I Know What You Did In The 90’s

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The year was 1993. Wu-Tang Clan had released their debut album, Snoop Dog had just introduced the world to his album “Doggy Style”, And Michael Jackson was being sued for sexually molesting a boy. Good old Bill Clinton was the president of the US, this was before he started giving Lewinsky, uhm, extra responsibilities, when he said the beautiful words, “Every important mistake I have made in my life, I made because I was too tired.” Meanwhile, music ruled our lives. We listened to Heavy D and The Boys, danced to Salt-N-Pepper and sang along to Maxi Priest and Bon Jamaicans.

We were the X-Generation, we were invincible.

Before us there was none, we were too cool for any school (which we couldn’t even be bothered to burn). Our parents were old, boring and outdated, and they wore hats we wouldn’t even feed a farm animal from. It was our time. We knew it all. We had crazy dreams and impossible hairstyles. (Ababu still does). There was nothing we couldn’t do, nothing we couldn’t become. We thought we would never grow old because our lives were infinite. Isn’t that the biggest folly of youth? That, one, it’s wasted on the young and two, that we think we are the chosen ones. The other day, driving down James Gichuru road I saw a Safaricom “Blaze” billboard screaming, “We Are The Chosen!”  I felt a slight, lingering tinge of envy and nostalgia. Oh the good old days when we thought WE were the chosen ones, even though nobody erected billboards in our honour. Nobody had to, we just were.

In 1993 I was 15 years old. Toni Braxton was 25. My whole body burnt for Toni. Toni was in my dreams, whispering something in that throaty voice; Toni in those impossibly high heels, ass suspended against gravity, singing about her heart being unbroken. Before short hair became a thing Toni was already rocking it. Her chin, framed by that hair, tapered nicely, there are only two chins of that kind in the world. At some point in my life – when girls broke my heart and I still held novelty within it – I would sing her song “How Many Ways” word for word. I suspect I still can, but I’m afraid to try because I might sound a bit gay, because there is a way you have to twist your voice when singing R&B that is completely phony. If I ever meet Toni in person I know I will be very confused, I will probably speak to her in luo. I bet she will laugh and say, “Oh, you are from Nigeria?”  

There are haters out there who inbox me saying stuff like, “Biko, your Toni is now dating Birdman,” and I sigh wearily because Birdman looks like a strange desert bird that eats rodents. Toni knows her way back home.

The early 90’s were marked by angst and beauty when we were boys wanting to be men but still doing things that boys did. We were smack in the eye of the teenage storm, fluttering in the wind, holding onto things we didn’t understand and some that we did. There was virginity and sex and fantasies and testosterone and breasts and ass and fear and peer pressure and the need to be cool.

And things happened to us – the men of the X-generation – that have remained unsaid, didn’t they?

Coming back home after a whole term in boarding school was always euphoric. There was always that unique smell of home. Every home has a particular smell. Ours smelled of bright light – we had these huge windows that brought in lots of light. Our sofas had vitambaas all over them. All mothers had an obsession with vitambaas when we were growing up. They had this maddening idea that even the radio system (that was the correct term) had to be covered by a kitambaa.

You’d come back home hungry, wolf down three to four chapos, watch a recorded musical on the VCR player, maybe step out into the estate and see who else had come back from school. Afternoons were so quiet, with all the kids in the estate away in school.

You’d probably be in small shorts and a tee-shirt, lounging around in the house listening to a tape of Jodeci or just reading a book. You’d be thinking of an excuse to tell your mom when she came back home, because your grades dropped this term and you know she will shake her head and give you a pep talk about how much she is sacrificing to send “you people” (like you didn’t belong to her) to school, and how all you have is education, and if you don’t perform well you will not amount to much in life. But until then you’d have the house to yourself, the metallic box you lugged from school now lying open in your bedroom with all your dirty clothes still there unpacked, and the whole bedroom smelling of your dormitory back in school.

Maybe you’d nap later. Maybe you’d watch some TV. Maybe you lie on bed and listen to the house help in the other bedroom humming away. Back then househelps were so young, they were sent from shags, young girls, probably 17 or even younger, with firm pointy breasts that never bowed. Maybe you’d go to the bedroom where she’d be ironing and sit on the opposite bed and tell her about boarding life and exaggerate some parts so you could see her eyes pop wide open as she laughed with disbelief. As she ironed she’d bend over and from where you sit you would see her breasts because they never wore bras and that sight, the sight of a real breast, made your heart beat so hard you were sure she would hear it across the room.

You were a teenager; maybe13 years old or even 14. You had never had sex before but your hormones were all out of funk and you were randy as a mountain goat.

So maybe the house help would finish ironing, fold clothes and put them away in the wardrobes then remove the blanket that she was ironing over and keep it away, then lay on bed because now all the work was done the way your mom liked it; the kitchen was clean, the sitting room was clean and the clothes washed and ironed, and she had two hours to burn before your siblings came back from school and she had to start making evening tea and then dinner and deal with your fussy mother in the kitchen. (Waah that’s a long sentence!)

