Raising a Brat, For Dummies


Question. What would you do if someone held down your kid’s head in a swimming pool? Another question? What if that someone in question is another kid? Like about your kid’s age (5/6), only fatter? What would you do? Hell, what would Jesus do? This is not a question a father should be made to mull about because it’s a crossroad of sanity. But that question was recently thrust at me, like Tybalt promised to thrust the Montague’s “virgins against the wall with his maiden sword,” in the set book Romeo and Juliet. I realise how the know-it-all Y-generation reading this must, at this moment, be sporting creased brows at that Romeo reference. Happy New Year, Gang. Is it me or does this feel a tad strange? This is like one of those long distant relationships where someone has been gone for so long that when they finally come back there is that slight air of discomfort. Like you don’t really know them that well anymore. Like you have to learn them all over again. Or is it just me? In my fleeting moments of reflection at the beginning of this year, I realised that my neglect of this blog pointed at my greed and overall lack loyalty to High School, all because it doesn’t pay bills. Reality is, High School was just a place I came to horse around, to let loose, and it wasn’t supposed to be where I made money. So this year, I will try and revert to that old model and blog more frequently. And so on that note, I’m starting the New Year on a paternal footing. When you have a four-year-old child, you realise that you go for vacations for them, not for you. And especially for the man, you job is usually to do mundane tasks that she finds exciting; like stare at monkeys. And kids see things in 3D; when all you see is a wave, they see more. They see an inquest. And you have to balance being careful not to lie or make up stuff (because they will remember that answer) but also not look too ignorant. For example the little one asked me where waves come from, and because I didn’t have an answer ready, I said what you would have expected me to say; China. She took it. Leopard Beach Resort and Spa where we

