DESSERT

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Linda (Editor): This story is disjointed.

 

Me: Did you know that you have to be strong and tall and not pregnant to be allowed to sit on the Exit seat in the plane?

 

Linda: It needs to come together. It’s all over the place; it has no beginning or ending or the wild asides. I don’t know…

 

Me: So when you check in online  you always find those seats taken and I always wonder, what time do these people snap up these seats? Because I check in online immediately they open –  36 Hours before take off for Qatar and all the seats with legroom are always taken. Kumbe they are blocked.

 

Linda: The story seems contrived. Like a chore. Did you really enjoy writing it? I want to hear something that pulls me forward, I want to hear a story. Tell me a story.

 

Me: I am! Anyway, so you have to appear at the check-in desk physically, to show your “full height” and that you are not pregnant, don’t have a weak heart and that you are  of sane mind, I suppose. Catherine, my travel agent,  told them that I’m apparently 6’4” and strong enough to sit at the Exit seat. Anyway, I had to go to the desk to show them that I’m strong but most importantly, not pregnant.

 

Linda: Anyway, I’m sure you know what to do with this story…

 

Me: So we get there and the lady at the desk asks, “Is either of you pregnant?” and I say, “Not me.” Ha-ha-Ha….Come on, that’s funny, no?….ahem, well, you had to be there.

 

Linda: I’m starting to drive. Rest and then look at that story again.

 

Me: Anyway, I got us the Exit seat because I’m strong and I was at my full height because I was standing on my tippy toes like a ballerina and of course,  I’m not pregnant….Linda?…Stop blue ticking me.

 

***

So Linda doesn’t like the story, which means I will work on it today and post it tomorrow, Wednesday. Inshallah.

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105 Comments

  4. So Linda is holding us hostage. I think you should’ve lied to her that you’ve gone home then go to a bar somewhere and have the story posted by the geeks anyway. Here’s a funny story though.

    Sunday evening I went to the barber shop.

    My previous barber closed shop and so I found this new place with a really nice masseuse.

    After my shave which took forever I am ushered to the reclined head wash seat.

    Five minutes later I am on the final seat (don’t really have a word for it).

    So things are applied to my head and face in succession. Many things. Lotion. Other cold stuff. More lotion.

    Massage. Massage. Even smoother massage. Head swirl. Massage again.

    Then this cold spirit (should have been spirit) is applied.

    I get all teary from the after effect.

    Guess what!

    The nice lady thought I was crying from the nice massage.

    “Naona leo nimeguza deep tissue”

    What could a man say?

    A barber shop has never been more awkward.

    Good day gang.

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        1. I know a priest who travels from meru to Nairobi to his barber. I was curious as to what happens there. The only info I got us he pays 700 Bob.

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    11. My barber also moved towns -go figure, these elsections will be the death of us- so I also have to find another one.

      So I’m conducting research, and the weird thing is that every dude I enquirer from has only one point of reference. The masseuse.

      My friend, Chris, goes to one in his neighborhood that has this masseuse with a big….I feel like I’m subjecting women here, so I’ll just stop typing.

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    12. hahahaha Really Biko really #handaskimbo
      If only you were pregnant we would have understood.
      So I take it at 40 food is served backwards? we eat the desert today and the main course tomorrow?
      How would we know and we are not fotee? OK (yeah this is loud)

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    14. Hey Wesh, did you finally meet Bumblebee as per our recommendations? This is a good topic to share since Biko has decided to divert our normal interactions over here about great stories…..

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  6. cmon!you walk into the pharmacy to get your dose just to be told the drug will be available kesho *sob. Back to my boredom

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  9. Hahaha. I was lost, scrolling and refreshing the page for a bit longer there.
    We shall wait!

    http://www.ianwainaina.wordpress.com

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  15. *groan*
    I think we’ll blame it on the glenmorangie not on Linda! Birthday boy partied hard. Wednesday it is.

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  17. Jumped when the mail came, ready for a good read, Let me wait till Wednesday, its seems like next month. Tall and not pregnant…………..

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  19. Inner me; whining not fair to my emotional investment to this literary work
    also inner me
    First of all; the brand don’t crack, it’s solid gold baby.

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  23. bikoo mi sipendi hii kukuja hapa nakosa stori..sasa tukuekee curfew hakuna kutravel ama.Ningekua Linda pia nakupea tu blue ticks.

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  24. Mchezo- Not posting on Tuesday
    Mchezaji Mkuu- Biko
    Kaimu mchezaji- Linda
    Mchesswa/ Wachesswa- The gang members being chezwad.
    Kuchswaa- Dhana ya kuchezea chezea gang members.
    Mfano katika sentensi
    Mchezo ile tumechezewa na mchezaji mkuu pamoja na kaimu mchezaji imewapata wachesswa offguardi. Wamecheswoo vilivyo.

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  26. hehe… I’m almost always certain i’ll be reading about not having something to read when these delays happen, it’s all good though…kesho basi!

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  38. I like the element of surprise. Just know you will have to find another country to live in supposing you fail to publish the real juicy story tomorrow. The fans will obliterate you. Mr, you have been forewarned. 🙂

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  41. Thanks for at least letting us know your post is not ready (instead of going silent on us). You were brought up well 🙂 Now I’m very curious about this new post coming up.

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  49. What I’ve also learnt in life (continuing last week’s comments) is watu wakifika 4th floor huchange…wanakuacha hanging mpaka kesho.
    Ha ha ha…kesho it is Bw. Biko-we can wait.
    Barikiwa.

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  52. btw, that up there is a disjointed conversation with Linda, no wonder it has gotten us a good one, I had to even counter check to see the author of today’s writer just incase Linda was our guest writer. Then kaboom!…I feel your pain with Linda’s replies. That normally archs me so much.

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  56. It’s hard, Linda. It is hard. But I will forgive you, knowing that you have the best interest of the reader at heart.

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  66. Haki Biko hivo ndivyo life inahappen 4th floor?Linda is so focused,yaani she didn’t want to hear your vibes,lol!I like her

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  69. So Biko you are back to cheating on us……this time with planes and exit seats? I hope it was just a fling and you are not emotionally attached because if you are, then things will head south soon. Haki yetu tupewe!!

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  73. As much as this story appears to sound so deeply saddening and I share the compassion of many here, but I would also like to warn people about Tutsi manipulation. For example, since 1994, these people have succeeded, with the backing of the US and England and through their mainstream news powerhouses, in manipulating the entire world that there was genocide against Tutsis. Although Hutus were not 100% innocent, who doesn’t know today that the whole thing was a pure orchestration of the Tutsi Power to gain the compassion of the world while fulfilling their agenda?

    We know their tactics: even when you are the one who is evil, if you can tell your story by touching people’s emotions, you will certainly acquire their compassion. And you cannot have people’s compassion without having their backing. This is the level of evilness of the Tutsis community and they are successful in this manipulation due to the naivety and ignorance of those who don’t know them. Especially that they are backed by those who own all the mainstream media powerhouses. Yet true stories of despicable atrocities are being lived by Congolese daily and none is talking about it. All the mainstream media turn their faces on the other side. Who even dares talk about the 10 Million deaths so far caused by these Rwandan Tutsis falsely called Congolese (so called Bennyamulenge)??? We must do something powerful to expose this evil and manipulative propaganda of the Tutsi Power agenda. It has gone too far.

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