So yes, maybe she lay down on the bed as you jabbered away, and then say she wanted to take a nap. Maybe you said you wanted to take a nap too, and she sighed, smiled and turned away to face the wall. You took that as a green light to join her. So maybe you went over and spooned next to her, you felt warmth of her body and how her hips perilously curved away from you. You lay still, and felt her body move up and down as she breathed and you stared at the back of her head. You could smell her, she smelled of soap and Lady Gay. Just lying next to her, feeling her body against yours gave you a boner so hard it could hang curtains. You are 13 or 14 years old, after all.

You tentatively placed your hand on her hip and she sighed and gently (reluctantly?) as she removed it. So you waited for another 30 seconds and put your hand back on her hip, and this time she didn’t remove it. So you left your hand there for a bit and it soaked up her body heat and at some point it felt like you were touching hot coals, and your hands started to tremble slightly.

So you moved closer, and snuggled and touched the back of her neck with your lips, the same lips that not so long ago were reciting Newton’s Law of Motion, and although she acted like she was keen on having an afternoon nap, she knew she would be having something else, and between you and me, Gang, it was not going to be forty winks. (Wink).

You could tell her breathing had changed to something deeper when you slipped your hands under her “Doom Dawa Ya Mende” t-shirt, and you cusped one of her breasts with the same hands you had used to titrate liquids in your chemistry class, and they felt so firm but so soft and so surreal you almost fainted. You held them for a bit and you recall thinking that they felt like heaven. You didn’t faint, you hung in there. You pressed yourself closer to her and she felt something hard against the small of her back and she could tell it wasn’t your mathematical set.

She sighed and emitted a small moan, a moan of resignation, a moan of a body that had betrayed her and then – like you remember reading in Mills and Boon – you slowly moved your hand down the length of her body, a body that had only just become a woman not too long ago, supple and ripe and enticing. Your slightly shaking hand slid under the band of her skirt and under her panties (probably purple) down to her young valley, now dewey with moisture. Then a sound escaped from one of you (you don’t remember who, but probably you) a gasp, a small excruciating moan…

Look you are 13-years old so maybe you last a good one minute before it’s all over but you don’t know any better and so you don’t say sheepishly, “This has never happened before,” instead you go back to your room; no pillow talk, no “where is this going”, no “do you really like me or you are just using me for sex?” no, “we can’t do this anymore,” just the sound of your bed folding under you as you climb on and you are out like a man. When your mother comes in the evening you are so scared that she might see through your amorous acts, but somehow she doesn’t see anything because she’s busy fussing at your school grades and asking the house help why she didn’t remember to boil the kunde.

Gang. I have been asking my peers, guys of the X-generation, guys who know Jazzy Jeff, if they, when they were young, had sex with the maid. I’ve been polling guys between 32 and 44 years of age and 90% admitted to having had sex with their House Help while growing up.  

I asked one guy and he told me that when he was 13, their Help (19 years old) used to blackmail him to have sex with her or else she would report him to his mom whenever he would go to play out after school.

“She molested you!” I shrieked piteously, “You poor baby! Do you now wake up in the middle of the night screaming, ‘Roda, don’t touch me there!!’” He laughed and said, “Uhm, I really didn’t mind that level of blackmail.” Such a sick child.

Last Friday I was at Mercury ABC having a tipple and I happened to be on the same table with a famous local Deejay (no, it wasn’t Creme’) whom I really didn’t know well but after a few drinks, you really don’t need an icebreaker do you? So at some point I leaned in and asked him, “Hey, can I ask you something personal? When you were growing up, did you at some point, you know, ‘do’ the house help?” and he looked at me for a beat and said, “Of course, didn’t we all munch the Help?”

I stopped my poll that night.

Can guys who studied human psychology weigh in here please? Is Dr. Frank Njenga in the house? Daktari, what does this mean for the X-generation? What kind of men do we turn into after this kind of socialization? What kind of boyfriends, husbands, and fathers do we eventually become after we got it on with the Help as kids?

I told a friend this story and she said, “No, these boys didn’t have sex with these older Helps, the Helps had sex with these boys and it’s disgusting.” Of course it is, us guys being molested while young, being lured into the arms of these Helps.  But I’m curious to know what does this means to the X-Generation, though? What was the impact of that in our adulthood?

Now when someone cuts me off on the road, or honks at me furiously when the light turns green, I will not cuss, I will breath in deeply and tell myself, “ Oh, X-Generation, he was probably molested by the House Help as a boy.” If someone who is in their mid-to late 30’s or early 40’s doesn’t reply your emails swiftly, or return your calls, they probably were taken advantage of by the maid. If you see a loud chap in the bar don’t judge him too harshly, he was probably touched inappropriately by the Help. I suspect that half the Kenyan chaps on Tinder shagged the Help. Those and 40-year olds who like to say “YOLO.”

Do a poll of your own; ask your 35-yrs-plus boyfriend/ husband if they had a go at the Help when he was a tiny boy. Don’t, like, ask him today or tomorrow because he will be ready. Wait until the weekend when he isn’t expecting it. Ask him over dinner or when he is saying something about his mechanic or he’s lying on the sofa, a TV remote in hand. Just blurt,”Did you ever sleep with the Help as a boy?” If he laughs and shifts in his chair, he did the Help. If he says in that shrill voice, “What?” He did it. If he touches his face, he did it. If he laughs and says, “Noo! Jeez.” He did it. If he says, “Seriously? You read that rubbish Biko writes?” He so did it.

