The Table of Men


This is how I started running. When I was a younger strapping man with a stronger back, and at my first job, I lived in the extension of a corner house in Mountain View estate. The landlady was a very kind South Sudanese lady married to a very mysterious German with twisted whiskers who was always away. They were both always away. [Including the whiskers, yes.] She worked in Geneva with a UN body. He worked for Doctors Without Borders, and so did his whiskers. They had three massive dogs; two elegant German Shepherds and one really badass dog that was half Mastiff and half something that I always presumed to be Lucifer. Those dogs breathed like cows. Fearsome but very lovely beasts. To hold the fort and take care of the household while they were away shaking the bushes was a Congolese fellow called Santa. Yes, like the white-bearded chimney guy. He was a squat and compact fella with a strong, manly face. The kind of face that can sell anything from shaving razors to a national party on billboards. A soft-spoken gentleman. He was the one who took care of her kids and the dogs. I was in my mid-20s and slightly on the heavy side. I didn’t do shit because I had my metabolism do shit for me. I ate everything. I ate late. I drank sodas. 

I am naturally an early riser, and most dawns I’d hear the dogs whimpering and whining as Santa talked to them in his low, musical voice. They were the kind of dogs you talked to. They spoke fluent French.  Santa would say, “Ça Va?” and the dogs would bark “Bien” right back at him. After locking them up he’d go for his obligatory run. He ran each morning no matter the weather or season. As I left for work at about  6:30am, I’d meet him stretching outside the gate having completed his 10kms. He’d always invite me for the next run and I’d tell him, naah, Santa, I’m good. I’m young. I have a great metabolism. 

When I started writing for a men’s magazine, on the first week, the editor [Oyunga] called me chubby which – although it stung my ego – was something I already knew because each time I went up the staircase I could feel my ass jiggle a little…not a lot, just enough for me to feel mortified. But I ignored it because there were worse things happening in the world at that time. [It’s the year Fidel Castro stepped down]. But sometimes you just need one person to tell you the raw truth to get off your [jiggly] ass. So I decided to do something about it. I joined Santa on his next run, and I never really stopped running. Running is addictive. You start with 3kms then you do 5, then 10, 15. You keep pushing the envelope, buying better running gear, obsessing over your time and pace and technique. Before long you are knee-deep and are signing up for half-marathons. The more sane people stop at half-marathons but the real whackos start running full marathons. I think it’s a special brand of madness to run full marathons, because you have to train weekly, which means you have to run like 15 to 20kms almost every other day and that shit just melts your flesh off your bones and before long your face looks like something that can be used to warn trespassers of the presence of an electric fence. 

The natural progression was to join a running group, just a dozen or so people who would run every Saturday. The group became inconsistent at some point and died so I joined another group. 

It’s in this group that I met Nimo*. 

Over post-run breakfasts, she’d drop morsels of information suggesting that she had gone through a divorce and that running had saved her. Things come out of people who are healing or transforming, information wedged between unrelated sentences like plants growing on walls. We ran together as a group for a year or so before the group was killed by Covid. After that, I started boxing for a year at Arboretum, run by a brute of a former boxer called Ominde Live. That was great punishing fun, however, late last year I started travelling a lot and missing training and when you miss training and go back it feels like someone is performing surgery on you without anaesthesia so I slithered away. I started swimming this year and was shocked to learn that I couldn’t swim, not with my terrible technique. One afternoon a skinny guy standing outside the pool told me, while shaking his head, “You are not kicking your legs, your head is out of the water, your strokes are wrong, your body twists too much and your shorts are for walking the beach not swimming.” He said his name was Juma and he could help me stop embarrassing myself. So I signed up. 

A few weeks ago I got invited to a swish party. Guess who I met at the party, in very white sneakers and ragged jeans, picking canapes with the tips of her fingers? Nimo. She was talking about relationships, something about 40yr olds [almost all the men there were in their 40s] being unable to wrap their heads around the current crop of liberated women like her. I was just coming out of a Daniel’s Fast, weak in the knees, celebrating with something very strong [whisky] and feeling gradually light-headed and buoyant like I had a helium balloon inflating in my thorax. I asked her if we could have an interview and that’s how we ended up at Tokyo restaurant a month later. 