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were staying is an excellent place and I’m not just saying this because they threw us a spa and dinner at their swanky Chui Grill. Outside the lush gardens where our suite was were a gang of monkeys and these are monkeys that Tamms thought were adorable. She was fascinated by them and would ask me a ton of really weird questions about them. Her: Do monkeys have names? Me: Yes, they are called monkeys. Her: Nooo, names like Tamms and Jenifer and Maureen and – Me: Yes, they do but they can’t tell us. Her: Why? Me: Because it’s their secret. Thoughtful pause from her as I hold my breath. Her: Can a monkey swim? (Good question, by the way) Me: Uhm, yes. I think. Her: So how come they don’t swim in the swimming pool? Me: Because they’re on half board. Her: What is a board? Me: They like to swim at night, when we have all gone to sleep. Her: Oooh. Pause. Her: Even their mommies can swim? Me: Yes, even their mommies can swim. Her: And their daddies? Me: Yes, and their daddies. Her: What is that green thing on that monkey? (I swear I’m not making this up) Me (Acting a clueless) What green thing? Her: The green thing, there! Me: I don’t see any green thing. Her: There, you can’t see the green thing? Me: Oh, that. That monkey has flu. Her: It will go to a hospital? Me: Yes. Eventually… And it goes on and on…. So anyway, because Tamms is a girl who doesn’t have tyres around her waist (yet) she was prone to hanging a lot in the pool, I suspect to show off her new two-piece swimsuit. These kids are born already vain. So this day, she’s in the pool. I’m lying reading a magazine a few yards away with strict instructions from the governing council to keep an eye on her. The missus and her pal are out at the beach, looking for shells but only getting subtle offers for marriage from the odd smooth beach boys (by the way, the beach strip outside Leopard Beach is perfect for long evening walks; it’s a 2km stretch adjacent to a falling sun). Anyway, the kiddie pool has a barrier separating it from the adult pool but still, you have to keep an eye; kids have a way of trying to get creative. At some point I look up and I see this kid holding down something under water. Something thrashing about. And no, it wasn’t fish. I slowly lower the magazine as I watch some other lady swiftly walk to the pool. Sigh. Kids messing around. I go back to my magazine when I hear a cry. Hang on, it sounds like Tamms. Oh shit, it is Tamms! Two very long steps and I’m in the baby pool. She’s coughing and crying dramatically, you know that cry and cough when they want to convince you that they are surely dying. That their lives will never be the same again. That they will be scarred for life if you don’t punch someone right that moment. Now the missus would have completely freaked out had she been there. But I wasn’t, I was cool as ice. I lie, I was slightly shaken. And I wasn’t going to get pissed off if two things hadn’t happened. One; once the other mother had pulled her baby away she started admonishing her, but only as if she was going through the motions. “ Jessy, why did you do that?” she whined. “ That’s bad. OK?” Jessy, it occurred to me, is used to her mom’s lack of spine, so she waddled away into the pool, totally nonplussed. Better things to do than listen to mum. The mother didn’t do anything, she just watched the little criminal swim off. Then she offered me a half apologetic smile and shrug and said, “kids!” Like I was supposed to understand. Like I’m used to fat big boned kids trying to drown my child. I know what the righteous childless people here are thinking now; Aw, come on Biko, what’s with the drama? It’s not like she sawed off Tamm’s hand. Be easy, you can’t start the New Year with such melodrama! Kids try to drown each other all the time. Get over it! Well, I will. After this. So anyway, since I’m a gentleman, since you can’t expose your child to blood and gore and since in my culture you aren’t allowed to get into a shouting match with a woman (or with her bloated evil child) I had to step back and act like it wasn’t a big deal (and perhaps it wasn’t). So I went and bought Tamms an ice cream to remind her how sweet life is after that near-death experience. But also I hoped that the ice cream would bribe her into not telling her mom that while I basked like a croc, Hitler’s niece was drowning her. Turned out that the ice cream was a waste of money because she told her mom straight away. But since I had anticipated that deceptive move, I had a good lie on the ready to counter her story; I twisted the damned truth and so that it looked like it all happened too fast. Yeah, I can play rough too. When someone tries to drown your child, it sort of becomes hard to forget them. You go to bed dreaming of ways to maim them. And of the next four days or so, I saw Jessy around the resort and it became evident to me that apart from having killer instincts, she was overally an ill-mannered child. The parents were always running after her, admonishing her: Jess, don’t push that child! Return that toy, Jess! Jess, will you please stop standing on your chair and eat your breakfast?! Jessy, don’t use that word, you can’t say “bitch” unless you are addressing female dog! (I’ve made that up). Jess, don’t address the female dog! (Hehe made that up too). Jess, return the gentleman’s wooden leg! Jess! Jess! Jess! Jess! Jess! Jess! Jesus! I would run into her waddling about like a seal, breathing heavily like she has rheumatic fever, her face constantly contorted by thoughts of mischief. Hey, allow me to get out all the venom, this is a year of letting go…after a rant. I think her dad (a decent mellow chap in his 30’s) was told of the swimming pool debacle because everytime I ran into him, he would smile politely and say wassup, or just step aside and let me get the dessert first. A cordial guy raising a beast. Tamms on the other hand avoided Jessy. Every time she would see her, she would instinctively reach for my hand. If Jessy were in the swimming pool she wouldn’t get in. Neither would I. That child put the fear of God in Tamms. Knocked her self-confidence. I once ran into her at dinner at the salad buffet, right next to a steamed or boiled barracuda fish which had this huge hole in its gut (I honestly didn’t know that you could do barracuda salad, Mwangangi, their fatherly Executive Chef told me to try it out, but I couldn’t, that fish looked like it died pissed off and in my culture, we only eat happy things). Anyway, she- Jessy – was standing there, raptly staring at the barracuda. I remember being very tempted to tell her, in case she was wondering, that she is related to that fish. Of course I didn’t, I was too hungry and distracted. Anyway, this actually isn’t about Jessy, this is about Jessy’s parenting, which I’m least equipped to comment on but only reason I am is because she made my baby cry. And because I’m a struggling parent. Modern parenting is screwing up children. All that rubbish about kids having “rights” is taking a toll. Our parenting is being influenced heavily by western media where children speak back at their parents and even scream, “I hate you!” before slamming the door in their faces. We have refused to acknowledge that punishment is a form of expressing our love to our kids; you don’t express your love by shunning punishment. You punish because you love. I mean, if our parents beat us up like they did (OK, mine did) and we didn’t fracture a rib, crack a skull, have internal haemorrhage or even love them less why cant our kids take as much as a raised voice? I once raised my voice at Tamms when she was licking the plate with her tongue like an internally displaced person (no offence) and the mom said it affected her self-confidence! [Insert a very hard stare here] It affected her self-confidence! It affected her self-confidence! Look, I didn’t even shout at her like you would shout at a matatu driver forcing himself on your lane. I merely said, “DAMN IT TAMMS, DON’T DO THAT!” You want to tell me because of that she might need a 2K an hour therapy to restore her confidence? Come on; what are we all raising in this age, brittle chinaware? If you want to see the result of this clash of cultures you only have to look at Jessy and a bunch of other children in this town whose parents are convinced that their kids aren’t undisciplined, just confident. You will see them in supermarkets, causing a gigantic fit because they can’t be bought what they want. Or kids who haven’t grasped the notion of sharing, or politeness or respect of others. I saw one at Java, Upperhill who unzipped and peed on the hedge as the parents shook their heads and wore that same look I saw on Jessy’s mom; the one that says, what-can-I-do-he’s-a-handful! And we aren’t doing these kids any favours, by letting them get away with murder; we are putting them on a path of self-destruction. The reason why we can’t discipline our kids is because we want to be the good guys. The cool modern parents who are a departure from our parents’ modus operandi. And times have changed, you say, right? Yes, but values haven’t. Respect is still now what it used to be in 1975. So does obedience. And honesty. But no, we want to be the modern parents who are all for dialogue, we want to sit our kids on the kitchen table and hear why they used foul language or stole from school. Which is great. I like dialogue. It’s great when you are your child’s pal, but only if we don’t forget when to be a parent. Most of us have. The problem with being too much of your child’s pal is that they start imagining that it’s an equal opportunity arrangement. That everything has to pass under a vote in the house. You house isn’t a parliament. I’m not saying spank your child. Pinch them. Or rather, let the mother do it. [Photo credit: The World Race]