All the same, the cows have come home to roost, gentlemen. We can either fight the past, or we can say, fine, maybe we took too seriously that adage, “Charity Begins at Home.”

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    1. Happy for bucket list! #hooray! I need to ask this in this space up here….BIKO, DID YOU JUST GLORIFY IRRESPONSIBLE TEEN SEXUAL BEHAVIOR!…just in an ELITIST way that people can laugh about with the excuse of’we were 13/14….and young!??? Really??? If in another life time you were a tout, would you ask ur fellow touts about how many ‘hot gals’ you ‘chips fungad’ and type about’how it went down in the back of a mathree???’….or better still…. Why not chat with a current big shot pals ‘not Subaru driving ones of course’) getting secretaries & assistants’ to bed, dumping them,promoting them, infecting them…..etc!!!BIKO, if those House helps were your regular reader, you wouldn’t write this for them!!!!! This is a glorified sexual elitist post BIKO, sad day indeed!..

        1. I think you are missing the whole point. It’s not an elitist sexually glorifying post. But rather one on how some of the x-generation men are still sneaking back home to do the mboch(es). ‘The cows have come home to roost. <~~ ring a bell!???

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      1. … is Dr.Frank Njenga in the house?Daktari what does it mean for the X-generation?What kind of men do we turn into after this Kind of socialization… Maam read also the last paragraph and you will get what Biko was trying to say

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      2. You totally missed the point…those boys are now grown men and still doing the same thing..running back home to the helps…..read the last paragraph, it puts it all into context..

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      3. Just write a good rejoinder. If we could judge ourselves by our teens, it would be stooping so low. Misfits will always be misfits. I really doubt if most of this fellas engage in the same thing today. We all grow up but a few remain to be so.

        Don’t be so bitter Kui 1.

      4. Kui! you can’t compare consensual sex with coerced sex/rape………Once you are in power or position of influencce, that is no longer consensual sex(even if it is) people will not perceive it to be.

        Sorry in advance but as for me, I would look back and laugh about my sex escapades with our househelp(she was same age with me) it was not forced,we did it willingly same way i will laugh at my high school sex escapade with my high school girlfriend during choir-we did it under the school bus in the evening, I will also laugh at my young crazy drinking days and sex escapades with fellow interns and would do it again if I went back to being young/teenage although I wuouldnt wish my son or daughter to do the same :)………..But I would not laugh at a story of a 17/18/19 year old sleeping with 12/13 year old,a 13 year old forcing himself on a 13 year old, 21 year old sleeping with a 13/12 year old, a boss sleeping with an intern,a lecturer sleeping with a student, a tenant sleeping with a landlord, a bachelor sleeping with a house cleaner its wrong and I would consider such guys to be social misfits.

      5. You are so emotional Miss Kui….sit back, enjoy the read, we already have enough from Ezekiel Mutua, so spare us.

      6. I’m unabashedly Biko’s biggest fan boy but even for me, through the stupid grin i wore on a mat from Ronga while reading this, there’s something about this post that rubbed me the wrong way, Kui’s post partly crystallizes it:At its base (they are many threads to be drawn from it) this is largely identifiable and has particular resonance if, for perhaps socio-economic reasons, this wasn’t your sister.

      7. This is Biko’s page, so to most, he will always be wrong. Theres mirth and laughter until our 12 yr olds are being raped. Because we did not regret it, we did not create boundaries in our loose talk. I agree with Kui.

      1. Good lord..The stories you hear of a house help who wiped out and entire family from these escapades, cos she was sick , you are lucky.

      1. I think he has just gotten an idea of what to do for the August holiday when mummy and papa are away in the office

  1. I guess I am laughing because its history and I am assuming healing took place
    . If its now, I would kill the help

    1. thank you for getting it. Though considering it`s guys we are talking about, I don`t think they were ever wounded in the 1st place

        1. One of ours did. I only knew when mom sent her back to shags, and when I asked why never got a straight answer.

          The neighbour’s househelp knew why, though, but thankfully didn’t seem to know who.

    1. That was my first thought right there. Just as is it was then and now. They don’t seem to thing about consequences

  2. Just lying next to her, feeling her body against yours gave you a boner so hard it could hang curtains.
    Curtains! !Really Biko!

    1. Hahahaha I actually saw that in my mind’s eye… Thank you Biko for that disturbing image that shall never go away

  3. Is there any other mom to boys who doesn’t find this funny? I feel like calling the house help right now and deliver a stern warning to ensure she doesnt have “two hours to kill before she makes supper”. Today I want supper ready at 6!

    1. Supper is ready at 6 in my house. They only rest when am home.
      Am a 90’s girl too so I am smarter than “most” hehehehehe

    2. When your sons hit a certain age, I suggest 13 make sure all helps are older than yourself… That was my mum’s trick, a bit late but worked like a charm. Then I discovered the neighbor’s help…

      1. There is a crucial side of this story that Biko wdnt slow on.The reality of HIV/AIDS that many helps have brought into homes.So many of these girls start having sex as early as 9 back in the village with those boda boda guys and fishermen.Then come sleep with your 14year old sexually curious son as well as the hubby.Very sad reality with high statistics.