The centrepiece of Tokyo restaurant is an old tree that could be an Oak tree or not. It’s a big muscular tree. It towers over a garden dining area. It’s under this tree that she sits talking about her “period pimple.” Remember the young girl from last week, the one who was struggling with addiction and was perspiring because of her period? “A girl I interviewed last week also had her period,” I tell her, “It’s my period moment, it seems.”

“It’s better than the ovulation period,” she says, “It would be too hot for you to get any interview done constructively.” She’s wearing very white sneakers, different white sneakers. They aren’t new. Her DM scrubs everything very clean, she explains, including her walls. 

She got married at 27. Big wedding. “The talk of town.” She was three months pregnant when they got married. The guy was four years older, a colleague at a blue-chip company. “He was the one who interviewed me for the internship job. Very cute guy. I like cute guys.” Courtship included a lot of weekend drinking. He was a spender. “I’d go with my friends and he’d treat all of us. I got pregnant in December and by March we were married. He couldn’t do the whole out-of-wedlock thing because he was raised under strict Christain values, a clergy’s son.” 

When she speaks of him, she has this wistful look that I inquire about, if it is still love. “I loved him very much. We are great co-parents.” A waiter sets salad starters before us in small bowls. The lettuce floats in a broth that is both sweet and tangy. “I think relationships break when a woman loves a man too much. A guy is supposed to love you more.” 

”How do you figure?”

“Because he knows. Men know if you love them too much and they sit back and let you do all the work.”

Anyway, the marriage settled. They got babies. Her career also picked up. But then trouble started. “You can’t tell the true character of a man who doesn’t have money. You only get to know a man when they have money. Shit comes out.” Her husband got a swell job for one of the Fortune 500 companies, taking home over 1 million bob each month. Lifestyle changed; in came the luxury cars and the good clothes and the trips abroad in Business class. “Remember he’s a very cute guy and now he has so much money and he’s driving all these swanky cars and dressing great. Women were throwing themselves at him. Literally. I started seeing messages on his phone and hearing things, and when I asked he’d make me feel like I’m the crazy one. You men have a way of making women feel crazy.”

“How?” I say defensively, as if I was there to defend all men. 

“He’d turn things around and make it look like what was happening was my fault, that I wasn’t giving him enough attention, that I didn’t talk to him like I used to, that I was always busy or whatever. Anyway, I soon discovered he was seeing this one girl from his office. And that girl became a thorn in our flesh for so long. Everybody knew that he was seeing her. We had common friends. One day she even sat with us at a concert with a group of friends, can you believe it? Sat right next to me and I had no clue it was her. The nerve. Anyway, this story dragged on and on, man. We had major tiffs about this girl.” 

On his 40th she threw him a party. They were hosting a group of friends at a garden somewhere; barbeque, floppy hats and things. She was a good wife, running up and down, making sure everybody had a drink and something to bite, saying hello, handing napkins, talking about the weather or complimenting a garment, laughing at jokes. One of his good friends came over to where she was standing with her gin in hand and said, “By the way, I’m so happy because you have embraced what an African woman should do and this is working out.”

“What have I embraced?” she asked him. 

“You have forgiven my boy for, you know, that transgression and let him be an African man and even allowed him to be friends with his exes,” he told her. She said, “What! I haven’t allowed anything, what are you talking abo-…wait, what?! What exes?”  She looked around at the invited guests. 

“This friend of his was truly something. In fact, when we were going through the divorce I ran into him at a reggae concert and he was all over me, telling me how pretty I am, how he has always fancied me, trying to kiss me. I was like, wait, hold up, I thought you guys are friends? My sister had to tell him to back off. In fact, I think I will tell my ex what kind of friend he is.”

Anyway, the marriage got rocky quickly after the 40th. There was a period of separation, a year or so, and then patching things up. There was therapy. More struggles. At around this time some young blood in the office started making eyes at her. He would compliment her along the corridor; say things about her dress. Her pants. In the lifts, his eyes would linger on her. He would say  “I love your cheeks.” Or “those heels really elevate you, you are even more unreachable.” He would notice earrings and hair clips and the colour of her nail polish.  He would say, “You have fantastic shoes. I haven’t seen the green ones in a minute.” So she’d wear the green ones the following day and hope to run into him. He was cute and young and energetic. “I liked the attention for a change. Someone was noticing me. Someone thought I was desirable, attractive. Someone wanted me!” She touches her hair. An affair started and it raged on for a while like wildfire until her husband found out one night, then the wheels started coming off slowly, and then quickly. It was pretty messy as these things go. A lot of harsh words, a lot of hurt words, a lot of gaping wounds and unanswered questions and obscene truths. “He was very hurt. Hurt that I had done the very same things he had done to me over the years.”