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  1. Biko this a great read and yes this most of this day and age children are super spoilt..if it wasnt from all the beatings i got as a child i wouldn’t be the lady i am today (or so i think) Jessy should have been tied up to a tree and whipped for trying to drown Tamms!! No???okay maybe a pinch on the cheeks 🙂

  2. “…I would run into her waddling about like a seal, breathing heavily like she has rheumatic fever…”
    “…I once raised my voice at Tamms when she was licking the plate with her tongue like an internally displaced person (no offence)…”

    Hehehehe…you definitely need the 2k an hour therapy. Made my day.

  3. My nephew was a Jessy. He liked to hit other children and demand to use their toys without asking politely. When he started kindergarten, he became unexpectedly nice and we discovered from his teacher that he had met his match in the playground.
    I doubt that Jessy will survive a day in upper primary or high school or some neighborhoods. (Of course, depending on the school or neighborhood).

  4. As a rookie mom, I struggle (to say the least) with what’s the best/appropriate/most socially acceptable form of punishment. Spanking? Pinching? Time out? Ugh. So many options, so much pressure… I think *I* need therapy.

  5. My girl turns 5 months..next week. Thank you for the practical tips Mr Jackson.

    Hilarious, well done piece as usual.

  6. I’m glad to hear you shall be posting more frequently on here Biko, and thank you for using the word “revert” correctly. It is the most abused word in Kenya at the moment 🙂

    On parenting, I have similar views, but seeing as mine is only 10 months old, I’ll abstain from voicing them until she’s a bit older.

    1. When kids err, there is no negotiating, the rod must make them sing…..because in my opinion, we were spanked and we turned out alright.

  7. Welcome back! Happy New Year, went to that Explorer pub, guys trying to be ‘made men’.

    Nice article, I have nine year old girl, my sis and wife annoyed that I do not physically discipline her. What are the alternatives? All our lives taught not to hit women then supposed to hit a little girl. Cannot!

    Anyway made up my mind that I need to be the person who is ‘Red Button’. i.e. “Do you want Daddy to beat you?”