  4. Hi,hehe…funny story. In 1993 I was in class three or four not sure.
    We had no house help we did all the house chores. Will sure ask my male pals
    when they least expect it.Good read

  5. I have not enjoyed reading your blog recently like I did today, i knew from the first paragraph that Toni will be dragged into this…..
    Thanks Biko for the vivid reminiscence of the x-generation

  6. “This has never happened before,” instead you go back to your room; no pillow talk, no “where is this going”, no “do you really like me or you are just using me for sex?” no, “we can’t do this anymore,” just the sound of your bed folding under you as you climb on and you are out like a man.

    sigh memories as always you are crazy..
    Bikozulu

  7. As a mother of a teenage son now am a bit traumatised thinking about this.thank God 17 to 19 year old bochs are fewer.or am I wrong?

    1. Liz, even 30 Y.O mboches will be banged. Easy targets….no rushaing of lugha, no dates, no expectations…..and they are too willing since they get almost zero time to be with men themselves. You need to talk to your Boy just in case. And regularly so.

    2. Here’s what you do, when your boys hit a certain age, say 13, all house helps must be older than you. That was my mum’s trick. It worked like a charm, then I discovered the neighbours had a house help who wasn’t old enough to be my granny……

  8. This betrayal cannot go unpunished Biko.Never had so much laughter in a while.
    ..you could sure hang curtains… Hahaha

  9. Hahaha I’ve heard a couple o these tales from my male friends. Only I wouldn’t want to hear this from my brother :’)

    1. Kinda ambitious there don’t u think? We’re the last decent men left. The x-generation actually understand what it feels like to have a woman, and appreciate her, thanks to…

  10. I loved the way i never predict your next move in those long sweet sentences. This one is topping the list this month…hillarious

  11. laying along the corridor and waiting for her to finish the bath and touch her like a sex craved mongoose.. not in the 90’s but in the good years of 2007/08….thanks. Nowadays she calls for small loans the cost of technology.

  12. I have died of laughter today.
    I was just a year old in 93 so I’ll leave it to the veterans today.But my mum smelled of Lady Gay and still has vitambaa on her sofas.

    1. Hahaa same over here, I was only 3, but *sigh*, lady gay was perfumed and moisturized, if you ever stole just a squeeze into your hands then onto your face, you would never escape from her wrath

  13. Look… Helps,by default, were glaring at our puberty with so much allure. Unsullied juvenile souls were ready to be lured and lastly,lust was on cue ready to be cured. Chastity was subject to a test of time and succumbing to the the feel good hormones was easier than setting a school ablaze. Unblemished flesh got entangled in between robbing them of what once unsullied. Age was a miniaturized impedimen…a thin line which came as close as raunchy breathes between the sheets. See you never underestimate allure of darkness …even the purest souls are attracted to it.

      1. Very true pelican. But iam still bemused why most girls go extravagant with makeup. See,some opt to have natural hair and some will wear the most complex weaves ever manufactured in brazil. But just because you found peace in being simple doesn’t mean everyone will shy away from sophistication. That PLO subjects us to a buffet of boombastic jargons doesn’t mean he doesn’t know about beauty. Just accept English will expose you to new words which you can learn at your own pleasure. Nobody is shoving it down anyones throat

  14. Biko, where do you get such ideas from yawa…..this just killed me at the office.. I could hang on that boner too

    Just lying next to her, feeling her body against yours gave you a boner so hard it could hang curtains.

  15. Biko hahahaha,wuololo…..you guys all did it,my bros and cousins did it,the girls knew they were doing it,but those househelps were either slightly older,lol….so they were victims of sexual abuse,but they loved it,just forwarded this to a cuzo and he can’t stop laughing.Old habits die hard

  16. I had an experience much earlier,I am not yet 35.But my first encounter was at 7.I don’t know what I felt,but I remember I felt a bushy surface right there.I told my girlfriend this many years later-she told me she experienced the same.Small world.

  17. Scary to think of this. A friend of mine was molested by her step-brother for years, from when she was six..to about age 13..her mum was so busy working and traveling to other countries for work that she didn’t notice what was happening, and when she told her cousins who told their grandpa who addressed the issue to her step-dad, she was blamed for it. When she shared her story in our face group, I just cried. Guys can laugh about losing their virginity to the maid, but such stories make me even more paranoid than I am. Then in this day and age of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases, parents should be super alert on whom they let into their homes and be very close to their kids, have such a good relationship that your kid tells you everything and let your kid know that there are parts of their bodies that no one should touch.
    I feel sorry for Monica Lewinsky though..she was a young adult when the clandestine affair happened. Clinton wasn’t impeached..he went on as president, his wife didn’t divorce him, his career hardly affected. To date, Lewinsky has difficulties getting good jobs as other White House interns have had. She is constantly the butt of jokes and memes, the type of harrasment that can drive one to kill themselves.me thinks she should profit from all the negativity directed to her, she should publish a best seller tell-all, and move to a random island where people mind their business and begin her life afresh.

