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Everybody has their ‘Obama argument.” This is when one person holds a view, a theorem, a speculation, about Obama and the other person counters it passionately because we all feel invested in the man. But this wasn’t even an Obama argument, it started as one but then it became a Michelle Argument which is always even worse because it then becomes a gender argument.
The Blue team was like, surely Michelle must have some regrets about ‘shelving’ some of her dreams and aspirations to support Barack. Surely she must look back at her life and wonder what happened to some of her dreams, things she wanted as a person. The Red team was like, are you mad? She was the First Lady of The US of A! Everything she wanted had definitely been eclipsed by any other ambition she would have dreamt of. By far. Do you know her influence and power then and now? Do you know how many doors her name flings open? She can pick a cause, any cause…plastic or even orchid conservation…and it will be a raging movement tomorrow midday.
Blue Team: Fine, but maybe she didn’t necessarily want to be a First Lady, it was a consequence of her husband’s ambition! Maybe there is something she wanted for herself as Michelle, not as Michelle the First Lady.
Red Team: She talks about these things in her book ‘Becoming’ but then isn’t that how life works. You walk into a room and you find a new purpose. A better purpose.
Blue Team: I don’t know, man. I’m sure right now she must be looking back and thinking about Michelle who worked at the law firm and what she wanted and how this avalanche that was Obama just came and covered it.
Red Team. Oh, I also think she might not dwell on that too long, that she understands the good fortune she has had.
Yeah. That kind of argument. The type which isn’t resolved because someone always says, ‘you don’t know what you are talking about, you can’t speak for what a woman wants’ and then they go to the loo to powder their nose. Anyway, we agreed that we couldn’t agree on this one. When they came back they sat there and we sipped tea in brief silence before, totally unprovoked, she said, “You are turning 46 this year.”
I turned to look at her. My feet were up on a low wooden table. The type you fold and it turns into something that doesn’t look like a table anymore.
“Is this still about Michelle?” I asked her.
“No.” She chuckled, “But it just occurred to me that you are turning 46.”
She was born when the Berlin Wall went down, the end of the Cold War.
“It doesn’t feel like it, actually.” I said. “Just yesterday I was a boy wearing Bata shoes. I often still feel like that boy.”
“I think men really remain boys until they die.”
Yeah, it was still about Michelle. I did what Obama would have done, I ignored that statement.
“In fact, I don’t even think about age until someone mentions it. Often someone younger. Apart from my runner’s knees, I feel ageless for the most part. I feel like I can start over again. OK, I don’t, I wouldn’t want to but I feel anything but 46. In fact, my inside age is 31.” I paused to reflect on the 31. Next to me, a dying plant seemed to be taking deep breaths.
“What will you do?” She asked.
“About my age?”
“No, on your 46th.”
“Whatever it is, it will be smaller than what I will do at 50.”
“And what will you do at 50?”
“Even smaller. I like the idea of going to live in a village in Asia surrounded by rice paddies. Not too long, like two months or so. Maybe learn something vital about life, about people, about culture, food, religion. Or maybe learn a skill. I like the idea of wood, of carpentry. Or maybe I will just learn that I have been breathing all wrong all my years on earth. Maybe breathing will help me remain calm when incited…”
She chuckled and leaned way back in her seat.
“…maybe learn how to pray. I will spend my days riding a bicycle through small brown patches of road running next to mushy grounds, home to frogs that croak during the day. Maybe go about in something like a sarong, you know, just tie it around my waist and fr*k off. No underwear. Maybe not shave my armpits…sleep on a mat, no screw that, a thin mattress on the floor. Eat rice and drink tea that tastes like your attitude when you are losing an argument…”
She laughed. “I wasn’t losing any argument! I don’t think Michelle regrets anything. I think it’s ridiculous to imagine that there is anything she might have pursued that can be more important than being the First Lady of the United States.”
I said, “I disagree. There are tons of things that are more important than being the First Lady of the US.”
“Like what?”
“Like changing the definition of ‘important.”
“Hmm.” She cocked her head. “You should write something about that.”
“About what?”
“All these, being 46 and your rice paddy and not shaving your armpit. Perspective.”
I said, “yeah, maybe I should.”
So here, random reflections about this stage of my life.
- School events/ fatherhood
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