    Then if she does something that is directly against instructions or harmful to her health will ‘have’ to take belt to her for her own good but in structured format. (I am going to punish you, Do you know why? This many strokes…. etc).

    Last year we found her squirrelling away leftover lunch meals because she knew we would make her eat them when she came home. Made her go on 2 day weekend fast with myself to appreciate what it is like to be hungry. Worked too.

    So all the best to all of High School and hope am not rambling.

  8. I am mostly glad to hear that you are going to post more frequently. Welcome back!
    Need I say this was an awesome post?

  9. Happy New year Biko.

    Great post, while i do not have children of my own, i still believe in discipline and proper manners.

    Hope to see more of you this year.

  10. *Slowly claps and nods head in agreement*

    This is brilliant and every “new age” parent should read it. I have come across many a “Jess” and it is disconcerting especially since my bring up was almost militant!

  11. I am with you on this one Biko. I also say no to brittle chinaware in my house too. Your ‘rights’ are what I declare them to be, and as long as the child is fed, loved, clothed, schooled…well, discipline is not up for discussion. The thing is those ‘cute’ unruly things will one day turn on the parent, but they will already be 6ft tall beasts that cannot be tamed. There is good sense in the good book ‘spare the rod…’

  12. Hahaaaa!!! Ahh but how we missed you Biko. Hope Tamz got over the trauma.

    And a happy new year to you and yours bro.

  13. Happy new year . #hands over apple to the teacher for promising to post more often.

    *clapping hands* . Biko parenting is not easy and thank you for pointing that out and true, we can do better.

    This sounds like one of those parenting talks they give at my daughter’s school and we all go like: Hi my name is Mama so so and so and i love my child blah blah blah…… and it always sounds pretentious. I always want to stand up and say hi my name is Miss Dee and I am a struggling parent so the next time you see me whack my child in the supermarket, im just trying to make sure she stays on the straight and narrow.

  14. Happy New year. Welcome back, the washrooms are where you last left them and the old truck driver took up a new job as fast food chef, this is high school!

    Good read, sobering.

  15. Is it me or did i get a ‘brag-ish’ vibe from this post?*i say this with tounge in my cheek*
    All in all,i’m all for whooping the demons out of a child so long as they don’t break/crack a bone or scar permanently.

  16. I still remember my dad telling me “we’ve never been parents before..we’re learning”.

    It’s a tough gig why lie but can I just say that there are parenting resources for parents looking for guidance on this.

    “Lea” classes at Mavuno church
    Parenting classes at Navigators Kenya – http://kenyanavigators.org/parenting/ (I attended this and trust me value and lessons imparted through the class and other parents vastly, enormously miniscules the subsidized class cost of 2,900 for 12 weeks).

    So that you don’t have to tell your kids one day.. I’m learning.

  17. Remember, ‘ when you raise your hand to your kid, you leave your groin unprotected’ . Your words not mine!

  18. Great read! But why chicken out at the end?

    I will spank! Yeah I said it. All this new age parenting drives me nuts. And it will come back to bite this generation of parents.

  19. indeed thou hast neglected thine school!

    you got one thing right, most people just want to be their kids friends they forget they are parents first. one thing i know is if you are the kid of a black woman, a whooping is a must. full stop!

  20. Happy New Year Biko.

    Spanking it shall be! I don’t think I have the patience to negotiate with a child who’s hell bent on being an ass. But then again, we’ll see when the time comes.

  21. Welcome back. Kulikayo Ssebo (as they would say in Uganda) and Happy New Year! Looking forward to the frequent posts … High School may just earn you some kidogo cash … seeing as you have a great following and hopefully will attract more Kiwi and Tusker Lite Ads on here.

    On parenting, you couldnt have said it better. This modern paretning stuff is all hog wash. My parents didnt use the rod on us but together they are the poster children for innovative punishments! And my mother can talk. and talk. and talk. Her scolding was enough to stop you from ever repeating the mistake. oh, and she could also really pinch. hard. and she seemed to know the softest spots where th pinching would hurt most. My child, when he/she comes around, best be prepared for that style of parenting. We have enough Jess’ around already.

