A physically challenged man has won 3.2 Million shillings in the Lotto. He repairs appliances in a roadside Kiosk in Siaya. He has six kids. Christmas isn’t going to be the same. Actually, life isn’t. There is a little fact that he participated in the draw using his wife’s phone. Who said Lady Luck isn’t a woman?
We asked Joe Black, back in Kitui’s majengo what he thinks of luck and fate and stuff.
By Joe Black, Resident Troublemaker
I am not a big believer in luck, or the universe’s benevolence. I’m not one your take-a-dip-into-the-ocean-the-tide-will-wash-you-to-a-deserted -island type of people. If you jump into the ocean, you’ll just plain old snuff it. The sea won’t be swayed by your Italian loafers, or your upcoming Dubai vacation. And if you do happen to be washed to the deserted island, you’ll most definitely not invent a boat that runs on coconut oil.
The damning truth about the universe is that it doesn’t like you.
But sometimes, as life is wont to do, I’ve had this theory challenged. Something so amazing, so out of place, so false-sounding happens and there are no other reasonable explanations. Luck, fate, will of God. Depending on how you look at it, these three surpass and overlap each other at every instance. And it all alludes to the universe’s benevolence. That there’s something out there, beyond our comprehension, running the cogs of our lives, paddling our boats and watching out for the rocks – a lighthouse, a guide, God.
Let me get to my point before you start thinking I’m some deep, philosophical chap who says stuff like ‘ it’s an old car born new’ who, to ward western influence, puts on akala and designs his own clothes that mostly look like dresses, spotted African print sacks. I’ll be twenty soon- 5’9, goatee, responsibility, confusion and then some more. It’s a bumpy transition. I see it well with my friends, especially ones I went to school with. Most are now in campus and whenever I bump into one of them, in their khakis and long sleeved shirts, they always start most of the sentences with ‘life in campo is…” and their stories are about this weekend plan they have with their new campo chicks and friends you’d think it snows food and rains drink. It’s as if they feel your life is some dreary dark cave that must be lit by their campo anecdotes. And woe unto you if you don’t know what they mean by 1.2 because 1.2 can’t be just any other number, it can’t be a reading of the Richter scale, it can’t be Germany’s fertility rate, or what’s left of the Eurobond. It has to be the first year, second semester.
The story of Cleopas Were is one such instance. When you undergo such a radical paradigm shift you disbelieve all the tenets you once held on. Mr Were’s biography is, well, brief. A family man from Siaya in his late forties, working from a stall where he fixes broken appliances, disabled, living with six children. Here is the clincher: he’s Lotto’s biggest winner, having recently won; wait for it, a whooping 3.2 million so that radically changes the dynamics because no millionaire’s biography falls under brief is there?
I don’t know about you, don’t if you handle mega accounts bursting at the seams and thus 3.2 milli to you is pocket change. With 3.2 milli, I’d make a carpet entirely out of currency For shits and giggles, I’ll even officially change my name to Jose Negron so as to give the eye to the idiots who’ll wonder why on both hell and earth I have a Spanish name and an earthenware complexion; wouldn’t it make sense to abide by Tom Osanjo’s suggestion- Joe Ratieng?
Admittedly, I’ve been thinking a lot about Cleo. I mean, what are the odds? Did the rules of luck bend a little toward him because, I mean, many of these lotteries are won by people who are not in dire need of cash, people to whom it be of a gift and will most likely be splurged on superficial, nouveau riche needs like Russian strippers, or the SGR.
I’ve been thinking what he will do with the money. I’m still thinking about it.
—
Here is how to get involved with the Lotto. I’m told there is a 100 million Jackpot this Wednesday.
To Play via MPESA
Choose the Lipa na M-PESA option from the MPESA menu and send at least KSh 50 to PayBill Business Number 777000, with account number SHINDA to receive your lucky numbers.
To play ONLINE
Go to www.mylotto.co.ke/shinda register and pick you numbers
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Wow! Amazingly amazing
Let me comment first then go up there and start and reading
The suspense….nice read and welcome back Joe
” And if you do happen to be washed to the deserted island, you’ll most definitely not invent a boat that runs on coconut oil”
Hehehe…very funny.
I love you Joe Black! You are Quite something
Eish Joe black
whether it was a can he opened or a bottle he broke it was not worms nor genie that came out but a cool 3.2mthat came out to make this xmas day and all other days cool to mzee were from siays?and joe?well joe will always be joe a chip of the old bloke.just like biko philosophically ccol
Joe black your writing is a masterpiece !!