They both knew that the marriage had reached a cul-de-sac beyond which only lay mistrust, pain, horrible memories and blame. A decision was made and one day they sat down with the kids after school and told them they would be having two homes now; this house and dad’s house. One of the kids said, “Two homes? So cool!” She told them it didn’t matter, they were both loved very much. “I cried a lot after that conversation.”

“What were you crying about?”

“The loss of family, the very idea of it. You don’t get married expecting to raise your children alone. I wondered what people would say. Men can move on quickly and start dating, even get married, not for women. Mentally it messes you up. We take the burden of divorce harder than men. The stigma of divorce on the woman is just horrible. You are judged and blamed for breaking the family. It’s always the woman’s fault that a marriage ended. You are expected to be a saint and if you dare divorce it’s like the world is ending. You lose friends. I lost many of my girlfriends because I was now a pariah and they couldn’t invite me to the same spaces their husbands occupied. Never mind that these girls weren’t above reproach in their own marriages.”

She stops and takes a deep breath from that diatribe. She’s a bit upset. It’s such a lovely day to be upset. I look up the tree and point out at a branch that has intertwined against another branch. Nature is freaky. 

Lawyers are like flies that settle on the fresh amputation of a marriage. And so there were lawyers and court sessions and nights of tears and insecurity. Nights of wondering if she would be able to manage alone. It was at this point that she discovered running. She bought running shoes and off she went, running away from her grief and loss but also from parts of her that she wanted to bury. “The only time I was truly alone was when I was running.” She ran early in the morning, past houses with darkened windows, families still asleep. She ran in forests, the trees listening to her thoughts. She ran with music and without music. She processed her life during those runs; asked questions: What really killed my marriage, what part did I have in it, why did he cheat, why did I really cheat? Was it just sex or was it more? Was I a good woman? Should I have married him because I was pregnant? She would wonder in the darkness of early dawn, the roads bare, the air sweet and cold, her lungs filling with it, her heart bursting with all manner of feelings; inadequacy, freedom, regret, gratitude, fear. “I often prayed during the runs. I prayed for myself and I prayed for my children and my family. Running was my therapy.”

They bring her a massive bowl of something called Katsudon; deep-fried pork pan-fried with egg and rice. I’m no fan of raw fish. I can’t stand the rubbery taste or the smell, which is weird because I love omena and tilapia and everybody thinks it stinks of fish. I perused the menu and settled on chicken wings.

Five years post-divorce and Nimo has three flower vases in her house. It’s a week after Valentine’s Day. They contain flowers sent by three different men, including a bottle of wine from her ex-husband. [They are on great terms. The co-parenting thing is working]. She’s having a dalliance with these three men. The men know of each other’s presence in her life. Two are younger men, one is an older man. They all send her flowers because she loves flowers but all the flowers in the vases are different. “Each man sends me the kind of flowers they imagine I like. You think you know a woman yet you don’t.”

I chew on my chicken wings and mull over this vase story because sometimes stories are metaphors. Nimo decided that she wanted to do her love life differently post-divorce. She didn’t want to commit to one man – for now. She wanted to have the freedom to be with several men. “Men I chose.” She holds up her index finger for emphasis. “We are trained as women to wait to be chosen, to be pursued. We are conditioned to wait. Wait to be approached, to be asked out. Wait to be taken for holiday. Wait in bed to be touched. The wait isn’t for me.” I have always had a problem with that. This waiting to be chosen. I wanted to have the power to choose a man I wanted to be with, to be the hunter, not the hunted.” 

So how it works is that if she sees you at a party or bar or at a birthday and you look like her type [cute] and you look like you have some brains in you and you aren’t a psycho and she likes you, she will tell you that she likes you. She will tell you that she would like to go on dates with you, have fun with you but that it’s not exclusive, that she also likes other people who she can have fun with so you can’t catch feelings. You have to be cool. Is that the kind of party you want? 

“I think we are not honest enough as people. I make it very clear at the beginning what this is and what it’s not about. So that I avoid the drama. I won’t commit.” She’s dating for fun. 

She calls it sitting at the table of men.  