  22. After reading this i must give it up to myself and my family for raising my son and turning out to be the way he is. I am even confident in leaving him in the care of friends and relatives and they give me good reports about his behavior. He was not always like this. He was Jess i tell you. It aint fun putting your child in line. But tough love works!! The benefits are to die for. Parents will be amazed at the security it brings to kids. I learnt it from my mama. This is good. But when discplining your kids do it with love. And they will never depart from it. Besides singependa kijana wangu afunzwe na ulimwengu na mamake, pamoja na wengi wampendaye bado wapo.

  23. Hey Biko,

    One lady, who apparently lived and died before colonisation (Sorry, can’t recall her name) once said, “Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”

    While it would be vain to pretend to know much about parenting, what I carry home with me however from this quote is that, parenting, a good one at that is a tall order. Its an ivory tower that most people, more often than not approach with theories and philosophical twists rather than a receptive heart and a teachable spirit. It is a journey for the brave and courageous, a niche for the humble. A flower that unfolds with the warmth of the daily morning rays.

    “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” Someone once quipped. As I wrap up, I would attempt to forward the following as a parenting advice; feel free to carry with you a slice that graces your flavour…I however stand to be corrected.

    Parents, etch yourselves as a full length mirror before your kids. They are amazingly observant and good students if you go about it the right way. Creatively, demonstrate with firmness the values you wish to see cultivated in your child’s actions and thought processes… Avoid tribal jokes especialy around the dinner table, respect & love his/her mother/father; Love is a meal best served warm, involve them during budgeting to enable them know that money has never fallen from trees, and when you pinch or spank them for a mistake done, with tenderness and a sense of tangible love explain that you were only dusting off the mistake done…that way we all win.

    That said, to all you dear parents, Yes Biko, You (and to all the future parents dotting the high school corridors), may God imbue us all with strength, courage and the know how to be heroes and heroins before our children’s eyes.

    Happy New year Sir Biko, While your silence on this platform was tangible albeit deafening, we appreciate the come-back and the determination to keep true your promise of posting more often.This piece was sobering as it was hilarious. Thank YOU!

    Bless you…Cheers!

  24. Hahahaha…i thought when you described the barracuda with a huge hole in it’s gut, you were thinking of shoving jess into that gut….hehehe

    Hope that one doesn’t scar Tamms and stop her from getting into the pool again.

    And of course glad that you’ll post more at high school, and say things that you can’t on msafiri. Congrats again!

  25. welcome back,and many more posts to come.
    When it comes to parenting,im for the spanking idea.we are raising brats for sure.one time i licked a plate like tamms did,you don’t wanna hear how that ended….
    good post though.

  26. “It’s great when you are your child’s pal, but only if we don’t forget when to be a parent. Most of us have.”….Nailed it there.This is so so deep.

    This article should be on Saturday Magazine Biko!!!

    Nowadays kids aren’t “brought up” they are “dragged up” for lack of a better word.

    Welcome back & Happy new year.

  27. I look at my obese cousin at brookhouse and shake my head, everyone saw it coming but the mother ignored and bought her more junk…i dont know what kind of parent i will be but the children will not always be right

  28. My mum just needed to give you her “look” and then you definately knew you would not like what would follow thereafter. It worked on 5 unruly boys and 4 girls and I think we ended up OK. The current generation of parents are truly bringing up brats. Confession; I don’t know how I will treat mine when they come.

  29. I mean no offense Mr.B but you really have to stop with the being hot and cold. This on and off and the lies in between..got to stop. Don’t promise you’ll write more and we all know whatever catches you will and then you’ll come up with the hacker lies and all.. We are past the attachment and the ritual. So lets stick with when you write sawa and when you don’t that’s OK too..

    1. Tsk tsk tsk. Talk of a jilted lover, hehhe!

      Sadly, I gottsa agree with Murugi here : (
      The fan base and loyalty from the Gang was kinda taken for granted. And our tolerance for Irish exits and Erykah Badu’s ad {that has run its course!} over-powered us. Here we were, staring at each other and holding vigil like dummies {pun intended}.
      With time, we got bolder and braver. We ventured out of the gates of this, your High School, and discovered a coupla of others just down the road, after that kibanda? Yes. Turns out their mandazis ain’t half as bad.
      The Headmaster there is grumpy gizzard though – he roughs up the young ones and has no patience for truants.