Hahahahahaha! Now that you have accepted it is official, you are Joe Rateng and thanks for the nice read as usual. By the way is there a T.Tot Hotel in Kitui? I just so loove the Machakos one with their blanketi size chapati and an adult tortoise size samosa. If there is one holla I will pass by we break bread my man!
Tom, those samosas…..! 😀
Yes and the chapos!!!
There is no t tot in kitui
Thank you baba. Rateng it is.
Those T-tot chapos must hold some record. No T-tot but bread must be broke some time mate.
Kabisa! We’ll arrange meet the people tour and shout my itinerary when setting off. It is our turn to eat!!!
I couldn’t finish this piece, it wasn’t well edited!
treatsonabudget.co.ke
Truth. Me neither.
I thought MWINGI produces em lightskins who make Garissa nights bearable but wow There’s also literary gems
Wait, you finished already? I was expecting more 🙁 nice read though, still disappointed that you didn’t give us more
my thoughts right there… there should be like 5,000 other words somewhere here…
Joe, where is the rest of the story???
Lovely piece, bt too short man. MORE!!!!
Thogori Garissa what’s
Cool stuff lad….
no wonder am looked at funny when i ask uko 2nd year 2nd sem….so its 2.2…and the way i used to intimidate village cousins with the word ‘sem’…’you are in which term in unibasity?’ ‘ it’s not term.. am in 3rd sem’ ‘Sem?sem odhiambo our jirani ama?’ ‘Noo i meant semester not shem’
Ha ha ha Sem sio Shem , omera watis !!
That there’s something out there, beyond our comprehension, running the cogs of our lives, paddling our boats and watching out for the rocks – a lighthouse, a guide, God…believe it Joe! Welcome back.
Boy writes superbly well. Get your own dala and let the gang have a second home.
And if you do happen to be washed to the deserted
island, you’ll most definitely not invent a boat
that runs on coconut oil…Very funny.I totally
enjoyed this one.Ripe talent here. Biko lets have
more from Joe. Out of curiosity ,what
do you believe in? a powerful being who lives beyond
the skies or what?
I love it. I would really like to see you. Mmmmh at last kinatwa imefikisha lapi
………maliza storo!
Wow! He’ll have a Merry Christmas indeed…
You never disappoint. An old brain in that young head!
Totally.. I refuse to believe he is a teenager. Very funny in a mature way!
Joe..its christmas..you don leave us hanging like this
I loove… But it had a premature end, where is the rest of the piece!? Ohterwise, good stuff!
“And woe unto you if you don’t know what they mean by 1.2 because 1.2 can’t be just any other number, it can’t be Germany’s fertility rate..” am still dead after this one..
“If you jump into the ocean, you’ll just plain old snuff it.” hehehe Such pessimism. Amazing read though Joe. You got talent kid.
good stuff,..big up brathe
Eish! Joe, there’s more than talent here, but then I remember you hail from Ukambani 😉
Hehe…thanks Miss Kariuki. What’s the connection?
Eish! Joe, there’s more to talent here, but then I remember you hail from Ukambani 😉
once i saw the advert i knew a post was on its way. Don’t lose your voice,Biko.
Haha a boat running on coconut oil..good read
Being able to make enemies explode or catch on fire with
a critical hit is fairly nice. There should be no compromise on the quality of the work which is precisely why professional Las
Vegas painters have to be hired. While you’re at X-2, go ahead and
get the tape for the Toaster.
Amazingly, wonderfully,awesomely written…… Definite spark.âºâºí ½í¸í ½í¸
Thanks, Nduku
Whoa…thanks a lot darl:-)
I like Joe!good stuff
Am still on 1.2 being the german fertility rate!! You are hilarious.. Loved it!
Hehehe joeblack cracks me up, even with my heavy eyelids
Joe black~ witty kid this one. Brilliant diction and humour.
This kid is a genius…..
Boy had I missed you Joe Black. Awesome kama kawaida
Master piece….keep going Joe
Nice piece Joe.
I see seven kids in the pic, not six, Biko!
Smh! Si now what happened is i’ve overlooked this post for weeks thinking it is one of them other guest writers. If i’d known it’s you Joe i’d have read it immediately.
Anyway,you never dissapoint,your turn of phrase is amazeballs and humor’s off the charts.
Keep writing often and frequently….Biko you hear that?
Wow. Just wow…a teenager wrote this…there’s still hope yet for the millenials….excellent flowing piece…Biko, More pieces from Joe for 2016
This Joe guy just fascinates me. I just get lost in his work.
Truly good with words!