She grew up with boys, a tomboy, she says. She was also very close to her father, the most central figure in her life. They moved to shags when she was a young girl. Her dad built the only stone house in the village. There was never any electricity or running water but there was love. They were the family that spoke Kiswahili. When they moved back to Nairobi all her ‘rs’ and ‘ls’ were knocking each other. She worked her way through that, cleaned up, worked hard in university, met the ex-husband and here we are. “The relationship you have with your father affects how you turn out and relate with men. My dad never treated me like a girl. There were never any tasks for girls and boys. I grew up knowing that I was equal.”

I take her back to these men. 

“How do you get these men to agree to these conditions?”

“The problem is that when you tell the men these conditions they imagine you are talking about sex.”

“Are you not?” 

She laughs. “You see! Typical.”

“This is not about sex. It’s about dating and choices. Some of these don’t even have to end up in bed. We can do a roadtrip and nothing will happen. We can go dancing and nothing will happen. If someone wants to hang out I tell them this weekend is for the other person.”

“And they are cool with that.”

She nods.  “The younger men get it. The older men, men in their 40s like you, don’t get it. Older men your age want to own you. They are jealous. They want to ask you about the other man you were with over the weekend; how old is he, what car does he drive, where does he work, where does he live.  I don’t divulge those details. The older ones are great with conversations, though. They excite me. The younger fellows make me feel young; they are spontaneous, they will say let’s drive to Naivasha, so I will wear shorts and off we go to Naivasha for good times.”

I want to say, of course they are spontaneous, they have a lot of idle time, but I don’t because it would be petty. And there is never any need to be petty over age because it’s not a static monopoly. I tell her that perhaps the older man is financially independent and is set in his ways and so doesn’t play ball easily while the younger fellows haven’t lived, have no baggage and perhaps are lured and enthralled by the fact that she is financially independent. 

“Maybe so,” she says. “ But I don’t finance the younger guys’ lives.. I don’t pay their rent or buy them drinks. They have their own lives, they are doing their own thing in corporate but they just don’t like the stress of girls their age.”

I arch an eyebrow, like The Rock. 

“The older men come from a different school of thought when it comes to women. Their idea of a woman is that a woman should be obedient, shouldn’t be too enthusiastic when it comes to sexual matters and should stick to one man even though the man isn’t sticking with only her. They want a woman they can control, it makes them feel safe. They are the type who will call and ask you, where are you? Excuse me? Even my mother doesn’t ask me where I am. I am a grown woman, I know where I am. Older men want perfect women. The younger men have embraced the new kind of woman because this is all they know.”

She’s unapologetic about her lifestyle. She isn’t lying to anyone, isn’t sneaking around living two lives. She is a hunter. She hunts what she wants. She will settle down and commit to one man one day, that day isn’t today. Or tomorrow. 


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  1. I love this woman already. She knows what she wants and she is unapologetic about it. As a man, I would say she intrigues me, like in a way I would just like to have a conversation with her, see through her thoughts.
    Hey there miss, how about drinks sometime? With a 25 year old male who just wants to have a conversation with you over drinks.

      1. Well, there is only one way to find out. I enjoy mature conversations which are hard to come by with girls my age. Most just want to talk about the next concert in town, the best club around, I wouldn’t mind a change.

  2. Great read, nice choice of words too but, what about her kids, do they have a choice in the kind of upbringing that goes in hand with their mom’s lifestyle?
    I am not old, but I still wouldn’t understand why a woman in her mid with kids could choose the Vasha living amongst women in their 20s and the same time have 3 men she picks in her fold in her own terms.

    1. She sounds reasonable enough not to bring them around the children. When kids are away mommy gets to play!

    2. Because like Men, women lives don’t and shouldn’t stop after they have kids. I am very happy women are embracing this more in this era than what our parents and society had us believe. Men get shocked by woke women who have and are perfecting what they have bn doing over the years. like Nimo was raised, we are equals. why should women be fighting post-partum depression while men drink-away-the-bath-of-their-kids??? So yes wouldn’t understand, period

    3. Should she then let the fact that she is a mother decide or rather dictate her lifestyle. I have a problem with that notion that once one has children her life’s choices are somehow limited ,she only lives once

  3. Wow!! I love Nimo* and everything she stands for!! You go girl!! There’s a certain free – spiritness she has that’s so admirable.

    I think us younger women really need to embrace that hunting thing. Go forth and chose thy person as opposed to sitting and waiting to be chosen.