      Oh well.

      Like a mannered child who got a reddened behind following countless whoopings from my ol’lady’s ‘sosioth’ {her version of the rod}, I came to applaud your open-handedness and bid thee farewell.

      So long Soldier. So long Gang.

      *trots off into an moody uncertain sunset*

      p.s. am curious – is that posting thing a promise or a New Year’s resolution?

    2. Thank you… this must change, you should see me refreshing this page every monday like a child waiting for her long gone parent

  30. I am a father to two boys, 7 and 5. I am also a Christian. Among the things that the bible is VERY clear about is that spanking is non-negotiable! I am not a perfect parent and our kids arent perfect either but I dare say they are well behaved when my wife and I are present and when we aren’t. I’d confidently say that part of that is because these boys have been spanked since they were very young. Kids from 9 months old can tell between wrong and right so letting them get away with stuff because “they are too young, they dont understand” is part of raising brats. These negotiations that happen in supermarkets and fast food chains are a sign of many many things gone wrong. I argree Biko, parents MUST draw the line between friendship and parenting. This is a great (and hilarious) piece as usual!

  31. Happy New Year Biko !
    I enjoyed reading this and i laughed out when you were going all out on Jess.
    Message is clear,can’t delegate discipline …

  32. Very nice piece.Hilarious but sad how parents turn their kids to little monsters.Love that you can actually see India from Leopard ..lol.. and the barracuda fish that died pissed off !!! Very nice read.

  33. Welcome back. About the slight discomfort for being away for long, it’s all in your head.
    great post.


  34. Great article and nice to have you back!

    I get incensed when I see brats especially in supermarkets holding their parents at ransom. I was once at the airport in Msa and a boy who couldn’t be more than 7 caused such a scene (including at the cops who were there), he rolled under the tables near the entrance and at that screening machine. His dad in the meantime looked on ‘helplessly’. The boy was not travelling by the way. Well, being the good Kenyans we were we mumbled our disapproval of his parenting just loud enough for him to hear but no one loudly said anything.

    Spanking works. Worked with us-Biko i was spanked too. Seriously i believe it works. Maybe it is because I am a mother. I have a son who is in class 2. He knows the spank well. And it works well. We have eliminated bad behavior using that rod. My son has not broken and we have a great relationship. He runs to hug me when I get home from work or he finds me home when he comes from school. We miss each other greatly if we have to be apart. But I spank him when he deserves it. Using a painful rod by the way.
    I am a Christian (yes!). The bible endorses the use of the rod. It is put in a very interesting way. Prov 22:15 says ‘Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; the rod of correction drives it far from him’.

    So I spank my son because I need him to be better today & tomorrow (and not drown akina Tamms in a pool). We should all as parents avoid thinking anyone else will discipline the children for us or that it will grow on them. I was spanked and that counts for something of what I am today. Let us not deny our children that. The responsibility for them being better is on us.

    And oh yes, we are learning. If only children came with manuals!

    P.S–apologies for the long post….I am very passionate about parenting.

  35. biko!ur back! I’m crying! I had such a difficult time looking for another blog to read last year, please never go missing from high school again! !!I’ll pay you for heavens sake!

  36. Brats are definitely a reflection of the failure of the parents to discipline their children, and modern times are no excuse!

  37. Now that’s a nice comeback. That post worked.

    I’m all for walloping the idiotic behaviour from kids before it takes firm root. All that namby pamby soft touch democracy way of raising kids just makes me mad. We got the snot beaten out of us when we were kids for real and imagined infringements and we turned out mostly normal. Mostly normal is as good an objective for a parent as any. Reasonably sane is another good objective.

    Bloody blurry words still acting as gatekeeper to comments. New year, man. New things maybe?

  38. You could really wish for Biko to write more,but thats it, thats just a wish. We wait for you to call,but you just flash us,you flirt with the idea of writing then fade away,well am tired of the games. I am officially saying that we can see other people. No hard feelings. good riddance

  39. Happy new year biko….. great to have you back, spanking works very well it worked with us & never at any one time did we shout at our parents that “WE HATE THEM” In fact now we love them to bits and am grateful that i dint turn out to be a spoiled little brat.