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    1. I hear you Carol, in the 90’s it was all fun and games. It was a thing between minor because the house helps were also in their adolescence years and we burning with curiosity. However, we cannot ignore the issue when it gravitates towards abuse. Like in the Clinton case. Like in the step-brother case you’ve mentioned, it’s appalling. Signifies absolute neglect of the child such that they cannot confide in you as a parent. But also consider in the modern day there is only so much that a mother can do with all this tech and exposure but I guess the best thing for a child would be to instil the right values from the onset. It doesn’t matter if your 13 year old does the 17 year old house help, if at the back of their mind they know it’s wrong, then you have done your part. Also, whoop their ass if you find out so that they know where the line is when it comes to pointy breasts and everything else.

      1. Was almost wondering kwani kwenu leo hakuna stima Peter Wesh.I dont see any Biko’s post without your comment

  18. He so did it!!
    Can’t even keep a straight face…
    Biko You seriously need to stop…
    Got me laughing out loud in public

    1. Hahaha!!!

      10 Seconds…. Auuuwiiii……

      My first time too was with a mboch but at least i went 25 seconds.

  19. Hahaha . You have nailed it you guy. Ati pointed breasts that never bowed ? Haha it is safe to say that they were loyal gang. sabuni was Rexona in our house back in the days. In 1993 I was just 7 years old and preparing to go to class 1. Our mboch was a crazy head I have to admit. Ni hayo tu.

      1. Hehe. Acha za hizo. I remember the last time my mom brought in a female mboch was when I told her that the house help was helping me out with the home work kwa jikoni. she was like how? na hajui kusoma!! The next day alipandishwa nya ugenya back to shagz.

  20. 100% Generation-X!! Still have Snoop’s “DoggyStyle” Album just for the rhymes. Nostalgic read!! Just that my mom always recruited helps older than her (one, Nyaloka, used to literally mother her). Now it hits me!

  21. I was 8 she was 16 the first time we did it. It went on for 3 years. Funny thing at my tender age I knew without being told that what we were doing was highly illegal and forbidden.

  22. Hhhhmmm Biko. A change from the usual. Not bad. Meanwhile i never really knew that young boys sleeping with the help was a thing.

  23. Biko whatever raw stuff you smoked this morning, don’t reduce the dosage infact smoke it three times a day after every meal….m tempted to ask my bro if he did the hse help. Oooh sorry if ‘the hse help touched him inappropriately ‘

  24. I know a guy who was victim to the same luckily I wasn’t, he swears to never employ house helps in his house in the future because of it. Happy are those who are not bothered by it years later.

  25. Not just a generation X thing Biko, I assure you hehe
    I’d just turned 15.
    I’ll be turning 20 come September. Do the math…#blaze hahaha

  26. He hee!,we creeped out of bed at night for the indulgance.so quietly that you couldn’t even break the wind.and helps were the same,even those that lived in far places that we visited with our parents.if the stay is over two days you get laid on the third,lol!!

  27. Oh my word I grew up in the90s and I heard rumors that the boys slept with the help I never thought it was true. So the stories were true. I never had a brother but I heard those rumors about my male friends in the estate. This is an eye opener.

  28. The year is 1993. I definitely don’t know about Snoop Dogg or MJ. What is USA? I don’t even know why am covered in blood or why my life should start with yelling. I am being born.

  29. Since am a generation Y.and female.I can’t comment on this much.BT am shocked men had sex with their househelps.gosh!

    1. Kinda ambitious there don’t u think? We’re the last decent men left. The x-generation actually understand what it feels like to have a woman, and appreciate her, thanks to…

  30. Wait…..do you guys realise if any of those’helps’ were underage,that was rape????….& if any got pregnant it was thanks to you?….eeehh so im wondering….. Is this a proud nostalgia of ur past(seems like guys commenting are having a ‘pat on the back ‘attatta boy’ kinda smile ) or a sad regretful nostalgia???…or #thats life! Nostalgia?….SMH!

    1. When two minors (underage) persons have consensual relations, it may be morally wrong but not legally wrong; however, if one minor forced the other then that’s defilement. If one party is an adult and the other a minor, that’s also defilement; here it doesn’t matter if it was consensual. If both parties are adults and there was no consent, that’s rape. I felt you threw that word about without regard for its severity

      1. Good observation… However, wondering… At that age,verbal consent? Or is it ‘behavioral consent?’ Boys finishing high school getting used to quick fixes ended up ‘doing’ young helps’….no guy here would confess to even caring to check on the age of the helps they had sex with!…now that is where it was rape!!…& the guys wld say (if asked today),well,she wanted it too…or she looked so mature!…. & who takes responsibility for any early pregnancies,subsequent abortions STDS,that started on a ‘journey’ due to ignorance?….yes there is law….wish all the guys confessing to this would share about the consent….and ages of their ‘trophy’ helps!