    Halafuuu, I think when the time comes, she’ll go back to her ex. But that’s just me

  4. I love this woman already. She knows what she wants and she is unapologetic about it. As a man, I would say she intrigues me, like in a way I would just like to have a conversation with her, see through her thoughts. Hey there miss, how about drinks sometime? With a 25 year old male who just wants to have a conversation with you over drinks.

  5. My take away from this story today is that as women, we should absolutely date multiple men. Not necessarily sleeping with them but date. Play the game as well. And for those who have an anxious attachment style, this it. DATE THEM ALL!!

  6. ……Their idea of a woman is that a woman should be obedient, shouldn’t be too enthusiastic when it comes to sexual matters and should stick to one man even though the man isn’t sticking with only her……

    Truer words have never been said.

  7. A woman after my own heart.
    Unlike Nimo, I neither have kids nor divorced but I enjoy the thrill of an older man and a younger one. (Most) Older men push and inspire you to be better and secure financially. Younger ones bring the fun into life. Plus most will remind one to take risks. It isn’t all about sex. It’s about filling the various pockets of life

  8. This story is so cute. As a young woman, it comforts me how liberated she seems to be viewing her dating scene. I’ve always been keen on true love and one eternal soulmate yet the gnawing feeling that that isn’t so is a possibility i also entertain.

  9. There is everything wrong about Nimo here.

    First, high value men don’t cheat. They exercise their options. There is no historical evidence that shows high value men to be monogamous. Zilch! Monogamy is for average men. It was ridiculously foolhardy of Nimo to compete with her high flying husband on this front.

    Secondly, she was raised wrong. It is a damning mistake to raise a girl to be a man. Attractive girls are raised to be feminine, friendly and cooperative with the men they will marry. It therefore doesn’t come as a surprise that she couldn’t keep her man.

    Last but not least, it is women who need men. Not the other way around. Men just want women. A woman without a man is a chaotic ball of existence. If in doubt, simply look at Nimo’s post-divorce life.

    1. Se was indeed raised in a wrong way. Like a man yet she was supposed to be raised as a woman. That’s why she is quoted saying she was attracted to “cute” men. Divorced women are chaotic.

    2. @ Hush

      The Red Pill is coming through strong today. Women can and do occupy space in whatever way they deem fit.
      – You need to expand your network. You’ve clearly never hung out with the wealthy. Not the nouveau rich. High net worth men are less likely to have situationships than their poorer counterparts. They don’t need to overcompensate, and broken homes are actually very expensive to maintain. Also, the higher echelons have very interesting status symbols since money is no longer an object, and spouses by their side are one. Quite paradoxical.
      – She wasn’t raised “as a man”, whatever that means. She was raised like all the other siblings. It’s a distinction and a difference.
      – No need to dignify your last comment with a response.

    3. You definitely sound like the description of the older men who want obedient women… who want to cheat and not to be held accountable… the insecure ones….

      I hope you are not a father of daughters because the world will trample on them and they will never know their worth or identity unless they are with a man . Then what happens if they never marry or are widowed young? Teaching young girls independence liberates them and makes them ready to face anything life throws at them.

  10. sometimes, life challenges us, both gender, finding balance ain’t that easy, happy she’s trying to figure out what can work for her in her life, just wondering how the kids are coping up though

  11. 1. Nature has undercurrents that rubble loud enough if you care to listen. They dictate continuity of lineages through genetic selection.

    2. We men think we are pursuing a lady, but its her acceptance that validates or invalidates the pursuit. If she says No, sayonara, and if yes, abracadabra.

    Nimo is the director of her own orchestra and well understands that there is no manual to love relationships. That you custom-make as you deem fit.

    Have fun.

    Good read Biko

    1. You are wrong on this one Mehe Mehe.

      Women control access to sex. Men control access to relationships.

      Which is to say, men have the power to choose who they will marry. Women don’t have that power.

      On the other hand, women have the power to choose who they will sleep with. Men don’t have that power…except in the despicable scenario where they are paying for it.

      Like it or not, it’s a man’s world out here. Anyone who has a problem with that should take it up with the creator, who ordered things as such.

      1. The irony of your little prejudicial opinion is, here comes a woman like Nimo, completely uncovering the untruth in your statement. And there’s many more like Nimo. I don’t know which deity you speak of that “ordered it as such” (*barf), but the God I serve recognizes the full humanity and agency of women. If there’s a misogynistic hole you crawled out from, please return thereunder.