  40. Happy New Year!! Tamms will not be scarred in anyway, she will grow up to respect others and in turn get her respect; the world always has it’s turn sooner or later. Asiyefunzwa na mamaye hufunzwa na ulimwengu, as sad as it is. So on any day — let’s spank, pinch and kiss to make better, and explain of course why we are neurotic 🙂 .

  41. ….Like I was supposed to understand. Like I’m used to fat big boned kids trying to drown my child…..
    this piece right here is why am always going to be stuck in the high school corridors.
    *standing on my feet*
    now thats some piece on parenting- have two kids myself : rings true for the most part. I mean who are we kidding:
    Parenting and friendship are sth akin to oil and water

  42. Awesome post Mr. Biko. Got a six month old son who a planning on raising the old fashioned way.
    Ps: The folks throwing tantrums at Biko’s ‘infrequent’ posting chill out. Writing a blog while employed is not easy.Let us appreciate his work here and on other forums.

  43. reading this reminds me the my mum once tied me to two grown goats that were dragging me on a rough floor,though it made me question if they were my paroz i never repeated wat i had done

  44. How can this blog earn money?

    When i am queen i am having my own writer.Biko.:)

    Great piece why i am never leaving high school.

  45. Her: So how come they don’t swim in the swimming pool?

    Me: Because they’re on half board.

    LOL,Nice to see you’ve not lost your mojo-greed for money and all.

  46. Biko, your post made me want to cry. And I don’t have children yet. I really think that parents from our generation need to STEP UP TO THE PLATE. It makes me angry when I see apologetic parents after their children exhibit indiscipline. Discipline the child. Surely, even if you will not spank them, you need to show them that there is wrong and there is right. And you only have 7 years to show them that there is a line they must draw with every decision.

    @Nanii, I think it’s unfair to let one’s child be taught by the world. What if that child is the biggest bully on the playground? Should they continue to intimidate other children and learn that they are entitled to the satisfaction of all their whims? If you get a child, raise that child. Raising your child is not for sale and should never be left to the highest bidder.

  47. Happy New Year Mr. Biko, this has certainly been such an entertaining piece. Perfect description of Jessy, ican picture her waddling around like a seal. Had myself a good laugh. Good work man!!!

  48. …Have the basic skill to refer to me as Jecinta, i don’t know who Jess is! *ranting to no one in particular!*

    This is a powerful read Biko, ahsante. I don’t deny i miss your writing, but it would be unfair to be ungrateful for the times you post. I know you are busy, so just post when you can.I promise i’ll read, and i’ll be the last person to hurl strong words, the ones that mean ‘i’m entitled!’, like most guys who live in Kile.

    Keep it going!

  49. Call be too strict but i have a one year old and i made my mind long before having him that i will not withhold kiboko from him as the bible says in Proverbs 23:13 punish them with the rod(or a spank or a pinch or a slap) and save them……. Nice read all in all,

    Missed you too much

  50. Hi, what happened… I thought you made a new years resolution to blog more often? Hope all’s well with you and your loved ones. looking forward to reading some new posts soon

  51. ‘….I’m lying reading a magazine a few yards away with strict instructions from the governing council to keep an eye on her…’ Hehe the ‘governing council’ thought got me laughing KABISA! Anyways, yes these days watoto wamekuwa watukutu sana. I humbly submit that the Y-generation parenting that trys to ‘stay cool’ while kids behave badly is mostly to blame. Chuna mtoto, save his/her future!

  52. I’ve been told as a toddler as soon as my two teeth ‘sprouted’ I decided to put them to good use by biting every other toddlers ears but thankfully I didn’t have the Mike Tyson Syndrome’ where you bite a chunk off completely anyway apparently this behaviour went on until one day my Dad decided it was enough and gave me a taste of my own medicine whereby he took my ear and bit it properly I mean it must have been done to perfection cause I never did it again. and I don’t hate him for that if anything he is the one man I respect and admire most.