Everybody has their ‘Obama argument.” This is when one person holds a view, a theorem, a speculation, about Obama and the other person counters it passionately because we all feel invested in the man. But this wasn’t even an Obama argument, it started as one but then it became a Michelle Argument which is always even worse because it then becomes a gender argument.
The Blue team was like, surely Michelle must have some regrets about ‘shelving’ some of her dreams and aspirations to support Barack. Surely she must look back at her life and wonder what happened to some of her dreams, things she wanted as a person. The Red team was like, are you mad? She was the First Lady of The US of A! Everything she wanted had definitely been eclipsed by any other ambition she would have dreamt of. By far. Do you know her influence and power then and now? Do you know how many doors her name flings open? She can pick a cause, any cause…plastic or even orchid conservation…and it will be a raging movement tomorrow midday.
Blue Team: Fine, but maybe she didn’t necessarily want to be a First Lady, it was a consequence of her husband’s ambition! Maybe there is something she wanted for herself as Michelle, not as Michelle the First Lady.
Red Team: She talks about these things in her book ‘Becoming’ but then isn’t that how life works. You walk into a room and you find a new purpose. A better purpose.
Blue Team: I don’t know, man. I’m sure right now she must be looking back and thinking about Michelle who worked at the law firm and what she wanted and how this avalanche that was Obama just came and covered it.
Red Team. Oh, I also think she might not dwell on that too long, that she understands the good fortune she has had.
Yeah. That kind of argument. The type which isn’t resolved because someone always says, ‘you don’t know what you are talking about, you can’t speak for what a woman wants’ and then they go to the loo to powder their nose. Anyway, we agreed that we couldn’t agree on this one. When they came back they sat there and we sipped tea in brief silence before, totally unprovoked, she said, “You are turning 46 this year.”
I turned to look at her. My feet were up on a low wooden table. The type you fold and it turns into something that doesn’t look like a table anymore.
“Is this still about Michelle?” I asked her.
“No.” She chuckled, “But it just occurred to me that you are turning 46.”
She was born when the Berlin Wall went down, the end of the Cold War.
“It doesn’t feel like it, actually.” I said. “Just yesterday I was a boy wearing Bata shoes. I often still feel like that boy.”
“I think men really remain boys until they die.”
Yeah, it was still about Michelle. I did what Obama would have done, I ignored that statement.
“In fact, I don’t even think about age until someone mentions it. Often someone younger. Apart from my runner’s knees, I feel ageless for the most part. I feel like I can start over again. OK, I don’t, I wouldn’t want to but I feel anything but 46. In fact, my inside age is 31.” I paused to reflect on the 31. Next to me, a dying plant seemed to be taking deep breaths.
“What will you do?” She asked.
“About my age?”
“No, on your 46th.”
“Whatever it is, it will be smaller than what I will do at 50.”
“And what will you do at 50?”
“Even smaller. I like the idea of going to live in a village in Asia surrounded by rice paddies. Not too long, like two months or so. Maybe learn something vital about life, about people, about culture, food, religion. Or maybe learn a skill. I like the idea of wood, of carpentry. Or maybe I will just learn that I have been breathing all wrong all my years on earth. Maybe breathing will help me remain calm when incited…”
She chuckled and leaned way back in her seat.
“…maybe learn how to pray. I will spend my days riding a bicycle through small brown patches of road running next to mushy grounds, home to frogs that croak during the day. Maybe go about in something like a sarong, you know, just tie it around my waist and fr*k off. No underwear. Maybe not shave my armpits…sleep on a mat, no screw that, a thin mattress on the floor. Eat rice and drink tea that tastes like your attitude when you are losing an argument…”
She laughed. “I wasn’t losing any argument! I don’t think Michelle regrets anything. I think it’s ridiculous to imagine that there is anything she might have pursued that can be more important than being the First Lady of the United States.”
I said, “I disagree. There are tons of things that are more important than being the First Lady of the US.”
“Like what?”
“Like changing the definition of ‘important.”
“Hmm.” She cocked her head. “You should write something about that.”
“About what?”
“All these, being 46 and your rice paddy and not shaving your armpit. Perspective.”