      2. I agree with your perspective, but somehow it seems that women have more power in choosing whom to mate with and whether or not to marry them.

        I relate this power with the jungle, where female animals only mate with the strong males. Female lions will never mate with weak male lions. Antelopes males have to fight out and the females mate with the winner.

        My view, Nimo is picking based on winning traits of the men she wants. She says only cute ones, whatever that means. She can decide to end it with any of them at any time.

        For males to stand out, they have to demonstrate masculinity (ability to defend from danger, lead, and provide). Once this is demonstrated, females (both animal and human) will choose that male.

        So who chooses? It is males or females?

        1. First of all, this is not “my perspective”. It’s the reality. If you are a man out there and you allow yourself to “get picked” by Nimo-types or any types for that matter, then you are a weak ass man. You don’t deserve a seat at The Table of Men.

          1. Am familiar with most masculinity literature out there including Rationale Male, Predatory female, the sovereign individual. Including Amerix. Am not contesting any of the hard truths presented there-in, neither will I regurgitate them. One underlying tenet in these books is that a man must add his value. If a lady refuses to be in a relationship with you, you move on, focus on yourself, add more value to yourself and pursue and win an even a better one. You follow? Still, this is done to enhance chances that when that man goes on a hunt, his success rates.

            Am being analytical of our subject, and trying to look at it from a different dimension.

            From a woman’s perspective, good looks and character whether natural or falsely enhanced, will attract and mate whomever they wish, and have a greater probability of succeeding. This privilege is not available to men, unfortunately.

            Our subject here is granting these rights to whoever she pleases, in conformity with the law of the jungle. Do I support her ill manners (by moral standards)? No. What I see is an animalistic practice with undefined boundaries that is in sync with raw nature undercurrents as it is in a wild setting .

      3. I want to agree with this argument but can only do so if say, the year is 1999 and the caliber of men is not the current trend of men we got. So, actually, men would actually dictate who to date, and only women would dictate who’d sleep with them. Today, most men ate totally emasculated and want to date women who represent their mothers. They still want to be nurtured, and so they will sit comfortably as the woman takes over paying the rent, school fees na kadhalika! So no, it’s not a man’s world anymore! It’s a world where every gender can liberate itself from whatever chokehold society previously dictated as norms-read patriarchy!

      4. I totally agree with you. A woman can decide even the day and time that she wants sex and with who, a man can’t at all costs unless it’s at SJ. We only have the option of choosing who to marry, though not s that strong, a woman can still reject your proposal

  12. Great choice of words. Every word is where it is supposed to be at. So I just follow them all the way.

  13. I think am liberal in certain aspects but I’ll never understand this type of woman or make effort to but all the same it’s their life.
    A swahili saying goes; kila nyani na starehe yake. I pity younger men of nowadays who have been brainwashed or socialized into accepting such anomalies in relationships as normal.

  14. Nimo; Mentor de prospèrítè.
    Reading this leaves me perturbed. Author of her own life she is. Very poised, she choses to dictate her life. A very rigid and vigorous decision that women are faced with in the current society.
    Furthermore, who said that a man must ask a lady. Nope. I think that rule of life doesn’t apply anymore.
    Nimo. Bonheur de sourires in ur life
    Perfectly orchestrated Biko

  15. I agree with her 101% except I don’t have a husband so I have to pretend in the meantime…sad…
    Why is it that when a wife cheats, the marriage irrevocably breaks down but she is expected to forgive her husband as many as 78 times, even worse be blamed for it? this shit drives me nuts.

  16. I’d rather be the Old man here,

    True this lady’s story evokes the plain lives of the modern woman. She doesn’t want to be tamed. And she wants to call the shots. Shots men have been calling over centuries.

    Will it hold? Maybe the young one’s get it. As for me if I love you you likewise should commit. Otherwise I’m not dying while alive just because of the this type of arrangement (with no jealousy)….

    Personally I know this will eat me up.

    1. This narrative that is playing out has been well documented in the US amongst the African American society whose journey began in the 1980s. The long term effects is that as a people, they have not been able to build intergenerational wealth.
      Let’s embrace the values that Christianity brings to the table. One man, one woman in holy matrimony. Everything else will not end well.

  17. As a young man, neither do I, understand that dalliance. Could be, it’s not an age, but a personality issue. Beta males may be in compliance, not alpha.

