader and having read the two books looking forward to something coming out soon too.
Next year let’s hope will be kind more than this year.
Osiepna – thanks for a wonderful year. Super grateful for you. Cheers from Yemen #+967
Stay fresh……See you in 22……
Thanks Biko,you inspire me a lot.I love your diversity.You make us people who don’t watch movies to read and enjoy life and spectacular stories!
Enjoy your holiday Jackson!
I am not in the 2-hours window but let me just ……Really Biko??!! Would have stared at you as well.
Until we see each other….2022
Hey Biko! Enjoy your holiday. Thank you for making our weeks with your writing. Amd may your forehead lead the rest of you into tweny tweny too!
I have a truth about a story that was told here …. A lot of truth was left out. It’s one of those you know the truth but you
are reading something else…
What to do?
Happy holidays to you too Biko..
Lucky you Biko! Diani for a whole three weeks? Wish I could have such a holiday. Enjoy. You definitely deserve it.
I enjoy your weekly articles, where did you learn your style?
Fan from Dallas
Please link me to the story you wrote about a warrior out on a raid. Said warrior was in love with a girl above his league. I’ve looked for it in vain. This isn’t really a question, so I will throw in a random question mark here ? and here ? so it fits the quota, And here for good measure..?
Can i borrow those two books after you are done promise to return them
Dear Biko,
You are High Level Influencer for the organization I work for, there is this story you wrote about South Sudanese couple that didn’t have children and the wife asked the husband to marry someone else, I don’t remember if the interview was done in Uganda camps or South Sudan, can you please share the link. I want to send to a co-worker, plus Biko? Have you been to Kakuma?
I want also be in Kakuma, I like humanitarian work.
Help a brother secure the bag
Adios!
It was in South Sudan. I did it for social. You might have to scroll down on my FB page to find it.
I left FB but I will go back for this. Erokamano!!
Happy birthday to Tamm’s in advance.
Wanere!
Just one question, do you read African authors? Your favourite African authors please. In other unrelated news I copied your daughter’s name and gave it to my little girl. It’s a cute name!
Biko, may God continue to show you his grace, mercy and love. You are quite an impressive writer. Happy holidays to you and your entire family.
See you next year Biko
Merry Christmas!! And take care of yourself
I hope to appear on your blog one day one time…
Dude was chirpy haha you have a way with words. Happy Holidays!
He had 1,2,3,..6,..9 kids thereabout although he wanted more fulfillment,
Happy toddlers,teenagers & Ol timers.
A full house of siblings that’d run around the farm during summer when the smell of hay and wordplay were at their peak.
He wouldn’t tire to acquire new breed with his writing seed.
So we grew in number,
and he shifted us to a bigger house, kept the flame up & kept us nourished, ,created a Tue schedule only others lightly fussed about,fed the ol timers great confidence to stand on their own two & backed up their huts……..
I could go and on but mainly yeah,
This is where we, the Gang breed get related by juicy, tragic, clever, enthralling, heartbreaking & magical stories.
Sometimes there may pass noisy idgets and belittling buggers but they go unnoticed in our jolly crowd.
This place is built for us,..And we can’t thank him enough.
Hey Biko,
Mimi ni comments fupi fupi tu, like today’s post. Thankyou. For your stories. For allowing other people share their stories. With this library of human experience, I recognize that there’s so much to be grateful for, to live for, to learn and unlearn. Now we rest, next year we try again. Thanks everyone. See, we made it! Omera, Happy holidays. Happy holidays fam.( i had to say this)
Thanks Biko for making 2021 bearable….happy holidays
Every Tuesday is like Tuesday’s with Morrie. We sit and enjoy the great stories, even the heartbreaking ones. Asanti Biko!
Qn: which personal wrong would you make right if you were to go back in time?
i love you
We are many. It is ‘oritu’. Long live the hat.
Oooh Biko as you do nothing… Please gift me any of your books. Been dying to read them this whole year.. But how do you buy books before your children eat or school fees is paid?
Have you ever considered writing your Eulogy or you will leave it those cyber templates to be edited and fitted to fit you?
Enjoy Diani.. Its been rainy but cool. The pool healed my swollen feet and worn body. I hope it heals your weary self too. No questions just a thank you. Happy holidays & stay blessed
GG, the best way to access a particular previous articles e.g ‘That Thing Inside Jadudi’s Head’ is by googling. That way, you get a link which takes you home straight away.
My brother Biko. We have just come out of the GBV week. Your comment about women who wear lipstick sounds derogatory to our sisters. It is only fashionable in a men’s conference.
Really? And the way I laughed so hard at kissing haemoglobin.
Covid 19 is still with us. Kindly Remember to Wash hands, Mask up and get vaccinated. Merry Christmas All .
Have a blast, chocolate man. You deserve it.
Biko, afoyo matek.
2021 has been ‘deep’ with your writing.
A big fan since a friend introduced the blog.