I said, “yeah, maybe I should.”
So here, random reflections about this stage of my life.
- School events/ fatherhood
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First one here
“Live a small life, not a life of abundance.”
As profound as this is, I can’t help but think most people who drop such lines are usually swimming in money.
True. Money has offered them choices. He certainly doesn’t go for simplicity when he splurges on Skiing equipment.
Happy Easter Biko!
“Secret to happiness is contentment” – 100% agree
No, this just doesn’t feel complete, I’d there a part 2?
No, this just doesn’t feel complete, is there a part 2?
Beautiful!
This line had me chuckling.
Oh look at my adorable artistic boy, I need to buy him new shoes. His favourite sneakers looked like shoes you wear to maandamano.’
This spoke to me as a young 24 year old woman with greater ambitions in life- sounds cliché, but what stuck with me is to be content with what you have, live in the moment, and know your rich. Thanks Biko(also quite shocked that Tamms is 15 now?) wow!
A lot of food for thought! And hilarious – as always.
It’s true. I remember an “empty-nester” – as they are called – being commended on what a great job he had done raising his 3 children who were, at the time, well-adjusted young adults, showing tremendous promise. He said he wasn’t done. It’s never really over. Parenting that is. Like Vicky Karuga observed. Even in their twenties, when they are away in college perhaps, they do not cease to need you, your presence or instructions.
And Contentment? Words of the Apostle Paul come to mind; “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.”
Happy birthday Biko. Your writing is little piece of escapist joy for most of us – that’s a great gift to have. I’ve gone away to contemplate if I can say the same about my own life “that I am living the life I wanted. I am no half assing it …”
His birthday is in October.
Contentment it is! Happy Easter, Jackson.
Lovely article as usual. Indeed, finding true contentment is the epitome of life. However, understanding what true contentment entails takes a lifetime for many of us as we struggle to be better and have more than the other guy. Happy 46th Biko and Happy Easter!
The way you talk about kim warmed my heart so much
An incredibly beatiful story
These are nuggets of wisdom right here. Thank you so much Biko.
Have a lovely Easter, Biko.
I’ve been wrestling the discontentment monster for a while now… Here’s to coming out on top.
Also, on the off-chance that you will ever be looking to bless someone in transition with a sit-down featuring yourself (before you die), please pin this comment for reference.
Blessings!
i just realized i can spam like biko’s blogs…is that good or bad..??
What piece , contentment is the key.
..a long luxurious W220 S Class, the colour of deep envy..
Sentences like this excite me!
They are like ship; you build the best ship and you let it sail off into the sea where it will meet great weather and bad storms and you hope it finds its way
Ooh this is Mantra.. I am raising a soon to be 10 Year old daughter, who looks, talks, dresses and behaves 15.. A lot of times I treat her like an older child until she bursts into tears when she disappoints herself or hurts herself.. Then I realise.. Oh she’s still a baby.. And needs a hug. And I hug her.
I pray I am a better parent.. And that this ship will sail smoothly as it finds its way in 8 yrs.. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sort of glad to say we share the same fears about the kids and life in general.
That makes three of us..For indeed in this life you can never be too sure.You got to be cautious but at the same time learn to live, indulging once in a while.
Yes, contentment is the secret to happiness.
Happy Easter Biko
wow! wow! wow! man. if you ever die just die empty. let us have all your experiences here. but aki staki 7 course tena sikushiba, I’ll have to top up on my way. Mr, you take us places. shukran
wacha niende kususu sasa after that journey.
though death is a mistry that is beyond our scope that even the best of doctors who save lives that were on points of no return dint make it to old age like their patients or rebels of hospitals . Believe like me our souls are enternal , where next after leaving this body behind? is what keeps me in Christ.
let’s have beautiful experiences and put them down in beautiful stories like this one for our kids to find a beautiful world with lots of meals. hehe
When I was a kid it was “when I grow up I want to be a pilot,” then I grew and I wished to be a businessman man I still wish (oh gosh if wishes were horses). Now am an excellent barber something am sure no kid or adult ever wish for including i except in day dreams or wishful thinking . I think just like mechel or death that this things chose us not the other way around. The sooner you make peace with it the better. it comes with wealth and lots of it , not just monetary but it all.
die empty sir and you will have done your part of planting trees all over
”Oh look at my adorable artistic boy, I need to buy him new shoes. His favourite sneakers looked like shoes you wear to maandamano.’ -this i found real but funny to.