    1. Well said. As a young woman, I also don’t understand whatever the hell is going on there. It really isn’t an age issue. But rather choice

  18. People cheat because they’re cheaters… Not because you can’t cook, or you didn’t give enough sex, or you got into an argument… There’s nothing someone can do differently to not get cheated on except find someone who isn’t interested in cheating.

  19. It’s funny how women think we don’t make sacrifices as men .Am a young blood .24.A man is his character .You have , you don’t .What guides a man at the end of the day is his own character .Temptation are defeated by character .Am not here to be condemn Nimo.What she’s done exist in her own world .Have you ever heard of the saying “This world is yours .”Scarface shit.So yes !She’s living her own her world and its working for her .She’s not wrong , she could be right .But this piece is someone’s point of view.The tone innit should not change you .Cultivate your own garden .And that’s y Biko completes with she hopes to settle .Not today .Not tomorrow .She hopes she will one day settle .This piece if taken personally will hurt you .Learn from it , and use her ordeal to work for you in your pursuit of love .

    1. True, people should not take this personally. Let’s just read and leave it at that. What works for Nimo cannot work for all of us.

  20. No harm in having platonic relationships. The harm comes when one is jumping into bed with a variety of characters in the name of ‘liberation’ etc.
    To each his/her own.
    Such exploits need plenty of time which many of us can’t afford. We even need time to be alone. We can be doing absolutely nothing, but we are busy.
    No be easy. *Naija slang.*

  21. Runners keep running, I walk, I hike and swim as I fight with water.
    For Nimo I leave you with Sinatra…I did it my way….Salute

  22. I don’t mind being hunted by this one. Do you know where she hangs out, i just might have lick with her.

  23. Hunting or being hunted…. Relationships are hard.
    Na pia upweke inakera….

    Mimi pia sikufi solo….lets have good fun.

  24. Your running journey reminded me of my own, Biko. I recently documented it here:

    That’s all I’d like to say about today’s story. 🙂

  25. Are there 40yr old men who are single though?why would they want a woman to be loyal to them alone then? Great read,inspired me..i wanna be her.#liberated

  26. Once a tomboy always a tomboy. This kind don’t stick to one man. She makes it look like it’s the ex who was at fault. But I know this kind. Since she is a tomboy, the ex couldn’t handle two men running the same home. His manhood was threatened. He had to leave.

  27. Way….to go girl. U just spoke my mind. Women are woke now, my ex cheated on me n when i found out i forgave him and divorced him. He is still in shock and i have moved on. Don’t let someone tell you or show you they don’t want u twice. No woman or man needs to die or go cuckoo in the name of marriage, periodt!

  28. Her life is great but i don’t think she’s happy because we are not there yet as a society.Not yet uhuru.:-D

  29. Of shaking bushes, jiggling asses and dogs that speak French. The language and style in this story is on a new level. I had to Google the year Castro stepped down.
    About Nimo, think I am too old school and indoctrinated to even comment. I like her boldness and daring to be different, daring to question doctrines, her free spirit. In another life, maybe just maybe, I would want to be as bold.
    Yet in a way, she appears to be searching for something elusive, like healing or completeness. Or to replace something she feels she lost.
    Whatever the case, let her pursue what makes her happy. It’s her monkey, let her carry it. My people say, ‘Whatever is birthed, she will breatfeed it’s Wish I would say this in my mother tongue, but again I am not the president.

  30. I love it, reading this felt like being on a roller coaster of thoughts of a hunter, who’s out there to enjoy their life . I find that to be fantastic

  31. Nimo represents the “new normal ” woman. Confident, self assured and sassy!!
    The man in his 40s is still in slumber land waiting for the “old school” woman who slowly disappearing into oblivion…..
    Wake up and smell the coffee!!

  32. Your story telling is impeccable. I’d love to learn the art from a master like you. Plus this answered a lot of questions I had. Thank you!!

  33. I would love to hear her story 5_7years down the lane. Life has away of teaching people how choices have consequences. Commitment to a specific something is very essential to maintain one’s sanity. Our desires can never be fulfil no matter how hard we try to satisfy them. I pray she finds rest and peace within.

  34. You can tell from the comments that the story does touch a sensitive nerve on relationships and marriage. I hope the children are well shielded from Nimo’s lifestyle. A good read it was. For the runners, we keep running.

