This Gadget Isn’t a Hot Stone

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by Hanafi Kaka | Resident Techie

This is not a space ship, relax. It won’t take you to a galaxy far far away (Star Wars fans can I hear a roar!). There are no aliens coming to abduct and probe you. You’re safe here. This sexy, flat ol’ thing is actually the Samsung Wireless Charging Pad.

A short light-skinned chica with lips like Rihanna’s introduced me to it somewhere in town. She kept talking on and on about how awesome this little space ship was. Speaking in all this confusing geeky lingo like she hangs out with Tim Cook. She kept mentioning stuff to do with amperes and voltages, hertz, all the wires and starved, squalid Korean children trapped inside that little disc – shovelling hot coal into a furnace so that our phones can last us one more hour in traffic.

You should have seen my dead face staring at her with my mouth open. She was on to so many numbers except the one that really mattered – the price of that damned thing, which is about 5G’s.

I was lost watching her red Rihanna lips move about, forming words I can’t recall, thinking of flying monkeys and cowardly lions.

You see, I’m not one of those guys who can easily do four-figure calculations in their heads with cassava crisps crunching loudly between their teeth. Sometimes I think I’m dumb. I can’t think in terms of sijui…feet, meters and kilometres and all that. I get headaches. Seriously, migraines. I can’t memorise numbers longer than four digits.

But I’m twenty-three years old now, I can no longer say that my birth year is IPPZ. I might never get laid. So it can be a little bit of a struggle. Because I think in words, pictures and feelings. If you have to tell me how far a place is, don’t tell me in kilometres, tell me in terms of time. Say, it’s a five minutes-walk from the office to Yaya Centre. Tell me how many shoes I have to line one after another until I get to the stage, not how many meters. It hurts. Buildings to me are not sijui fifty feet high, I think in terms of storeys. If somebody fell from a balcony, you had better not tell me it was I don’t know, twenty feet high. He fell seven storeys down…so he’s either dead or definitely very dead.

And there was this lady at the Samsung store hammering numbers and units into my head. Ati that thing is actually called EP-PG920IBUGUS, it comes with a 2A Travel Adapter and a User Manual.

All she had to say was that it’s the kind of thing you carry around if you hate power banks and wires like me. It’s flat as a terrible cocktail, and it comes in the sexiest black ever. It charges fast and drains slowly. So you just charge it full and take it with you everywhere (if you feel like it). Place it on a table, on your head, whichever works. And all you have to do is place your phone on it. That’s it. You can go about your business now. Check on it later.

Sounds awesome, right? Wait till you hear that it probably won’t work with your Huawei YY511 or something. Because it’s only compatible with Qi-enabled smartphones – that is smartphones that can charge wirelessly. Which are many as 12 models in the world:

  • Samsung Galaxy S5
  • Samsung Galaxy S6
  • Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge
  • Samsung Galaxy Note 4
  • Google Nexus 4-7
  • Motorola Droid Maxx
  • Nokia Lumia 920
  • Nokia Lumia 928
  • Nokia Lumia 929
  • Nokia Lumia 930
  • Nokia Lumia 1020
  • Nokia Lumia 1520

Some of these, like Galaxy S4, Galaxy S5, Galaxy Note 3, Galaxy Note 4, Galaxy Note edge, require Wireless Charging Battery Covers, which are sold separately.

So if yours isn’t on this list, you could always charge your phone wirelessly by placing on a hot pan. Si it’s just heat we are looking for here, ama?

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51 Comments
  1. Hehe…funny,awesome read and freaking awesome…
    Yeah ,I know am repeating myself. Happens when am overjoyed (not that you care).
    Keep it up Hanafi. It’s a must have

  2. “..I can’t think in terms of sijui…feet, meters and kilometres and all that. I get headaches.
    Seriously, migraines….Because I think in words, pictures and feelings…”
    Well hello there fellow teammate! We’re sailing in the same boat it seems. I nearly get into a panic mode after numbers are thrown at me.

    PS: You’d totally get laid though 😛

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  3. hanafi they taught you well .i can relate to your confusion with heights and distance so i think keep these gadgets as far away from me as st peter would be from hell

  4. I thought i was the only one who panics when it comes to doing impromptu maths in my head. Don’t even get me started on divisions, kwanza starting with carry 1.
    I enjoyed my read.thank you.

  5. I’ve never even seen these listed gadgets here that can work with tha device. The “smartest” phone i ever bought was a Nokia Asha 206 which costs me 5k and got lost a week later….i felt so bad. Now i own a Nokia 112(love it coz it takes me to bikozulu.co.ke daily) so, this device is not for me.

  6. Ati -It’s flat as a terrible cocktail- *laughs hysterically* Well, the struggle is real, my fogothare Intel (Flintstones’ make) has seen better days. I guess I should consider the list as my next phone ‘menu”. I like the great command of humour throughout the article. Great job.

  7. Lol ati some guy fell from a balcony twenty feet high!!Am with you there,what is that?? I just want to know the how many floors,then I can decide how horrified I should be!!nice article!

  8. many a times i have considered using the hot pan…especially in this day of pre-pay electricity and impromptu blackouts….thanks hanafi, now i really am going to try it…weird how i thought it’d spoil my phone…..like seriously :/

  9. Nice read. You have a way with words to explain gadgets to layman techies and guys who normally have a concentration span of not more than 3 sentences.

  10. Please add some picture of the device in question… we are inherently visual creatures and as such.. I have to get me that optical nutrition if I’m to buy into this awesomeness

  11. ” I can’t think in terms of sijui…feet, meters and kilometres and all that. I get headaches.”
    I’m right there with you Hanafi.

  12. ” I can’t think in terms of sijui…feet, meters and kilometres and all that. I get headaches.”
    I’m right there with you Hanafi.
    *goes to look for a hot pan.

  13. Your review is factually wrong. The pad does not have an internal battery to store charge so it won’t work unless it’s plugged in. It’s really just a fancy charger. Here’s how it works.You connect the charging pad to the mains and place your phone on top of the pad. Your phone gets juice

  14. Goodness my poor ribso’ I finally found my,it’s-maths time-panic soulmates …bt seriously am even scared of binary and its only (1,0)

  15. Hanafi i feeel you on the feet, meters and kilometers stuff. Here’s another i don’t get….fractions…..eti sijui use a third cup of strawberry to two thirds of flour….eti i paid a fifth of the amount ……#Worrathose? smh!