        1. Kui1….kindly look up the definition of the term ‘rape’. Then ‘Consent’….thereafter also check on ‘Activism’.

        2. misplaced activism if you ask me…we are talking about 13-16 year olds in the 90s, do you honestly expect them to have such rationalizations^

  31. Wait…..do you guys realise if any of those’helps’ were underage,that was rape????….& if any got pregnant it was thanks to you?….eeehh so im wondering….. Is this a proud nostalgia of ur past(seems like guys commenting are having a ‘pat on the back ‘an atta boy’ kinda smile ) or a sad regretful nostalgia???…or #thats life! Nostalgia?….SMH!

  32. Just lying next to her, feeling her body against yours gave you a boner so hard it could hang curtains. You are 13 or 14 years old, after all…wait things changes after 35?

  33. At first, I thought Biko has started writing Romance. Until I got to the end.
    And you are right, most times, it was the helps having sex with the boys not the boys having sex with the helps.

    mikeinioluwa.wordpress.com

    1. Nope…., guys here r saying ‘THEY DID THE HELPS,sm even the neighbors help!’….Title is ‘I know what you did in the 90’s’…NOT ‘I know what happened to you’! So,…guilty & laughing about it is what most of the comments are saying.!,

        1. Why are the girls so angry? I have always said, and I say again, girls just hate to see guys happy. It just kills you. Now you want to rain on our parade, we didn’t bang them helps last night, we did so in the 90s hun

  34. I was born in the 90’s so got to my teens in 2000’s and I still did the help. its not just generation X guys. every teenage kid did the help.
    it was like every ninja’s starting point after kalongolongo. hahahaha

  35. it is possible my sense of humor could be really low today, but I honestly don’t find this article exactly funny.We could do without the detailed descriptions really unless it’s something building us in some way.. anything promoting amorous behavior,naaaaah!!

    1. My sense of humor frooze to negative today!!!!!I usually laugh so much! …..today I’m seething!# tearing! #with you on this.

    2. I feel you Ann, I was laughing so hard in the beginning but from mid to end, my mood changed drastically…From comments, seems most men don’t care much and bet that’s why sex has become so casual. Then it has reminded me on the so many ladies who we have shared in circles that were molested by helps(shamba boys,male house helps, their drivers, mum’s boyfriends, older cousins e.t.c). We have a hurting society and as they say hurt people hurt others. Even those who are patting themselves on the back,don’t realize how much they killed their innocent conscience and it is sad :((

    3. Are you people missing the point of how the cows have come back home to roost?? This is a post of how some of the x-gen men are still doin what they did in their teens!!!

    4. Am also sick to my stomach reading this. From the comments, I fully realize we have a sick society. People are so messed up to think this is funny!?

  36. This word and it’s paradoxes . Biko , funny as always but this made me sad. I was molested by our house boy when I was a child and it broke me apart, I carry the scars like stigmata till to date . Yet to see how for boys sleeping with a house help is something to be proud off, almost like a right of passage. ( Well for the x generation. I don’t know about the current generation) clearly men and women are not equal.

    1. So sorry, I know it stings reading about how other people had different experiences. So, so sorry. Stay strong and know you’ve beaten it. God has got you.

  37. I am such a rabid Biko fan but today’s subject..:O I don’t care if the boy was ‘gagging’ for it; that’s predatory behaviour by the help! Woi, I’d hit her

  38. This made my day, Biko you just hanged lots of guys laundry out, now our comptrollers will be like, if he chewed his nanny, what will stop him from chewing our househelp after all boys just age not grow’

  39. We did them..lol…Biko leo umenirudisha mbali, and the group was ‘Born Jamericans’ not Bon Jamaicans…

  40. Hehe I popped up a little later than the X generation, but this is one of the funniest pieces I have ever read. Am sure the male Gang relate to it more better, hence find it funnier than the female Gang, feminists may not like it either. Team mafisi will bookmark and share, hehe real funny shit. Good work chocolate man!

  41. HAHAHAHA, seriously? Oh gosh, did I just incriminate myself? Leo nageuza comment name and email, inabidi. Biko you have not made me laugh harder in 2016!hohoho

  42. This article is soo true hahaha…finally someone put it out there, before these older guys say it when dirunk hahhaha.
    Always a good read, Biko.

  43. The liked the article. Till I read the comments. Feeling very disturbed & confused. 8?
    & it’s heartbreaking that some here were raped by the houseboys 🙁 :'(

  44. Biko has brought about some cold cases we forgot about decades ago, yes we did it and yes i did it…..no regrets.

  45. I was young, always horny and overflowing with testosterone.sight of an erect nipple pushing on a blouse would make me have that stiff pulsating erection that rhythmically hits the abdominal wall! Its not something to be proud of really but i whipped them all.

  46. this is honestly disteurbing. think of that one person who was molested and hasn’t been able to come out of the trauma. today’s piece is demoralising. we are africans we condemn such evil and amorous behaviours not glorify them. am disappointed. and honestly biko, being a public figure that people look up to you for inspiration, you should be ashamed.