  35. What an incredible write,I love it!
    Runs are great for meditation in our brains ,I do morning runs ,I’ve dated an older woman than myself and recently we had the experience of visiting” hell” hell of stomrs ,hell of misunderstandings ,hell of chaos ,hell of “nataka tuongee” in the middle of nights ,4a.m petty chats of “mbona hutaki nikushike kwa macho ama mkono tukilala”” heeeeey so many…
    Coincidentally I’m from the same area Mountain View estate,I do morning runs from Thiongo Road all the way to Uthiru roundabout and at times we go through Kabete Vets sports club all the way to University of Nairobi , agricultural school, through out the week,when I run I feel soo okay and ready for tackles of the next day I run to releive myself before I take a huge step!I will win just as Nimo!I wish I will see this Nimoo️we champion it out together.

  36. A girl brought up and treated like a boy by her dad will definitely have more ‘ masculine essence’….
    Those men must be the beta AFCs….

  37. In Dolly Parton’s style,”my sins are not worse than your’s just because I’m woman!”

    “He was very hurt.Hurt that I had done the very same things he done to me over years”

    The societal moral standards are dependent on gender.Flexible for men and rigid for women.

    The two genders need each other equally to-do this life harmoniously but the weak egos can’t see the obvious!

    Nimo, your power is on.The power to choose.Let the society catch up with you.

    1. It will be a lonely journey
      The world as I know it is not going that road, si there is gonna be no catch up on that

    1. My best part of this was the dating part. My fantasy: a no strings- live and let live life ☺️
      A girl can dream, can’t she ?

  38. And if things go south along the way, she’ll turn into a motivational speaker, blaming men for her irresponsible lifestyle. Just like her husband, money changed her and she’s now bossy. Let’s hope the money channels never dry. It’s going to chaotic, catastrophic, and messy.

  39. I love her free spirit. We only live once, so we should live for ourselves, our happiness, in whatever way it comes..

  40. Wow wow……..i want to be at the table of men too….
    This is bold and awesome…….
    Living her life under her terms not as per the society expectation……i love this.

  41. Hypergamy is natural for all women. Only status quo doesn’t allow it. Men should accept this bitter fact. Nice read

  42. This was an interesting read given it resonates quite closely to a personal experience. Once dated an Afrikaans woman who subscribed to the same ideal, ideals that I supported given I share the same. 🙂 To date, she’s still the one person I’d have married in a heartbeat.

  43. You are wrong nimo .This kind of women don’t exist.its a fantasy soon you will be in the headlines .love triangle gone are not toys

  44. There’s a lot happening around us. And we ruin others by our choices. But I think if we stand confident in choosing the right side, the world is better place….and of course, the table of Men finds a new meaning.

  45. I didn’t like this story, I couldn’t find the moral lesson,
    Did I skip a paragraph or what????

    “Men in their 40″s like you”
    wait! what?!!!

  46. Biko, today you were all over the place. Didnt find it captivating. Good story though! From the comments i see you opened a can of worms!! Everyone has there own opinion of life/marriage/divorce. I will share my story with you soon.

  47. That friend though. Snitching to get into her pants. She needs to tell the Ex he has a snake in his backyard.

  48. I totally likeee, actually, I love Nimo and how she is owning her choices and her world. Her sharing my name makes me love her more. Nimo to the world and beyond. May life honor you as much as you honor it.

  49. hmmmmm…… this read elicits very mixed feelings: sad for her, admiration, OMG WTH. no one can play the heart that all that time tells you in the end. so for now, do you girl! do you!

  50. Its one thing to be cheated on, walk away and heal or not, maybe scarred there after, but loosing character over it, really? She started out okay, normal, respectable, acceptable “to herself atleast”, but sis most men are trash known fact, men are dogs even some speak more than just french and body language, that shouldnt change who you are or give up on being the best version of yourself despite it all. Nie reke gwire, as liberal as It gets if a partner cheats I’ll divorce thier ass no doubt about that deal breaker but still I care enough for my soul not to get tied up out there, thats poor spiritual hygiene

  51. She toyed with our emotions when she made us believe that the hubby started sleeping around first. I can almost swear that she was the one who started moving around first as she wanted to ‘chose the men’ for herself….

  52. She will settle down and commit to one man one day . This is what Amerix calls “Expired goods”.

  53. They both knew that the marriage had reached a cul-de-sac beyond which only lay mistrust, pain, horrible memories and blame.