Eddy, thanks for holding fort when Ladit is out of town.
Gang, shout-out to you all.
Happy holidays.
Karama Maber!!!
Biko, are you tall slim and dark?
I’m reading and commenting a day later, do I too get a hubbahubba mary krithmath!
Love Biko, always XOXO
They say when most people hear your ‘how are you still smiling’ stories they Thank God their lives are not as bad as they thought, you meet a wide variety of people with such, does it bring you down atimes or make you appreciate life more?
Oriti
What inspires your choice of pictures for your blogs? I’m always intrigued.
Those of us who sneaked cigarettes behind the dining hall last term have been smoking them in the latrines. No wonder we never attended the closing ceremony because we chose chlamydia over education…Happy stay at Diani Biko. Find a nice sombrero though and give the hat to “mama” as advised by the hawker.
See you on 11/01/2022 Inshallah!
Happy Holidays Biko! the Tuesday stories and the “Thursdays” book are some of my reading achievements this year!
See you next year! Love from UG
I have waited a whole day and hopefully everyone’s adrenaline has flushed from their systems. And hopefully I’m the last to comment. Biko….I have missing marks in like 5 articles na sijashughulikiwa…so to kill the stress the advice on doing whiskey sparingly won’t be working on me.
Mpaka January kwa upendo wa Maulana
I hope you know how lucky we are that we are here and we are healthy. I hope you hydrate. And embrace your vegetables. ..
Such profounding piece. Lemme call you my muse
I remember bumping into your blog as i whistled through the internet a long time ago (The 40s series). Those days i used to roam the internet for anything good or bad (i was young and curious).
Now i cannot believe the years that have gone by and I’m still here. A perfect example of loyalty, at least in my view.
Just Biko himself and the solar panel nailed it…….mzungu eccentricity I won’t challenge,
enjoy the holidays, give Diani the sparkle and ask the Governor to pave that airport access pathway,……it’s a billionaire’s track for crying out loud
Oriti.
Biko, my goal for 2021,was to see your face .i have two weeks left to achieve it..
Kindly attach your photo in this comment.
Happy Holidays Biko & take good care of yourself.
Enjoy the holiday….under your floppy lady hat!
Stay dangerous Bikozulu..
Happy holidays to you
Thank you Biko for bringing us these stories. Wishing you and your happy holidays and a great new year.
Been a good year all through but not without the ups [good reads] and downs [complete lack of reads] .
Looking back to Desiderata, reminds me “…With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.”
So be cheerful whether you achieved all the plans you set for yourself or not.
Thank you Biko for the good reads.
I feel two hours are due but anyways happy holiday chocolate man
Happy Holidays Biko! Where is the tent of the silent followers. Looking forward to a 2022 of more great stories !No pressure but a new book would be great.Cheers! Greetings from +971.
last to comment (pun intended). Happy holidays Biko and thankyou for always making me look forward to Tuesday’s.
Literally the last one to comment coz I always come here late. Thank God you’re taking a break so I’ll use this holiday to catch up with you. Happy holidays!
The world out there is cruel so decide if you want to have an education or if you want chlamydia.
Is what I’m taking from this read
This is my first time reading your blog and I must say I am impressed
Happy Holidays !
I can’t wait to join one of your writing masterclasses
Thank you Biko, always enjoy the stories. Through a friend I was able to get your Thursday book signed and delivered in +1 East Coast. Enjoy your doing nothing…
To more Tuesdays in 2022
Biko you’re a doctor at this game.See ya…
Happy holidays Biko! Thank you for sharing your creativity with us. I’m looking forward to the podcasts- add Radiolab to the holiday listens.
Happy Holidays Mr.and hope you enjoyed your vacay …always feels great to read your articles
Since 2014…’oh dear’ happy holidays peeps
Podcasts yeeeyyy Finally!!! Prayers been answered n yesss 2022 looks bright!!!
Looking forward to them PODCASTS ❤️
N by the way Biko what happened to the Fireplace ?
Did you ever get the Secret…….
am here on the 31st of dec coz i dont wonna carry over what i didnt read this year to next year.
thanks for keeping it real down to when and if you got defrauded into a story,
The first to comment is the question and answer session open yet?
I got the opening day date mixed up… now I’m here, with my bags… My biggest concern is the chapos I’d packed and the avocados. Shall I take them back home? Or should I just sit down here at the gate and munch them?
Haiya ! 11th January is Melody’s Birthday too !
How are you Melodie , dear daughter ?
How is Dubs treating you ?
Happy birthday in the Emirates
Dad
Thank you papa! You’re first to wish me a Happy Birthday hehe.
I am well, ushered in the new year with 3 days of proper rain.
Hoping all is well with you back home. Missing you lots ❤️
Happy early birthday to Tamm as well
Happy New Year Biko and team,
I have not been receiving email notifications on Tuesday since the year began. Kindly add me again