The value of less.
Live a small life, not a life of abundance.
I’ll remember that.
Wow the spirit of contentment is what each of us need yet we struggle to have it. Happy Easter to you too Biko.
Is my tiny comment even worthy of wrapping up this intensive, well-manicured, and thoughtful article?
I love the last paragraph. Profound!
Going through the worst post op and with the pain so severe this is the place I divert
Get well soon Nyiva. Don’t miss the timing for the pain meds there is a reason they are meant to overlap so that you never contend with the pain. Godspeed
Good ending, contentment, the secret to happiness. The apostle Paul said that he had learned to be content in every circumstance whether in plenty or in lack.
I always wonder about rich people and when enough is actually enough, they always seem to be in an insatiable thirst for more. We should really learn to be content. Such a lovely read and thank you for always sharing your experiences in life. All the best to Kim as he explores all his interests.
WORD
A very good read, I loved your perception of life in regards to you and probably humanity in general.
Sigh this was nice. Happy Easter chocolate man.
Your articles are always riveting, I constantly look forward to these new posts.
You’re an awesome parent, and I hope you live long enough to see your children achieve their dreams.
Thus far, you’ve played your part well.
I had to google,using a pillow or not? Minimalist all the way.
Of course you can have that varicose vein removed.
Imagine being in the emergency room and the doctor asks you if you want a ‘do resuscitate order ‘ in case things go awry.
Weuh..that quickly brings things into perspective.
Good health shouldn’t be taken for granted.
I read on twitter some folks saying they were grateful for the phone call that a matching pancreas, kidney and so forth had been found, and I felt for them because that’s a long journey of medications, and strict diets persuading the body to accept the new part introduced to it.
May we live long healthy lives to see the children grow, and meet the grandkids.
Happy Easter gang…remember its’ not about Easter eggs or bunnies. Jesus Christ is the reason for this season. He is the Resurrection and the Life.
Wonderful Easter Biko.Eating soap…hehehe.
Its safe to say that your are contented? I enjoyed reading every word.Thanks Biko,always looking forward to Tuesdays.
After chasing my city dreams and having it all or may be not.
I like the idea of going to live in village in Rwanda on a small farm, dry out my clothes on grass, Maybe learn something vital about country life, I will attend village gatherings under the moon light , I Will learn how to bake and every now and then send some food to my city kids. I will have a small cosy library overlooking the farm and i hope it rains every now and then for as long as i live.
i will live a small life but of contentment.
Happy Easter Bizokulu
Good read as always. My contribution to the Michelle argument would have been that probably a brilliant mind like hers would have been going crazy to be so underutilized. If she was for example, pursuing a part-time doctorate degree while supporting her husband’s ambition, that would have been more acceptable in my opinion.
She wrote books instead. Added to their retirement Kitty instead of removing from it. And honorary degrees do count no?
“A Nightrunner might pee on me, mistaking me for a tree.”
Beautiful read, as usual, happy Easter, Biko
Happy Easter Biko and Gang!
You’re right, contentment begets happiness
Live a small. Life….
Such a great read! Been a while since I came here, and I love it!
….Or I might not wake up from a nightmare about a whole gang of fruits chasing me, wanting to make a smoothie of me…picturing this. Happy Easter to you too Biko. Great read.
” If I can’t hear a cup fall in one of the bedrooms I don’t want that house. ”
Me and you Biko….
Contentment. Amazing read, you are aging well Biko.
Kids grow so fast, wow,
The long endless speeches! It’s like eating soap. This cracked me up
Enjoy your Easter too with fam, bless.
‘Live a small life,not a life of abundance’..true but difficult especially when you don’t know what abundance entails.The hustling and bustling must continue but don’t lose yourself,,learn to savour every moment of life,for this is what the daily grind of life is all about.