  47. Chocolate man, this one needed a PG rating…woi! I am Gen X and there are 2 things I can identify with in your article….
    1) Our sofas had vitambaas all over them. All mothers had an obsession with vitambaas when we were growing up. They had this maddening idea that even the radio system (that was the correct term) had to be covered by a kitambaa.
    2)You’d probably be in small shorts and a tee-shirt, lounging around in the house listening to a tape of Jodeci or just reading a book.
    JODECI!!!! I bet you someone reading this will google this to know who Jodeci is….
    The rest of the writing put a knot in my tummy 🙁

  48. Waah Dude..I have never laughed this much..like seriously..Sorry for those teens who were molested by the older one..

  49. Haha ’93 I was a year old, but I had my fair share of experience with the help. I never helped them, just used to spy on them when they were changing or showering.(our help was Ugandan) Must admit at that point in time my hormones were at their optimum level. I even talked to the neighbours help. (also Ugandan) For me the odds were against me but under the right circumstances am sure I would have helped.

  50. Wanted to comment about Toni Braxton because it seems we shared the same infatuation but that can wait.
    Her name was Aggie -our help. She introduced me to the “bad manners” ( it wasn’t bad by me).
    There it goes. Am I free now??

  51. You can do well in Erotica you left me hanging
    I was waiting for a detailed encounter.
    As always you nailed it
    Now research on us ladies you will be shocked.

  52. Then there was the super generous Help in the hood, we didn’t care much about Peter but damn their mboch was an NGO.. Untill she got preggas and niggas didn’t step out of their houses for a month! Hehe

  53. Boys will be boys. I’m a millennial and I did this. We were randy little things, balls of hormones and helps weren’t averse to our amorous advances.

  54. Good thing the helps seem to all have been HIV-.
    90% of the men in their 30s and 40s would not still be alive today.

  55. I read the post much earlier but it left me disturbed & I had to own down my feelings. I enjoy your writing but this one left a bitter taste. Firstly are you nostalgic for underage sex ? What about consent? It wasn’t okay then & it isn’t now. Your description of the maids breasts was sexually objectifying. She was also 16. Then what is it with describing your singing as gay? Couldn’t you have used the common line of ‘croaking like a frog’. Hugely disappointed.

  56. All those high horse riders are the reason why this issue is still happening today. Teenagers need sex education more than anything to help the understand and control sexual urges. You can throw in words such as consent/minors/rape but hormones without control the result will pretty much result in these awkward and sometimes tragic situations! Talk to your kids and don’t ignore the boy child.

  57. I did an 18year old while only 7. Its never crossed my mind to this day, bt i sort of have a liking for the mature berries ever since

  58. @Kui1 As much as you’re raising a valid point you’re also missing an important one;That s
    we trivialise molestation against boys.At 11 I was having sex with our 23 yr old house help.Outside of my parents,anyone I confided in congratulated me,so I ended up bragging about doing the maid.Today i’m19&I can’t hold a woman’s gaze for 5 seconds.I barely keep friends,let alone girlfriends.No prize guessing about my social life.The help?She got fired and life was back to “normal”Me??

    1. Marcus I feel you.
      Why is it that no one is talking about all those boys whose innocence was taken away by the help?
      Those who still carry the emotional scars.
      Am a woman but on this Kui1 put the feminism aside and think about all those underage boys with older women.

    2. A friend of mine has written a book about how he has struggled with sex and drug addiction, all because of how it started innocently with a house girl. Many men are still struggling with sex addiction, masturbation and pornography, because of the abuse they suffered in their formative years through house helps. This article while dropping the veil on what teenagers of the 90s were upto, there are many underage boys who underwent molestation in the hands of house helps (both girls and boys). Follow Titus Nderitu’s story here: – http://www.nation.co.ke/lifestyle/Living/I-was-enslaved-to-sex-and-alcohol-for-10-years/1218-1461812-121xb1i/index.html

  59. Just teach your teen age kids on how to use a condom, demand for an HIV test before employing your house helps and get them hot house helps. it’s inevitable that they are going to get it at some point.

  60. Biko, it still happens. I think it’s just a phase. As long as there are helps it will be a tradition passed down. Teens be like ,”Leo nandia kama mat”.

  61. The men seem excited going by their comments. whatever the writer wanted to achieve, only he knows…. for the boys, it’s memories with fondness. bedding women, however it happens, is heroic for men/boys. for us gals who were touched against our will, with men squeezing our breasts….etc, it’s not a story one would have wished to read.

  62. I used to think i was the only one who ever did the help. Am a 90s baby though (Y – Generation).

    She was my aunt’s help and had the breasts of the Virgin Mary.

    I must have been 13 and she was 18. …. Beautiful Beautiful Memories.

  63. So I was listening to one song in Birdman’s and Lil Wayne Album ‘Like Father Like Son’ while reading this and bang! I find myself shouting (since I am in charge of reading all epic stuff to my roommate) –> Birdman looks like a strange desert bird that eats rodents! #YouBikoYou

  64. Since no one mentioned. In the 90s HIV/AIDS became quiet prevalent in the country. So HIV test anyone. Please consider it.
    Goodluck

  65. I agree with the issue of probable statutory rape. One thing I was hoping to see is the same righteous indignation about employing underage girls and denying them an education.

  66. moral police, making it feel so bad. Big up BIKO.
    BIKO, you left not answer for those in the smaller percentage.

  67. I hope all guys reading this got the point! “We can either fight the past, or we can say, fine, maybe we took too seriously that adage, “Charity Begins at Home.””

  68. Biko’s story reminds me of a story an elderly lady told us in the office of a house-help who “killed” the whole family by sleeping with the father and sons of a family in South B. Apparently there was an HIV infection in the mix and they ended up dying of AIDS. Many here(going by the confessions/comments)should be thankful they came out safe with their life. Besides I can imagine how many bastards are out there wondering who their Dads are. That was indeed a risky adventure…

  69. This article just gave me a headache not coz it was a house help but just in general sex when pple think that sex is like breathing, like its just a by the way thing to do with anyone anyhow and talk about it anyhow…even the way Biko wrote about it…total headache nothing admirable…its actually a morality thing its like writing and commenting about stealing or lying and being proud about it yawa tho! somethings are even a taboo no matter how many alphabets we move to in the name of generational change

  70. for once I do not know what to comment here..men seem excited about this while I just can’t seem to get why small boys having sex with under-age employees is something to be really proud of

  71. Biko Biko Biko! Trust you to be so candid and real! These are things that happened and I’m wondering what’s better: the X generation help dos or the Y and millennial generation any girl do?

  72. I have a 19 year old son. Tall, slender and bright. Begotten through my escapades with the maid. I love him soooo much.

  73. Biko I am born 93 and I know what you’re talking about. Now do you know that it also happened between siblings and cousins?Oh,sorry.I’ve remembered I said I am born 93.Evolution or is it discovery.

  74. just saying…. Some wives are just inconsiderate… Surely in a house which has rats how can you blame your husband that his boxers were found in the maid’s room… How???

  75. hahahahahaha

    This is the most humorous post i have read all week. Biko, all of us did the help or they did us whichever comes first! Would I say it was exciting? I cannot remember the experience because i was probably out after a minute or so…gosh..this generation is filthy..no wonder the nation is a mess

  76. This is truth, in its rarest of forms, there’s nothing to be said about my teen years but nostalgia, and I’d still do it all over again. Them high horse riders can go suck a carrot if all they feel is nothing but pain at this accurate description of a typical 90s thing. It was a period that gave us the maturity and good manners most of us do have. Nice one biko

  77. I so did it. no hiding and lets not pity me; invisible people doing invisible things. Had many encounters but didn’t make any pg; wonder why the missus caught one so quick (sabotage). Oh and I ain’t going back to roost.

  78. I feel like the Biko I read would not seat down and write an article to glorify underage sex in the name of nostalgia, or in the name of manipulating english to prove a point.
    I am offended not only with the article but also from the comments.

  79. our helps were old n scary,with overt bukusu dialect (no offence) wouldn’t have done them if i wanted to, but our neighbor’s maid, wacha tu

  80. “You pressed yourself closer to her and she felt something hard against the small of her back and she could tell it wasn’t your mathematical set”
    Biko! That’s sick right there!!

  81. every1 should be held accountable
    parents-sm practiced child labour
    we(xgen)taking advanrage
    them(helps)ever willing truth be told non has said the helps refused

    then btw,if the photoshop lady was taken to china
    well wishers can finance ua meeting with toni so you can speak luo

  82. Starting a two-year-plan to get rid of househelps. meanwhile I’m watching everyone like a hawk (that includes you mr-generation-we-all-did-the-help).

  83. Hehehe … Biko yawa … hii ni kuanika wazee wa kazi … But you are so on point… The days of cutting song ‘Lyrics’ from newspapers and gluing them to that special lyrics book were the best years ..the x-generation will be deearly missed!

  84. What’s strange is i read this article about the human brain storing smells from pretty much the time you could perceive smell and i so recall the smell of “Lady Gay”!

  85. Dammit Biko, you gave away all the ways a guy can lie and get away with it! Now all I can hope is she doesn’t ask!

  86. I remember my aunt who had sons only. she would bring grannies from shagz to help around the house. One day she was brought a hot coastarian help and she said “Nani huyo anataka kunivunjia nyumba?” i thought she was crazy then but i understand now

  87. Wah! Thanks for writing this coz I’m one of those guys who can be in denial and not believe that the statistic 90% of boys have done this is true; will probably install cameras in my home now. But I also think that the X-generation never had proper sex education coz our parents were in denial and there were no forums for enlightening boys unlike nowadays. Hence I have noticed a difference in generation Z boys because there are many forums in church and elsewhere for sex talks. Their parents allow them to have girlfriends who are known and no irresponsible sex coz of diseases and poor judgement that may lead to wrong decisions and life-long regrets. I shudder to think about the risk such house helps exposed a whole family to coz most of these escapades were unprotected sex.

  88. I almost skipped this article. It is so on point!
    And to the question you asked Dr Njenga, am not at his level but mann! Now you know why in your consequent article you wrote about paternity tests. Remember the MWK epidemic? Remember the many homes that guys “forget” things from the house and they have to go back at 10? Remember that barmaid that every other guy says he owes when you are downing the last one to head home? Well, here we are, but at least in Uni we did not have orgies and trips to Maralal.