Contentment. After reading this article, one just starts contemplating life… Love it.
Happy Easter Biko.
I love the contentment lesson here. This life can be frustrating if you are not contented.
“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.” The Bible.
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.
@Biko, thank you for allowing yourself to be you- I finally breathed out the guilt of all the opportunities I seem to have squandered. I don’t want a big house, I don’t want fame, I want a great life!! I want to feel at home in my own body,mind and soul so that wherever I am I am home! An abundant life – is not a life of abundance!
That Asian trip is so eat,pray, love… find a beach somewhere in Kilifi or Kwale like little Bali-test the theory out before the big 5-O. I am a mountain warrior… to each his own.
This is Soo profound , live a small life not a life of abidance. wonderful writing
True.
Contentment.
& Gratitude.
Did my comp hang or truly there are no other comments? Where is the gang?
I love your musings chocolateman because we are agemates they help me re-reflect.
Thanks.
Awesome
Amazing read.love it!
Have a contented Easter Biko!!
chapos will honestly kill the two of us.
Anyway, sometimes I think it’s easy for those with more than what they need to exhort others about living small. But then it occurs to me that it wouldn’t make any sense for that advice to come from those without much. So I guess we just have to work hard to get to a stage to give that advice without second guessing ourselves.
An awesome piece. Enjoy your Easter.
“I worry that the world is too cruel and too cold for his pure heart. That soon his innocence will be snatched by the brutal hands of life. That he will be tainted and populated”
As a mom to a 2year old, I think about this a lot. I hope to protect him for as long as I can.
Contentment it is..all i pray for is long life and good health for me to raise my son …our children need us…
The school events are a beautiful description for some of us.
The red or the blue that argument must still be on. May be Mitchelle Obama needs to write another book on this.
Thanks Biko. It is a beautiful story.
still, it is easier to be content with a lot than it is to be content with little, for the mathematics of financial accounts are impersonal and factual. contentment to a poor man is like an asthmatic person entering a breath-holding competition
Contentment is the word.
Bikozulu I have a special dedication song for you- Cat burns Live more and Love more..
Please listen/watch it.
Awesome song
So real. The more things change the more they remain the same. The image of the kind of life I desired in my 20s keeps changing and reducing. At 50 I now want to live away from the city and wake up to cows mooing and chickens pecking on grass. This one gets me. Thanks Biko
Thanks, Biko. Happy Easter to you too.
Having a sense of enough is the gateway to happiness. You hit the nail on the head.
Two things: hem of a dress, not helm.
The woman was called at 3am by HER son, not ‘his’ son.
Contentment carries the day
https://prodigitaladdress.blogspot.com/2023/04/half-head.html
Biko, I will be 46 anytime from now. Why don’t you use a pillow???
Life of abundance!
I googled ‘end of cold war’ ‘ fall of the Berlin wall and I have learnt something about 1989/90.
Very true Biko, learning to be content at every step of this journey and living your best life today is something Very precious. Problem is, people believe contentment comes with having more which is in truth, is the direct opposite and the paradox of life.
So that was you?! Next time I’m carryin my books for you to autograph as you digest two samosas. See you on open day. Nice article as always.
Great masterpiece ….i enjoyed..
I have younger siblings and whenever I see them off to school or when am leaving home, tears always feel my eyes because for some reason, I feel like am leaving them unattended; under no one’s care. I feel like no one can take care of them the way I do, no one can protect them like me.
But this statement right here calms me: Children are like ship; you build the best ship and you let it sail off into the sea where it will meet great weather and bad storms and you hope it finds its way.
If you move to Asia, what about your chapo situation?
one day many eons later they will come here and say you predicted your death
The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts human animal like nothing else.
Ernest Becker
Biko, what’s wrong with pillows?
He who is Contented is Rich. That’s have been my Clarion WhatsApp About Status for a year now.
Very well said.
I always admire your stories, God thought it right to give you this gift. The way you explain simple concepts shows how gifted you are, the creativity is on another level. Continue ageing with grace.
I enjoyed reading every word, thank you.
This got to my heart, almost a year after Chocolate Man mused here. And the fact that I am turning 46 this year makes it so real…